shawnm789 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 if you are/have been in an affair-what typr of roller-coaster ride did the WS put you on emotionally and/or physically?and when was the point of where you felt as if you were "strung along" and realized it wasnt worth it anymore?
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 If it wasnt worth it to begin with...then why not divorce the W first THEN go screw someone else?
lilagirl Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 if you are/have been in an affair-what typr of roller-coaster ride did the WS put you on emotionally and/or physically?and when was the point of where you felt as if you were "strung along" and realized it wasnt worth it anymore? MM has never strung me along. I guess all As are different, but the stress of the A has been unbearable for both he and I. I have gotten fed up with his indecision. The A is tiring, and can often be unfullfilling love comparred to a R out in the open. Maybe I am arguing semantics... but MM has been open and honest through the entire A, and I have had full input in assisting him with steps to make a decision. He did get an "Indecision is a decsion" talk from me recently, and the straw for me was being away, with limited contact, and unable to talk to him openly like any one else could a partner. It was frustrating ... then driving home from the airport, and everyone talking about how they were excited to crawl into bed and snuggle their H.... I went home to an empty bed, and no ability to say goodnight, I am home safe, etc...
Author shawnm789 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 MM has never strung me along. I guess all As are different, but the stress of the A has been unbearable for both he and I. I have gotten fed up with his indecision. The A is tiring, and can often be unfullfilling love comparred to a R out in the open. Maybe I am arguing semantics... but MM has been open and honest through the entire A, and I have had full input in assisting him with steps to make a decision. He did get an "Indecision is a decsion" talk from me recently, and the straw for me was being away, with limited contact, and unable to talk to him openly like any one else could a partner. It was frustrating ... then driving home from the airport, and everyone talking about how they were excited to crawl into bed and snuggle their H.... I went home to an empty bed, and no ability to say goodnight, I am home safe, etc... lilagirl-my A has gone from E/P/E in the span of at least 14 months....and it still continues(her contacting me after she gets out of work on a daily/semi-daily basis..meeting her for lunch in a few days..etc.)..but in my situation i feel that she hasnt been as honest as she should be to the point of where i think there might be an OOP besides myself and her BS....and i feel as if that i confront her on this im not gonna get the answers i need(or maybe i would....who knows?)but still.....i realize i am at fault in this just as much as she is....but if you are possibly stringing someone along like this...why bother to continually reach out to them and still have that interest in gettting together with that person?her marriage may not be all thats cracked up to be....god,the confusion,the conflict and the wondering of what psychology is going on in her head....jeez.....
bananalaffytaffy Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 lilagirl-my A has gone from E/P/E in the span of at least 14 months....and it still continues(her contacting me after she gets out of work on a daily/semi-daily basis..meeting her for lunch in a few days..etc.)..but in my situation i feel that she hasnt been as honest as she should be to the point of where i think there might be an OOP besides myself and her BS....and i feel as if that i confront her on this im not gonna get the answers i need(or maybe i would....who knows?)but still.....i realize i am at fault in this just as much as she is....but if you are possibly stringing someone along like this...why bother to continually reach out to them and still have that interest in gettting together with that person?her marriage may not be all thats cracked up to be....god,the confusion,the conflict and the wondering of what psychology is going on in her head....jeez.....Why would you want to be with this type of person? One that you have to worry has an Other Other man? Aren't you married as well? Can't remember.
Author shawnm789 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Why would you want to be with this type of person? One that you have to worry has an Other Other man? Aren't you married as well? Can't remember. blt-yes,i am..and like i said.....i am as much at fault for this as she is..but...i dont know if there is an OOP and im not sure of it....the reason i said it is because i feel that she hasnt been completely honest with me at times during the A.....maybe im expecting too much but i feel that shes not being honest about her marriage,et al....
Fight4Me Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 It's simple. She's a dishonest person. She's dishonest with her BH, she's dishonest with you, she's dishonest with her OOOOOOM, and she's dishonest with herself. I guess I don't understand your need to figure out something that is so glaringly obvious...
Author shawnm789 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 It's simple. She's a dishonest person. She's dishonest with her BH, she's dishonest with you, she's dishonest with her OOOOOOM, and she's dishonest with herself. I guess I don't understand your need to figure out something that is so glaringly obvious... f4m-thank you-i just need to understand more of the WS psychology is all......
jmargel Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 How does it feel to get a taste of the medicene you are giving YOUR spouse? You really need to grow up and stop this soap operaness. All it does is hurt others. Focus on your own marriage already.
silktricks Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 f4m-thank you-i just need to understand more of the WS psychology is all...... There really is no "one size fits all" so what is experienced by person X here on an internet board doesn't of necessity have any direct correlation to you and your experiences.
Owl Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 OK...you're a WS as well, yes, Shawn? You know the veracity of what you've said...somewhat. A big part of the question here is how honest you've been with yourself about things as well. A common occurrence in this kind of situation is that as time passes after the affair ends, you'll realize more and more how much you lied to yourself. But the bottom line here is this...forget her. Forget if she's truthful/honest/whatever. Remove her from the equation for a minute, and work out what it is that YOU need to do here. Do you want to stay married? Do you want to have an honest marriage? Do you want the affair to continue? What you need to do is to decide what you want...and start planning and taking action to get it. If that means fixing your marriage...make it happen. If that means ending the marriage so you can be free to be in a relationship with someone else...divorce away. If that means you just want both the affair and the marriage...can't help ya there bud, that's outta my area of expertise. But stop worrying about her...start working on what needs to happen on YOUR side of the world.
Fight4Me Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 f4m-thank you-i just need to understand more of the WS psychology is all...... By the way, I didn't mean what I said as a slam, but to hopefully help you break it down into the simplest of terms. It is my hope that by just having the fact that she is fundamentally dishonest pointed out bluntly, that you could then begin to turn inward toward your own issues. You need to get past this for the sake of your own psychological well-being, to say nothing of your own marriage.
Spark1111 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Shawn....former BS..... Trust your gut. If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it is probably a duck.
MadMission Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 lilagirl-my A has gone from E/P/E in the span of at least 14 months....and it still continues(her contacting me after she gets out of work on a daily/semi-daily basis..meeting her for lunch in a few days..etc.)..but in my situation i feel that she hasnt been as honest as she should be to the point of where i think there might be an OOP besides myself and her BS....and i feel as if that i confront her on this im not gonna get the answers i need(or maybe i would....who knows?)but still.....i realize i am at fault in this just as much as she is....but if you are possibly stringing someone along like this...why bother to continually reach out to them and still have that interest in gettting together with that person?her marriage may not be all thats cracked up to be....god,the confusion,the conflict and the wondering of what psychology is going on in her head....jeez..... Shawn, I think your concerns are reasonable and valid. Your MW has, apparently, successfully deceived her BH for 14 months. So, this is what you KNOW about her: She is deceptive, dishonest, manipulative, and sneaky. She is good at being fake...a skilled actor. So..... Why do you believe anything she says...or does?? What makes you think she is ever honest with you? Would it really surprise you to learn that she has been dishonest with you...manipulating you? That maybe she is just using you for the purposes you serve her? Think about it, Shawn. Think about how smooth she must be with her BH for him to remain unaware that she is in a long term affair. She is good at being a convincing liar. Polished. Has her BH fooled...so why not you? You sound as if there is some kind of 'trust' in your relationship with her. Yet, you KNOW she is an untrustworthy person. It would be a strange, but interesting, conversation to have with her BH someday after he discovers her infidelity. You will likely have much in common....both manipulated by her, lied to by her, used by her. The only difference is that you will have knowingly 'invested' in someone of this character. You knew what you were signing up for. But, her BH will likely be blind-sided and shocked to learn that his W is such a fake...disrespecting, deceiving, and manipulating him all along...being unaware that his W is even capable of such ugliness. But YOU...really should not be surprised at all. Maybe it is time to get out of the A. You will make yourself crazy trying to determine if someone like her is being genuine/honest or not.
Author shawnm789 Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 By the way, I didn't mean what I said as a slam, but to hopefully help you break it down into the simplest of terms. It is my hope that by just having the fact that she is fundamentally dishonest pointed out bluntly, that you could then begin to turn inward toward your own issues. You need to get past this for the sake of your own psychological well-being, to say nothing of your own marriage. f4m-i am having one of my better weekends in a while....and thank you for your brutal honesty.i do realize i must psychologically get back to normal and not have this affect me in any way....i do own my end of this and just wonder how not only how deep ive been dishonest with myself and my M but how its on her end typical A behavior(lying about the state of her marriage and just letting me know what i need to)
Author shawnm789 Posted June 19, 2010 Author Posted June 19, 2010 Shawn, I think your concerns are reasonable and valid. Your MW has, apparently, successfully deceived her BH for 14 months. So, this is what you KNOW about her: She is deceptive, dishonest, manipulative, and sneaky. She is good at being fake...a skilled actor. So..... Why do you believe anything she says...or does?? What makes you think she is ever honest with you? Would it really surprise you to learn that she has been dishonest with you...manipulating you? That maybe she is just using you for the purposes you serve her? Think about it, Shawn. Think about how smooth she must be with her BH for him to remain unaware that she is in a long term affair. She is good at being a convincing liar. Polished. Has her BH fooled...so why not you? You sound as if there is some kind of 'trust' in your relationship with her. Yet, you KNOW she is an untrustworthy person. It would be a strange, but interesting, conversation to have with her BH someday after he discovers her infidelity. You will likely have much in common....both manipulated by her, lied to by her, used by her. The only difference is that you will have knowingly 'invested' in someone of this character. You knew what you were signing up for. But, her BH will likely be blind-sided and shocked to learn that his W is such a fake...disrespecting, deceiving, and manipulating him all along...being unaware that his W is even capable of such ugliness. But YOU...really should not be surprised at all. Maybe it is time to get out of the A. You will make yourself crazy trying to determine if someone like her is being genuine/honest or not. mm-i do wonder what her BS would think if he knew this was going on...and if shes had any other transgressions occur in the past(or even now)....and i know that she is lying about the state of her marriage and anything else that could be going on-but-its on her if she gets caught in that regard because i have no obligation to ask her if there is an OOP-she has to answer to her husband...and it blows me away by how much she has been sneaky,manipulative,et al to him.....and have i considered leaving it?yes,i have....
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