aeren944 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Hey everyone... it's been a while since I've posted on here. Dealing with the break-up and all the pain that comes along with it. Trying very limited contact, only through the kids we share. She's still living with her new girlfriend, nothing's changed. I came on here to admit something, cuz I think I need to. 2 weeks ago, I went to the bar with a friend and got drunk. He ended up dropping me off at home, and I drunkenly decided to walk over to her place... because I just missed her, or I wanted to see what she was doing or something. She only lives a block away. I went over there, saw her with her new girlfriend, and flipped out... of course. I went to kick her girlfriend's car, but my ex grabbed me and stopped me. The police were called, and I spent the night and the next day in jail. So... I feel ashamed of that. But, you know what? It snapped my head on tight... it made me realize I needed to heal. So, since then, I talked to her one night... told her basically that I don't want to get over her... but I will. She was crying, and I'm not sure why. So, today, she texts me, asking me how its going. Keep in mind, we've had NC since that occasion and since our kids were out of town at her parents'. I tell her its the same, still hurt and thinking too much. She said she's been thinking a lot, too, but that I should try and get better, because I'm "a great guy". I told her not to tell me that... that I don't need to hear it from her. Honestly, I'm doing a lot better since jail. Not perfect by a long shot, but I haven't cried in a while. I still feel the pain pretty badly, but I'm more in control. I still fear the thought of never reconciling, but I'm beginning to see the futility of it now. So... the thinking... the great guy BS... are these the breadcrumbs? Are these the little hints she drops to see if she's still controlling me? When she said she's thinking a lot, I simply said, "I don't know how to take that" because I feel like she wanted me to ask her what she was thinking about.
Always A Lesson Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Ahhhh, I'm so sorry for your pain. (HUGS) Your wife is with a she??? Is this her first she relationship? maybe she's just testing the waters? You have to endure what we all endure...heartbreak.....excruciating pain....more pain...then in time healing... there's no escaping it.... Thank goodness you have LS, great advice is given here, hang in there.. I'm so sorry this happened to you, especially with kids involved. Oh, she said you're a great guy, wanna know why?????? Because you are! I'm reluctant to say these are breadcrumbs, because kids are involved, she's just telling the truth to you with no motive (i think). My XMM tried contacting me after 7 months by just calling several times but not leaving a message. His trick was to have me see his number on my caller id. Hoping I'd call him back, in which I didn't . Instead I changed my number. Must've crushed him... I think these are more like breadcrumbs, the exes dangle a little something your way (like a text or email out-of-the-blue), with a hidden agenda, usually selfishly motivated. The Ls folks will correct me if I'm wrong. Stay Strong... someone's out there that deserves you!
mickleb Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Definitely breadcrumbs, aeren. Not even that, really. Worse: she feels sorry for you. You need to accept what's happening, here, for your kids sake and your own. Please try hard not to read into her every word. There is no debate, here. You must toughen up and face the facts. I'm sorry. x
Ilovecake Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I've never been married and I don't have kids but I do have an older sister who left her husband for a woman, so I can relate a little. After my sister's divorce I stayed in touch with her husband for years. He was extremely broken hearted, it didn't help that he was brought up in the Middle East so being left for a woman was unacceptable in his eyes. I felt so bad for him. I'll tell you one thing my sister till this day feels awful and cares about hurting her husband very much but by staying with him she was lying to him and herself so she left. She's been with her girlfriend for 16 years now and they are a match made in heaven but she will always feel pain for having to leave him like that. I don't know if that helps you at all but it's very likely your ex still cares about you, especially since you two have kids together but she just can't be in a romantic relationship with you. She loves you like the father of her children. Unfortunately you have to find it in your heart for that to be enough, especially for the sake of the kids. You will find happiness again with a wonderful person you just have to give it a chance. Unfortunately I had to stop talking to my sister's ex because after 10 years he was nowhere near over it and could not move on. I couldn't talk to him about it anymore. From what I hear 16 years later he's still alone and pinning for my sister. Don't be that guy, find your happiness, it's out there you just have to open yourself up to it.
Author aeren944 Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Definitely breadcrumbs, aeren. Not even that, really. Worse: she feels sorry for you. You need to accept what's happening, here, for your kids sake and your own. Please try hard not to read into her every word. There is no debate, here. You must toughen up and face the facts. I'm sorry. x Honestly, mickleb, I don't think she's doing it cuz she feels sorry for me... I think she wants to see me feel better because she wants to feel better about herself and what she's done... I understand, though... and I am toughening up, but I don't want her to know it, because I want her to feel the guilt, or the pain, or anything negative... I'm pretty vindictive right now. But, I honestly think the only reason she wants me to be better is so she can feel better about herself... screw her...
mickleb Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Anger can be a healthy step to moving on. Just never act on it again, unless you use it to motivate yourself to improve your own life. And aim not to hold onto it when you realise it's no longer moving you forward. x
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