heavensmesenger Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I understand that I'm going to get the advice "Move on your better then her" and I've done a lot of searching and I want my Ex gf back. If your gonna offer that advice don't bother, I've done a lot of soul searching and I want her. We were together for 18 months and it ended in her cheating on me with a "player" and she is now pursuing a relationship with him. Her parents and her best friend think she is making a terrible mistake and I'm deeply in love with her. She has since told me that it would be best if we don't talk because she may kiss me or something because she still has feelings for me. I don't want her to end up with this idiot who's gonna treat her wrong. Is there any good advice somebody can offer me? I know NC will probably not work because she is with him...so what do I do?
sean1970 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I don't want her to end up with this idiot who's gonna treat her wrong. Is there any good advice somebody can offer me? I know NC will probably not work because she is with him...so what do I do? NC is the only thing that might work. You do realize that the best chance you have to get her back (cringe) is to do just that, leave her alone, yes? No one has ever talked anyone into loving them. "Moving on" is most effective way to show that you have self respect. It has a way of making you more attractive. If this guy is a prick, you and her family will not be the ones to expose him; it is something she is going to have to see for herself. However, think about this; if she does come back from him dumping her, how are you going to feel being second choice?
brokenamy Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I understand that I'm going to get the advice "Move on your better then her" and I've done a lot of searching and I want my Ex gf back. If your gonna offer that advice don't bother, I've done a lot of soul searching and I want her. We were together for 18 months and it ended in her cheating on me with a "player" and she is now pursuing a relationship with him. Her parents and her best friend think she is making a terrible mistake and I'm deeply in love with her. She has since told me that it would be best if we don't talk because she may kiss me or something because she still has feelings for me. I don't want her to end up with this idiot who's gonna treat her wrong. Is there any good advice somebody can offer me? I know NC will probably not work because she is with him...so what do I do? someone has a link to a page here that explains the steps you should take if you really one a second chance and it begins with letting go. Grieve your relationship, then let go, let go of her and the relationship and work on yourself. I promise you that the sooner you read that thread and start working on it, the sooner you will have your ex back and if you don't, you will end up with a better you. Good luck!
S.Tee Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Dear heavensmessenger, Love makes us do strange things and this is what your condition is.You know she ignores you, you know she is with some "idiot" and you know she is breaking up with you. But still you want her back! I agree, coz you just can't live without her, but the problem is can you get her back??? No point saying "forget her" coz you will not do that, so the only way is find the way how: a) get her family members to help out.They are in the position where she shall listen & think twice. Tell them how much she means to you and the recent situation is a mistake. b) be frank, tell her why you think the other guy going to treat her lousy. Why he does not deserve her etc. At least you expressed your concern, it doesn't matter if she listens or not, but try to convince her it is for her own good. Do your part... c) Tell her you agree with the break-up (surprised?), if it is for her own good, you are willing to let her go coz you love her and do not wish her to be depressed. Show that you are OK and nothing emotional. Only that whom she chooses next is your concern. d) Since you do not mind being the 2nd choice, be patience and slowly get in touch with her and share some light moments that happened to you recently. She might be concern that she probably kiss you again & make up right? You are now approaching as a friend, what is wrong spare some time as friend? In a way you are tackling her silently and smoothly. Tactics man! Good luck!
sean1970 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) I agree, coz you just can't live without her, but the problem is can you get her back??? No point saying "forget her" coz you will not do that, so the only way is find the way how: to fu<k it up a) get her family members to help out.They are in the position where she shall listen & think twice. Tell them how much she means to you and the recent situation is a mistake. Yes, covert manipulation with family. Fantastic idea... b) be frank, tell her why you think the other guy going to treat her lousy. Why he does not deserve her etc. At least you expressed your concern, it doesn't matter if she listens or not, but try to convince her it is for her own good. Do your part... Yes, because she will see that he has no adjenda and take such advice. c) Tell her you agree with the break-up (surprised?), if it is for her own good, you are willing to let her go coz you love her and do not wish her to be depressed. Show that you are OK and nothing emotional. Only that whom she chooses next is your concern. Why is it any of his business who she dates? If any ex gave their thoughts on who I was to date next I'd be quick to tell them which farm animal to go fu<k on... d) Since you do not mind being the 2nd choice, be patience and slowly get in touch with her and share some light moments that happened to you recently. She might be concern that she probably kiss you again & make up right? You are now approaching as a friend, what is wrong spare some time as friend? In a way you are tackling her silently and smoothly. Tactics man! Agreed... Make the pain last many more months and don't forget to peel away any left over self esteem and respect along the way... Good luck! You will need more than that if you listen to any of this bull$hit... Unbelievable. Edited June 18, 2010 by sean1970
Annan Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I know how you feel except I didn't do anything at the time. I suggest you remind her of the person that she fell for. Also if she thinks that you don't love her prove her wrong, show what she means to mean to you! And when she's back in your arms again don't let go treat her like the most precious thing in the world.
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) S.Tee: Have you read that weblink in your signature? The advice in "The Magic of Making up" is the complete opposite of what you've suggested to this guy. The "How to get your ex back" books all say the same thing: 1.) Immediately after he/she breaks up with you, be calm and agree that it's probably for the best. 2.) Go No Contact for at least 1 - 2 months. NO CONTACT AT ALL. 3.) While you're in NC mode, go live your life to its fullest and work on yourself. 4.) Take some time to think about the relationship after a month has passed. Pros vs Cons 5.) If you actually think you want to get back with him/her then give a phone call. This step comes at about 1 - 2 months of no contact whatsoever. It's all pretty basic stuff... In summary, go NC, leave the person alone and live your life. If he/she wants you back, they'll get in contact with you. Edited June 18, 2010 by AlwaysConflicted
sean1970 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I know how you feel except I didn't do anything at the time. I suggest you remind her of the person that she fell for. Also if she thinks that you don't love her prove her wrong, show what she means to mean to you! And when she's back in your arms again don't let go treat her like the most precious thing in the world. Yeah... dont do this either... Rule of thumb... People want things they cant have... rare things... Become rare... Use this time she is with this tool to better yourself. When/if she comes back around, you will have something to show. This is win win... If she comes back, you are a stud.. If she does not, you're a stud for someone else... Get it?
Author heavensmesenger Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 (edited) I appreciate all your advice guys, sean1970 your bang on mate. we actually hooked up yesterday all happened out of the blue since I had just finished at the gym and wasn't looking my best, body wise though I've lost a lot of fat and actually looking quite ripped since we broke up haha. She asked me to come over for advice. I did and she told me about him and I played it cool, told her it was up to her whatever she wanted to do but I wasn't going to bull**** her and tell her he's awesome etc, I jsut said I would be around as a friend, to be honest I didn't care anymore as I knew I was better. She started to see him for the prick he was and said she needed him out her life. Well we had a laugh and a joke and next thing I know we'r hooking up and she's asking if we could still work things out because she missed me. Obviously I held back the urge to say anything stupid and said it would be something she would have to seriously consider. I'm actually in a good mood regardless of what happens because I'm not the same person I was in the relationship. If it's meant to be it's meant to be right? No expectations lead to no disappointments Edited June 20, 2010 by heavensmesenger
ALombard Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Hey Mesenger, So I'm happy you got to hook up with your ex. But do yourself a favor and leave it alone now. I'm looking at the time line of this post and no more than 3 days ago you were wrecked it seemed like. Leave her alone and really just move on, when/if she wants you back for good she will make it very known but even then you have to ask yourself if it's worth it.
Author heavensmesenger Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Well who wants to tell me "I told you so"? She chose him over me. Anybody give me any good advice on how to implement the NC rule. Appears that everything she told me last night was an act. She said she'll have no problems doing NC so I'm gonna need some help...
sean1970 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Well who wants to tell me "I told you so"? She chose him over me. Anybody give me any good advice on how to implement the NC rule. Appears that everything she told me last night was an act. She said she'll have no problems doing NC so I'm gonna need some help... Read this for starts...
Author heavensmesenger Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks Sean1970, I'm going to follow this guide and leave it at that. I won't message or contact her, I've changed her name in my phone too so it serves as a helpful reminder. It'll get better in time, just have to take things one day at a time. I understand she may never contact me again so I'm not hoping for anything. I just have to work on myself now. I'd like her to think one day if she ever sees me again happy with another girl "wow who is this person I let get away?"
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