DudeMan27 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I thought I was over wrestling with my own mind last year. I had a major tendancy to way overthink things and read way too much into stuff and it really hurt toward the end of my relationship a year ago and during the early stages of the breakup. I thought I learned my lesson. Even a few other people said they never saw a person over think things like I do. My ex and I would text here and there over the end of last year and the beginning of this. I started to realize that the only time we speak is if I make contact first. So I finally decided that I would have to go NC no matter how much I wanted to speak with her. That lasted only a few weeks as she started to text me out of the blue asking how I was and saying "havent spoke in a while, just checking in" Well it got the best of me and about 2 months ago and offered up a phone call and we had a nice conversation catching up. In her texts and conversation, she would emphasize for me to keep in touch and even said "it was good catching up, seriously, lets not go so long in between next time" Well about 2 weeks after we spoke on the phone, I got another "hey, havent spoke in a while,whats up?" texts. 2 weeks after that, she fowarded an email her dad had sent out to all her family and neighbors inviting me to their first cookout of the year at her parents (they have one a month in the summer where they play volleyball) This really caught me off guard. Of course I overthought, thinking it was a mistake, or she was just trying to be nice. I didnt know what to think. I let it go for a couple weeks and text her something unrelated. First thing she sends back is "are you comming to volleyball?" I just told her I didnt know. I again let it go and the next saturday at 11pm, 11! she sends another text asking if I was comming. I basically played it off that I had other plans and said maybe next time. She replies with "no problem, theres one every month so you are good" A few days later she IM's me from work for the first time forever. Well I once again have gone a few weeks without contacting her. I want to so bad, but for some reason I wrestle with the thoguht that each text she gets from me is like a "oh brother my ex is texting me again" I know that cant be true but its the way I feel. Especially once it took her 24 hours to respond. I kind of felt bad because she was the one contacting me the past few months, invited me to a cookout and told me to keep in touch. Which I realy hadn't. So i finally text her just asking how she has been. She sends back that she just got back from Key West. Now I am crushed. I barely got any sleep. All I can think of is she was with a guy. Why else would she be down there. I'm so mad at myself for waiting so long in between her texting me and inviting me to a cookout. Now I have in my mind that she no longer wants to talk to me. I dont think theres ANY way if she was dating someone that she would have invited me to her parents cookout. But, with the way I over think everything, Im not sure. I dont know whats wrong with me. Here an ex sends me multiple texts saying that we havent spoke in a while and she was checkign in, and tells me to keep in touch. But then I feel like i'm bothering her when I do keep in touch. I still don't know why she would have invited me to her parents house. Of course tho, I feel like she doesnt want me to go, even tho she invited me. My mind does this all the time. I just assumed before that she was dating someone by now, so thats why I wanted to do the NC. I didnt know for sure, but if i found out I think id be crushed. When she invited me to the cookout, I couldnt see her invited her ex if she was in a relationship with someone else. Especially when she knew I still liked her and told her in december how much i missed her. But all it takes is a text saying she was in Key West, and I'm back to assuming shes in this commited relationship. She travels all the time anyway, but this is driving me nuts. I was so happy when she was the one texting me a few months ago, now I was back to losing sleep and being sad when I have no proof of anything. I thought I was over this wrestling with my own thoughts. But I have been so confusesd since all of this started. So happy, then confused, then angry at myself for waiting so long to keep our contact going. I feel like im going nuts.
Ilovecake Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Well you just pretty much laid it out why keeping in contact with your ex is not a good idea. She has one idea of what your relationship is (sounds like she thinks you two are friends) and you keep talking to her holding on to hope that it's more romantic. If you're in contact with your ex and it's making you anxious and over think things then you should definitely stop talking to her. In all this time has she mentioned anything about your relationship and where it’s headed? I mean sooner or later she’s going to start dating, if she hasn’t already, and seeing you as a friend she’s probably going to talk to you about her new boyfriend because that’s what friends talk about. Do you want to be there for her in that capacity? What you need to be thinking about is yourself and what will make you happy in the long run not if you're hurting her feelings. She's no longer your responsibility.
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