Confusionized Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 (Sorry it's so long.) I met P and after two years I married and moved in with him to another country. I gave up my life, seeing my friends, family and going to school without even thinking because I had just loved him so much. (I'd like to take the time here to say that international relationships even when solid are full of a lot of obstacles and hardships, before considering one you really need think) After two years things started to go south. We started fighting, it was something I didn't think much of it. We had overcome so much already I couldn't think we wouldn't somehow manage to get through it. I guess we did not share that sentiment. After a week of me sleeping on the couch he told me he no longer wanted me and that I needed to find a way to move out as soon as possible. I called up my mother who took a straight 48 hour drive to pick up me and all of my things. I spent those two days crying, begging at his feet to reconsider, but each time I got the same response. "I love you, but I don't want you." So home I went. Clinging to a couple close friends to keep me sane. One being D, a guy I had known for 4 months after meeting him on an online game. I had it in my head that this was just a break, that P would come to his senses and we would both giggle about how silly we had been rocking on a porch as the cliche old couple. After a week of P telling me not to talk to him after I got back to my parent's home it started to sink it that maybe I couldn't win him over again...and with time I would get over it. I started allowing myself to become flirtatious and suggestive with D. He was the type of guys who had girls falling all over him to get some of his attention where ever he goes. So in the back of my mind I guess I was thinking he would be the perfect rebound. He was older, had little experience or desire for serious romantic relationships. D was aware of my situation with P and was completely understanding of me being closed off for a romantic relationship at this point, even a casual one so we just kind of talked, flirted and listened to the other. Over time we got pretty close. After a week P sends me an e-mail that he wanted to talk. So of course I do. He goes on about how much of a mistake it was how cruel he had been and how he didn't deserve me to take him back. I didn't care. I'd loved him, he was the first person I had looked at and really felt I could be with for the rest of my life. So we reconciled to a degree. As a couple weeks went by he started finally admitting things to me. Right after I left he had started "dating" a girl online. Over that week they "fell in love with each other" (he told me he never meant saying it to her, knowing her made him realize he had only wanted me supposedly) That hurt. But I was willing to accept that and continue on. And then he admitted to be sexual involved on cam with one of his friend's that were girls AFTER he had contacted me and we had started reconciling. That was too much and I told him I needed time to think about it. Over that time D started admitting and acting like he was starting to care deeper for me than either of us had intended and I have to admit I have started to feel the same way. There is just a chemistry there that even P and I lacked. So here I am. P who has expressed extreme remorse and regret for all that has happened on his part and who is willing to work and change to strive to be the man I need him to be. I love him, but can I trust him? Can I trust him not to just call it quits again to seek out better pastures? And D. Who has been nothing but supportive, has done nothing but put himself out there, and expressed feelings and happiness with who I am. Who I realize I don't love, who I realize may not be anything serious or long term if we turn out to be incompatible in some way. I don't know what to do. When I think about it lately I just want to try things with D. He makes me happy, where all I can think about with P is how looked over and undesirable he found me to be in a relationship at times. The lies, the heartache. I still love P, I don't think that can go away, but at the same time I don't know if I can chance another life crushing blow out happening. And here I am now. With two guys still hovering over me. Neither of them know the present feelings of the other and I feel pressured into making some kind of decision. Even though nothing has been established with either I still feel like I'm leading them both on. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what the right thing to do is. My family and friends think I should try to work on keeping my marriage on, although I haven't been able to bring myself to explain the details of just what all went on between P and I (particularly about how adamantly he would tell me how much he didn't want me anymore) so I feel those details might change their opinions. But I don't want to discuss that with them. So what do you think I should do? Should I shrug off D and give P one more chance? Some outside insight would be greatly appreciated.
spyyder Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 (edited) Your ex did something with someone else after you guys broke up, and SO DID YOU (at least emotionally). I would forgive and forget about that 1 point. Your 'P' loves you and you love him. You two were together for a long time, and I'm not sure there was a great reason for you two to break up which means that it's possible for you two to get back. I'm a firm believer in getting back with an ex, as I'm going through it myself (check my post if you can btw lol). If you do it the right way I'm sure you can get him back and you will have those jokes & laughs about you two breaking up even if it might be in many years time. 'D' is just a little something. I remember my ex ex and I had crazy chemistry but it didn't last. We feel in love in a week, and then totally forgot about each other a few weeks after that. Love that happens quick, ends quick..at least in my opinion. It ends even quicker when its based on love for someone else and heartbreak. D is kind of like a rebound guy. ALSO you need to remember that D met you when you were in a very emotional state of mind, so the chemistry you have with him may not actually be real. If you went with D, you might feel very different about him when you get over P as your romance for D was based on your love for P and how much you wanted P back. I'd go for P. TRY THIS: Get a friend and a coin. Tell your friend to ask you to Pick P or D for heads or tails. Tell your friend to flip the coin and make sure it lands on his/her hand and that he/she covers it the answer (the side). At this point you will hope that coin lands on one side more than the other. The side you hope the coin lands on is the guy you should go with. The actual side the coin lands on doesn't matter. Edited June 17, 2010 by spyyder
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