kimflute26 Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 (edited) The guy I'm seeing sent me a text message wondering if he had seen me on his bus earlier today (apparently he couldn't tell if it was me or not). I actually had been on the bus but it was my first time on that particular one. That bus goes right near where he lives, and he joked around with me saying he couldn't believe I didn't stop by. I joked back by saying I'm not a stalker that shows up at people's apartments unanounced. To that he sent me a message saying that if I am one, to feel free and come to his room (in sexy lingerie) anytime. For some reason that comment initially rubbed me the wrong way. I met him two weeks ago and was clear about wanting to take things slow, so at first I was unsure about the "sexy lingerie" comment. However, this guy has been nothing but respectful to me during these past 2 weeks and has been a real gentleman in every sense. I sent back a ":/" face and when he questioned if everything was ok I told him that I wasn't sure about the lingerie comment. He said he did not mean any disrespect and was just being silly. To that I said I am laid back about almost everything, but was a little unsure about the comment just because I'm so concerned about taking things slow, and we are not yet at the point where I'm showing him my "sexy lingerie" so I guess I wasn't quite prepared for a joke about it. He said he understood.... but a little later I felt bad for reacting that way to the comment and thought perhaps I need to loosen up a bit. It would've been different if he had done anything so far to make me believe he's an *******.... but based on his actions so far it's clear to me that he really is a good guy and was telling the truth when he said he was just joking around with me. I told him I was sorry if I reacted too harshly to his comment and thought maybe that was a mistake. He responded that it's alright because he wants me to let him know if something bothers me. But now the only thing that's bothering me is that I reacted that way.... The last thing I want to do is create any unnecessary drama EVER. Do you think I reacted too harshly? It's ok if you do, I like to learn from my mistakes. Edited June 16, 2010 by kimflute26
Serenitynow Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I dont think you reacted too harshly. You should always inform a person if certain kinda talk bothers you. He probably just sent it to throw some feelers out and see where things stand, and see how you react to it. .
skydiveaddict Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Yes you reacted too harshly. He was just kidding around. It's really not a big deal. at least in my opinion
Author kimflute26 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Well, I guess I reacted the way I did because I know I'm ready to let him see any "sexy lingerie" in real life... lol. I mean if we were already at that point together then the comment wouldn't have bothered me at all. I guess I was afraid of letting him on to any expectations of stuff I'm not ready for. But at the same time I can see how it was just a silly comment to a fictional scenerio (me being a stalker) so part of me thinks I should've just let that slide without even mentioning it.
LoveBites Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 He was trying to be funny and flirty at the same time. He was complimenting you and your body while trying to get you to smile at the same time. Obviously, it didn't turn out the way he wanted. Guys like to joke, especially about that stuff. You might need to learn it is a compliment and send back "wouldnt do that for you..... yet ; )"
NicePlay Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 He was kidding. You got too uptight. If that's your personality by all means be real if you need someone with a similar attitude. Personally if you were someone new and reacted that way I'd just drop you. I'm not you though.
Author kimflute26 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Yikes, well trust me guys I had a feeling I reacted too harshly definitely. And I do feel bad about it now (which is why I apologized). Sigh..... wish I wouldn't have reacted.
redmelon Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 You overreacted a smidge. Not the end of the world. However, I bet you'll have to make the next sexual move because he may be too afraid that he is misreading you again.
NicePlay Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 You sound like you wanna fix it. Drop by his place in said lingerie. He'll forgive you.
ADF Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Yes, you're being too harsh. It sounds like all he did wa let slip the fact he'd like to sleep with you. Imagine that!
sagetalk Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Yikes, well trust me guys I had a feeling I reacted too harshly definitely. And I do feel bad about it now (which is why I apologized). Sigh..... wish I wouldn't have reacted. You should have just said something like, "You wish =)" and left it at that. He was just teasing and testing you, it was harmless. Don't beat yourself up over it most guys that like a girl will let her get away with almost anything. That little text message is nothing.
Author kimflute26 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Man I feel so awful right now.... Feel like I totally screwed up! I realize now he was just being fun and flirty... and about 20 minutes after he said it I re-read the message and actually LIKED it. Ugh. Before that he reaalllyyy really liked me..... I'm hoping he still does. *slaps self*
NicePlay Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Don't beat yourself up over it most guys that like a girl will let her get away with almost anything. That little text message is nothing. Idiots who need to stop letting this kind of behavior perpetuate itself. The post prior with "you wish :)" would have been appropriate.
skydiveaddict Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Man I feel so awful right now.... Feel like I totally screwed up! I realize now he was just being fun and flirty... and about 20 minutes after he said it I re-read the message and actually LIKED it. Ugh. Before that he reaalllyyy really liked me..... I'm hoping he still does. *slaps self* He still likes ya. It;s really no big deal. quit worrying
Author kimflute26 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Dude I don't know. I mean this is pretty bad. He probably thinks I'm an uptight prude now. Which I'm neither of those things. I mean I actually am literally baffled that I reacted that way now..... Ugh. Wheres my rewind button
skydiveaddict Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Dude I don't know. I mean this is pretty bad. He probably thinks I'm an uptight prude now. Which I'm neither of those things. I mean I actually am literally baffled that I reacted that way now..... Ugh. Wheres my rewind button Next time you see him plant a really kiss on him before you say anything. Your problem will be gone.
Author kimflute26 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Should I apologize more next time I talk to em or would that make it worse...? Maybe just one more apology just letting him know I recognize he was being fun and flirty and I shouldn't have acted the way I did.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Dude I don't know. I mean this is pretty bad. He probably thinks I'm an uptight prude now. Which I'm neither of those things. I mean I actually am literally baffled that I reacted that way now..... Ugh. Wheres my rewind button If I didn't know you that well I would think you're someone that would take everything the wrong way and I wouldn't want to tip toe around and be afraid if I said something funny that somehow offended you. Kind of a downer, especially early on the relationship and in the middle of pointless text banter.
skydiveaddict Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Should I apologize more next time I talk to em or would that make it worse...? Maybe just one more apology just letting him know I recognize he was being fun and flirty and I shouldn't have acted the way I did. NO! you dont have anything to apologize for! All he needs is a reassuring kiss from you so he knows you're still interested. Quit worrying.
Author kimflute26 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Well that's what I don't want him to think because that is NOT how I am. The fear of "moving too fast" has had me on guard because of a recent relationship where only on the day of the breakup my ex had told me he felt "things had moved too fast." Generally I am not someone one needs to tip toe around at all..... That's why this is bothering me so much.
LoveBites Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 DONT APOLOGIZE! never bring it up ever agian, pretend you never sent it. If he ever asks, say you were having a BAD day because you were argueing with your mom over something stupid. If you want to make it up. Send a flirty text message to him. "heyyy I was just thinking about you!" This will boost his ego pretty high
fishtaco Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Dude I don't know. I mean this is pretty bad. He probably thinks I'm an uptight prude now. Which I'm neither of those things. I mean I actually am literally baffled that I reacted that way now..... Ugh. Wheres my rewind button When a guy is getting to know a woman, he is very aware of the friendzone abyss. What he's doing is using a light-hearted joke to dip his toes in the pool to test the waters, and to make sure he didn't just get on the bullet train to friendville. If I got a response like that, I'd think one of the following: 1) You are a prude 2) You are incompatible with me humor-wise 3) You're being a prude/lack of humor with me because you are intentionally friendzoning me. Either way it would cause me to lose a lot of interest in you. If you really are interested in him, damage control, something like skydiveraddict said. In fact in my experience, when a woman is wise enough to engage in damage control, it shows maturity and it shows her interest is genuine (for the time being at least, women change their minds all the time), and it actually earns points with me. That happened to me recently. She was on her way out of the game, but her damage control was so well done that I kept her on the list. And she actually started growing on me recently, despite the fact that I already found one warning sign. If you're not interested, then good job, you did exactly what you were supposed to do, you marked the line and told him not to cross it, and hopefully he got the hint. Are you sure you like this guy? Maybe you just want him around platonically? To me that's what it seems like.
Author kimflute26 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 fishtaco: Yes, yes, yes, I like him. I like him A LOT in fact. Last time we saw each other we were making out like crazy.... we have insane chemistry and believe me, I've made it very clear I like him and as much more than a friend. I like him so much, in fact, that this is the first time I've tried the whole "let's take things slow" thing (after previous relationships crashing due to jumping in bed too fast) and I guess I took it to an EXTREME today... which I am not happy about AT ALL. Damage control will definitely ensue here... And you all have convinced me not to bring it up again. I'll only talk about it if he brings it up....
that girl Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 This isn't a big deal. You could even see it as a good thing because you've made your boundries clear- you're not ready for sexy talk yet. You shouldn't apologize, that will be awkward for everyone. Just make your interest clear, maybe text him to hang out tomorrow night.
Serenitynow Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 say you were having a BAD day because you were argueing with your mom over something stupid. Yea ! lets make up lies and play games with the other person to cover our tracks. brilliant advice
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