angelo82 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 My gf was ragging on me for hooking up with an 18 year old once (when I was 26) so I turned the tables and asked her, "how old's the oldest guy she's been with." She said 31. Then I said, "who's the tallest guy she's been with." She said 6'8". I said, "Wow. Pretty tall. What was their deal?" She said he was a basketball player. (I knew she was still friends with a basketball guy that she said she never did anything with or had a relationship with so I said, "you're not talking about so-and-so are you?" She said it was him. I said, "Oh. You told me months ago you two never did anything. She said, "Oh... Um... Well. We made out once... That was all." I said, "What did you think 'being with someone' meant?!" The whole conversation started when we were talking about me hooking up with an 18 year old so I think she would have known what we're talking about. Plus, she's not naive. Everyone I've asked has said it either means sex or a relationship (most say sex). So if someone asks you, "Who's the oldest girl/guy you've ever been with?" what does the "bean with" mean to you? (point is I think she lied to me about something stupid).
phineas Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 there is a clear distinction between "friend" & "ex". guys you boned NEVER go in the "friend" category & everyone knows this. She boned her "friend" & is still friends with him. She lied to you on purpose. I personally made it clear to any women I dated the difference & believe I have the right to know if she slept with her "guy friend" that she hangs with. I've had them lie about it & had them sleep with that guy while with me. but, the dude is 6' 8". If she was sleeping with him on the side she'd be like a cup of warm water when you got in so if she's tight your good.
Ronni_W Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 (point is I think she lied to me about something stupid). angelo, I agree with you that it is something stupid...so do NOT turn it into something serious (that is going to cause unnecessary problems and issues in your relationship.) YOU are the one who took this conversation to a place it shouldn't have gone; YOU decided to bring a 'real live person' into what should have stayed just a general conversation. *IF* she wasn't totally honest with you, then you can also just decide that her intention was to not upset you and to not have to deal with your upset. Forgive yourself for your part in this silliness, and also forgive her for hers. And then move forward and have a great and happy relationship!
samspade Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 1. Don't let someone shame you for a past relationship/sexual encounter. 2. Don't discuss the past - hers or yours - with your current mate. 3. "Been with" means slept with. Even if a woman tells you she just "fooled around," chances are she ***ked the guy. Women are like icebergs - you can see about 10% and the rest is hidden. Just don't talk about this stuff and you'll avoid a world of issues with your GF.
sally4sara Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 but, the dude is 6' 8". If she was sleeping with him on the side she'd be like a cup of warm water when you got in so if she's tight your good. This is one of the dumbest statements I've heard on this site. Height does not dictate penis size. And you do know babies come out of there right? Do you think women are unable to have sex there after? No way he is as big as a baby. It sounds like your GF was trying to keep you in the dark about her past sex life. It is possible that your question being geared towards height, made her think you were only asking how tall the tallest guy she ever went out with was, but.....only you can speak as to the likelihood of that being what she thought you were asking. Many people prefer to just not dwell on the past when it comes to their sexual experiences to avoid any weirdness over things they cannot go back and change. I can't really say what her personal motivation was, but it does sound like you stumbled on a detail she never wanted to share.
Author angelo82 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 angelo, I agree with you that it is something stupid...so do NOT turn it into something serious (that is going to cause unnecessary problems and issues in your relationship.) YOU are the one who took this conversation to a place it shouldn't have gone; YOU decided to bring a 'real live person' into what should have stayed just a general conversation. *IF* she wasn't totally honest with you, then you can also just decide that her intention was to not upset you and to not have to deal with your upset. Forgive yourself for your part in this silliness, and also forgive her for hers. And then move forward and have a great and happy relationship! No. She was the one who was first bringing up the girl i was with that was 18. And she was using her name and all..!
Ronni_W Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 No. She was the one who was first bringing up the girl i was with that was 18. And she was using her name and all..! Was that prior knowledge, then? (before this particular convo.) Even if not, the point is that YOU brought up the basketball player's name -- and I interpreted from your post that this was 'new' knowledge (that you found out in this convo, based on questions that YOU asked.) You gotta own what's yours, angelo. In any case. It's a lesson for what not to do in your next relationship, yes? "Don't ask; Don't tell" when it comes to specifics about past sexual encounters. May I ask: Are you planning to let this sink your relationship, or are you going to let it go?
Author angelo82 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Was that prior knowledge, then? (before this particular convo.) Even if not, the point is that YOU brought up the basketball player's name -- and I interpreted from your post that this was 'new' knowledge (that you found out in this convo, based on questions that YOU asked.) You gotta own what's yours, angelo. In any case. It's a lesson for what not to do in your next relationship, yes? "Don't ask; Don't tell" when it comes to specifics about past sexual encounters. May I ask: Are you planning to let this sink your relationship, or are you going to let it go? The only prior knowledge was that I had asked about the guy along time back and she said the guy was just a friend. But my gf is the type that says even if it's a one-night stand, any sex with a person coints as a relationship. This is why when I've had a one night stand my gf calls them my ex-gf even though I barely knew the person. She's the one that brings up the past alot (which i have no problem talking about). So I just turn the tables on her sometimes. Also, she's quite the white lier. I've caught her in a few. Maybe I just feel like I have to test her every now and then to rebuild some trust I've lost along the way.
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 This is one of the dumbest statements I've heard on this site. Height does not dictate penis size. And you do know babies come out of there right? Do you think women are unable to have sex there after? No way he is as big as a baby. Thank You! "big as a baby" :lmao:
carhill Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 TBH, if you're interested in a mature relationship, long-term, I'd let her go.
phineas Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 This is one of the dumbest statements I've heard on this site. Height does not dictate penis size. And you do know babies come out of there right? Do you think women are unable to have sex there after? No way he is as big as a baby. It sounds like your GF was trying to keep you in the dark about her past sex life. It is possible that your question being geared towards height, made her think you were only asking how tall the tallest guy she ever went out with was, but.....only you can speak as to the likelihood of that being what she thought you were asking. Many people prefer to just not dwell on the past when it comes to their sexual experiences to avoid any weirdness over things they cannot go back and change. I can't really say what her personal motivation was, but it does sound like you stumbled on a detail she never wanted to share. Thank You! "big as a baby" :lmao: Really? You both thought I was being serious?
ADF Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all know that more often than not, "been with" is a euphamism for "had sex with." You've made your point. Frankly, I think you are using this thread to beat your GF up with. You just want to grind this in her face as hard as possible. Good luck keeping her affection with that attitude.
Author angelo82 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Not just to beat on her - I just have a hard time thinking of "been with" could be taken as making out. But maybe it's just different perspectives..?? But everyone I've talked to so far says she's full of it.
phineas Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 What it comes down to is how often does she see her "friend" & does she spend time with him alone. If she spends time with him alone & lied about them having a sexual past then that's a problem.
Author angelo82 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 So I did some snooping (for shame! lol) and found an old conversation between my gf and the "been with" guy. Yes, I know snooping is wrong. But I felt something was amiss and here you go: My Gf: I had like mini-bfs Guy: oh cuz they were all short? i see i see...thats why u hung out wit me then, to even it out, right? cool cool... nice tennis match u got goin wit Pat....lol. notice how me n pat havent talked to eachother at all yet? haha.....weird triangle. lol My Gf: Figures, that boys still likes me-I have my 10th grade-college bfs still after me-lol No one believed us about him, it was weird, then he started showing up less and less-whatever I had like mini bfs, I wanted more fun than anything-lol, I'm still not a slut, close but no slut, ha ha. No like guys wanted me, I would test them out and be like, no thanks-next. It was weird. But me and DJ dated for a college second so that was different but now he doesn't talk to me, but he gets his friends to talk to me for him. They were trying to arrange times for us to be at Brevard at the same time-weird things like that Every single ex still tries to talk to me, whatever, they don't realize that I could still be friends with them-they thinks its all or nothing Aw that's so sweet, too bad you spend months looking at me over the computers My Gf: Apparently, did you ever tell him that we f*ck*d? Guy: Uhm I dont think I told him...I told me we hung out n made out....but I dont think I shared all of it...cuz i usually dont do that if i care for the girl... Well I guess u tried me out then too lol....well im not all about all or nothing lol...i can be friends...or have fun...or both...or nothing i guess lol.... unless u do really marry me u know...then its ALL haha... DJ was my dude too...haha i liked that kid. He got hung up on whats her face...ex vball, she left too...Marissa? Why cant he just talk to u himself? thats kinda immature...no? My Gf: You gave me the red light, so that's why I left Who's Marissa?
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Women are like icebergs - you can see about 10% and the rest is hidden. .. This made me laugh...not sure why but it was funny.. Maybe it is because it can be true for so many other facets of women I think the been with phrase means swapped bodily fluids.. I don't think I have been with someone unless I left her something and vise versa...
flying Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Wow, between this old convo and the link Carhill posted, she clearly has issues with lying. I don't see this working out well for you, OP. You're never going to get a straight story out of her. I'd be doubting everything she says.
VertexSquared Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 This girl is bad news. Not the best material for anything long-term.
that girl Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 "Been with" is a little vague when it comes to a round of who is the oldest/tallest/whateverest person you have ever been with. Most people haven't slept with herds of people so I wouldn't be at all surprised if they included people they just made out with. This whole conversation is really unclear. First, she isn’t totally off base giving you crap about dating an 18 year old at 26, it is a little sketch. And turning that around would be asking her the youngest guy she has slept with not the oldest. Then there is the basketball player- they made out and you didn’t know, but reading the rest of the question I wonder if you originally asked if she slept with him. I don’t know what to think about your girlfriend, but you both need to be much clearer. And if you don’t trust her you should just stop dating her.
Author angelo82 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 You know how all of that stuff got started?! She was upset that I was friends with any girls on facebook that I had any type of relationship with - even ones that just had a crush on me! (so I deleted them all for her) That's why when I saw this guy that she was still friends with that had posted a bunch of lovey-things on her wall a while back I asked her if they were ever anything. Basically a "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" thing. Testing her hypocriticalness. Anyways they were something... Observe: The guy: i knew what u meant...jus givin u sh*t. well again, since Pat seems to think I cut him off last time, or that u chose me over him... whether or not its gonna happen (again) i dont know....im just speculatin...since they call me Prophet and all, i figured i'd give it a shot lol My Gf: What the hell? We had a bet, but he was chicken. I had a bf when he started talking, then you, then a bf-he's just pissed because he never got with me The guy: oh yea thats def what it is.... but were u serious wit the bet? i dunno he seems to do this a lot of girls, at least, i have a lot of girls come up to me askin him about him, whats his deal.... i dunno. I got love for the dude, hes cool as hell, but i dont really get into his personal love life.... a bf, then me, then a bf.... what was I? lol, plus who was after me? My Gf: He did it with a lot of girls, I was testing him because at the time he was still my coach-so technically he was breaking rules, he played this game for 2 years. Worried? Ok, during 2 years, I ended my relationship with Ryan and things happened, then you but that cooled and you gave me the cold shoulder after 6AM (not my best work, no one could have their best work then ha ha) then things happened, then I had a bf then you started getting close to me again-I don't know, things were mixed up The Guy: yea i heard he's kinda creepy wit it...lol anyway. and things happened? what does that mean? I gave YOU the cold shoulder? How about you gave ME the cold shoulder. I tried to get in contact wit u but u left BC witout even sayin bye! thats more then a cold shoulder..thats a cold...a..uhm...just cold! lol Anyway, so who was the new dude after me? he was at bc? Wow, this sure does feel like old times dont it? Talkin again, arguing haha.... Anyway yea 6am aint my primetime either...but we allready established that. lol.
Author angelo82 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 "Been with" is a little vague when it comes to a round of who is the oldest/tallest/whateverest person you have ever been with. Most people haven't slept with herds of people so I wouldn't be at all surprised if they included people they just made out with. This whole conversation is really unclear. First, she isn’t totally off base giving you crap about dating an 18 year old at 26, it is a little sketch. And turning that around would be asking her the youngest guy she has slept with not the oldest. Then there is the basketball player- they made out and you didn’t know, but reading the rest of the question I wonder if you originally asked if she slept with him. I don’t know what to think about your girlfriend, but you both need to be much clearer. And if you don’t trust her you should just stop dating her. Did you read the conversation I found of her's at the end of the first page of this thread? Plus the one I posted above. And... I never dated that 18 year old. It was a one night stand. Also, she said the oldest guy she was with was 31 when she was 20 so I don't even understand how she can rag on me for what I did (but then of course, I'm sure her and the 31 year old guy only "made out." lol
that girl Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Did you read the conversation I found of her's at the end of the first page of this thread? Plus the one I posted above. And... I never dated that 18 year old. It was a one night stand. Also, she said the oldest guy she was with was 31 when she was 20 so I don't even understand how she can rag on me for what I did (but then of course, I'm sure her and the 31 year old guy only "made out." lol I read the conversation copy and pasted here, but it is so random, confusing and out of context it doesn't mean anything to me. But yes, I find a 26 year old man sleeping with an 18 year old sketchier than a 20 year old sleeping with a 31 year old. There is a bigger gap between 18 and 20 than there is between say 27 and 29. Plus, the responsibility leans towards the older person. A 26 year old sleeping with someone who could be in high school raises a red flag for me. You don't trust her, so break up with her. I just don't see any evidence that she is 100% or even 80% of the problem.
Author angelo82 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 I read the conversation copy and pasted here, but it is so random, confusing and out of context it doesn't mean anything to me. But yes, I find a 26 year old man sleeping with an 18 year old sketchier than a 20 year old sleeping with a 31 year old. There is a bigger gap between 18 and 20 than there is between say 27 and 29. Plus, the responsibility leans towards the older person. A 26 year old sleeping with someone who could be in high school raises a red flag for me. You don't trust her, so break up with her. I just don't see any evidence that she is 100% or even 80% of the problem. "My Gf: Apparently, did you ever tell him that we f*cked? Guy: Uhm I dont think I told him...I told me we hung out n made out....but I dont think I shared all of it...cuz i usually dont do that if i care for the girl..." and... "Guy: a bf, then me, then a bf.... what was I? My Gf: during 2 years, I ended my relationship with Ryan and things happened, then you but that cooled and you gave me the cold shoulder after 6AM (not my best work, no one could have their best work then ha ha) then things happened, then I had a bf then you started getting close to me again" I asked her if she ever had anything with the guy. She obviously wasn't truthful when she said she didn't.
Author angelo82 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Posted June 21, 2010 Also, I'm curious to what the appropriate age is for a 26 year old to hook up with. 21? I had thought 18 year-olds were adults. What if the 26 year old was a woman and the 18 year old a man? Is that also inappropriate?
marsle85 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 "Been with" = oral/anal/intercourse or dated I think this make-out could have really not been a big deal... I probably would have answered the same thing and I *really* value honesty. Afterall, you didn't ask her: "Who was the tallest guy you've ever dated, slept with, made out with, been asked out by, flirted with or been rejected by" Yanno? No big deal.
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