TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Interesting that you should quote that..... do you know where it's from? do you know what happens? Isn't the speech by Portia breathtakingly beautiful? maybe the OP should read it to her H. I'm not being patronising. I think it's highly pertinent that you mention it.
JustJoe Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Tara, I'm a Macbeth man, myself. I haven't read Merchant of Venice in 9 or 10 years.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Oh but it's so beautiful...If a little prejudiced and biased..... *gasp!* I've just realised - you mentioned - The scottish play!! Wanting his 'pound of flesh' will backfire on the OP's husband. Just as it did on Poor Ol' Shylock. I think it would be best as you say, to play the final scene and call it curtains. Life isn't a dress rehearsal, is it? (How to bring a topic back in line still keep it Off-topic...!)
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Hi Tara, you have me some great advice and insight on my thread, you remember my threesome gone wild ? Er...I remember the thread, but I can't see it in your profile.... Just checking to see what I said......
JustJoe Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Another officer and I used to sit around in Iraq and talk Shakespeare. I learned it from My Uncle. He read us the Classics, instead of TV.
Kenyth Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 He only thinks causing you pain will help his anger and pain. It won't. It's like saying that punching someone back in the face will heal the bloody nose he just gave you. It doesn't work that way. The purpose of causing someone pain in return is to get them to stop doing what they're doing. It doesn't salve any wounds already recieved, only prevent new ones. Since the affair is over, it's a moot point. He may feel elated for a short time, but the pain will return. Frankly, given that it's a new marriage, you have no children, and there is this much baggage already, perhaps it's time to cut losses and start life fresh. You could both be settled in new lives and forget all of this in less time than it would take to try and fix the marriage.
Corporate Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Cheated on him and he wants to do the same thing. It's going to take place week and I have to be there watching it all. Why did you cheat? Don't you know that once you cheat, your marriage has changed forever.
seren Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 We've been married for 2 years and I made the man who gave me everything feel like absolute dirt. I had everything and changed it all 7 months ago. During his vents he has expressed about bringing another woman into our house and me watching it all. It seemed as though BH was venting but it's for real. I'm giving him permission as BH stated that's the only way he can heal, by getting back at me. I completely deserve this all for bringing him misery. I wouldn't want him going down this low path nor encourage this but wouldn't it be selfish of me to reject it considering what I did? Should I proceed to this? He wants it done by next week. The answer to is he within his rights - I surely cannot think of any rights that say it is OK to humiliate another, even for revenge. To use a cliche, 2 wrongs don't make a right. It sounds absolutely, mind bogglingly bonkers. If you start down this road, then how can you and H ever hope for reconciliation, marriage guidance or not. OK, you hurt him, had an A, believe me as an XBS, I have enough of my own pictures in my head of XOW and H to torture me at times. To actually see it for myself would just floor me, completely and I can honestly say, I would probably have killed them both. I can get that he is hurt, the hurt of an A is just so immense, the loss of trust, just so damaging. BUT it can be healed, with love, time and commitment, not with spite, revenge or tit for tat happenings. I do so hope you are able to talk with H and are able to steer R back onto a healthy course. No matter what you have done, no one has the right to force someone into doing something they are unhappy with. I hope your H finds peace, but doing what he suggests, well that's a whole lot of hurt all round and I suspect he won't find peace after it. it would also make him a WS as well, would it not? Don't let your guilt force you into this. Not healthy.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Okay, I'm still not convinced this isn't a troll post, but whatever. On the basis that it might well be this - who really knows (The OP has not come back to us....)? There is always the option of giving him the shock of his life and joining in. He will either decide you're worth staying with, and rock on, or recoil in horror, abandon his plan, and make a run for it. Time will tell. I await a report. I guess all of us do.......
summerl0vesyou Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 eye for an eye... this is absolutely awful. i wouldnt let someone cheat just because i did. there is no such thing as a free pass. he made a promise too. just because you slipped on yours doesnt give him a free pass.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 You may as well just divorce. There is nothing to fix as far as I can see.
VelveteenBunny Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 (edited) Cheated on him and he wants to do the same thing. It's going to take place week and I have to be there watching it all. Okay, first of all, I'm not judging you, but I'm normally the type that says, if one of you cheats, the other should be free to do the same. HOWEVER, this is SICK. And I do mean SICK. Yes, you did it first, and wrong or right, I wouldn't judge him if he decided later he was going to, BUT this is different. This makes me sick. First of all, he is using the woman he is bringing in to your home to the EXTREME and would she even know that she was there for that purpose or would she simply think you all are kinky? If she's thinking the latter won't it be a nasty surprise for her when she notices you crying during? On top of that, even though you did it to him first, and that makes what you did worse in a way then him being with someone else- to me it does, but others would disagree- him making you watch.....to me, tops what you did even if you went first. Ugh. No. H*** NO. Oh, and this will prob. make matters worse between you, not fix things. Edited June 20, 2010 by VelveteenBunny
Dexter Morgan Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I wouldn't want him going down this low path nor encourage this but wouldn't it be selfish of me to reject it considering what I did? well, you would look rather stupid rejecting it since you got to have your fun with another man. but I digress on that, if he wants to do this, even if he claims its out of revenge, then he really doesn't love you....just like you didn't love him enough to keep your legs closed to another. so is he within his right? he has a right to do anything he wants, but it doesn't MAKE it RIGHT. the fact that he wants to have another woman just says that he wanted to all along, and thinks this is his excuse to do so. So I say let him do it, then you both will be cheaters and deserve each other. And then you can get a taste of what you dished out to him. BUT going down this path will NOT help him heal. He will still be pissed at you for being a cheater, and you will be pissed knowing he slid it in another woman. I'd say this M is headed for divorce and should be.
Binster Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I dont think he really means to go through with just wants to make you beg him not to and help his ego. So why not beg him not to do it the poor guy deserves some help here.
Darth Vader Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 eye for an eye... this is absolutely awful. i wouldnt let someone cheat just because i did. there is no such thing as a free pass. he made a promise too. just because you slipped on yours doesnt give him a free pass. Perhaps that's the way he feels, to him anything less than what he's about to do would be giving his wife a free pass to do to him what she's done to him. If that makes sense. He wants to have some fun too, I mean, he may be thinking, I might as well, I've already paid for it in spades from all the abuse! Still, I don't agree with this, however, she caused this mess by riding some other man, and hurting and destroying her husband! I hope she didn't screw this OM in the maritial bed, ewww! That'd be another log on the fire, so to speak.
michelangelo Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 (edited) He only thinks causing you pain will help his anger and pain. It won't. It's like saying that punching someone back in the face will heal the bloody nose he just gave you. It doesn't work that way. The purpose of causing someone pain in return is to get them to stop doing what they're doing. It doesn't salve any wounds already recieved, only prevent new ones. Since the affair is over, it's a moot point. He may feel elated for a short time, but the pain will return. Frankly, given that it's a new marriage, you have no children, and there is this much baggage already, perhaps it's time to cut losses and start life fresh. You could both be settled in new lives and forget all of this in less time than it would take to try and fix the marriage. He is fearful that you will cheat again and wants you to feel as utterly destroyed as he does. I really do not think he has a woman lined up for this. He is lashing out from his emotional pain. You have dashed his illusions of you and your marriage together. That said, it is a lousy idea. Edited June 24, 2010 by michelangelo
Joe Normal Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 Cheated on him and he wants to do the same thing. It's going to take place week and I have to be there watching it all. I've always wanted to know something - what's it like for you trolls living under those cold bridges in Finland?
Joe Normal Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 You may as well just divorce. There is nothing to fix as far as I can see. Let's not rush to judgement - she should try the 3some first and see how it goes.
spriggig Posted July 4, 2010 Posted July 4, 2010 You can hit any dating site these days and see one of the current trends is "polyamorism". You can go to AdultFriendfinder and find all sorts of couples wanting to swing. Most of us find this sort of thing unattractive, but there are many who find it works. OP's husband is a closet swinger.
lkjh Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I say divorce especially if you are cheating so soon into the marriage and simply for the reason of him not paying 100% of his attention to you. You knew what you were doing when you found another man online. This wasn't "something that just happened". Everyone else may disagree with this but and eye for an eye is ok in my book. Its cool if people don't agree with this but I don't agree with the the idea of just take it and move on with your life. If someone punches me in the face, I punch them back Your H is hurt and he rightfully doesn't respect you. Plan and simply you destroyed him and he wants to level the playing field. In reality the field will never be leveled because you cheated first and on top of that you cheated with some nobody you met online. Your H will never be able to think of you as special again. Im sorry, I know it seems harsh but its true. Just divorce and let him move on
lkjh Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 You can hit any dating site these days and see one of the current trends is "polyamorism". You can go to AdultFriendfinder and find all sorts of couples wanting to swing. Most of us find this sort of thing unattractive, but there are many who find it works. OP's husband is a closet swinger. I dont think that is it. I think he just wants to level the playing field and regain back some of his manhood that she destroyed.
spriggig Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 [/b] I dont think that is it. I think he just wants to level the playing field and regain back some of his manhood that she destroyed. You could be right. The whole idea sickens me--maybe I'm just trying to find a reason that is slightly more palatable.
eeyore1981 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 IMO, on a purely philosophical note, you will never get what you have done to your husband until he does it to you. Then you will both have feelings of betrayal to deal with, both get to wonder for the rest of your lives, if you so choose, if you know everything you need to know about the other's affair to go through your healing process, both get the joy of trying to rebuild trust in each other, and lots of other fun stuff, and if he does sleep with another woman, this will be something you have in common you can bond over, and work through together. I wouldn't watch, though. In the real world, your H is still probably not going to feel even, as you did this first, and you did this without his knowledge. You also had at least somewhat of an emotional affair before it turned physical, so even if this plays out as your H has planned, you will still be 'one up' on him. Then there is the OW to consider, as was pointed out earlier in this thread. What did she do to deserve this kind of treatment? Is he going to get a hooker? And another thing that doesn't make it even, it is like he is bound by what you did, and how is that fair? You had an EA for however long, then decided after trying the PA you didn't want to do it anymore. If the both of you seriously think this is going to help either one of you, I suggest your H be given free rein to interact with other women platonically until he finds one he would be interested in having more of a relationship with, and then he can carry that relationship as far as he wants to go with it, all the way up to leaving you for the OW if he so chooses, all of this taking place in secret and behind your back, because, when you get right down to it, that is what you did, and that is the only way to make it "even." But, sigh, as good as it sounds 'on paper', IMO, this is a really, really bad idea.
Guildford Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 This is probably not a good idea, but if this is the only way to save the marriage and you want to save it then do your penance. However, there should be an understanding in writing that after you and H have done this that you have paid for your sin and he forgives you. You and he should still go to counseling, but he should agree that he will not through this in your face in future years. I am in favor of penance where one person admits to wronging another, but you might want to first discuss with your husband some other penance.
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