SadandConfusedWA Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 So I had dinner with one of the guys from the dating site. To be honest, I can't say that I was blown away. He is OK looking but I am not that attracted to him, the conversation was OK....everything was just OK. I am aware that at my age I can't choose to be picky anymore so I decided to give it a shot. Anyway, I have in no way signaled my mediocre interest in him. I was attentive, interested in what he had to say and tried to be entartaining (telling him stories that I thought to be funny). I also made an effort to dress up and look my best. He said that he would call me and on day 1 post date, he didn't. On day 2 I got a text in the morning just asking me to take Myer Briggs test and to guess his result and he will tell me if I am correct. I did this an hour later and made a guess based on my limited knowledge of him. No reply. It's now been 8 hours since my last text. WTF? WTF? How long do I give this before I write him off? Do I need to be more relaxed about contact or is this already a bad sign?
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Oh for goodness sake! How old are you anyway, eighty?!? Don't 'settle'! Don't go for mediocre then expect fireworks! Damp squib at the best! If you have zero interest in the guy, trying to cultivate some won't work! I'd not play stupid games like taking tests and the like. I'd just say - 'Well it was fun! Thanks for a nice time! good luck with finding "The one!" see you!' And then move on.....!
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Oh for goodness sake! How old are you anyway, eighty?!? Don't 'settle'! Don't go for mediocre then expect fireworks! Damp squib at the best! If you have zero interest in the guy, trying to cultivate some won't work! I'd not play stupid games like taking tests and the like. I'd just say - 'Well it was fun! Thanks for a nice time! good luck with finding "The one!" see you!' And then move on.....! Thanks Tara. I am just afraid that I will stay single forever at this point (31).
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Well I met my partner at 47. There's hope for you yet dear.....! You give out the "I'm desperate, but resigned to settling for second best" vibe, and that is all you'll get. You have to up your game. Do what ever you can to make your self-esteem go through the roof. If you think you need a whole new makeover - do it. Spend a little money on yourself, and go for it. And remember, if it's acceptable for guys, change your mind-frame, and fool around a little. Call the shots, pull the strings and be in control of your own game. Steer clear of married/committed guys - but every other guy out there is fair game. And someone slightly younger might do it for you. My partner's 5 years younger than I. fer chrissakes, this should be fun, not an ordeal!
Scottdmw Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I would agree that at age 31 you don't have to worry quite so much. On the other hand, it definitely doesn't hurt to give something a chance, and I applaud you for going ahead with the meeting. It really doesn't hurt to try, and at least occasionally chemistry can develop over a couple of dates. Regarding the call. Keep in mind that this is a no-win situation for the guy. There are many people out there telling him that he absolutely must wait X number of days and play it cool or there is no chance you will ever like him. Others are telling him that he must contact you the next day or there is no chance you will ever like him. He is probably very confused and anxious about the situation. He has probably gone over in his mind for a long period of time exactly how long to wait to contact you and what form that contact should take. He has probably been burned in the past both ways. So, I think the best thing you can do is relax about it and focus your attention on other things for several days. Remember that you are not in a relationship and are free to correspond with other men on the online site. If he happens to call back at some point that's great, but don't read too much into the timetable. Best wishes, Scott
cdubs32 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 So the guy was just OK and you felt nothing was there really, so why do you care that he rejected you for whatever reason? is your ego got bruised? I agree with this, why do you care if he is taking a while to get back to you? You don't even like him! Girls like you are a genuinely good guy's worst nightmare. You don't know what are good qualities in a man and you don't know what you're looking for, but since you think time is ticking you're wasting this poor guy's time and money (not to mention emotional investment). You didn't feel chemistry, you think he's OK. People shouldn't marry people they are "OK" with. They should marry people they're IN LOVE WITH. You don't feel it, you gave it a shot and you met him and it wasn't there. Let him go. As for what he's doing, I couldn't agree more as I feel like I've been burned by waiting too long to call and I'm sure I've been dismissed for calling too soon. So now I just do what I feel like and what will make me happy because it truly is a no-win situation. Men aren't idiots, he can probably TELL that you aren't into him, and he's wondering why you still are pretending to show interest, so he's testing the waters with you. He's trying to get a better gauge of your interest, and I'm sure he's getting an idea that it's not there. Hopefully he walks away because I get the feeling you won't let him go.
TaurusTerp Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Contrary to popular opinion, men are sometimes emotionally astute. If you weren't feeling it, he probably wasn't either and didn't want to waste both your times.
that girl Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I would have given up as soon as he sent the personality test and asked you to guess which one he is. I do think that attraction can grow over a couple of dates, but this whole personality test thing rubs me the wrong way. You don't like him a lot, there is no reason to be stressing this much.
alphamale Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 How long do I give this before I write him off? you should have written him off when he asked you to take the test and guess his results... damn weirdos are giving all us guys a bad name
spookie Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Sad, I love your posts. You're so smart, and, oddly, hilarious. Compared to the average person's existence, I think just being you would be a blast. What do you want a guy for anyway?
sagetalk Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Anyway, I have in no way signaled my mediocre interest in him. I was attentive, interested in what he had to say and tried to be entartaining (telling him stories that I thought to be funny). I also made an effort to dress up and look my best. It's now been 8 hours since my last text. WTF? WTF? How long do I give this before I write him off? Do I need to be more relaxed about contact or is this already a bad sign? From what others have posted about you, you are physically attractive. If you're 31 and physically attractive you should have no problems getting a guy whatsoever. You seem to be over thinking everything alot, I would imagine you've done this too much in the past as well. First of all, don't give this guy mixed signals. If he is boring you, show him he's boring you politely without meanness. If you're into him, show him. Don't lie to him with your actions, it confuses the heck out of men especially inexperienced men. Second, go about your daily life. If he texts you, great, if not, maybe he was just putting on an act for you. That is possible you know.
Confusedalways Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 LOL @ guessing his personality type. Good grief, that would have definitely given me a laugh but at him, not with him. If you only had an 'ok' time, I wouldn't worry about it! You should walk away from a date feeling like you at least had fun!
sagetalk Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 LOL @ guessing his personality type. Good grief, that would have definitely given me a laugh but at him, not with him. If you only had an 'ok' time, I wouldn't worry about it! You should walk away from a date feeling like you at least had fun! I really don't see why this is so bad. She has stated in the past that she is an intellectual. That personality test is common knowledge in the academic community. I would even say that comment could be considered being silly, or funny. I guess the audience for that one is just too small to risk. He is probably noticing that she isn't that into him. If she was smart and into him, she could have typed, "your type is C-U-T-E :)". If a girl gave that reply back to me I'd give her a million points. Heck, I might ask her to marry me.
sagetalk Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 most women are too stupid to come up with that Looks like someone's been reading the, "How to Become an Internet Troll" eHow article again . I'll post a link just for laughs. http://www.ehow.com/how_2064125_become-internet-troll.html
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Ugh the minute he brought up Myers Briggs you should have gone NC it's fortune telling for the precocious
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Anyway try not to let the internet dates get you down there are a lot of flakes out there and it usually has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry it's so frustrating.
bac Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 What was wrong with the guy? Too old, too ugly, short, cheap?
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I really don't see why this is so bad. She has stated in the past that she is an intellectual. That personality test is common knowledge in the academic community. Yeah, I would have thought it was cute and totally played along. But then I am a dork. The more I read this forum, the more I realize just how brutal some people here can be! You have to wonder what kind of hurt they endured to get so mean.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I really don't see why this is so bad. She has stated in the past that she is an intellectual. That personality test is common knowledge in the academic community. I would even say that comment could be considered being silly, or funny. I guess the audience for that one is just too small to risk. He is probably noticing that she isn't that into him. If she was smart and into him, she could have typed, "your type is C-U-T-E :)". If a girl gave that reply back to me I'd give her a million points. Heck, I might ask her to marry me. Aw! Good one! If my life suddenly goes up in flames and I have to date again I'll remember that one. I admit, I thought it was common knowledge that everyone knew their "type" or maybe it's because I hang around with a bunch of nerds. Oddly enough my BF and I are the same...which some say means we are doomed but I think it's one of the reason's we get each other so well. (INFP btw lol) Chemistry can develop over a couple of dates. Usually by date three I know if anything is ever going to be there. When I was dating around I gave everyone the benefit of first date nerves and accepted a second date unless I knew I would in no way ever come close to wanting to see them naked. Then they got a polite, no thanks. I don't think there's any harm is going on a first date with lots of guys to see who you click with, especially if you are meeting them online. Try not to judge just based on a profile or pictures because true personalities may not be shining through. I wouldn't worry so much about the calling/texting. He's probably seeing other women as well. Which means, get out there and score a few more first dates. And 31 isn't so old. If you're old, I'm old, and I'm not ready to be old.
Mr White Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 He is probably noticing that she isn't that into him. If she was smart and into him, she could have typed, "your type is C-U-T-E :)". If a girl gave that reply back to me I'd give her a million points. Heck, I might ask her to marry me. Ladies, take notice , that's gold.
threebyfate Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Do I need to be more relaxed about contact or is this already a bad sign?SaC, his type is L-O-S-E-R. For the love of god, keep on moving. Drop this minnow back into the puddle he flopped out of. Plse!!
xpaperxcutx Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Ugh, personality tests are like chain text messages where people make you waste your precocious texts to reply to them. I would never feed anyone's ego, especially for someone who doesn't even have the courtesy to text me a good morning. What kind of guy does that unless he's looking for an ego boost?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Thanks Tara. I am just afraid that I will stay single forever at this point (31). From my experience 30 was the age were I had just started finding decent guys with some hope of a lasting relationship. Your not old your in your mature prime I agree with Tara don't settle if theres absolutely no chemistry there for you it would be kinder to both of you to cut him loose now.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Sad, I love your posts. You're so smart, and, oddly, hilarious. Compared to the average person's existence, I think just being you would be a blast. What do you want a guy for anyway? Thanks spookie, I take it as a huge compliment coming from you. I also LOVE your posts and always look out for them
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) If anyone is interested, he responded after 24 hours from my last text. I managed to guess 3 out of 4 letters of his Myer-Briggs type (not bad, even if I do say so myself ). I kind of don't mind the Myer-Briggs thing. I was into those tests a while ago. It's the 24 hour gap between the texts that I don't like. But to be honest I don't feel overly excited about seeing him again. That + the delayed responses and I think I will just keep looking. Edited June 18, 2010 by SadandConfusedWA
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