A few questions for guys

[thewinglady]

Hi guys - People call me the winglady because I give guys girlfriend advice from a girls perspective. I'm doing a little research to find out how I can best help guys with their girlfriend problems. If you would be willing to answer the following questions, it would really help me out a lot!

 

1. What is your biggest challenge right now with relationships/dating/girlfriends?

 

2.How do you feel about it?

 

Would you be interested in a free 15 minute phone consultation where I can help you with your girlfriend problems?

 

Thanks again! I look forward to chatting with you soon!

[Serenitynow]

I have no girlfriend, I have no dates

 

Not sure what the problem is

 

I've been on a dating site for 8 mos emailed almost 75 women and got no responses.

 

You got any answers to that ?

[thewinglady]

I might not have an answer, but maybe I can help. Tell me a little bit more about yourself.

 

Where are you meeting women other than online dating sites?

What are you saying in the emails?

[WintersNightTraveler]

1. What is your biggest challenge right now with relationships/dating/girlfriends?

 

- Difficult to find a woman that I feel very enthusiastic about

- Difficult to find a woman with a great sense of humor (to me at least)

 

2.How do you feel about it?

 

- At the moment strangely apathetic

 

Would you be interested in a free 15 minute phone consultation where I can help you with your girlfriend problems?

 

- No

 

Good luck with whatever you're doing.

[Bangle]

I lack the confidence to ask a girl out right away.

[thewinglady]

I lack the confidence to ask a girl out right away.

Bangle - why do you think you lack the confidence to ask a girl out right away? I could probably help you out with that, if you are interested!

[Serenitynow]

I am not meeting women anywhere else. Because EVERY women says they hate having guys hit on them in public. Which makes no sense because then when /where are people supposed to meet ?

 

Here is a typical email I would send

 

Hi I'm John Doe

 

I Noticed your profile, and it looks like we have some things in common I like _____ as well. Have you gone to many games this year ? Have you ever gone to _______ ? If you find interest in my profile as well than feel free to get back to me. If not, than good luck in your search.

 

Something to that affect, but usually I am able to incorperate more detail in my email to them from reading their profile. My emails are not usually that short.

[Bangle]

Bangle - why do you think you lack the confidence to ask a girl out right away? I could probably help you out with that, if you are interested!

 

I hate rejection.

 

I don't know what signs to look for that a woman is interested in me, so I take my time to gauge their feelings and I worry too much too. I'm a poor excuse of a male.

[Serenitynow]

Why did I expect this to go nowhere ?

 

Maybe the winglady is sending us a hint not to always rely on women

[thewinglady]

Are you open to meeting women in other places? I think that most women that I know don't like being hit on, but they don't mind being engaged in conversation. That said, it's much easier to strike up a conversation with a woman, when you have a reason to (as opposed to trying to come up with something to say to her as you pass her in the produce isle of the grocery store).

 

...so when do you have reason to? One of the easiest places to strike up conversations with women is in the office where you work, or like during a class. And then, I would recommend just trying to talk to her instead of hitting on her. We could talk more about that later if you want, but since you seem to feel most comfortable dating online I have a couple of suggestions for you:

 

First, what dating site are you using? Wherever it is, the more you can add to your profile (pictures, descriptions, personality, etc...) the better off you are. Even if you don't think you have a lot to offer in that department, you do!

 

Second, I think your email is pretty good. I would remove the last couple of sentences and add something like:

 

 

I noticed your profile, and it looks like we have some things in common! I like _____ as well. Have you gone to many games this year ? Have you ever gone to _______ ? I'd love to hear back from you and see what other common interests we have. I also read on your profile that your [insert whatever they do for a living, or something that they do for a hobbie] what's that like? I've always found [something about her profession/hobbie] interesting! Anyway, Will you shoot me a quick response and let me know if you're open to further conversation? Hope to hear from you soon!

 

You gotta give her something to respond about. Don't ask yes or no questions. Express an interest in something and then ask her to tell you more about it. Also, don't be shy in telling her that YOU wanna hear back from her. "I would love to talk more....., will you email me back so we can keep this thing going" is basically what you are saying. don't be all wishy washy!

 

think it's worth a try? Let me know how it goes!

[fishtaco]

Thank you for being a wingwoman. They are extremely helpful.

 

1. What is your biggest challenge right now with relationships/dating/girlfriends?

 

Time. Women around here in So Cal are notoriously flaky. It's all smoke and mirrors. In fact I just had the same conversation with one of my friends from out of state that's frustrated about the way dating is in So Cal. Then one of my So Cal lesbian friends chimed in, apparently So Cal lesbians are exactly the same way as the So Cal straight chicks. She's happy she's in a committed relationship and out of the dating pool.

 

The counter strategy to flakiness is to not take them seriously and beat them with quantity. You make a connection, but don't expect the connection to mean anything. It's all just playing the flirt game. But if you make 20, 30, 50 connections, a percentage of them will move on to the next step.

 

It's not difficult to do, but that does mean you have to be out and be social a lot. For people whose hobby is getting dressed up and going to out and party, that's great. But not for someone like me that actually has hobbies I want to spend time doing. I'm always having to make a choice... do I spend time on my hobbies, or do I spend time on socializing.

 

2.How do you feel about it?

 

I don't like it. I have aspirations I want to achieve with my hobbies. They're more like passions than hobbies. I get more sense of accomplishment out of them than my job. In fact, the purpose of my job is to support my hobbies. But I don't want to have to give up on women in order to enjoy my hobbies. It's a difficult balancing act.

 

But after I realized it's all just one giant game, and I started treating it like a sport, I was able to tolerate it much better. Time is still an issue though.

 

Would you be interested in a free 15 minute phone consultation where I can help you with your girlfriend problems?

 

If you invented a time machine then you can help me.

[thewinglady]

Bangle - First of all, don't say that you are a poor excuse for a male!

 

Second of all, we all hate rejection! But you can't live in fear because of it. the trick is to get comfortable with it. I have a friend that has the same fear, he won't even ask a girl out because he is afraid that she'll say no.

 

This is what I told him to do, and it's working! I told him to try to get at least one phone number everyday. It doesn't matter what girl he asked, he could ask the girl at the gas station for all I cared! Just as long as he was asking. At first, I think he was telling girls that he was trying to get her number as a bet. Or he'd ask the 12 year old neighbor girl to just write her number down on a piece of paper. More than once he said, "I don't even care if you give me a fake number, just write it down on a piece of paper and give it to me". Some girls said no, I'm sure of it, but I think, it didn't matter so much because he was asking girls he never intended on calling. But the more he asked, the more confident he got.

 

It's all a numbers game! I think you should try it too! Just get girls numbers, tell them that they can give you a fake number! Just get them to write 10 digits on a paper and give it to you. Try for 100 in 100 days! I bet after you get 100 phone numbers from girls, real or fake, you're not going to be quite so afraid of rejection!

[alphamale]

1. What is your biggest challenge right now with relationships/dating/girlfriends?

finding a chick

 

2.How do you feel about it?

some days indifferent some days depressed

 

Would you be interested in a free 15 minute phone consultation where I can help you with your girlfriend problems?

no

[Pyro]

-the fact its a long-distance relationship.

 

-I have been fine for the most part. I miss her terribly, but in 8 days I get to see her again

 

-No. That is what this place is for.

[Cracker Jack]

1) For some reason, I simply don't know how to meet women, let alone build off of those if the opportunity was there. I've gotten close to a good amount of females in my life, but I've never been able to keep the interest there. I don't find myself boring, but I'm guessing this is my issue.

 

2) I feel down about it, overall. It's like...I want to change and become successful in this area, but I don't know how to do it. I have low self-esteem, too, so that never helps. I just feel like a joke when it comes to women.

 

3) I doubt it. Personally, being able to read it would have more of a positive influence on me, since I could always refer back to said advice.

 

That's about it.

[Jerry18]

1. What is your biggest challenge right now with relationships/dating/girlfriends?

 

• Haven't had a girlfriend or relationship before (haven't even had dates)
  
• Almost 20, in large university
  
• Don't even know what to do anymore
  
• Asked over 6 girls already, either got rejected or found out they have a boyfriend
  
• Biggest Challenge: just want to get anything really but still can't and afraid to like anyone now
  

2. How do you feel about it?

• Perplexed and frustrated
  
• Perplexed because I don't know what's wrong with me to cause me to get no girls
  
• Frustrated because I really want a relationship and I don't know why I'm not getting what I want
  

Sorry, I don't live the US so probably don't want to talk using the phone. Maybe we can use email or something.

[Serenitynow]

Are you open to meeting women in other places? I think that most women that I know don't like being hit on, but they don't mind being engaged in conversation. That said, it's much easier to strike up a conversation with a woman, when you have a reason to (as opposed to trying to come up with something to say to her as you pass her in the produce isle of the grocery store).

I just posted a thread about that, and 99% of women said they dont want to be bothered no matter what. They said there is a time and place for it, but none of them could answer when or where that is.

 

One of the easiest places to strike up conversations with women is in the office where you work, or like during a class. And then, I would recommend just trying to talk to her instead of hitting on her.

I fix stuff at retail stores. So I have no way of engaging the women that work there. 99% of the women that do work there are over 50 and the rest are married. The younger females work nights.

 

the more you can add to your profile (pictures, descriptions, personality, etc...) the better off you are.

My profile is good but I get no traffic at all

 

When I change my profile to a negative style, ranting about dating, the site, etc then thats when women contact me.

 

Do you chat online with any programs ? Using this forum is pretty annoying not knowing how long a reply is going to take.

[thewinglady]

I fix stuff at retail stores. So I have no way of engaging the women that work there. 99% of the women that do work there are over 50 and the rest are married. The younger females work nights.

 

Okay, maybe work isn't the best place. But there are lots of other options, classes, churches, blood drives...just off the top of my head. Don't give up!

 

 

My profile is good but I get no traffic at all

 

When I change my profile to a negative style, ranting about dating, the site, etc then thats when women contact me.

 

That is very interesting - I wonder why that is.

 

Do you chat online with any programs ? Using this forum is pretty annoying not knowing how long a reply is going to take.

 

Sorry, I don't really do chatting, and i'm pretty new to forums. I'm better at email. Feel free to PM me to let me know if you notice any changes with the additions to your email template!

[thewinglady]

Thank you to everybody that sent me feedback. I think I'm going to start a blog, it sounds like wingladies can be helpful to some of you. If you would like my advice, insight, or ideas feel free to PM me so that we can have a conversation. I'm happy to help.

 

Thanks again!

[I'm Batman]

1. What is your biggest challenge right now with relationships/dating/girlfriends?

 

Started dating this great girl whom I met in a new group of friends (yes readers, go out and meet new people, it works). In my past threads, we 'compliment' each other, so i'm pretty vamped. Here's the messed up part. Over a month ago she broke up with her bff that she went out with for a year. The thing with this guy was that he was a jerk to her and to her friends says one of her close gf's. She called off the relationship based on distance. Which then i responded, "then it's a temporary break?" and she replied with "I'm done with him for good." We've dated a few times with good results and txt back and forth almost every night for an hour or two. We both work during the day, and I usually hit the gym or do my own thing after work which leaves a small window for conversation.

 

 

2.How do you feel about it?

 

I think things are going well with us. We both agreed to take things slow. However, even though I like her a lot I don't want to do anything too fast and too foolishly. As another member mentioned, her heart is still broken and she's slowly getting back onto her feet. I don't know if this is awful timing on both our parts or if this is an Omen, to test my patience. I definitely hope I'm not a rebound or she drops me for her ex, bc that would be bad.

 

From the past to the present, i've gained much confidence in myself. Got a better, well paying job, I eat healthier, I dropped 15lbs of fat and gained muscle and I look damn good. Although, I'm sure I can get another girl, but this one is the best girl I've met. I pretty much need to get over this initial hump and it's smooth sailing.

 

 

Would you be interested in a free 15 minute phone consultation where I can help you with your girlfriend problems?

 

Sure you can call me, if you want to call long D to Toronto, lol.

Edited June 17, 2010 by I'm Batman