Lonewolf13 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 To make a long story short my best friend (who is also my ex) has told me some really crazy things. When I met him a little over ten months ago he claimed to own two houses, four cars and a storage unit full of furniture to furnish a two bedroom house. I met him in a homeless shelter, that right there should have been my major clue to trigger the voice in the back of my head to start telling me to run away. I didn't. I fell in love with him. Our relationship was perfect, except for the wonderfull things he supposably owned that I never saw, or found a smidge of proof of. After ten months I finally told him that things needed to change. That he either needed to come clean or prove at least one car or one house. I finally asked one of his oldest, closest friends if he'd seen his car (his 88 Monte Carlo that he had supposably painted a dragon on the hood). He said he'd never seen it, only heard about it. Is there anyway I can check into this without paying anything? The main things I'm concerned about are the cars and the houses. Everything else I don't really care if he lied about, but lying about cars and houses is huge.
Ronni_W Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I think. You already know that the cars and houses don't exist, yes? So, I would suggest to try to find out within yourself what is it that you are REALLY needing "evidence" for? To dump him? To prove that you have not 'wasted' your love on someone who is not truly and fully 'deserving' of it? To make an even deeper commitment to him? To prove to him that you know he has been lying? (If so, what is the real motivation to want to prove something like that to him?) Obviously, at one point, you found him lovable enough even without you having had evidence/proof of what he was telling you. If that is no longer the fact of your heart, then it's perfectly fine. And if he still is as lovable as ever, even though he does not own any houses or cars, then that is perfectly fine, too. I mean, why not just use what is going on in your own heart and mind for your evidence? And then make whatever decision, based on that. Hugs, and best of luck.
SarahRose Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Obviously he is lying. I don't think you need this forum to tell you that.
Art_Critic Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Sounds like he is telling you of a life he had before he found his way into the homeless shelter and met you. In my county all home sales, deeds, tax records and court info is online. Google your county and the words property records or court records and see if they post them online.. In my county they are also free of any charges and all you have to do is download a plugin to view the actual documents.
Author Lonewolf13 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 My problem is I want to believe him. A small part of me still believes that he'd never lie to me, even though I still have never seen or heard proof of anything. I looked up one of the houses a while back (with his permission) and it sold in 2006 to a chick with a last name different from his. My main thing is that he's not admitting to lying, which I know he never will so I told him that if it does exist I'll find it and at least help him find out what happened to it. He claims that he left the cars with two friends when he became homeless so that when he got on his feet again he'd still have them. However, he doesn't remember one of the friends name or number and the other one everytime he talked to him he never mentioned the cars over the phone. I've asked him repeatedly to ask about them, not just so I know they exist but so that he knows they're still ok. The other house he has he claims not to remember the city, just the state. But neither house shows up on the preview they give you when you're trying to run a background check.
Ronni_W Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 My problem is I want to believe him. Hugs. The thing is, the situation calls for something different than you being able to believe him -- it's long past time for that, and if that's the only thing that will satisfy you...then obviously this relationship is going to end. His oldest, closest friend has not seen the '88 Monte Carlo. Has he seen the houses, or the other car? Your b/f doesn't remember the name of a friend he trusted enough to entrust a car to for safekeeping(!?!?!) The relationship needs your understanding, empathy and forgiveness. Not to hound him that he is, or may be lying but to say that you understand why he is doing it. To let him know that, for you, there is no shame in having fallen on difficult financial times that resulted in him losing his houses and cars. To assure him that you love him for who he is, not for stuff that he owns. The other thing to consider is that he might have become temporarily or permanently mentally unstable/delusional as the result of having lost everything that he obviously held so near and dear. In this case, he is NOT deliberately lying to you but living in...well, living in his past life not his current one. You cannot, of course, make that assessment; it must be done by a trained and licensed professional. Regardless, though. I would encourage you to stop making it about you (as in, "He is or may be lying to me. I can't believe he doesn't trust me. Etc.") Tap into your capacity for understanding, compassion, empathy and forgiveness, and give those things to him. I know it's so much easier said than done. But I just can't see how your relationship is going to survive if you just continue to want something that is pretty much a slam-dunk is not available for you to get. That is, the "lies" or "dishonesty" or "lack of trust" is already clear and present -- now it's just: How are you going to deal with what already exists, which cannot be undone? Hugs, and best of luck. I totally get that it's difficult.
ADF Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 You don't need to verify a thing. No reasonable, intelligent person would find this man's claims credible. This man is clearly a pathological liar.
sally4sara Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 My problem is I want to believe him. A small part of me still believes that he'd never lie to me, even though I still have never seen or heard proof of anything. I looked up one of the houses a while back (with his permission) and it sold in 2006 to a chick with a last name different from his. My main thing is that he's not admitting to lying, which I know he never will so I told him that if it does exist I'll find it and at least help him find out what happened to it. He claims that he left the cars with two friends when he became homeless so that when he got on his feet again he'd still have them. However, he doesn't remember one of the friends name or number and the other one everytime he talked to him he never mentioned the cars over the phone. I've asked him repeatedly to ask about them, not just so I know they exist but so that he knows they're still ok. The other house he has he claims not to remember the city, just the state. But neither house shows up on the preview they give you when you're trying to run a background check. One does not become homeless while having a home. He sounds like he has serious mental issues. You will to if you keep digging and trying to make his story hold water.
Author Lonewolf13 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 Thank you all who replied. It's kinda funny 'cause without even telling y'all the whole story some of you came to the same conclusion that I did recently. He is ADHD and I thought that might be a lot to do with the way he acts and his forgetfullness. But it doesn't explain the stories. The ones I mentioned earlier are the most realistic. I didn't want to mention the others since the other ones were the ones I was most concerened about since they were pretty much the only ones that I could eventually prove/disprove and if he's telling the truth, help him get his life back together. The crazier and impossible stories are: (now don't laugh, lol) He's been to the moon, he owned two lions and a cheetah in his house in SC (and of course the got along wonderfully with the livestock, never touched a cow), and he's played for Metallica three times 'cause for some random reason they called him and asked him to play. I think he's got a problem separating reality from fantasy. That's the only conclusion I can think of. I talked to him about it and he agreed to talk to a professional and tell the "truth". The sad thing is he really believes what he says. The only thing he won't mention to the psychiatrist is that he worked in the mafia. As one of my friends said, due to his hyperactivity and low IQ (he thinks thunder makes the power go out, that men get hot flashes and when a woman has an abortion it comes out her "other" hole so I know hes not all there mentally), and the fact that he's to high profile, (if you're in the mafia would you tell someone you just met less than a week ago? I don't think so.) they would be better off with a chiuhua.
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