croce Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 My gf and I have been together for around a year. We're usually very open with each other. As in, we know each others' email and facebook passwords (not that we constantly go into them either, we just could if we wanted) and we can use each others' phones if we ever feel like it. I've never had a problem with any of this stuff. I have nothing to hide and if I'm on "I love you terms" with someone (she talks of marriage and children) then I don't see the problem if she wants to go in my facebook (it's a social network site. Why would I ever have anything on there I wouldn't want her to see?) And she's said the same thing. She doesn't have anything to hide and doesn't care if I look at her stuff. This brings us to yesterday. I was talking to her on the phone and bored at the computer and I asked her if I could look at her myspace. It's set to private and since I've never had a myspace I've never seen her page (In the year we've gone out I've never asked to log into hers either). I do know that she used to do a lot more stuff on her myspace than facebook. So I was kind of curious. Well, on the phone she goes, "Um.. Well, I can't remember my password. I'll have to have it emailed to me..." A little weird. She used to go on it all the time. But her privatized profile said "Last active on Jan 25, 2010" so she hasn't been on it in about 5 months so she could have forgotten). So I asked about the password and she told me but it didn't work. But she said "she did log into the account but it was showing a totally different account of some older girl names 'Kye Kye' that didn't even have any photo or friends." I was like, "Well why can't I log into it with the password you gave me? How are you in it?" And she just kept replying, "Hold on. I'm trying to fix it." Didn't make sense. Well for around a half an hour we talked about other stuff and then I asked if she fixed her account and she said she was "still working on it." (I still couldn't get in with the password she gave me). She said she was "emailing the myspace people to see if they could fix it." When I used 'search for people' using her email addy all that came up was that random "Kye Kye" person. I told her I'd try to figure it out for her and went into her email and requested a password for the mayspace account under her email. So then I chose a new password and easily got into that Kye Kye page. It was a bare page and it's primary and only email was my gf's. I would have thought she would have been notified through her email if someone went into a myspace and attached her email to another account.. actually, my gf would have had to go into her email and confirm it for such a change to even happen I think! So the Kye Kye and my gf's page have totally different user id #'s so it's not like they're being mixed up. Also, my gf's page hadn't been used since Jan 25th but ever since my conversation with her on the phone last night her page says "Last active on June 16 2010." So someone was in it yesterday. I told her this and she said, "Well, maybe one of the myspace people went into it to try and fix it." If she didn't want me to see it I wish she would have just said, "I don't want you to look at it." But basically what I think happened was my gf pretended to not know the password, then gave me a bogus password while she went in and switched her email addresses attached to both those accounts. Kye Kye is probably some old test account she made. I have no idea what email address is attached to her real account but when I told her, "I think your account has a different email address than the one you're telling me." She unassuredly replies, "Umm... I don't think soooo..?" I couldn't find anything on the web of this type of "error" happening to people. It's been bothering me a bit. She hasn't gone on the thing for months so I know she hasn't been like cheating on there with someone recently. But why act so weird about it. And I feel like I was lied to over and over again, to keep me off the trail...
fiatflux Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Yes, her behavior is very suspicious, and it is quite evident that she didn't want you to look at her MySpace page. I think you better have a frank conversation with her about this.
spookie Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 You seem not to understand the concept of privacy. Just because someone doesn't have anything to hide, doens't mean they're not entitled to it.
Author croce Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 You seem not to understand the concept of privacy. Just because someone doesn't have anything to hide, doens't mean they're not entitled to it. Well then why can't they just say, "Sorry but I would like privacy with my account." I agree with you on that I'm very loose with privacy. I've always let my significant others look into any of my stuff if they wanted to. I never understand why I would be against them doing so.
BeautifulMan Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Flirting with a bunch of guys, I wouldn't rule out cheating on you either.
Confusedalways Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Oh, this reminds me so much of my friend's boyfriend "forgetting his password" to add her on myspace, yet he'd log in daily. Finally when the other girlfriend messaged my friend, it clicked. But yeah, no. No myspace person logs into someone's account to try and fix it. She's hiding something.
Pfiend101 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 ok for the people who cry privacy I can see your point. However when he asked and she gave him some total run around bs. I would be very suspicious. It either means nothing or everything. Peoples pages just dont change out of thin air. My gut tells me she logged in and deleted everything real quick then told you she didnt know the password.
ADF Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 You seem not to understand the concept of privacy. Just because someone doesn't have anything to hide, doens't mean they're not entitled to it. Amen. Thank God I am not the only left in the world who understands this. You made my day, spookie! OP, you and your GF need to give each other some private space. Do you also demand the right to read her diary? To listen in on all her phone calls? To open and read her regular mail? I hope not! You say you two are very "open." But in fact, the opposite is true. You are both highly suspicious and distrustful of one another, and think the solution is to be able to regularly spy on each other. That is no way to build a good relationship.
CLC2008 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Amen. Thank God I am not the only left in the world who understands this. You made my day, spookie! OP, you and your GF need to give each other some private space. Do you also demand the right to read her diary? To listen in on all her phone calls? To open and read her regular mail? I hope not! You say you two are very "open." But in fact, the opposite is true. You are both highly suspicious and distrustful of one another, and think the solution is to be able to regularly spy on each other. That is no way to build a good relationship. I concur. OP what is preventing you from having a frank and open conversation with her about this, instead of acting like Sherlock Holmes? Has she done things in the past to warrant mistrust? If she has, then I can understand why you would be suspicios, but if you don't want your relationship to survive, the route you are going is the quickest way there. If she's cheating on you, it will surface at some point. If that's what you suspect her of, then own it.
Author croce Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Amen. Thank God I am not the only left in the world who understands this. You made my day, spookie! OP, you and your GF need to give each other some private space. Do you also demand the right to read her diary? To listen in on all her phone calls? To open and read her regular mail? I hope not! You say you two are very "open." But in fact, the opposite is true. You are both highly suspicious and distrustful of one another, and think the solution is to be able to regularly spy on each other. That is no way to build a good relationship. I totally disagree with you. We've been together for a year and I've never seen the profile. Is it that strange to want to check out a social network page just one time? I don't see a myspace being like a diary. There shouldn't be any thing there I shouldn't be able to see. And again, it's not that she said, "It's private. I don't want you to." She lied about errors and gave my fake passwords. Update: I hadn't talked about it for a few days but asked this morning and she said today that "Oh, I fixed it on Thursday" and "her myspace was under a business account that she only used for resumes." (the email she was giving me before was one of her others) She had used her myspace for years and went on all the time. I don't have any clue how she could have forgot the email she used daily to log on her account. -__- Then she told me the password. But I told her I'm not going to go in it (I'm not as curious anymore).
Author croce Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Has she done things in the past to warrant mistrust? If she has, then I can understand why you would be suspicios, but if you don't want your relationship to survive, the route you are going is the quickest way there. I had previously seen something shady on her facebook. She's also told a few white lies and half truths.
MyNameIsJane Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 You seem not to understand the concept of privacy. Just because someone doesn't have anything to hide, doens't mean they're not entitled to it. If we are talking about a phone and texts, I am with you. But there is nothing private about an internet social site (even if you set it to private... you still are socializing on it... you still created it for a reason). She has an account there. Her bf asked to see it... if other people can look at her on myspace - but he cant... she is hiding something and giving him the run around. He ASKED if he could see it.
CLC2008 Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 I had previously seen something shady on her facebook. She's also told a few white lies and half truths. OK so you do not trust her. Fair enough. So get to the meat of it... What did you see on her FB that, in your view, was "shady". What were the white lies and half truths?
Author croce Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Was sitting with her when she checked her fb (before she told me her password) and she had a message from a guy I've never heard of saying stuff like "Hey cutie blah blah blah.." Not sure what it was exactly cuz she deleted it pretty quickly, even though it was an old message (but still from the time we were together for months). I've seen her tell the same stories that have numbers and little facts that constantly change.
CLC2008 Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 So it's all FB and Myspace related? Maybe the two of you should just delete your accounts.
jason83 Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I deleted my facebook and myspace years ago and never looked back due to stuff like this. It's not worth it IMO
ADF Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I don't see a myspace being like a diary. There shouldn't be any thing there I shouldn't be able to see. Wrong, wrong, wrong! There HAVE to be some things that are private. There has to be some small space somewhere in the universe that is wholly your own. To try to live without that makes people crazy after a while. You cannot have every single thing you do, say, or think subject to someone else's surveillance. Ugh. Forget it. I can tell you're just gonna grasp what I am saying.
Author croce Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Wrong, wrong, wrong! There HAVE to be some things that are private. There has to be some small space somewhere in the universe that is wholly your own. To try to live without that makes people crazy after a while. You cannot have every single thing you do, say, or think subject to someone else's surveillance. Ugh. Forget it. I can tell you're just gonna grasp what I am saying. I still see a stark contrast between a social network site and a diary. I don't check her phone or personal email. But myspace... I just kind of wanted to see like photo albums and wall posts... Basically just the stuff any one of her hundreds of friends could see (I'm her bf after all). If she wanted to go in there real quick and clean up her inbox that might have had old messages from bf's i'd understand I guess. So maybe give me the password after a few minutes or so. But it took her daaays to do whatever she was doing on that thing.
Author croce Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Plus the whole stringing-me-along thing. Instead of telling me, "No, I don't feel you comfortable with you seeing it" she said, "Oh, sure you can." And then led me on a fruitless chase by feeding my lie after lie. It's like, this is the type of person that if did something behind my back to me or whatever.. would just never come clean about it, ever.
ADF Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Plus the whole stringing-me-along thing. Instead of telling me, "No, I don't feel you comfortable with you seeing it" she said, "Oh, sure you can." And then led me on a fruitless chase by feeding my lie after lie. It's like, this is the type of person that if did something behind my back to me or whatever.. would just never come clean about it, ever. Now here, I totally agree with you. If she wanted to keep this private, she should have said so. Her evasive behavior was bound to make you suspicious.
VertexSquared Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 She likely "fixed" her account first by deleting the hell out of any incriminating evidence before giving you the real password. I once had a suspicious occurrence with an ex of mine with respect to Facebook. Stories not adding up or making sense. I took a really shady route by snooping her email, and I found she was cheating on me. That ended right there. Long story short, though, I handled that situation poorly. No, I probably would have never found out she was cheating had I not snooped. She would have likely never told me (considering she denied things when asked). However, what was important was the fact that her actions were bleeding evidence in other facets of the relationship and things were starting to get tense and distrustful. That, alone, should be the ground you stand on. In other words, I should have ended the relationship because I no longer trusted her and it was clear she was hiding something. Not because I "caught" her. You may not be entitled to her privacy, but considering that she gave you access to some things but not others, that does give a somewhat logical ground for asking why. Her story doesn't make sense and it is clear that she didn't want you seeing something.
phineas Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 once my divorce is final (cheating wife) & if Im starting a relationship with someone I will straight up let them know I will not tolerate any inapropriate behavior between them & another man or I will end it. I will not tolerate "white lies" either. In fact if a woman does anything to weaken my trust in her I will probably end it also. if that turns her off then buh-bye. I consider myself dodging a bullet. I would agree to the same on my end by the way & actually always have. I won't snoop though. I won't have to. My gut was screaming at me from the beginning that my wife was cheating on me & it took people verbally pimp-slapping me with the evidence I was ignoring on this forum to see that & get her out of my house. OP you don't trust her & she is making zero effort to alleviate your trust issues. She is talking marriage & kids yet apparently doesn't have a problem with other men giving her attention on social networking sites according to your accounts. Do you really want to wind up married to a woman like that? I was & if you think a wedding is expensive take a look into divorce, lawyer fees, child support, probably bankruptcy & living like pauper while you support her "standard of living". All because she decided she found a better option.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 ADF, CLC2008 and spookie-I agree with you all. You can view her account without her password can't you? I have a myspace, and I can view mine without logging in and view others without logging in. Hm. Sorry, but if you trust each other, you don't need to have the passwords to each others things, if I had a bf, I wouldn't let him on my myspace-not because I'm hiding something, but because it's mine, it's private maybe not my wall posts, and photos, but if he wants to see that, create an account, add me and have a look for yourself. But my messages are. I have messages on there from guys whom I have no contact with which are more than suggestive, and seem to receive loads of them. If I had a bf, I wouldn't want him seeing those. Not because I'm being shady, I don't ever respond to those messages but I can't help receiving them. It would cause an unnecessary argument. It's also a slight thing called privacy. I have a right to it, as does everyone. It's like my phone, no one goes near my phone but me. Does that mean I'm secretive? No. I like to look at it as private. I appreciate my privacy, and I appreciate other's privacy too. It's not secretive, there's no secrets particularly on there, but if someone trusts me, I don't see the need to rifle through my inbox. Of course, if you deny someone a peek into things such as emails, phones etc you're the one hiding something-if not, you'd be an open book, right? No. I, for one, also receive texts and emails from friends where the matter is personal, and I have had people read these texts and find out that matter, and it was rather, hurtful.
Author croce Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 ADF, CLC2008 and spookie-I agree with you all. You can view her account without her password can't you? I have a myspace, and I can view mine without logging in and view others without logging in. Hm. No. Her myspace has always been set to private. The only thing that I have ever seen is her profile pic, name, age, and last account activity. You have to be one of her friends to see her page. And I disagree with you. Phone and email privacy. Yes, I agree. But myspace is just a place to keep up with old friends. A social network. I don't see how anything on there would be bad. Especially since we were dating for months when she went on it regularly (it shouldn't have anything shady on it).
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