Brokennnn Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 So exactly as the title says my boyfriend of 3 years ended our relationship 2 days ago because I am not Christian. He said he feels divided, he thinks that he can't do God's work if he is with me. He told me 2 years ago that this wouldn't be an issue. He was also pressured into breaking up with me 2 years ago by his cousins, same people he goes to church now with and then this was exactly what he said; " Maybe God didn't intend for me to ever get into this relationship, he obviously allowed it for whatever reason though and I just have to have faith that he'll take what doesn't look like an ideal situation and turn it into something he can use for his glory." but now he just decides for both of us it's best if we break up because "God told him"
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Yup. Never date a committed Christian when you yourself have no interest in it. It never works, and it all ends in tears. You might like to glance at this thread.... Lots of good sense there.
Lonelystar Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I was in the exact same situation, but our relationship lasted for 5 years. He found Jesus, and is now marrying someone who resembles Jesus in female form. Ha, not to make light of this matter, but it is for the best. I was upset for over a year, and it still hurts, but religion is something that cannot be over looked. Now that I look back on it, I'm glad he left. I couldn't change my personal views, and he should be allowed to have his. Stay strong.
Author Brokennnn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Oh my I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and feel better but I guess it's gonna take some time. And thank you I am trying to stay strong and I really hope one day I'll look back at this day and feel the way you do I want to be able to look back and feel like "its good that it happened" at the moment though seems impossible.
alphamale Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 but now he just decides for both of us it's best if we break up because "God told him" if God is talking to him maybe he should see a psychiatrist
Shakz Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 A person who is devoutly religious, regardless of the religion, is going to be hard pressed to share his/her life with someone who does not share their faith. Religions are ways of life, and someone who does not share the same belief is anathema, essentially.
Author Brokennnn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 A person who is devoutly religious, regardless of the religion, is going to be hard pressed to share his/her life with someone who does not share their faith. Religions are ways of life, and someone who does not share the same belief is anathema, essentially. But shouldn't that be an issue as soon as he met me and found out that I wasn't Christian why begin anything with a non-Christian if you think you cannot take it any further. He was told by his cousin who he goes to church with 2 years ago or more to end the relationship because it's what "God wants" and they had "dreams" that were telling them I am no good or something. And at the time I said that it's better to end it there and then if he thinks there is no future for us. I didn't want to wait years and years and then find out he actually wants to end it and he assured me that wouldn't happen and well here we are ...
Author Brokennnn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 if God is talking to him maybe he should see a psychiatrist Well you know every time you say that or think that most of the extremists will tell you, you don't understand until you are blood washed and saved by Jesus then you will I guess understand and speak to him. I just don't think I ever will to be honest.
Hoovie Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 MY POS... I mean SO.... say he's Mormon after like 2 years of us dating We're at 7+ years total now. "MORMON? But you're Italian.... shouldn't you be ... I dunno... Catholic?" Religion had never really come up. I'm not much for the stuff... so I don't like to talk about. I'll watch a documentary or something... but I don't want to be bibled thumped by the hypochristians. He knew that... that's pretty much the exact speech I give anyone I'm befriending. Lately... he wants me to attend some Mormon church. Ugh! I don't like all the strangers hugging me. It's not fun. It's not comfortable... and frankly some of them need to bathe before church. So... I obviously would not make a very good Mormon. And I'm not wearing any long dresses or bunned hair. I'm not driving the goat cart loaded with my 12 kids to school. Nope. Not for me. (I don't really have 12 kids yet.) He's not brought it up again. I guess he's realized I'm not going to be Mormon. No amount of brainwashing is going to work.
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Maybe in the beginning he hoped he could convert you and 'save' you from hell. He really liked you, and I think he wished it would work out. But there's no reasoning with faith. He really believes in God and would never be able to give up his God, exactly like how you just simply don't believe. There's nothing wrong with the relationship itself -- sometimes there are just external factors that make it impossible to continue a relationship. Wish you all the best and hope you can heal and move on soon!
Author Brokennnn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 I am pretty sure it'll come up again same thing happened with us, it wasn't an issue till he started spending more and more time with his church friends and then one day decides that's it for us.
Author Brokennnn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Maybe in the beginning he hoped he could convert you and 'save' you from hell. He really liked you, and I think he wished it would work out. But there's no reasoning with faith. He really believes in God and would never be able to give up his God, exactly like how you just simply don't believe. There's nothing wrong with the relationship itself -- sometimes there are just external factors that make it impossible to continue a relationship. Wish you all the best and hope you can heal and move on soon! But he knew from the beginning I was never planning to become Christian anyway and he said he didn't want me to become one to stay with him cause then it is not for the "right reasons" I lost my dad in the Bosnian war of 1992 simply because he was Muslim not practicing one and he was killed by people who did it in the name of God - Orthodox Christians so that was always hard for me anyway but I managed to look past that and be with him. But I couldn't just start believing in Jesus some people are born into Christianity and still end up not believeing I mean his father doesn't believe in God and his mother is Christian and they have been married over 30 years.
TaraMaiden Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 The bottom line is that he broke up with you through his own inadequacies and ability to sustain the relationship. Not through any fault of yours. If he saw limitations, they were there because he put them there. This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with his own limited PoV.
Author Brokennnn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 The bottom line is that he broke up with you through his own inadequacies and ability to sustain the relationship. Not through any fault of yours. If he saw limitations, they were there because he put them there. This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with his own limited PoV. Yep. Such shame though 3 years it's hard.
Shakz Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 But shouldn't that be an issue as soon as he met me and found out that I wasn't Christian why begin anything with a non-Christian if you think you cannot take it any further. He was told by his cousin who he goes to church with 2 years ago or more to end the relationship because it's what "God wants" and they had "dreams" that were telling them I am no good or something. And at the time I said that it's better to end it there and then if he thinks there is no future for us. I didn't want to wait years and years and then find out he actually wants to end it and he assured me that wouldn't happen and well here we are ... Perhaps he dreamed that he could bring you into the fold. He was torn between his affection for you and his religious ethic. Do not be hard on him. He made the same mistake you did.
Author Brokennnn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Perhaps he dreamed that he could bring you into the fold. He was torn between his affection for you and his religious ethic. Do not be hard on him. He made the same mistake you did. I know it's really painful though because even on the day we were going to break up. I made him lunch and everything was fine he assured me he loves and everything is OK. Then when he got home and we started talking over MSN he decides it is time to end it didn't even do it in person. It's just the fact he assured me constantly that everything is OK never telling me there is an issue I don't believe it was all his decision that's what hurts the most.
quankanne Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 The bottom line is that he broke up with you through his own inadequacies and ability to sustain the relationship. Not through any fault of yours. If he saw limitations, they were there because he put them there. This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with his own limited PoV. that and allowing his relatives to meddle in his relationship with you. I'm sorry it's come to this, but at some point, when you're able to look back at this without being deluged by pain, you're going to realize that his ideal of a "perfect" relationship didn't allow for challenges or differences, and that's never a good thing ... if he honestly loved you the way a Christian is meant to love someone, he would have looked at the things that unified you as a couple, not false divisive issues like those perpetuated by his so-called "friends." As in, "My honey's got a high standard of morals and treats people the way I believe people should be treated, she's a shining example of what I think a good (insert faith) even though she's not of that faith." hugs to you, kiddo
Shakz Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I know it's really painful though because even on the day we were going to break up. I made him lunch and everything was fine he assured me he loves and everything is OK. Then when he got home and we started talking over MSN he decides it is time to end it didn't even do it in person. It's just the fact he assured me constantly that everything is OK never telling me there is an issue I don't believe it was all his decision that's what hurts the most. Well, that was cowardly of him. He misled you, and you have a right to be angry. Just try to understand what a difficulty this was for him from the beginning. Sometimes people of faith are such because they identify inadequacies in themselves and believe that a faith perscription will heal them. They don't realize that faith is something that must come from within, so they follow rules and believe things that really only exist to help guide those who have already recieved the gift of peace. You don't need religion to recieve that gift, only an open heart. Recieve that gift, Brokenn, and you will forgive him in time.
Author Brokennnn Posted June 18, 2010 Author Posted June 18, 2010 Well, that was cowardly of him. He misled you, and you have a right to be angry. Just try to understand what a difficulty this was for him from the beginning. Sometimes people of faith are such because they identify inadequacies in themselves and believe that a faith perscription will heal them. They don't realize that faith is something that must come from within, so they follow rules and believe things that really only exist to help guide those who have already recieved the gift of peace. You don't need religion to recieve that gift, only an open heart. Recieve that gift, Brokenn, and you will forgive him in time. Thank you and I think I am getting there I am not as angry as I was few days ago.
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