lovesick27 Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 ok, so here's my long story: my ex-fiance of four years and i broke up eight months ago now. i actually broke up with her after a big fight, but i made a huge mistake. she was the love of my life - i now realize that our problems were solvable had i been willing to really work through them, which is what having a mature relationship is all about. so i screwed up. ok, so the first few months after i broke it off with her she really wanted me back, but i was still angry - didn't see her for a couple months. then we started meeting up pretty often, having dinner, drinks, lunch, whatever. it felt good to be around each other - we'd stopped fighting and i started falling for her again. this lasted for a couple months. then i left to go on tour for a month and she started seeing someone new (slightly before i left). while i was gone i missed her like crazy and realized i'd made a huge mistake. when i got back i told her how i felt... we spent the day together and made out but she said she was into this new guy and we should just keep "hanging out as friends". two days later she texts me to meet her at a bar... we get drunk, go back to my place, but she wakes up the next morning regretting what happened because of the new guy. a week later, same thing happens again. then a week later we went out to lunch and i ended up practically begging her, saying how much i screwed up and just want her back, dump this new guy, etc. and she said "sorry but you had your chance with me, now i'm moving on". this was about three weeks ago, i've talked to her a couple times since but nothing much. this is killing me. i can't believe i didn't realize how much it would hurt to lose the love of my life. i don't know what to do at this point. should i just wait, hope and pray this new guy is a rebound and nothing serious, then try again if/when they break up? do you think she still loves me and would someday want to try again? any advice would be hugely appreciated! she's said the following to me, huge mixed messages: 1. this guy is a rebound (said while drunk) 2. i love you and miss you (also drunk) 3. i can't trust myself around you (like, not to hook up with me) 4. my feelings for you are mixed up with too much pain to handle 5. i don't want to keep stringing you along 6. we shouldn't hang out anymore, just talk over the phone. and be friends.
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Leave her alone. you're messing with her mind, and providing an emotional block, which is preventing you - or her - from moving on. You're being totally unfair and dangling her on a string. And to have sex with her (while she's drunk?? That's noble of you!) when you KNOW she has another guy, is just underhand and manipulative. I'm afraid you have to back off, CEASE ALL CONTACT - and face it. It's over. You ended it. She's not a yo-yo, or a ping-pong ball. She has a right to a life, without you constantly upping your game and trying to screw it up. And her. Do the RIGHT thing: Butt out, man up, and move on.
ALombard Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Wow your situation sounds a lot like my past. So here's my word of advice, drop it! I tell everyone this because honestly when things start heading in the direction they're heading for you it never turns out good, especially when you keep talking to your ex and letting her know you'll always be there. You don't want to be that guy, you know the one you see sad and depressed and losing his **** over an ex. If you really want her back, show her you don't need her. You'd be amazed at how well this works. Now keep in mind I'm telling you this because it would be better for you to just move on, BUT, some people refuse to do that. Anyway example of this is where I'm at now. I have changed my number, blocked her on Facebook, and found a new girlfriend. The whole nine yards, now when we split she immediately started dating a new guy. Treated me like crap for the last 2 months so I just said screw it. Two days ago she contacted me through FB and we ended up fighting and I just got over it, now she is emailing me apologizing, never saw that coming. I tell you that story because for a reason. To show you that moving on and just living your life for you is the best decision. Now two things will come of this, you will get over your ex, move on and be happy. Or you will distance yourself enough where the pain isn't there anymore and she could possibly come back to you after seeing that you're doing fine without her. Good luck
Author lovesick27 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 thanks for the replies. i know that you're right both right, that i should just give up and move on. i have butted out of her new relationship (haven't seen her or called her recently, although she did just call me yesterday). i'm not trying to mess with her or string her along though.. i genuinely realize my mistake and seriously regret having hurt her. as for trying to get on with my life though, it's hard. the only thing pulling me through this is the idea that we'll have another shot someday. i truly believe we're soul mates... the night we met 10 years ago we spent the entire time talking and felt an instant attraction. we waited to get together for 5 years because we were both in other relationships, but when we finally connected it felt so incredibly right. i've never had that type of connection or attraction with anyone before or since. so i know i look the the a*hole for dumping her and then seriously regretting it, but perhaps if i bide my time, acknowledge my mistake (if and when she's single again) and genuinely want to be a better partner for her, it might work out in the future someday....
S.Tee Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 It is good that you do not show how desperate you are to win her back. She might have known by now that you regret the whole break-up and how you wish to be a couple again. For now, let her decide. Lately she even called you again and I would say she still likes/loves you. Her feeling is mixed and she does not want to betray her new bf but same time wants you back. Just slowly tell her it is her decision now and seek her own feelings. If deep inside she still have you, no point on her prolong with her new bf coz sooner or later they will not be happy (even maybe after marriage). But if she decides to select him, you will have to let go. By then you know she had thought about it and it is wise for her. Do not show your emotions, be cool in front of her, be cheerful. You do not want her to decide with mixed feelings, if she chooses you it is not because of sympathy but it is destiny. Respect her decision, but I am sure she still has hearts for you. Good luck.
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