Gentleman, how long after dating a girl do you know if you want to marry her?

[OceanTropic]

Just curious.

 

Because I know that if after a certain period of time a man doesn't propose or settle down, then he never will (with the particular girl he is seeing). My question is, how long does it usually take for a man to decide whether or not his girl is "the one" (you know what I mean, someone you can settle down with and marry).

 

For me? I will know within the first 6 months whether or not I want to settle down with a guy. If I decide that no I don't want to, then no matter how long I date him for, I will never marry him.

[ADF]

If you are still happy with someone after a couple of years, you can start making wedding plans.

[Hopeful30]

I think men can usually tell within the first year. After a year of dating, you pretty much know anything and everything about the other person (unless of course they are being dishonest, but even this eventually comes out after a year of dating).

 

I think if a guy has been dating a girl for a year, and can't see a future with her, then most likely he won't marry her. Or the other way around, if he can see a future with her after a year of dating, then most likely he will propose.

[Mr White]

If you are still happy with someone after a couple of years, you can start making wedding plans.

 

Word up....

[Viking]

For me, I probably would be able to tell whether or not I would want to stay with the girl after a year and whether or not I would want to marry her after a year and a half. I am sure that if I was to marry someone, that I would want to have either lived with her or at least spend a great deal of time in a domestic situation with her to see her habits (cleanliness, whether she likes cooking or prefers I cook, if she actually wants to get married or just likes having a "domestic partner"). I think I could marry my current gf if we were older, but I have things I want to do and so does she, so marriage doesn't really come into play other than I can see myself marrying her if she felt the same. Her last BF talked about marriage at 9 months, so I do not want to even broach the subject as we're at the 9 month point and I've been acting weirdly because of her going on a long trip.

 

I honestly think that if you don't feel ready/can't see yourself marrying the person you've been dating after 1-1.5 years, I doubt that it will happen.

[MrNate]

It's kind of scary how some people are throwing around 6 months to a year. That's awfully quick to make a LIFE decision such as that. I don't think just because a man decides to wait longer than a year or two means he doesn't want to ever want to settle down. Let a man take his time when making life choices. The fact that his timeline doesn't line up with the womans expectations is irrelevant.

[Engadget]

I asked my ex to marry me two years in, she said no and then got mad after she cheated that I wouldn't marry her.

 

I'm not getting married, it's asinine to me other than tax breaks, insurance for your spouse and whatever.

[BettyBoop]

It's kind of scary how some people are throwing around 6 months to a year. That's awfully quick to make a LIFE decision such as that. I don't think just because a man decides to wait longer than a year or two means he doesn't want to ever want to settle down. Let a man take his time when making life choices. The fact that his timeline doesn't line up with the womans expectations is irrelevant.

 

I don't think we want to marry by 2 years. We want them to know if they want to marry us one day in a few years. If they could see it happen.

 

OceanTropic, we have each a thread with the same topic now. But the answers are pretty much what I thought they would be. ^^

[aerogurl87]

I can figure out if someone is husband material within dating them for 6 months. I think by year one, you should have a good idea if you actually want to marry someone though. I don't mean actually get on one knee and propose right then and there, you can wait awhile for that. But you should have a pretty good idea if this person would make for a good life partner.

[Viking]

Hey Viking , is your girl still on vacation with bunch of guys? let us know when she is back, and keep up that good work on ww2 jeep. You will need it soon to go back in time and stop yourself from dating this girl in a first place...

 

Yeah, she's going to be on that trip until early July :-( In all reality it is a business trip for a school project through the university she attends, but it doesn't make it easier her being a long ways away with a bunch of dudes. It makes me a little sick because she doesn't text me or call because she is "too busy", but then again, she doesn't update her facebook page either that often here recently. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting played with, because I am a relatively stable guy and really like her.

 

I would probably amend my post saying if things return to normal (what it was like before this trip and last month or so where she isn't so busy), and where I am not so stressed, I could see marriage potential in my GF. As of right now though, I'm not feeling like I really get the attention I deserve as her significant other.

[Viking]

Bro "too busy" means she has low interest level. Trust me, i mean anyone, women guys can tell you what this means. I try very hard not to say these words to a girl i am dating.

 

Don't forget to test her for STD's after she is back from the "business" trip...

 

I seriously doubt she would cheat on me. I know her a little better than you do. She's treated like one of the guys in this group and when I've been hanging around the guys she went with, it is obvious that they didn't really view her as an option because I was there with her and they were talking about other girls right there.

 

I have tried to learn from my past relationships and I am trying not to smother her with worry and concern and stress. She told me that when she gets back, all that she will have to focus on is working because school is over and she needs to earn money for rent and life things.

[sumdude]

I was with my ex wife for 5 years when I proposed. Lived together close to four years. We were married a year later. Then less than two years later she has an affair then moves out without warning and that was it. So obviously waiting doesn't make a difference in the longevity of the marriage. Then again looking back maybe I waited that long because there was some sort of doubt in my subconscious... who knows...

 

I have a friend who was with his now wife for close to ten years before they married. They're still going strong.

[Woggle]

It is not a matter of time but a matter of her proving herself. When a woman proves herself worthy of commitment then I take the next step. I said yes to my wife proposing and had a bunch of plans for a very long engagement but she proved herself worthy after an incident.

[Pyro]

It is not a matter of time but a matter of her proving herself. When a woman proves herself worthy of commitment then I take the next step. I said yes to my wife proposing and had a bunch of plans for a very long engagement but she proved herself worthy after an incident.

 

but yet you still question her motives and checked her emails.

 

She or any other female will never be able to prove themselves to you. Your bar will always be out of reach.

[Woggle]

but yet you still question her motives and checked her emails.

 

She or any other female will never be able to prove themselves to you. Your bar will always be out of reach.

 

I have actually gotten better at that.

[suprisinginsight]

Just curious.

 

Because I know that if after a certain period of time a man doesn't propose or settle down, then he never will (with the particular girl he is seeing). My question is, how long does it usually take for a man to decide whether or not his girl is "the one" (you know what I mean, someone you can settle down with and marry).

 

For me? I will know within the first 6 months whether or not I want to settle down with a guy. If I decide that no I don't want to, then no matter how long I date him for, I will never marry him.

 

 

For me at about a year, could be faster or slow depending on how fast the relationship is moving, how much time you spend together...etc Before i knew my wife was the one we had already dated almost 3 years, but 2 of the years were long distance. but anything longer than 3 years can he can't make up his mind or he doesn't know then shes probably not the one.

[spookie]

I don't feel like I could evaluate someone as a potential husband until I am ready to make that leap of faith myself, which I am not.

 

I don't want to get married until I'm ready for the whole package: kids, a house, a dog, maybe staying at home to keep it all together. In addition to complete trust in your partner, this requires trust in myself, as well as a very solid financial sitatuion. I don't feel like I'm there yet on any count.

[OceanTropic]

It's kind of scary how some people are throwing around 6 months to a year. That's awfully quick to make a LIFE decision such as that. I don't think just because a man decides to wait longer than a year or two means he doesn't want to ever want to settle down. Let a man take his time when making life choices. The fact that his timeline doesn't line up with the womans expectations is irrelevant.

 

I totally agree, but i'm not talking about WHEN he proposes, im just talking about when he knows for himself whether this is the real deal or not.

[OceanTropic]

I was with my ex wife for 5 years when I proposed. Lived together close to four years. We were married a year later. Then less than two years later she has an affair then moves out without warning and that was it. So obviously waiting doesn't make a difference in the longevity of the marriage.

 

That's so true. I remember once reading in the news that a husband killed his wife because "she was always nagging and it got to me". They were married for 50 years. I say just never get married. Marriage doesn't have any benefits, only disadvantages.

[Ilovehim]

wow. People in this website can give some real terrible advice. First of all 6 months is way too soon, you cannot possibly KNOW someone 100% within 6 months--those are still the early months of dating. Come on now, Let's be real. I don't even fall in love within 6 months, let alone think of marrying the person. I would say AT LEAST 2 YEARS. Ideally for my age, (I am 21) I would wait 3 years before getting married with the person I'm with. Marriage is a LIFETIME commitment. Meaning no other man, woman EVER! (if you plan on doing it right without cheating or divorces) Plus you live with the person and start a life with them. A LOT of factors are to be taken under consideration. No wonder the divorce rates are so high. Sheesh!

 

Also I wouldn't put a time limit on it because I am still young & I like to take things slow & make sure I am with the "one". But I would like to be married between the age of 24-26.

[OceanTropic]

I don't even fall in love within 6 months, let alone think of marrying the person. I would say AT LEAST 2 YEARS. Ideally for my age, (I am 21) I would wait 3 years before getting married with the person I'm with. Marriage is a LIFETIME commitment. Meaning no other man, woman EVER!

 

I just don't think there is such a thing as "the one". I could settle down and have kids with many men (meaning there is more than one I can do this with), its just a matter of who I find and when. There is no such thing as a soulmate. Unfortunately most people are naive and young and think there is, so they marry even after many years of relationship, and end up divorcing when reality hits them.

[aerogurl87]

wow. People in this website can give some real terrible advice. First of all 6 months is way too soon, you cannot possibly KNOW someone 100% within 6 months--those are still the early months of dating. Come on now, Let's be real. I don't even fall in love within 6 months, let alone think of marrying the person. I would say AT LEAST 2 YEARS.

 

Well it depends on the circumstances. I fell in love with my ex boyfriend after 3 months and realized I'd never marry him at 6 months. Why? Well we went through hell and high water together, very emotionally trying times that taught me what unconditional love really meant. I think someone can know for sure whether or not they want to marry someone in 6 months to a year if they really spend alot of time around that person and get to know them.

 

Let's take for example a couple that may move in together at the 6 month mark. Within 6 months I'd assume they'd have a great understanding of their SO considering they are living under the same roof and have to see each other everyday through the good and the bad. I'm sure at one year, they'd know whether or not they want to get married to one another. Now for someone who doesn't live under those circumstances it may be different.

 

By the way, the time you date does not determine how well you know someone. Some people date for years and years and then after the wedding day realize they didn't really know their spouse and divorce. Others date for a few months but stay together for decades, even until one of them dies. So it's not about length of time per say, but the quality of the time spent in getting to know one another.

[aerogurl87]

I just don't think there is such a thing as "the one". I could settle down and have kids with many men (meaning there is more than one I can do this with), its just a matter of who I find and when. There is no such thing as a soulmate. Unfortunately most people are naive and young and think there is, so they marry even after many years of relationship, and end up divorcing when reality hits them.

 

Another good point. The "one" and "soulmates" are myths. If anything I believe we have many "soulmates" in life because these are just people who have a huge impact on our lives in some way, shape, or form. But I digress. There is more than "one" person out there for each person on this planet. I used to think the same thing Ilovehim, until my ex and I broke up and when my heart was fully healed I realized that I could love another person other than him.

 

Life is what you make it, and if you go around waiting and/or searching for that perfect "one" you may miss some opportunities at happiness that are right in front of you at the moment. You can be happy with a multitude of people on this Earth if you both are willing to put in the hard work to make a great relationship.

[threebyfate]

Of the six proposals I've received, five were in the first year, one around three years but that's because we were under 20 years old. He was my first love and I think the proposal was a last ditch effort to keep me. Too bad it wasn't what I wanted.

 

So IME, men seem to know within the first year.

[Toki]

Took my four years to decide I wanted to be with her, and one year of engagement to decide that I didn't.