My long but BREIF detailed story (Love, Pain, Anxiety, Loss)

[Regretfull]

Long Long story cut short

 

I met my ex through work,I was 22 she was 19 she liked me at first and persued me untill i started to like her , after all that she then tells me she has a b/f of 3 yrs, The reason she told me is because she started to have feeling for me and she regrets having them, anyways i was shattered and distanced myself from her and started treating her like a normal freind she hated it and told me not to talk to her anymore, i got angry and said FINE!! meanwhile we kept working with each other

she saw how i would talk to other girls and got jealous eventually she couldnt handle it and apologised to me so that we could talk again. Slowly slowly we got closer and we ended up getting with

eachother behind her b/f back, we did it for 3 months she said she has never felt like this before we must be meant to be, and i asured her that shes right i also have never felt like this but she feels like she doing a bad thing, i persued her more and more eventually she had to brake up with her b/f, that didnt go to well she almost gave up as he was really persistent and wouldnt let her go its lasted for 4 months untill she eventually changed her number. We became an official couple and we were both over the moon and her family and my family started to like us. Time went by we changed jobs i started to become alittle paranoid if she would do me like she did her ex, which cause us alot of fights, she was also jealous aswell when girls would

look my way she will look at me to see if i look back etc... We eventually got over that. We even Bought a house together i was the only one living in it but she was paying half of it, aswell as paying rent with her family. She wantd to study and i looked down upon it as i thought it will affect the house payments even tho there was ways around it all i was selfish and narrow minded. She was feeling very restriscted..

 

Meanwhilee...

 

we kept on arguing for stupid reasons and i NEVER back down im a stubborn A-HOLE, she felt powerless as she would be surrending most of the time even when im mainly in the wrong, I just took her for granted thinking i was abit better looking then her ex and better at other things, (she cant leave me i thought)

 

anyways one day it must of been the last straw plus i didnt call her for a week after the fight which is very starange for me and her we litterally were together 24/7 when i eventually contacted her back after the weekend her voice was different and she said we need to talk. And when i saw her she was like i cannot do this anymore etc.. I was heart broken i even shed a few tears i assured her ill change but she said ive heard that for the last year and you still havent.. but this time i was serious its like i needed that to get my act together, she didnt by it. Its like she made her mind up FULLSTOP. I started to pay her money in the upcoming months for the house, aswell as try to reconsile eventually she stopped replying to me and the only time i could talk to her when i would give her money.. Anyway

Oneday we met up i gave her some money and it was different because i was able to seduce her and we got with each other, afterwards she felt regret and i couldnt understand why that same week she changed her number, and all these thoughts went through my head... i emailed emailed and emaileddd with hardly any reply few months down the track i found out she was seeing her ex again. And it all made sense

why she felt regret (BEcause she cheated on him AGAIN with me). Anyway i emailed her a hugeeeeee story on where i went wrong in detail i even attached some pics of myself at the present time to see if it would spark anything, i wasnt becoming desperate for her attention. Still NOTHING... i eventually made her cds and and bought a few gifts and left it on the front of her door. and thats the last i have done for her, its been 2 months since the last email and 1 year since the brake up. I

think to myself im a complete dkhead which will never treat anyone like that again. But i just cannot get her out of my mind i miss having that affection with a girl not just any girl it has to be someone like her. I just want to be able to forget her and meet someone new but im a shy type and its hard for me to comfront girls and girls find me intimidating to comfront so im kind off screwed here.

 

I forgot too mention at the start of the brake up she smsed me from someones fone pretending she was another girl wanting to hook up, i didnt fall for it. and she also called me crying in tears a few times, this was at the beggning of the brake up like 3 weeks in.

 

I just wonder if she misses me.... i used to do everything for the family help aruond the house, cook, go on holidays etc. but me and her just kept fighting... Dont get me wrong when we werent fighting we were sooooo happy i also remember a few times after a huge fight she even mentioned that she might have done the mistake of her life leaving her other ex then she would say sorry to me afterwards saying she was really angry and so on... I can be pretty cruel in fights But i never hit her, just verbal abuse. I also did other stupid things the way i acted was really immature. I dont want to go in all the stupid thing i have done. By the way i did not cheat on her.

 

Sorry for rambling just wanted to show you where im at, I still love her deeply, and would do anything to get her back. I am so shameful of what i was and i am happy where im at now if only i was to meet her fresh from now and she was single... By now she would have probably seeing her other ex for 7 months now thats after 3 years before me and her. In total i was with her 1.5 years OFFICIALLY not counting the times we hooked up and so on. But with her ex its closer to 4 years all up now. I think to myself will she eventually realise she did a mistake by not giving me a chance.

 

is there anyways to cope with this feeling i have? i sometimes wish i have never met her. But then again she taught me a big lesson in life. I pray and pray i get another chance with her. And i also pray if that wont happen let me meet someone like her so i can treat her right this time.

 

Im 25 now and she would be 22