Peitho Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Instead, they spend their time on the Internet forums wondering why Hot, Sexy Women don’t fall for them.
sagetalk Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 This subject is very complicated, if you haven't read much about attracting women and men you will be completely confused. In short: Women are attracted to behavior Men are attracted to looks Nice is a behavior therefore it affects men not women. If the nice girl is attractive she will be flooded with guys. However, if a nice guy is attractive, he will be held back by his nice behavior. I don't have time to type more, but that's the basics.
Cracker Jack Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 What are you talking about, OP? I've gained feelings for "Nice" women (I'm not a Nice guy, btw. I consider myself a Good man, though) who still went for the Bad Boy gimmick, anyway. It has nothing to do with placing focus solely on hot and godly women at all, cuz the ones I had interest in weren't supermodels or bombshells, even though that's not a complaint on my part. And Sage pretty much said it best.
that girl Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 This subject is very complicated, if you haven't read much about attracting women and men you will be completely confused. In short: Women are attracted to behavior Men are attracted to looks Nice is a behavior therefore it affects men not women. If the nice girl is attractive she will be flooded with guys. However, if a nice guy is attractive, he will be held back by his nice behavior. I don't have time to type more, but that's the basics. This is not at all true. What I have found is that women tend to be attracted to few guys from across a crowded room, but it happens. Let's say that is 10% of age appropriate men (whatever that means to the woman*). Then there is a large group of guys who are considered okay looking and charm, humor, kindneess, common interests, etc could tip him into dating territory. Let's say that is 60%. Then there is the remaining 30% (who are roughly age appropriate) of so who do not have shot in hell based on looks alone. She just is never going to be attracted to him. I think these numbers vary a bit woman to woman and a guy could be in one woman's 10%, another woman's 60% and a final woman's 30%. *I say age appropriate because a lot of women will not guy for a guy based on an age gap, while others prefer one. Age plays into things and there aren't a lot of woman who would be equally like to go for a 22 year old and a 45 year old. Meanwhile, guys are more binary. A woman is either a possibility or she isn't. But her personality can make her more or less desireable to a particular man. A girl who got a shrug and "Yeah, she's cute" can turn into a girl he is really interested in, but a girl who got an "Ugh" doesn't have a chance. Personality is way more important for a long term relationship than it is for a one night stand, but a relationship takes a combo of attraction and personality for both genders.
that girl Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Instead, they spend their time on the Internet forums wondering why Hot, Sexy Women don’t fall for them. Honestly, I think some of the girls who are complained about are actually nice girls. They just aren't interested. They haven't lead anyone on, they've either been upfront with their disinterest or they haven't been asked. Some of them are of course mean, manipulative and/or crazy, but a lot (maybe most) of them aren't. A lot of it has to do with the myth that Sage put forth that if they just play their cards right they can get the girl. Sometimes that is true, but a lot of times it isn't. The guy can do exactly what the girl would want from a guy she is interested in, but he never had a shot. Or he can do exactly what dating manuals say and totally blow it because it doesn't match what she wants in a guy. Everyone has liked someone who didn't like them back, but women tend to rebound from it slightly better. Too many guys make it about how evil women are rather than the fact that she just wasn't the girl for them. It is a skill to recoginize who is interested in you and most guys who complain about hot girls not being into them are probably overlooking girls who would totally go out with them. The same goes for women.
GoodOnPaper Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 "Nice guys" are bad at reading signs of interest and "nice girls" are bad at sending them -- not a good combination.
sagetalk Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 This is not at all true. Meanwhile, guys are more binary. A woman is either a possibility or she isn't. I don't even know what to say about your explanation of what women are attracted to, but you are right about men in the binary sense. They are either physically attracted to women or they are not. Women are binary as well, they are either attracted to his actions/behavior or they are not. The short and shrimpy guys you see walking around with hot girls are almost always cocky little fellows. Why? Because the girls are attracted to the cocky, jerk, act not necessarily the big muscles and height. Everything takes a back seat to behavior/actions with women. Everything takes a back seat to looks when it comes to guys. It doesn't mean they ignore the other things, it just means those are the most important.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Instead, they spend their time on the Internet forums wondering why Hot, Sexy Women don’t fall for them. Because they're not really nice guys -- they're just typical guys who aren't as attractive to women, hence grow secretly bitter, and behave "nicely" to try to get some air time with women in any way possible.
that girl Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 The short and shrimpy guys you see walking around with hot girls are almost always cocky little fellows. Why? Because the girls are attracted to the cocky, jerk, act not necessarily the big muscles and height. Everything takes a back seat to behavior/actions with women. Everything takes a back seat to looks when it comes to guys. It doesn't mean they ignore the other things, it just means those are the most important. I am a woman and have loads of female friends. I can think of lots of examples where a woman has thought a guy was great, totally dateable but was not physically attracted to him. Sometimes she'll try to introduce him to a friend, but he isn't her kind of guy. I have a feeling you're going to come back with "Well, he didn't create the attraction" but it just isn't true. Here's an example- Once I ended up chatting with a guy online. I hadn't seen a photo but I thought he was awesome and I was totally interested. I was really hoping he would want a relationship with me. This went on for awhile (he had seen my photo) before I met him. And even just walking up to him, I knew I wasn't interested anymore. Physically there was no chemistry and I was totally primed to like him. Another friend thought he was decent enough looking, but it just wasn't there for me and nothing was going to change that. And I'm not someone who has Brad Pitt standards, I've been attracted to some very unconventional looking guys, chubby guys, guys shorter than me, etc. I don't have a thing for bad boys either. This guy just wasn't for me. As for short guys with hot girlfriend. I actually know girls who prefer smaller guys, it isn't the norm but they totally exist. And the one example I personally can think of with a short, not great looking guy with a taller, very hot girlfriend was not at all cocky. He was dorky with great manners and quiet confidence.
LoveBites Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Nice guys and nice girls are usually boring. 2 boring people together isn't fun. Simple as that.
ADF Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Because men are socialized to value womens' physical appearance almost to the exclusion of anything else about them. No matter how smart, witty, charming, or funny a woman is, men will tend to ignore her unless she comes wrapped in a "hot" package. NO, NOT ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS!!! THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS!!! But think about something. How often do you see men putting up with terrible treatment from "hot" women? I've see that a lot. On the other hand, how often do men find a woman so smart, witty, charming and funny that, despite her plain appearance, they cannot help but fall for her? I've almost NEVER seen that. 1
Taramere Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Instead, they spend their time on the Internet forums wondering why Hot, Sexy Women don’t fall for them. I recall listening to a soldier talking about his experiences in Iraq. It was interesting to hear some of this stuff. Suddenly, another guy started going on at me "this is the type of man you women want. Big, strong, macho...." Then he began to practically give himself an orgasm while describing the qualities of the soldier that I was allegedly lusting after. The reality was that while I found his stories very interesting to hear, I didn't have any sexual interest in the soldier. I very much doubt the same can be said of the man who was accusing me of lusting after him. I wonder how often there's an element of homoerotic projection involved in this matter of self-defined Nice Guys raving on about women lusting after Bad Boys or overtly macho men. Consider the gay male community, and the extent to which men who are considered to be Rough Trade or extra macho get fetishised. Women might gigglingly pass around Internet pictures of semi-clad male models posing as builders, policemen or firemen, but it tends to be done in jest. I don't think we slaver over those images in the way that a lot of gay men do. When you get a sense that a man might be gay, you can like him - but it kills off any romantic/sexual feelings pretty quickly. A man who both a) confines his romantic interest to women who are clearly out of his reach and likely to remain so b) seems preoccupied with Bad Boys is probably going to alert most women's gaydars to some extent. Maybe some quiet but straight men get mistaken for being gay as a result of falling too heavily into this Nice Guys Finish Last mentality.
Woggle Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Plenty of nice guys fall for women they think ae nice who don't reveal their true colors until later. I am sure most men going through drama with women thought they had a good one at first.
Els Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 This subject is very complicated, if you haven't read much about attracting women and men you will be completely confused. In short: Women are attracted to behavior Men are attracted to looks Nice is a behavior therefore it affects men not women. If the nice girl is attractive she will be flooded with guys. However, if a nice guy is attractive, he will be held back by his nice behavior. I don't have time to type more, but that's the basics. I wish you would talk to the rather large and tight-knit group of men here who are insisting that women are as visual as men, if not more so.
Krytie TV Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Because nice girls are more interested in bad boys and will give nice guys (a.k.a. doormats) the cold shoulder.
flying Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 "Nice guys" are bad at reading signs of interest and "nice girls" are bad at sending them -- not a good combination. There's an awful lot of truth to this statement.
VertexSquared Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 "Nice guys" are usually anything but nice. They're very passive-aggressive and dishonest with their words and actions, in addition to typically being boring. "Nice girls," from what I find, aren't necessarily mean, but they can be nondescript nevertheless.
somedude81 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 "Nice guys" are usually anything but nice. They're very passive-aggressive and dishonest with their words and actions, in addition to typically being boring. "Nice girls," from what I find, aren't necessarily mean, but they can be nondescript nevertheless. Heh, by that definition, every woman on Earth is a nice girl
VertexSquared Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Heh, by that definition, every woman on Earth is a nice girl I'd disagree -- there are plenty of interesting women. By that note, there are also plenty of mean girls.
sagetalk Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 "Nice guys" are usually anything but nice. They're very passive-aggressive and dishonest with their words and actions, in addition to typically being boring. "Nice girls," from what I find, aren't necessarily mean, but they can be nondescript nevertheless. Sure, and vanilla ice cream isn't vanilla . Nice guys are guys who treat girls well, speak the truth, and have the girl's best interest in mind. What you described is a liar or a pretender not a nice guy.
VertexSquared Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Sure, and vanilla ice cream isn't vanilla . Nice guys are guys who treat girls well, speak the truth, and have the girl's best interest in mind. What you described is a liar or a pretender not a nice guy. I agree it's a misnomer -- but my point is that there are "nice guys" and nice guys. You'll often hear of the "nice guy" whining about how girls never go for him or that he's always screwed over and victimized in some way, etc etc. He'll consider himself "nice" because he isn't "like the jerk" who abuses and uses women. They just fail to consider that they are a different breed of jerk. The term "nice guy" tends to get associated with doormat-behavior and passive-aggressive attributes. Truly nice guys are actually nice, assertive, etc. "Nice guys" have unfortunately hijacked the common usage.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 I wonder how often there's an element of homoerotic projection involved in this matter of self-defined Nice Guys raving on about women lusting after Bad Boys or overtly macho men. Consider the gay male community, and the extent to which men who are considered to be Rough Trade or extra macho get fetishised. Women might gigglingly pass around Internet pictures of semi-clad male models posing as builders, policemen or firemen, but it tends to be done in jest. I don't think we slaver over those images in the way that a lot of gay men do. When you get a sense that a man might be gay, you can like him - but it kills off any romantic/sexual feelings pretty quickly. A man who both a) confines his romantic interest to women who are clearly out of his reach and likely to remain so b) seems preoccupied with Bad Boys is probably going to alert most women's gaydars to some extent. Maybe some quiet but straight men get mistaken for being gay as a result of falling too heavily into this Nice Guys Finish Last mentality. Very astute observation!! And yes, it rings true for me. The "nicest" guys I've dated seemed absolutely obsessed with the "manliest" of my exes, and the "manliest" of the competition. And yes, I picked up on numerous subtle homoerotic comments and suggestions they made. Kind of an "oh my god, that man is so hot, I could never compete...", with the unspoken part being "I wish he would do me!"
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 When guys look at girls, we don't see "Nice" or "Bad." We see "Hot" or "Not." "Nice" or "Bad" are secondary factors.
Jerry18 Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 What are the advantages of a nice girl over a bad girl?
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