I'm Batman Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 hey folks! I'm new to this forum and from what I've read so far there's some really good advice being shared in this community. I have an issue that I would like help with. I'm currently dating this girl (A) for a few weeks and things are going well, however its her texts that kind of bothers me. Brief history, I've started to hangout with a new group of friends that she hangs out with as well. She broke up with her ex-bf (aka bff) for over a month, they've been going out for a year, so i'm possibly the rebound. I've stated in person, "so this is just a temp break and you will be back with him?" her reply "definitely not!" I spoke with her close gf (Z) - who knows that we're dating - last night about this ex and she mentioned that he was a real jerk to her friends and to her, hence the fact he NEVER was accepted as a friend within this group. She later concluded that she spoke to (A) about how it was a good thing she saw the real side of her bff and that I stepped in at the right time, bc if it were the other way around then she would of missed out on a great guy (me ) and stuck with jerk. Here's the issue, she mentioned that she wants to take it slow and that she rather not tell the group of friends just yet. Should I confront her and ask why? Is there a reason for this, bc i'm very confused. PS: We're practically raised the same - culturally (conservative). Both in our mid-late 20's, Both have FT careers, own goals, own lives. Both are introverts (i'm slightly extrovert). She's a type A person, i'm a type B person. We're both nice to each other and to our friends. Kinda like she fell into my lap...but she's holding onto some baggage
Sivok Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Her heart isn't fully available for you yet. It's good she wants to take things slow. If she didn't, that's when I'd be worried about you being a rebound
Viking Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Her heart isn't fully available for you yet. It's good she wants to take things slow. If she didn't, that's when I'd be worried about you being a rebound How long does it take for her heart to "be available" though if you're the guy right afterward? I am/was in a similar situation where my current GF transitioned from her ex to me. We're 9 months in and I still have yet to say "I love you" because I don't know how she'd react. She doesn't think very highly of her last bf either. How can you tell if your GF is/isn't emotionally available?
Sivok Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person. After a breakup, if a person was truly in love with their ex, it usually takes anywhere from half the time of their previous relationship to the full duration: If she was in love with someone for a year, it would take her 6-12 months to get over him. There are exceptions of course, but this is what I've generally experienced/heard.
Author I'm Batman Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Her heart isn't fully available for you yet. It's good she wants to take things slow. If she didn't, that's when I'd be worried about you being a rebound I TOTALLY understand that her ex has burdened her heart even if he is/was her bff, and it's at this time her heart is still mending from the breakup. I'm hoping that what she's told me is 100% true and that she will never go back to him. But won't she always have ties with him? That's what I am concerned with, would she go back to this guy even though he treated her poorly?
Sivok Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 No, from what you're stating, I do not think she'll go back to him. She just needs time to get back on her feet
Author I'm Batman Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 No, from what you're stating, I do not think she'll go back to him. She just needs time to get back on her feet I greatly appreciate your advice. Having not been in this situation before I don't want to say something by mistake only having her scared back into her safety cocoon. She's really a nice girl, it's too bad that I didn't meet her 6-12 months after her breakup. Need to work on my patience level. I'll think optimistic, i have a girl friend that told me that her former bf is the rebound guy, they've been going out for 3+ years. I knew her ex, thought he was a great guy, they dated for 5yrs, but she said that it would NEVER work out, too many similarities and similar opinions. I hope my situation works out like this too.
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