frenchgirl Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 My BF works as a senior consultant for a software company. He travels quite a bit and meets a lot of people. Next week, he's going away for business again, but I found out he's going to a concert with a business partner (attractive female in her late twenties). Things between us have been good and I have nothing to complain about. However I wonder if travelling to another city to attend a concert might be slightly fishy? What do you think?
Star Gazer Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Is this a business meeting, that has an added bonus of a concert? Or is he going solely to attend the concert?
carhill Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Are they working at the concert? If not, there's no reason for him to be going to a concert in another city with someone who is not his wife or SO. Tell him I said so. Offer him the option to invite said partner over for dinner this weekend. I'm sure she'll love to join you. Or, does she just happen to live in the city he's going to on 'business'? See where this is going?
Author frenchgirl Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Is this a business meeting, that has an added bonus of a concert? Or is he going solely to attend the concert? I'm sure he'll find a way to book a few actual business meetings in order to be able to expense the trip. However I'm sure he planned his meetings around the concert (and not the other way around) as it's one of his favourite bands.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Are they working at the concert? If not, there's no reason for him to be going to a concert in another city with someone who is not his wife or SO. Tell him I said so. Offer him the option to invite said partner over for dinner this weekend. I'm sure she'll love to join you. Or, does she just happen to live in the city he's going to on 'business'? See where this is going? His "concert date" lives in the city where he's going so they're not travelling together. Is it kind of usual for business colleagues to go to sports events or concerts together? Or is it date territory even among business executives?
SadandConfusedWA Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 His "concert date" lives in the city where he's going so they're not travelling together. Is it kind of usual for business colleagues to go to sports events or concerts together? Or is it date territory even among business executives? It's a bit odd, but if I am secure in a relationship I would accept it. Also, I would make sure it's not a regular occurence.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 It's a bit odd, but if I am secure in a relationship I would accept it. Also, I would make sure it's not a regular occurence. Good point about the regular occurence. I know they had dinner twice this year (once here and once in her city).
Justanotherdude Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I used to work for a Marketing firm and I'd say it's not unusual for colleagues to go to events together. You know about it because he told you I'm assuming? He made you aware, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's one of his favorite bands and he probably doesn't want to go alone. To me, it sounds like good company that's all. If he had a friend in the city, he'd probably go with them instead of the coworker. The fact that she's attractive and that she's a she is what worries you the most
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 A lady friend of my acquaintance once pulled her partner up on the same thing. (coincidentally, she's French....!) Eventually, she asked him: "Please be honest with me. What is this woman, to you? is she a friend, or a very close friend?" He replied that she had been a close friend for a long while now, but that's all it was. "Well please, if you respect what you and I have, then have the good grace, honesty and decency to respect me sufficiently to tell me if it ever gets more intense. I know feelings can change, but if you're drawn to another woman, then I would wonder why you're being drawn away from me. Just be good enough to let me know, before anything happens, ok?" He insisted nothing had, and nothing ever would. 7 months down the line, he took my lady friend out with the "we need to talk" routine. Fortunately, they're still together, and the other 'close friend' is off the map. But she's sure her little pep talk had a good deal to do with the fact that he did choose to talk to her, rather than turn the close friend into a physical one.....
Author frenchgirl Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 I used to work for a Marketing firm and I'd say it's not unusual for colleagues to go to events together. You know about it because he told you I'm assuming? He made you aware, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's one of his favorite bands and he probably doesn't want to go alone. To me, it sounds like good company that's all. If he had a friend in the city, he'd probably go with them instead of the coworker. The fact that she's attractive and that she's a she is what worries you the most Well I just found out that the band is coming to our town as well. It looks like he deliberately planned a concert date with his colleague. Now I'm really confused!
Justanotherdude Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I say call him out on it then. Seriously, in a calm manner, ask him what is OK about all this?
Justanotherdude Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Well I just found out that the band is coming to our town as well. It looks like he deliberately planned a concert date with his colleague. Now I'm really confused! And just because the band is coming to your town as well, doesn't necessarily mean it's deliberate. I would much rather see a concert on the company dime. Consider that. When I was on the road, I would have killed for a chance to see one of my favorite bands. In fact, I had the chance but my company decided to send someone else on that particular trip. I've done the business travel thing and one of the greatest parts of it all was going out after a day of hard work.
phineas Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 When you say "found out" do you mean he volunteered this info or you had to ask him?
carhill Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 A man who loves his music shares that passion with those around him. In other words, in that place, at that time, the whole venue is friends and family. I've done this, around the world. You don't even know you're alone because..... you're not. IMO, and I've done this, he's feeding you a good story. If this 'friend' and he are equals and long-lived friends, she should have met you and you her SO/husband by now. I doubt she's a late-20's spinster, you know. Something occurred to me.....people in another thread talked about the differences between BF/GF and being married. If you were 'married', what about this would be the same? Different? Mature people can have wonderful opposite sex friendships. Maturity is defined by transparency of that friendship and prioritization of their primary (married or unmarried) intimate relationship. How do you feel about that?
phineas Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Carhill you make a good point. When I started dateing my STBXW I wanted her to meet my happy hour crowd & join me out with them (mostly women from work) my STBXW met every woman I was in contact with voluntarily by me. however I learned she played by different rules by keeping in contact with ex's behind my back. live & learn.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 When you say "found out" do you mean he volunteered this info or you had to ask him? It's public information, so no big deal either way.
Author frenchgirl Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Mature people can have wonderful opposite sex friendships. Maturity is defined by transparency of that friendship and prioritization of their primary (married or unmarried) intimate relationship. How do you feel about that? I guess I'm still too young for this... For the record, my BF is NOT a music lover per se. That's why this whole thing of going to another city to have dinner and spend the evening with another woman stresses me. I mean, he wouldn't even do that with his guy friends.
sally4sara Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I guess I'm still too young for this... For the record, my BF is NOT a music lover per se. That's why this whole thing of going to another city to have dinner and spend the evening with another woman stresses me. I mean, he wouldn't even do that with his guy friends. I don't know how long you've been with him, but it seems you have a case of his actions not matching his his usual manner. If this behavior is something he has never exhibited with his other friends, it makes sense that it wouldn't add up. Can you afford your own concert ticket and airfare? If so, insist you go along. Watch his reaction. But ultimately, there is no point in any action if you will not leave over something that distresses you.
mlh5046 Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I would like to hear more details on this. Initially it seemed extremely fishyand I was saying this guy is sleeping around. So he brought it up to her? They ACTUALLY DO DO BUSINESS TOGETHER and he is trying to keep the business relationship smooth? Or did she find out by seeing a concert ticket in his car? Huge difference. If he was honest about it up front I'd lean to giving the benefit of the doubt, but naturally when there is the opposite sex involved and its just a one one one deal it always screams cheating. Tough call.
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 It's public information, so no big deal either way. Actually, it is... don't you see this?
Jersey Shortie Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Have you ever met this woman OP? You said he isn't a music lover, so it's out of character for him to travel so far for business but to make arrangements to see a band. Does he often go to concerts? While I am not convinced he is cheating, he's actions are worthy of concern. Talk to him about the situation. Ask him how he would feel knowing you were going on a business trip but were planning a night out with another man. Put him in your shoes. I also like the idea that Sally mentioned about asking him if you can come along.
threebyfate Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Unless it's for something like the Superbowl or a big deal like that, business contacts don't fly in and out of other cities, just to attend events. People who do a lot of business travel eventually get fed up with the hurry up and wait of airlines. I would throw down the b/s flag on your b/f especially since trip is out of character for him. The other side of this coin is, if you don't trust him then no matter whether he's guilty or innocent, you will suspect him. One thing I've learned is that if there's smoke, there's fire. Trust what your gut instincts tell you.
Maggotface Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I'm a little confused. So his business trip isnt in the same city this woman lives in? If it is I wouldnt think to much of it. I especially wouldnt freak out and tell him he cant go. If he's going out of his way to see her and it's not in the same city as his trip I would be suspicious and ask him not to but if they're just friends that want to go out and do something I would let him. If he's planning on cheating then he'll probably do it eventually anyway if not with this woman then someone else. Just be the trusting girlfriend and if he messes up then kick him to the curb.
ADF Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 Unless you have some specific reason to suspect your BF is carrying on inappropriately with this woman, you really can't say much. He has to do his job. And, being in the proximity of an attractive woman is not evidenceof anything all by itself.
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