BettyBoop Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I keep reading stuff like "men will pretty much know whether or not they want to marry the girl within 2 years of time" and I'd like to know if the men on this board believes this to be true or bull****. I know my current boyfriend loves me, misses me when I am gone and tells me "I want to be with you", however, on the marriage part he can't give me any answer. He can make comments that contradict each other like: "Im sorry, I just don't think about those things now" "I wonder if you'll do that at our wedding" "The only time I will kneel in fron of you is to tie my shoelace" "Of course I've thought about it" If I mention how I feel I would know all I needed to know that was crucial after 2 years together he says I am pushy about the subject and '"making him feel bad for not being able to make any such decisions or thoughts about it". I guess I wonder if the real reason why he cannot tell me yes or no is because deep down he knows it's probably "no" but if he told me then I'd want to find someone who would think of me as "yes"... Last thing is that this is a guy who does not always express his affection in words, or more likely very rarely. The best thing he's told me so far is: "I can see us together "pretty far away in time" IF we're still together after you've finished your masters in 2 years". I just feel like "pretty far away from now" equals 2-3 additional years of being a couple but nothin that indicates he'd ever want to marry me even after that. I plan on asking him what he really meant by "pretty far away in time"...but I'd like to hear the men's thoughts about it too. I do realise it's difficult to predict if you can marry someone - but at least I think one should know if they *wanted* to or not...or?
Author BettyBoop Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Oh, and we've been together for 2 years in 5 months. I should clarify I do not want to marry right now or anything...I just want to know if he'd ever want to marry me or not.
SarahRose Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 No he doesn't want to marry you. Guys won't actually come out and tell you that unless they are forced to because they want to enjoy the free sex and companionship as long as they can. Going with someone is supposed to be to see if you like each other enough to marry. It isn't supposed to be the end point of a relationship like a lot of guys try to make it. Don't let him tie you down to something that isn't going anywhere. I would step back and tell him that you get he isn't that serious and then start dating others.
Author BettyBoop Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 I would step back and tell him that you get he isn't that serious and then start dating others. Thank you all for your responses so far. Sarah, I'm sort of planning to. I want to talk to him and simply tell him that if he can't answer me - I find that to be an answer in itself too. For me, this is quite crucial because the 2 years will be LDR and I do not want to spend time in a relationship where the guy is with me because he loves me and wants to be with me but sees no further than that. And I know I should just be happy with the love and wanting to be with me...but marriage is important to me and it is what I will eventually want. It always feels so selfish to want something like marriage. XP
Author BettyBoop Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Why is it so important? Women do NOT want to get married so isn't it only good if he doesn't want to marry you? Because *I* want to get married someday. So therefore, no it is not good, it is bad.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I think men receive a lot of mixed messages on this topic. Women today are waiting longer for marriage than they used to and men certainly are as well. There's no sense of "needing" to get married and for men to pledge something like that to their partner can be scary for them. They don't have a biological clock, and they feel they have an unlimited window of time in which to get a life and a family started. So if your boyfriend is in his twenties as I'm assuming, he probably feels that he's too young and, not to sound harsh, that something better might come along. I will also say that this is NOT the case with all men. If marriage is important to you it might be a good idea to have a talk about it, and if you are not satisfied with the outcome, move on and find someone who is more compatible. There's no sense in trying to convince a man who doesn't want to marry you to do so. It takes the romance, love, and partnership out of the whole shebang. How old are you, OP? For the people who have said a man will never say he wants to marry someone unless he has to, I've found this to be incorrect. My current boyfriend actually mentions it quite often, my ex did too. My point being that you can definitely find someone out there who is on the same page as you.
Author BettyBoop Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 kiss_andmakeup: I totally agree with everything you said. He's said he is not sure if he has "finished playing the field yet" and when I said "alright" he said "But I know what I can get" - so reassuring. XP So, I guess I don't believe he will ever want to marry me more than "naw maybe" in his mind. :/ I'm just being realistic I guess, no offense about "finding something better" btw. He is 26 and I am 24. I've had 3 former relationships (all mentioned marriage with me pretty soonish) and he's had 2 (first he proposed to, second he knew right away he'd never marry). I guess I think I am someone he would love to see himself with but he simply can't. I'm just getting as much output as I need before I bring this up with him and, based on his response, think about my future. I don't want to marry anyone at age 24 nevermind...I want to marry someone around age 28-30 when I think I might be ready for marriage - with a guy who actually can see himself married to me, and wants to marry me of course.
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