I met this girl... does she like me (and more) *urgent :(*

[Tkay]

Originally posted by amerikajin

Dude, here's a tip. Stay off the computer or at least stay invisible to her. Don't use the computer or telephone to chit-chat with a woman. You're lowering your intrigue. She's using the pc to do her own reconnaisance mission. You're just lowering her interest in you when you have these long chat sessions.

 

You only use the pc or the phone to set up a date.

 

I figured out, it causes me not to have anything to talk about, so that's what I'm doing at the moment. (Appearing offline in msn)

[amerikajin]

Good.

 

The PC and the phone get a lot of us guys into trouble. For example, those questions about what you do and whether you've been in a relationship....she was fishing for information. That's the kind of information you want her to have only after you've had your face-to-face time. By giving out this information now, you've just completely taken all the mystery out of the situation.

 

I hope it's not too late, but if it is, lesson learned. Women are like chessplayers when it games to the dating game. There always thinking one or two moves ahead of you.

[subtitled]

Ok, im the same age as you, female, but i have had exactly the same insecurities with a guy i liked, we went out for a few weeks, but it just didn't feel right and my insecurities led to him breaking up with me.

 

my advice:

 

-You look up to this girl too much. When you look up to someone you act differently to how you would if you were hanging out with your mates being laid back and casual. I discovered this when i started to go out with a guy i thought was out of my league... i would go incredibly shy and insecure around him - totally not my normal self. Turned out he was more attracted to my outgoing personality i have around people i'm just friends with and dont necessarily look up to like that.

solution?: if you can't be yourself around her - don't go out with her.

OR.... be yourself around her, get it in your head that YOU ARE NOT A LESSER PERSON THAN HER. all your posts give off a vibe of low-self esteem and low confidence. You have to work on these issues before you try to be in a relationship with someone because you end up having a HORRIBLE time if you're constantly second guessing and worrying about if they like you... TRUST ME!

 

-you met her at a party and are afraid she only liked your party personality... Well, i met my ex at a party too, when i wasn't even looking for someone to go out with, i was just being myself having a good time not concerned about him. He was attracted to my confidence and fun-nature. When he started going out with me, i found myself losing all this and he started to drift. Once again, don't put her above you.... confidence is attractive, a submissive doormat nature isn't, and it isn't good for you either.

solution: be yourself, utterly and completely. forget she is even someone you are interested in. challenge yourself to treat her like your brother/sister/best mate. If she doesn't accept you for who you are, then she's not the right one. and remember, being weak and insecure around her isn't being yourself, that's being cruelly tortured by a low-self esteem.

 

-all the affection and xxxxxxx love u's: this is getting you really excited, but it seems kind of false and over the top doesn't it? my ex also did this. it's called infatuation and it's not real. It IS false, and can die any minute. It's also based on some fantasy she has inher head.

solution: dont put so much emphasis on them. infact, if they feel wrong well maybe she's not right for you.

 

i don't think she's the right person for you, maybe just say lets be friends and challenge yourself to be friends with her for a matter of weeks (ie no kissing) before making a move. It would really test what a real connection you have.

[Tkay]

So. We went to the cinema today. Had a great time, great fun. We didn't kiss though (I didn't even really try, I didnt think the time was right) but we did flirt a little.. (like when watching the movie she put her head on my shoulder, i put my arm around her, she started to carres my hand etc... we agreed to go another date (or several dates actually) and well after I got home she SMS'ed me saying she likes me and wants to be my girlfriend, but we want to keep it quiet for now. She said she really doesn't want to loose me, and her love seems honest. (So does mine.)

 

 

-all the affection and xxxxxxx love u's: this is getting you really excited, but it seems kind of false and over the top doesn't it? my ex also did this. it's called infatuation and it's not real. It IS false, and can die any minute. It's also based on some fantasy she has inher head.

I know what infatuation is, but I can't see any connection to saying love u and infatuation

After reading the text above, do you still think its infatuation? And from whom's side?

 

EDIT: I can now see how u call it infatuation, since of my insecure feeling etc.

But this has changed, Alott. It's like I just got this boost of confidence, even if it would be infatuation from one of our sides, I know this boost of confidence will remain! I'm just going to enjoy this relationship as much as I can.

[amerikajin]

The good news is you're still in business - obviously. Good job getting a movie date lined up with her. That was a good move.

 

However, I have to point something out. When she puts her head on your shoulder, that's a sign that it's time to make a move. You don't make your move at the movies, but you do give her a good smooch when you drop her off at her house. Not a total disaster, though. I think you can get away with being too passive a time or two more than can with being overly aggressive. Don't make it a habit, though. Otherwise, she'll assume you don't have the stones to go for it.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by amerikajin

The good news is you're still in business - obviously. Good job getting a movie date lined up with her. That was a good move.

 

However, I have to point something out. When she puts her head on your shoulder, that's a sign that it's time to make a move. You don't make your move at the movies, but you do give her a good smooch when you drop her off at her house. Not a total disaster, though. I think you can get away with being too passive a time or two more than can with being overly aggressive. Don't make it a habit, though. Otherwise, she'll assume you don't have the stones to go for it.

I did make kind of a move. Just not a total one. Laying my hand around her, she caressing my hand etc, ...

well anyways afterwards she said she wants a relationship with me, and so today we're going out as partners.

 

Something odd though.

Yesterday she sent me an SMS saying "im just wondering,just to talk. what would u like to do with your new girlfriend except kissing for first....? hihi just wondering"

i sent something like "hehe ur already trying to make me crazy huh im just a boy u know i dont know, just a bit caressing and exploring maybe..."

 

and she said "hmmm it feels so good when someone evey caresses me on my back or something.... hmm our bodys warming up... hihi im going to have good dreams"

 

like wuttehf***?

[amerikajin]

Good job!

 

Don't stop being a challenge, though. It'll help you keep that fire burning.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by amerikajin

Good job!

 

Don't stop being a challenge, though. It'll help you keep that fire burning.

I'm not sure what you mean

We went out again today, again cinema and had a drink (lol), still didnt kiss her. Only kissed her on the lips (mouth closed) when i dropped her off at home

 

is that what you mean? not directly going for the french kiss but step by step?

[amerikajin]

No, you absolutely give her a kiss - and a good one. I'm just saying you shouldn't be so "available" all the time.

 

I don't know...at this point you've already gotten into a groove with her, so do what feels comfortable for you.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by amerikajin

No, you absolutely give her a kiss - and a good one. I'm just saying you shouldn't be so "available" all the time.

 

I don't know...at this point you've already gotten into a groove with her, so do what feels comfortable for you.

Do you think I'm ruining it by not yet having her kissed? (that was our 2d date)

Just a touch on the lips as goodbye kiss

[amerikajin]

Well, I guess you're making progress. You'll find out your answer if you score a third date with her. If you do, make sure you get that kiss. At the end of the date, or before then if you get some alone time, give her a nice good smoochie.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by amerikajin

Well, I guess you're making progress. You'll find out your answer if you score a third date with her. If you do, make sure you get that kiss. At the end of the date, or before then if you get some alone time, give her a nice good smoochie.

That was my plan for yesterday, giving her a kiss when I dropped her off

Well anyway, when we came at her house (my dad was driving) i kissed her on the lips and she stepped out (im not going to give her a french kiss when my dad is in the same car), darn, i should have said "Ill walk u to your door"

[Tkay]

This rather worries me.

 

me: we just act like theres nothing happening when we're at school

she: yes thats what im saying

she: but when we're at a party we just act normal and if they ask us, we tell them

she: and for the rest nothing

me: "act normal" .. like we're dating or not?

she: just like we're good friends

 

Not sure what I should think of this

[Tkay]

Lol@monologue

 

to clarify the post above

 

we decided after our 1st date to have a relationship, but we were going to keep it quiet in school (what i also think is the best)

[Tkay]

hmm i think im starting to get it

someone of her class found out and said something like "you dont love him huh u gotta be kiddin me" or something.. like i'm some kind of ugly nerd

 

nice classmates.

[Tkay]

Ok... this rather hurts.

i asked her if she'd like to go out on valentine , eat something orso.. or

maybe the day b4 valentine or the day after

 

she said..

 

euhm sorry i'm very busy this month u know

i dont think i'll have much time for u

:'( SORRY

 

so i say .. hmm ok

 

she: ooooooooh i think its soooooooo sucky for u

she: but alsof for me

 

me: but we will see eachother SOMETIMe, except for school, right?

she: yes certainly with carnaval (=starting 22feb, and we have a week off then)

 

I was about to ask summit like "are u sure u wanna go trought with this, u and me?" but i didnt, because i was scared of the answer

I'm pretty sure we both had a great time at the cinema, real sure.

 

So.. I'm missing something, or maybe she's really that busy?

[Darkangelism]

she prolly is that busy

 

 

Carneval? where u from?

[Tkay]

Originally posted by Darkangelism

she prolly is that busy

 

 

Carneval? where u from?

 

Belgium

Not sure if the word carnaval is known somewhere else

anyway, its this "festival" where everybody dresses up like summit else, and drink loads of beer.

[amerikajin]

>>>So.. I'm missing something, or maybe she's really that busy?<<<

 

Unfortunately, the word "busy" usually means you're out, dude.

 

It's not a good sign when a woman starts putting distance between you two. If I were you, I would stop all contact with her - I mean stop everything! No IM. No text messages. No nothing. Stay out of sight for about two weeks. When you see her, though, be nice to her and smile and say a few kind words before moving on. Don't let her think that you've changed your attitude. I can't guarantee she'll come back, but it's your best bet at this point. When I woman wants space, then you have to give it to them in big doses...it sometimes makes them think twice about how much "space" they really want.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by amerikajin

>>>So.. I'm missing something, or maybe she's really that busy?<<<

 

Unfortunately, the word "busy" usually means you're out, dude.

 

It's not a good sign when a woman starts putting distance between you two. If I were you, I would stop all contact with her - I mean stop everything! No IM. No text messages. No nothing. Stay out of sight for about two weeks. When you see her, though, be nice to her and smile and say a few kind words before moving on. Don't let her think that you've changed your attitude. I can't guarantee she'll come back, but it's your best bet at this point. When I woman wants space, then you have to give it to them in big doses...it sometimes makes them think twice about how much "space" they really want.

 

Been thinking about everything last night (didnt sleep 1 minute)

Everything went great on 2d date.

 

But then.. after the date when we walked home (arm around her, and her arm around me) I asked if there was anything to do the next day

she said.. sorry i gotta make loads of homework been postponing it all week

so i say ok no problem

 

next day (sunday) i ask her on msn "hey ive got the house for myself tomorrow wanna come over and borrow a movie or something"

and she replies with "no sorry i already gotta go away" "but i'd reaaaally like it"

 

again i think no problem.. because she would really like it sometime else

 

next day(monday) i ask her how was your day

"veeerry boring they had to go away urgent so i was all alone"

"i could have but with u but well"

":("

 

 

same day,monday, couple of hours later i get this SMS with something poetic on it.. really sweet

then, that night, she says the stuff about being busy

 

 

so: this all just doesn't make sense. I'm realistic,i can see like it is she's trying to shove me away, but then again there are some things that prove that theory wrong?

 

I will just see how she acts at school... if she just walks right by me not saying anything or looking I know enough I guess

 

But should I, eatherway, ask if there's anything wrong, if she's changed her mind or something? or maybe ask if she needs some space untill 22febr.?

[amerikajin]

>>>Been thinking about everything last night (didnt sleep 1 minute) <<<

 

Don't lose sleep over this. I think you have to step back and look at the big picture when you look at the dating game. This is something you can learn from. One thing it took me ages to figure out is that you shouldn't commit yourself to one woman until you have at least several other solid prospects lined up...and you should preferably be dating said prospects. When I was younger, I didn't have an internet web site to help me out. I had to learn the old fashioned way, and that's a hell of a lot of bad experiences to go through. You, on the other hand, have this tool to help you out. Use it, and remember the lessons young grasshopper.

 

Okay, let's look at the videotape.

 

Everything went great on 2d date. <<<

 

Uhh...nope. You see, your date made you THINK everything was going great. Women on dates are the masters of deception unless they're just completely bored out of their freaking minds or unless they happen to be one of those rare breeds: the direct woman. If you're lucky, you'll date a direct woman every time from now on. Most of the time, though, you get the standard treatment. The smile. The "Yeah, I'm having a great time." Let's go out again sometime. I'm busy next week but maybe some other time. Here's a tip: if you hear the words "I'm busy, but maybe some other time" in the same sentence, that's a very, very bad sign.

 

>>>she said.. sorry i gotta make loads of homework been postponing it all week <<<

 

Yeah, unh hunh.

 

>>>next day (sunday) i ask her on msn "hey ive got the house for myself tomorrow wanna come over and borrow a movie or something"

and she replies with "no sorry i already gotta go away" "but i'd reaaaally like it" <<<

 

Yeah, unh hunh.

 

>>>next day(monday) i ask her how was your day "veeerry boring they had to go away urgent so i was all alone" "i could have but with u but well"<<<

 

Mmmm hmmm.

 

>>>same day,monday, couple of hours later i get this SMS with something poetic on it.. really sweet

then, that night, she says the stuff about being busy <<<

 

Okay, if she's writing poetry to you then you might still be in the picture, but be careful, you're fading fast. Unfortunately, you keep ignoring the very useful advice I've been giving you all along: stay the f_ck off the computer. You use the computer and the phone to set up the date - that's it. You need to disappear for a while, get busy or something. Give her about a week to herself. Then, call her out of the blue after a week has passed and set up a date. You're giving too much of yourself away at this point.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by amerikajin

>>>Been thinking about everything last night (didnt sleep 1 minute) <<<

 

Don't lose sleep over this. I think you have to step back and look at the big picture when you look at the dating game. This is something you can learn from. One thing it took me ages to figure out is that you shouldn't commit yourself to one woman until you have at least several other solid prospects lined up...and you should preferably be dating said prospects. When I was younger, I didn't have an internet web site to help me out. I had to learn the old fashioned way, and that's a hell of a lot of bad experiences to go through. You, on the other hand, have this tool to help you out. Use it, and remember the lessons young grasshopper.

 

Okay, let's look at the videotape.

 

Everything went great on 2d date. <<<

 

Uhh...nope. You see, your date made you THINK everything was going great. Women on dates are the masters of deception unless they're just completely bored out of their freaking minds or unless they happen to be one of those rare breeds: the direct woman. If you're lucky, you'll date a direct woman every time from now on. Most of the time, though, you get the standard treatment. The smile. The "Yeah, I'm having a great time." Let's go out again sometime. I'm busy next week but maybe some other time. Here's a tip: if you hear the words "I'm busy, but maybe some other time" in the same sentence, that's a very, very bad sign.

 

>>>she said.. sorry i gotta make loads of homework been postponing it all week <<<

 

Yeah, unh hunh.

 

>>>next day (sunday) i ask her on msn "hey ive got the house for myself tomorrow wanna come over and borrow a movie or something"

and she replies with "no sorry i already gotta go away" "but i'd reaaaally like it" <<<

 

Yeah, unh hunh.

 

>>>next day(monday) i ask her how was your day "veeerry boring they had to go away urgent so i was all alone" "i could have but with u but well"<<<

 

Mmmm hmmm.

 

>>>same day,monday, couple of hours later i get this SMS with something poetic on it.. really sweet

then, that night, she says the stuff about being busy <<<

 

Okay, if she's writing poetry to you then you might still be in the picture, but be careful, you're fading fast. Unfortunately, you keep ignoring the very useful advice I've been giving you all along: stay the f_ck off the computer. You use the computer and the phone to set up the date - that's it. You need to disappear for a while, get busy or something. Give her about a week to herself. Then, call her out of the blue after a week has passed and set up a date. You're giving too much of yourself away at this point.

 

Hm.

Today at school she came to me during a break (saying she didnt know yet about wether she could go saturday or not)

And talked to her for a moment after school but she had to go with her friends (other way then me)

 

And at the computer part thingy -> I block her most of the time, but I just wanted to set up that certain date.

I'm planning to ask her "whats up with us" on MSN, but you're advising me not to... But this will cause some more restless nights, i just need to know, maybe she asks sorry its over but im hoping she will say sorry but it will be better in a few weeks(or maybe even this weekend)

..?

[Tkay]

ok..

even before i could send anything she sent this

 

"hey sorry that i had to go so quick (after school) but i cant be with you like that that quick i still miss my previous boyfriend sorry but i promise that it will change i love u my prins xxx"

 

 

..? :/

[amerikajin]

You've been put on indefinite hold.

 

Game over, dude. Sorry.

 

All of the idle chit-chatting caught up with you. If you had forced her to wait to find out what kind of person you are and gotten to know her more slowly, she'd still be trying to figure you out. She's already figured you out. Now she's on to figure someone else out.

 

The boyfriend cr@p is just a smokescreen. Don't buy it at all. She doesn't miss her boyfriend anymore than she misses you. I'm telling you: you can't ever go by what a woman says, only by what she does.

 

Don't even send a reply. You only have one chance at this point, and that's to cool your jets and to start talking to other women. And just so you know, that's not a guarantee that she'll come back to you, but it's better than looking pathetic while chasing her to no avail. The cruel irony of pouring out your heart to a woman is that the more you chase, the less she sees you as a match. If you take her cue and just stop chasing, it might make her think "Hey, wait a minute, I was expecting a response...wonder what happened".

 

Then, at school, when you see her, be as nice as you can be with her, but don't spend too much time. Say a few nice things, ask her about her weekend, smile as you speak to her, say something funny, and move on. That's your only chance. Not a guarantee, but a chance.

 

Don't take rejection personally. Business is business. She's just doing what women do, and you'll no doubt encounter this again. In the future, if you're prepared, you'll be able to save some of those relationships that might have otherwise been thrown overboard by desperate attempts to get her back which get nowhere. If anything, you won't have to feel guilty about being a player in the future. Now you know the score.

[Tkay]

Originally posted by amerikajin

You've been put on indefinite hold.

 

Game over, dude. Sorry.

 

All of the idle chit-chatting caught up with you. If you had forced her to wait to find out what kind of person you are and gotten to know her more slowly, she'd still be trying to figure you out. She's already figured you out. Now she's on to figure someone else out.

 

The boyfriend cr@p is just a smokescreen. Don't buy it at all. She doesn't miss her boyfriend anymore than she misses you. I'm telling you: you can't ever go by what a woman says, only by what she does.

 

Don't even send a reply. You only have one chance at this point, and that's to cool your jets and to start talking to other women. And just so you know, that's not a guarantee that she'll come back to you, but it's better than looking pathetic while chasing her to no avail. The cruel irony of pouring out your heart to a woman is that the more you chase, the less she sees you as a match. If you take her cue and just stop chasing, it might make her think "Hey, wait a minute, I was expecting a response...wonder what happened".

 

Then, at school, when you see her, be as nice as you can be with her, but don't spend too much time. Say a few nice things, ask her about her weekend, smile as you speak to her, say something funny, and move on. That's your only chance. Not a guarantee, but a chance.

 

Don't take rejection personally. Business is business. She's just doing what women do, and you'll no doubt encounter this again. In the future, if you're prepared, you'll be able to save some of those relationships that might have otherwise been thrown overboard by desperate attempts to get her back which get nowhere. If anything, you won't have to feel guilty about being a player in the future. Now you know the score.

 

She said the boyfriend crap even before we had a relationship (when we agreed to go to cinema she said something like "i dont attach to boys fast i need time and i just got over a relationship")

And i already replied to her:

 

"just wanted to ask how things are between us, dont have a problem with waiting(love u to much for that)but then i need u to be honest with me, if you just dont want anything with me just tell me. I love u :("

To this she replied:

 

"I certainly want something with u but its just not going so relaxed at the moment sorry but im just out of a relationship it isnt very easy for me i hope that u never again think i dont love u but it isnt very simple for me sorry. maybe we should have become véry good friends untill i was ready but i really love u. wait for me prince"

 

Again: no clue how to feel about this