WheatusDirtBag Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 So, I totally know of people in their 30s who have never been married and aren't in relationships and I REALLY don't want that to be me. BUT....I am picky as crap! I haven't liked a guy in....oh, I dunno...forever? It took me 24 years to find a guy I actually really like. I'm 25 now and I met this guy when I was 24 and come to find out he doesn't like me like that. Now...we are really good friends, so I am pretty much just holding onto false hope right now. I can't see myself with anyone else, though. I have ONE other friend that I find physically attractive, but I never liked him like that and still don't, which is good, because he is engaged anyway. For me, the guy has to be physically attractive to me AND I have to like him as well. It doesn't help that I find the majority of the male population...well...to be blunt...ugly. lol So, I haven't liked anyone in a really long time and I've never even been this close to a guy I actually like in my life before, but it's like...close, but no cigar? Know what I mean? lol I am totally preparing myself to being the same exact way when I am 35. I'm not even hoping to get a bf any time before then. I am truly going to be a real life "40 year old virgin" to boot. lol I refuse to go out with anyone I don't like, and like I said...when it comes to the people I know right now. I only like 1 guy out of all of them...and he doesn't like me like that. Is it totally possible for someone to be alone (single) their entire life? I feel like that is the direction I am headed. :'(
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Dear OP, I struggle sometimes with these same thoughts. I used to get frequent crushes, but never want anything more. I never wanted a relationship, in fact, i've always been very fearful of them. I have had 2 relationships, both have ended, and one was the only love of my life i've known. I also struggle with anxiety/depression which pretty much signals the death of any relationship or at least makes things incredibly problamatic. Because of my own personal issues, I sometimes feel I may never be in a relationship again, even if I am, if may not work. But I think to make peace with that fear, you must face it. Ask yourself what is it about being alone that scares you. Is it because you have aspirations tied into a relationship? i.e. marriage, children? Is it because you are worried what family, friends & society would think about you? The stigma of being single. Or are you just driven to WANT to be in a relationship for yourself? There is also a difference between being alone (that is single) and lonely. Single people can have children, families, friendships and fulfilled lifes. And many people in relationships can have relationships in which they feel lonely or desperarely unhappy. Realise it is better to be single than with someone and miserable. I suppose finally...don't look. I know it may seem silly to want something and NOT look for it, but I believe relationships and love are the only things you CANNOT find if you search for. Go out and meet people and do fun things, but don't try to find anything, if the feelings come they come. I've finally accepted I will be okay whether I end up in a relationship or alone, and it took me a long time to feel that way. I would rather be single and find happiness in other ways, than be with someone just for the sake of it.
Author WheatusDirtBag Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Ask yourself what is it about being alone that scares you. Is it because you have aspirations tied into a relationship? i.e. marriage, children? Is it because you are worried what family, friends & society would think about you? The stigma of being single. Or are you just driven to WANT to be in a relationship for yourself? ^Both A and C. I want to be married and I want kids someday. I'm also very driven to want to be with someone especially when I like them, they just never seem to like me back and I have no idea why.
Major Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 No, you will not be alone forever:) I think all people are interesting, but please know, the divorce rate isn't 50% for first time marriages, 70% for second time marriages, and 90% for 3rd and above because everyone is happy. There are happy couples, however, most couples are not fulfilled (I was married for 15 years, so I'm not the pot calling the kettle black:) My ex and I grew apart. There was no infidelity and none of the other messiness that people love to hear. With that being said, it took a lot of courage for me, after 15 years and a wonderful, little boy to realize that we were roomates. I said all that to say this. We all have to compromise something because we aren't perfect and no one else is. However, when you compromise the core of who you are and when you know you are unfulfilled, you hurt yourself and the others around you aren't getting all they need from you either. Single is a "whole" number. Marriage is wonderful and I am looking forward to doing it again. However, you must enjoy your life and live it to the fullest! Before you know it, because you aren't looking for a man to complete you, you are already complete, that same man who lives a fulfilling life will find you. Be honest, be kind, and be truthful. There are a lot of married people out there who wish they had the courage to do just that. People compromise their desires because they have been married a long time, it will destroy the children and relatives (trust me, a loveless marriage is a worst example to children, but you can never go wrong with honesty), and a myriad of other reasons. However, there would be less infidelity, diseases, and children outside of the marriage if people would be honest with themselves...for themselves. Enjoy your life! You only have one. He won't come if you are waiting. He will come while you are living....not just existing:)
Recommended Posts