jasonn Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Hi. I been looking on Google for help or answers and came across this site so thought I'd join! Now I'm 27 and my ex girlfriend is 28 we broke up about 4 weeks ago and had been together for 7 years! She left a she said she don't love me anymore cos the way things have been over the last few months and how I've been. We have had money problems and I have been moody and not very loving. I have some anger problems and get shouty and swear with my stress but would never harm her tho! I also have anxity and get anxity attacks. Since she has gone I have changed and have got help with my anger and am now taking medication for the anxity and I'm now much more calm and think about things more logical. When I spoke to my doctor I said I can see how I have been to her and feel like I have been a zombie and have just woke up. He said I have been very depressed since xmas and cos I didn't know how to deal with it it just turned into more anger and moodyness. She is taking her things from our place and putting the bills into my name cos she's got no money and has moved back to her mums house. I wrote her a letter two days after we broke up and she said I don't things can be the same again I don't feel that way anymore. I asked her if she'd come do something for my birthday next week just the two of us and she said she'd think about it. I didn't contact her for a week and a half then she textdd me about the flat and said hope I'm ok and she'll call me soon. The next day she phoned me and we spoke. SHe asked what I'd been doing and I said I've been out, going to some clubs, bars and partys, she said that's not like you?! I thougt you'd just be at home feeling sad. I also told her about what I have done to change and get help with ox problems and she said I do sound different and happy on the phone. SHe asked if I'd met any girls since I've started going out and that she didn't care and I should move on but she kept asking about over girls and when I said there is no one she called me a lie! IF she didn't care then why would she sound so bothered about it and keep asking me? I asked if she loved me and she said no but said she defo wants to come to my birthday now and she don't know I booked a nice French place for a meal. I thought I'd be differentand unlike me. She said if we got back together it'd be a couple of months and we can see how things go as friends and take small steps one at a time. I think if she loved me so much for 7 years then maybe she'd love me again if I'd changed and have gotten help with things to make me a better person, more loving to show more affection and be happy like when we first met. I have also been working on myself since with gym, running and got my lip ring done again. Now when we meet for a couple hours for my birthday meal I'll look better and be nicer and happier and plan not to talk about the break up but just be fun and ask about her and ask about her work and so on and maybe add a slight bit of flirting? Oh also she said she's bored at home and is missing us being and doing things and having friends over. But said don't read to much into that lol
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 What is it you want to ask, exactly? I'm not getting any definitive enquiry here..... Or are you just posting to get some feedback?
Author jasonn Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 (edited) Sorry yeah lol. Just I love her and want to know if I can get her back and what I need to do. Like I said if she loved me that much over 7 years then I hope there's a chance to again and for me to be how I should have been to her. I said to her that I'm gettin 25k from a will in a couple of months that we could have used for a house deposit and was gunna marry her next year, its such a kick to the balls and has really made me think about everything and life and what I want from it. Edited June 17, 2010 by jasonn
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Here's what I think happened. You took her for granted, treated her less than great and eventually she got to the point where she cut off emotionally. Does she still have feelings for you? Yes. Are they the same? No. Here's the thing, you can't go back to the way things were. You need to start from square 1 as if you're dating her for the first time. In fact, she doesn't even want square 1 yet. She wants you in the friends zone. The friends zone is like prison. Maybe you'll get paroled or maybe you won't. Work on yourself some more. Don't contact her too much or at all. It'll give you some mystery. You can't sell her on the idea of being married and in love. She needs to arrive at that feeling/emotion on her own. Trust me, I've tried... Maybe you'll get her back, but carefully listen to what she's asking of you. If she says she wants to be friends...then fine you be her friend. Don't creep in there with a kiss on the cheek. Just respect what she says and go from there.
cavedweller Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Pal, I hate to break the news to you, but, it is over...You need to forget her and move on..
Author jasonn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) Yeah that's exactly what happened. She still finds me attractive but just not with how I've acted. She said we'll see how it goes and see if those feeling come back and that if we got back together it'd be a few months. I feel that if the problems that broke us up are gone for good so she'd be happy with things and then we could start a fresh from day one. I asked her last week why she needed a couple of months and she said that if we started again a new relationship that theses some things she needs to forget so we can just start dating from fresh. I'll try win the love back with time by being nicer,happy and more fun plus the anxity would be gone and so would the anger and moodyness. I think we also need to spend some time together as when she was at work I was at home and before she got back I was going to work then by time I get home she'd be asleep so we didn't spend quality time together Edited June 18, 2010 by jasonn
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