her_halo_slipped Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Hi everyone. I read all the threads but seldom post. I was talking to a friend and she asked me a question. I would now like to ask it on LS. When an A ends because one of the parties lets say MM tells the OW that he can no longer lead his duplicitious life but would like to remain friends, is it reasonable for the OW, in her hurt and upset to tell the MM that he will never hear from her again and that her conscience has gotten the better of her and she is thinking of telling her H about her A to come clean, even though she won't go through with it? Do you think it is fair for her to tell him this just so he can sweat that tiny bit? There is NO chance the MM could contact her hubby even if he wanted to. I thought the question was interesting when it was put to me and I would love to know what other LS'ers think about it.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 No, that's just vindictive, bitchy and undignified.
jthorne Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 No, that's just vindictive, bitchy and undignified.Not to mention hypocritical.
Just a stone's throw Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I agree, seems to be inviting drama. Not into drama nor if you cared one iotta about the guy would you want to see him sweat like that. What if he really wanted to get caught or then preemptively goes and reveals the A to his W thinking it's all going to be blown out of the water and then the other side sputters.... Again, just inviting more drama.
Author her_halo_slipped Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 I agree, seems to be inviting drama. Not into drama nor if you cared one iotta about the guy would you want to see him sweat like that. What if he really wanted to get caught or then preemptively goes and reveals the A to his W thinking it's all going to be blown out of the water and then the other side sputters.... Again, just inviting more drama. Yes I thought the same. Still I could not convince her otherwise. I for one will be interested to see the outcome.
Snowflower Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 When an A ends because one of the parties lets say MM tells the OW that he can no longer lead his duplicitious life but would like to remain friends, is it reasonable for the OW, in her hurt and upset to tell the MM that he will never hear from her again and that her conscience has gotten the better of her and she is thinking of telling her H about her A to come clean, even though she won't go through with it? Do you think it is fair for her to tell him this just so he can sweat that tiny bit? There is NO chance the MM could contact her hubby even if he wanted to. I thought the question was interesting when it was put to me and I would love to know what other LS'ers think about it. I'm a little confused by this question. Are you saying that the OW/MW is considering telling her H (or at least telling her MM that she is doing so) about the affair? If so, I guess I don't see what the big deal is. If she wants to tell her H (or is thinking about it) that is her business. Could it add drama to the fall-out after d-day, well sure it could. But affairs are already filled with drama so what is the difference? A similar situation (if I'm understanding your OP correctly) played out after d-day for me. The OW told my husband that she had told her husband everything. Supposedly, her poor BH was planning on paying a visit to my H. It was sickening. Nothing came of it though and it was just a manipulative play by the OW to remain in contact. More. Stupid. Drama.
seren Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 If she's going to tell her H then that's her business. If she is only telling WS to pee him off, then it could prompt him to tell his BS and then the s*** hits the fan and chances are the H will find out anyway, if that wasn't the intention, then she had better be prepared for the opening of cans of worms all round. The telling could backfire. If the XOW had told her BS about my H and her A, then he would have caused all sorts of nasty stuff, would also have resulted in me (a BS) and H circling our wagons and getting closer. I can understand how she might want to do this as an act of revenge or out of hurt, but, the best thing is to walk away, dignity intact.
Author her_halo_slipped Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 I see there are different opinions out there. After talking with my friend she tells me that the reason she did it i.e tell the xMM that she was thinking of coming clean with her hubby was basically to scare him into sticking with NC, which he has broken before. She told him that he would not hear from her again because she was "thinking' of coming clean. It wasn't meant to be vindictive, bitchy or revengeful but merely for the purpose of ensuring he would not contact her again. The xMM has no way of contacting her husband. If as an OP suggested the xMM tells his wife then the wife only has the ability to contact the OW not the OW's husband and the OW (my friend) tells me she will deal with that if it happens. I agree that if the OW really did want to come clean with her H then that is a matter for them. I also agree there is a potential for fallout but she seems to be able to manage that.
turnstone Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Yeah, why not add one more lie to the hundreds they probably told each other already? Alls fair in love and war after all, and affairs are all about love aren't they? Well, at least until D Day.
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