jenifer1972 Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I would say, just look at the facts here and see what that reveals: -he is not a concert goer in general, yet he's going to go to this concert with HER -he COULD go to see the same group with YOU, but no, not doing that -she is young and attractive. Imagine that? She's not fat and bubbly and just has a good personality. She just HAPPENS to be good looking.. -oh, and if it's so platonic, how come no OTHER colleagues are tagging along...? I guess for me, it would depend how long I had been seeing him, and how solid we were, and what had been discussed about being exclusive. If the relationship is well established as exclusive, I would not tolerate such. If my boyfriend would go anyway, it would be OVER. No room for other young attractive women in my relationship. But that is just me. You have to decide what your BS tolerance level is. Because this really is BS
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I'm sure he'll find a way to book a few actual business meetings in order to be able to expense the trip. However I'm sure he planned his meetings around the concert (and not the other way around) as it's one of his favourite bands. I routinely try to finagle my business travel schedule to fit my personal life and my job sounds very similar to your BF's. This isn't very unusual. If it was dinner with this woman I'd actually be more suspicious. Concerts are one of those things where it can be kind of crappy to go by yourself. But it is a bit suspicious. For me this is one of those on-the-fence type of things where my intuition and other circumstances would push me one way or the other if I were you. Tough call really since it's so plausible either way. Good luck...
Author frenchgirl Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Ok for a little update, I did something terrible by looking at my BF's Blackberry while he was in the shower. I know I wasn't supposed to do it but I had to regardless. Her: If you're in town next week, we should go for a concert. Him: I can probably find some clients to visit. When is the concert scheduled? Her: (gives him the date) Him: It's on my calendar. Look forward to seeing you! I also know she was in town about a month ago and they went for a very long dinner (it was 1 am by the time he came back). I think of my own friends and I don't think I could stand to eat for that long with any of them, nor would I take a flight to go see a concert with them. He's asleep now and I really feel like crap.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I see a 'Peacock Male Ego' being stroked here. I think perhaps he has absolutely no intention of doing anything, but he loves the attention. Is he a vain type? Does he have good dress sense? Does he like flattery? Maybe there's a clue here. It makes him feel good to know another woman is interested in him. This doesn't mean he's going to jump her, necessarily, but it tells me he loves to bask in the limelight..... I would definitely suggest tagging along. Or get her number off his blackberry, and message her, asking her over to dinner one night.... Knock her dead by looking stunning. Then you can show her what a united front you and he, have..... It's always harder vying for a man's attention, when you see what he has at home, is really good.....
2sunny Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Ok for a little update, I did something terrible by looking at my BF's Blackberry while he was in the shower. I know I wasn't supposed to do it but I had to regardless. Her: If you're in town next week, we should go for a concert. Him: I can probably find some clients to visit. When is the concert scheduled? Her: (gives him the date) Him: It's on my calendar. Look forward to seeing you! I also know she was in town about a month ago and they went for a very long dinner (it was 1 am by the time he came back). I think of my own friends and I don't think I could stand to eat for that long with any of them, nor would I take a flight to go see a concert with them. He's asleep now and I really feel like crap. dang - that's all it takes for him to jump on a plane to go see her? i'd be worried about his motives. especially after a recent dinner with her lasting until 1am. does your gut say he's been intimate with this gal; or is willing to be? i'd say a quick reply and getting a flight would be screaming yes to me... but that's just me.
SadandConfusedWA Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 After your last post, it sounds like he has a bit of a crush on her at the very least. Are you OK with your BF crushing on other women as long as they don't cross the line into physical affair? I wouldn't be and would lay down the law if it was my BF. Just say that you don't want him to go and that you are not comfortable with the situation. (this of course is the best case scenario in my opinion, worst case is that they are laready cheating).
Viking Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Personally, I am not much of a concert goer either. I did however make an effort to go and see ZZ Topp and Aerosmith when they were close by (too bad the concert was canceled). I didn't have a gf at the time, but I invited one of my coworkers along as she likes those bands too. If I were you, I'd be suspicious of him for dropping everything and flying to another city (I assume he's flying?). If my gf did that, I'd be super stressed and at wit's end just because that's the kind of person I am (worrier). I am a jealous person and I show it by stressing. It is not that I don't trust her, I just don't trust other guys. In this case, I would not trust this other girl because she is attractive, young, in the same field (both "work" together, so they "understand" each other) and probably get along quite well. You might steal her number and then lay down the law over the phone saying that you're not trying to go crazy on her, but just clarifying what is going on. If you freak out on her, she will tell your BF and then he will have a reason to break up with you. If you say something to the effect of, "Hi my name is frenchgirl, so-and-so's girlfriend. I was calling to ask what my boyfriend is to you and why you need him to go to the concert with you." You might be able to find out that way. You catch more flies with honey. Good luck. Hope this works out for you.
sally4sara Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Ok for a little update, I did something terrible by looking at my BF's Blackberry while he was in the shower. I know I wasn't supposed to do it but I had to regardless. Her: If you're in town next week, we should go for a concert. Him: I can probably find some clients to visit. When is the concert scheduled? Her: (gives him the date) Him: It's on my calendar. Look forward to seeing you! I also know she was in town about a month ago and they went for a very long dinner (it was 1 am by the time he came back). I think of my own friends and I don't think I could stand to eat for that long with any of them, nor would I take a flight to go see a concert with them. He's asleep now and I really feel like crap. So he had absolutely no business dealings already scheduled in her city before making these plans. Hell, he didn't and still doesn't have any business dealing scheduled WITH HER, he is just going to a concert because she asked him. Sounds like a date to me. So, what now? Are you prepared to drop this relationship over this? You might be able to throw a fit and put a stop to it this time, but to what end? He is still the person who will do this and color it to be something else to you. He will still be traveling for "business" and now you're going to become one of those people who is always snooping to find out the truth. So what now?
SadandConfusedWA Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Also, I wouldn't contact the girl to clarify. If she is crushing on your BF and you call her, she will know that you consider her a threat and will not only get an ego boost, but a sense that she has a chance with him if she goes for it. Keep it between you and the BF.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Her: If you're in town next week, we should go for a concert. Him: I can probably find some clients to visit. When is the concert scheduled? He just made a date with aother girl and instead of it being about business first, it's clearly about this date first. When he told you about this, how did he describe it? Seriously, ask him how he would feel if you were going to see another man.
phineas Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 If he framed it as business first then he's outright lieing to you. Who's name is on the lease?
Author frenchgirl Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Thanks for your answers, guys. This is such a confusing world for a twenty-something girl like me. For some, doing an activity with someone of the opposite sex is just part of today's progressive world. To others, this is no-no. I know for sure that my BF is friends with that girl. So far I really can't proove anything further.
sally4sara Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 He just made a date with aother girl and instead of it being about business first, it's clearly about this date first. When he told you about this, how did he describe it? Seriously, ask him how he would feel if you were going to see another man. Too right. Not only that, he decided to buy a ticket, deal with the airport discomfort -to and from, buy a concert ticket (something he rarely does locally), just to go with this girl. That he will try to call it a business meeting to comp it, I understand despite the fraud in it. But he was fraudulent with you too. He told YOU it is a business meeting too. She may well just be a friend, but how can you know to believe it now? Once a lie comes into it, you can't know what the truth is.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I would not be okay with this. Hell, I'd even question the late-night dinner that went until 1am. Making business arrangements and hopping on a plane specifically so he can go see her is pretty extreme. Now, this is going to sound terrible and I'm not trying to make you feel worse, but does anyone agree that the only reason a guy would go to such lengths to see an attractive female "friend" is if he thought he might get laid?
phineas Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Thanks for your answers, guys. This is such a confusing world for a twenty-something girl like me. For some, doing an activity with someone of the opposite sex is just part of today's progressive world. To others, this is no-no. I know for sure that my BF is friends with that girl. So far I really can't proove anything further. I don't understand what is so confusing. did he or did he not say he would be on business in her area & would be going to a concert because of said business trip. did he lie to you or not? People with nothing to hide don't lie to their significant others about meeting other woman.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 I'm not a business executive so I'm not fully aware of how things go in the business world. I understand my BF needs to keep in touch with his business contacts, he needs to visit his clients occasionally, etc. My BF admits that he booked the concert before his business meetings, but that he was supposed to go for business reasons anyway. Such a hypocritical world out there!
phineas Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I'm not a business executive so I'm not fully aware of how things go in the business world. I understand my BF needs to keep in touch with his business contacts, he needs to visit his clients occasionally, etc. My BF admits that he booked the concert before his business meetings, but that he was supposed to go for business reasons anyway. Such a hypocritical world out there! So he lied to you. It sounds like you are just looking for excuses not to admit he lied to you about seeing this woman.
threebyfate Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I'm not a business executive so I'm not fully aware of how things go in the business world. I understand my BF needs to keep in touch with his business contacts, he needs to visit his clients occasionally, etc. My BF admits that he booked the concert before his business meetings, but that he was supposed to go for business reasons anyway. Such a hypocritical world out there!The bolded is all that counts. Why would he book a concert in another city so he can go with someone else? Why not within your own city? Something's not right in Kansas and you know it. Forget the fluff and stuff. Look hard at pertinent facts. Your b/f is acting out of character. The question is why.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 So he lied to you. It sounds like you are just looking for excuses not to admit he lied to you about seeing this woman. That's the tricky part. He insists he has to go for business at some point and that it was good timing that his friend mentioned the concert. What to do now?
Author frenchgirl Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 The bolded is all that counts. Why would he book a concert in another city so he can go with someone else? Why not within your own city? Something's not right in Kansas and you know it. Forget the fluff and stuff. Look hard at pertinent facts. Your b/f is acting out of character. The question is why. Apparently that girl is an executive somewhere and she can get him contracts or something. That's why he's entertaining the business friendship. Go figure. I'm such a mess today!
threebyfate Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Apparently that girl is an executive somewhere and she can get him contracts or something. That's why he's entertaining the business friendship. Go figure. I'm such a mess today!Are there any male executives that he does this with, that is, flies to another city just to wine and dine? This girl can't be the only exec who has connections, that he curries favours from.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 Are there any male executives that he does this with, that is, flies to another city just to wine and dine? This girl can't be the only exec who has connections, that he curries favours from. Quite frankly, I don't know. He's got male friends and business contacts all over the map but I wouldn't say that he'd visit them just to wine and dine. Then again, he's not admitting that he's travelling to see her. He only admitted that he had to go anyway, and that scheduling a meeting with his friend was just good timing.
threebyfate Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Quite frankly, I don't know. He's got male friends and business contacts all over the map but I wouldn't say that he'd visit them just to wine and dine.So why wouldn't you know about other business contacts if you know about this girl? Is it because he talks about her and doesn't talk about his male contacts? As well, gender won't define amount of potential business. If anything, within the business world, men tend to help each other more than women. So why is he treating this girl differently than his male future business contacts? Then again, he's not admitting that he's travelling to see her. He only admitted that he had to go anyway, and that scheduling a meeting with his friend was just good timing.Yes he has admitted it. You're not willing to admit it. My BF admits that he booked the concert before his business meetings, Apparently that girl is an executive somewhere and she can get him contracts or something. That's why he's entertaining the business friendship.
threebyfate Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Look, I'm not telling you he's cheating on you for certain. Who knows if he's cheating yet or not. What I'm telling you is that the potential for cheating is there especially since he's acting out of character and your spidey sense is tingling. Like I said before. Forget the emotion driven fluff and stuff. Think in terms of analyzing behaviour. When someone acts out of character, there's a reason for it. It's up to you if you want to take the bull by the horns and try to find out what his reason is for acting out of character. So you know my background, the ex-husband was a serial cheater with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Something didn't feel right in Kansas for me since there were anomalies in his behaviour. At the time I was too stupid for words since I loved and trusted him. But I still put a PI on his tail and from there busted him and got a divorce. Right after my divorce, I got involved with someone else. Something about him didn't feel right since his behaviour was so push/pull. Net result, another potential cheater. Between learning about cheaters through LS and other means, as well as these two experiences, it taught me what to look for. I can't guarantee I'm right all the time but I do know that when people act out of character, there's a reason why and it's something that should put you on alert.
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