men: is lack of intelligence a deal breaker for you?

[Mr White]

I think "pleasant to be around" on long term basis is the key. It trumps intelligence and even looks. Most of my inability to form LTRs stems from the fact that I am often dark, derpessive and pessimistic. Not many people enjoy that unless they are themselves that way.

 

Not exactly. I personally like smart and grumpy. But there is an important difference between grumpy if that's simply your style (which can be endearing), and "I and my life are a mess" grumpy/depressed.

 

It is also about how people mesh. I think of myself as one of the most cynical, grumpy, and pessimistic people alive, yet my gf somehow is convinced that I'm a positive person .

[CLC2008]

Intelligence is an umbrella term - people have "intellect" in various forms - book smarts, street smarts, planning, problem solving, common sense, reasoning, emotional intellect, etc.

 

If a person is bored by someone, well, there's always TV.

[shadowplay]

How did I not see this coming

 

1) I come from former eastern Europe where gender equality has been a state ideology and has been implemented for MUCH longer in the US

or.

 

So, what's your excuse?

 

I don't know enough about Eastern Europe to say, but I would suspect this is the reason. While gender equality may be a state ideology, I wouldn't be surprised if there are still cultural differences in how women are viewed, especially in their relationship roles. Maybe SaCW could give us more insight into this. Would also depend on your specific country.

[Els]

I think there may be some truth to the statement that women value intelligence more than men, in general.

 

All the guys I've been with have said that besides shared interests and a few other things, intelligence was one of the main traits they liked in me. However, all of their exes had been undeniably... not smart. At least not in the traditional sense. I'm not merely taking their word for it, I'm basing it on objective facts that I've been told or correspondence that I've seen.

 

So I figure that, scary as it sounds, lack of intelligence wasn't a dealbreaker for them. However, they were each young at the time they'd met their last ex - they were all in their teens. Perhaps that was a contributing factor.

 

I honestly think that in general, young, immature or inexperienced men tend to prioritize looks (and easy sex) above all else, and more mature men require a more balanced mix of traits, which tends to include intelligence.

[shadowplay]

1) Comes from culture/upbringing in which women aren't typically valued for their intelligence. This may be either a culture in which women are encouraged to have more traditional, domestic roles or a working class culture in which education isn't as highly valued in either gender.

2) Values looks to such an extent that he's willing to forgo intelligence in a partner.

3) Of average intelligence himself, so he has no need to date an above average woman. You can't fault somebody for this.

4) Likes to have more power in the relationship, which sometimes goes along with #1. Power could mean he makes more of the decisions, and/or that the woman looks up to him because of his intelligence.

I forgot to add that I've noticed the dynamics of a guy's family of origin can have a similar impact to cultural upbringing. For example a guy could come from a culture in which women are encouraged to be intelligent, but in his own family the mother had a subordinate role to the father.

 

Again, these are just my general observations based on my personal experience. I'm not stating them as fact.

Edited June 16, 2010 by shadowplay

[threebyfate]

shadow, it's like pretty much every other self-perceived positive trait. Everyone wants to be valued for what they value in themselves.

 

While some women are satisfied or even ecstatic about being solely valued for their looks, some of us prefer to be valued for our intellect.

[bayouboi]

Physically attractive?

A good heart?

Loyalty only to me?

 

Intelligence isn't even on the list.

[LadyinRed80]

"Intelligence isn't even on the list"

 

Since we women have small brains, it's nice to hear! hehehehe

[bayouboi]

"Intelligence isn't even on the list"

 

Since we women have small brains, it's nice to hear! hehehehe

 

I realize you're a troll, but there are plenty of intelligent women out there. I just don't care about that if I'm interested in them romantically.

[Mr White]

I don't know enough about Eastern Europe to say, but I would suspect this is the reason. While gender equality may be a state ideology, I wouldn't be surprised if there are still cultural differences in how women are viewed, especially in their relationship roles. Maybe SaCW could give us more insight into this. Would also depend on your specific country.

 

I see, so you don't know much about Eastern Europe, yet have a pretty solid opinion anyway . And that's coming from an "intelligent" person .

 

Allright, let me point to another glaring hole in your theory: in case if you haven't noticed, it is you and other women who are deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being with a man that's less intelligent than them, while most men are indifferent. Sure, any sane guy WILL appreciate an intelligent woman, it is not the end of the world if she isn't. For women, however, this situation is unthinkable.

So where does that leave us? YOU want to look up to somebody, not the other way around. Own it, don't blame it on men .

[Mr White]

I forgot to add that I've noticed the dynamics of a guy's family of origin can have a similar impact to cultural upbringing. For example a guy could come from a culture in which women are encouraged to be intelligent, but in his own family the mother had a subordinate role to the father.

 

Again, these are just my general observations based on my personal experience. I'm not stating them as fact.

 

Well, fail again. I was raised by a single mom - extremely capable and intelligent woman with a Physics degree who is an important factor in my own success.

Lame. Give up.

[TheBigQuestion]

In what way? Can you please expand on this? Maybe I am like that too but am not aware of it

 

Hmm. She's actually an extreme case in that she's also exceptionally odd. I can't really explain it in any other way except that the manner in which she conducts herself is quite literally childish. The fact that you're trying to rationally debate and discuss something on here in complete sentences is enough to make me think that you're absolutely nothing like her.

 

Generally what I meant was that she really seems to have no interest in anything beyond pop culture and partying, and can't really talk about anything.

[shadowplay]

Well, fail again. I was raised by a single mom - extremely capable and intelligent woman with a Physics degree who is an important factor in my own success.

Lame. Give up.

 

No, you fail. I said that was one possible reason, not that every guy who doesn't prioritize intelligence falls into all of those categories. Interesting that somebody with a "doctorate" missed this basic distinction.

[Sivok]

Yes, not so much school-learned intelligence, but social intelligence and maturity are very important to me

[shadowplay]

I see, so you don't know much about Eastern Europe, yet have a pretty solid opinion anyway . And that's coming from an "intelligent" person .

 

Allright, let me point to another glaring hole in your theory: in case if you haven't noticed, it is you and other women who are deeply uncomfortable with the idea of being with a man that's less intelligent than them, while most men are indifferent. Sure, any sane guy WILL appreciate an intelligent woman, it is not the end of the world if she isn't. For women, however, this situation is unthinkable.

So where does that leave us? YOU want to look up to somebody, not the other way around. Own it, don't blame it on men .

 

How is this a strong opinion?

 

I would suspect this is the reason. While gender equality may be a state ideology, I wouldn't be surprised if there are still cultural differences in how women are viewed, especially in their relationship roles. Maybe SaCW could give us more insight into this. Would also depend on your specific country.

 

Again, your own intelligence is becoming increasingly suspect, given your logical slips, which is making #3 seem like another possibility.

[carhill]

men: is lack of intelligence a deal breaker for you?

 

It never used to be but I'm exhausted now dealing with the disparity so I'll opine yeah, probably. I've had to be real patient during our D just to get the logistics done.

 

I'd personally refine the quote to read 'compatible intelligence', as each of us has differing levels and I don't consider people to be 'lacking' in intelligence, rather just incompatible or compatible in this area.

[Mr White]

How is this a strong opinion?

 

I would suspect this is the reason. While gender equality may be a state ideology, I wouldn't be surprised if there are still cultural differences in how women are viewed, especially in their relationship roles. Maybe SaCW could give us more insight into this. Would also depend on your specific country.

 

Again, your own intelligence is becoming increasingly suspect, given your logical slips, which is making #3 seem like another possibility.

 

Right, the Bush administration also "wouldn't be surprised" if they had found WMDs in Iraq . Anything beyond completely suspending judgement before you have the information is a strong opinion. But I understand, when you like your theory very much it is hard to resist, especially when it helps divert attention from the uncomfortable facts in "intelligence preferences" i emphasized .

[shadowplay]

Anything beyond completely suspending judgement before you have the information is a strong opinion. .

 

That's BS. Suspicion does not equal a judgment. It's a hunch.

[MrNate]

Surely I'm not the only one who finds a womans intelligence lust worthy. Then again maybe so. I think women who can rival me intellectually are a big turn on, because I rarely am able to have intellectual conversations with people.

 

 

 

This is not to say I wouldn't mind being served a steak by her while naked.

[sally4sara]

This is not to say I wouldn't mind being served a steak by her while naked.

 

The idea of you eating a steak while naked makes me think of the bathtub/spaghetti scene in Gummo.

[Peitho]

For me lack of intelligence is a huge deal breaker, but perhaps women place more emphasis on this trait in their mates than men do.

Shadow,

While women probably place more importance on intelligence than men do, it still stands that

• some guys feel threatened by an intelligent woman
  
• some guys prefer a gorgeous body and don’t care about intelligence
  
• some guys would prefer an intelligent woman but can't get her (for whatever reason)
  
• some guys are happy to bang a dumb woman but would never marry that woman
  
• some guys are simply not intelligent enough themselves to be able to appreciate an intelligent woman
  
• some guys have their own careers as a priority and just need support – not a woman with her own career
  
• some guys marry a gorgeous but stupid girl and regret that choise for the rest of their lives
  

 

and some guys love to have a connection with a woman of a similar level of intelligence, similar interests and similar sense of humour – and there are plenty of them!

 

Too many women reduce themselves to a sum of their physical features just because some guy is unable to appreciate more than their looks

Which is just sad…

[Els]

 

This is not to say I wouldn't mind being served a steak by her while naked.

 

I think that would be a pretty bad waste of a good steak since it'd probably end up being left on the table to go cold... :laugh:

[MrNate]

I think that would be a pretty bad waste of a good steak since it'd probably end up being left on the table to go cold... :laugh:

 

or, I could devour both at the same time..yep... now that would be mighty talented of me.

[reservoirdog1]

A lack of intelligence is definitely a dealbreaker for me. I like somebody who actually has opinions, can participate in a good natured "debate", and who demonstrates serviceable powers of analysis and intuition.

 

Whether or not they have a formal education isn't critical. My last GF was in her mid-30s and partway through her undergrad, which she'd started late due to (a) having a daughter and (b) having a learning disability and ADD. She didn't have the greatest spelling either. However, she was freakishly intelligent, extremely perceptive, and had an amazing ability to read people and situations.

[runner]

all other things equal, yes, i do value a similar level of intelligence in my long term partner; and if the difference is too great between us, at least on that one level, it can definitely be a potential deal breaker.