SummerLady Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I have posted about this before but I have a friend who constantly cheats on her hubby. She just got out of a almost 3 year relationship with a co-worker to start up another with a divorcee who she knows through a school she was taking a certification class. She ended this one quickly as she found out this guy has a criminal history. She was real annoyed as she was having some fun. She doesn't give me many details anymore, she normally emails me pictures of them ect. She got annoyed with me a couple months ago as I told her I did not think she was happily married, she was very offended by this which I thought was funny. She said to me my marriage is wonderful..Why would you think I am not happily married, ugh maybe all the affairs you have, huh? So she was mad as she could not convince me otherwise. Firstoff why is my opinion of her marriage that important to her? its what you think of your marriage that is the most important plus I am a true friend hence not going hand her a line of BS. Since then she does not contact me much anymore which acutally is good for me as I got tired of all the stories. Is she living in denial or what? Plus she has another good friend that she told about the long term affair and that one has not talked to her recently either, not sure if that is the reason. She introduced her then boyfriend to that friend which I think is tasteless, I wonder if that is why she avoids her to this day..Its all in bad taste as we all know and are friends with her hubby. I think this is a blessing , thoughts>>
sally4sara Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I don't get it. Does her husband know and is cool with it or is she just happily creeping and not giving any thought to the unhappy possibility of being caught and her marriage ending?
Author SummerLady Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 I don't get it. Does her husband know and is cool with it or is she just happily creeping and not giving any thought to the unhappy possibility of being caught and her marriage ending? Her husband does not know anything specific. I think he may suspect but he knows nothing really.
sally4sara Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I would think, if she were so happily married, that activities that could result in her losing her "happy marriage" would be avoided. If she doesn't protect her marriage - how happy can it be?
Author SummerLady Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 I would think, if she were so happily married, that activities that could result in her losing her "happy marriage" would be avoided. If she doesn't protect her marriage - how happy can it be? I know but why is it important to her for me to think she is happily married? Is this a show or something. Why does my opinion mean anything really..I think that is odd. I am not saying your friend's opinions don't count for anything but when it comes to my marriage my opinion is the most important, its like she is competing with me, its way weird..I don't quite get it...
Ronni_W Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I know but why is it important to her for me to think she is happily married? ... I don't quite get it SL, As a guess, she probably has convinced herself that she truly is "happily married" -- and maybe it is "happy" for her...but only because she is getting all of her needs met, albeit some of them outside of the marriage. That is. For the rest of us, we'd call such a marriage unhappy because of its inability to meet/fulfill all our marital expectations, needs and wants. But apparently she's successfully made some 'internal adjustments', changed for herself what we might deem are "normal" marital expectations, and subsequently is able to define hers a happy marriage. Personally, I think she's deluding-deceiving herself...but I guess that is her right and prerogative. The thing is, she needs everybody (not just you) to "agree with" her view of her marriage so that the "happy marriage" illusion that she's created for herself does not come tumbling down like the house of cards that, IMHO, it is. It's not that, as her friend, your opinion is important to her. It's that she needs the 'collective opinion' to match her own so as not to shatter her illusions. Yours is just one of many. I'm not seeing anything "competitive" about her position, though -- not sure how your mind got to that. To me, it's self-preservation that is motivating her. As a guess.
Author SummerLady Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 SL, As a guess, she probably has convinced herself that she truly is "happily married" -- and maybe it is "happy" for her...but only because she is getting all of her needs met, albeit some of them outside of the marriage. That is. For the rest of us, we'd call such a marriage unhappy because of its inability to meet/fulfill all our marital expectations, needs and wants. But apparently she's successfully made some 'internal adjustments', changed for herself what we might deem are "normal" marital expectations, and subsequently is able to define hers a happy marriage. Personally, I think she's deluding-deceiving herself...but I guess that is her right and prerogative. The thing is, she needs everybody (not just you) to "agree with" her view of her marriage so that the "happy marriage" illusion that she's created for herself does not come tumbling down like the house of cards that, IMHO, it is. It's not that, as her friend, your opinion is important to her. It's that she needs the 'collective opinion' to match her own so as not to shatter her illusions. Yours is just one of many. I'm not seeing anything "competitive" about her position, though -- not sure how your mind got to that. To me, it's self-preservation that is motivating her. As a guess. Because she didn't start that behavior with me till I startede dating my soon to be fiance. I got divorced and left a bad marriage and am now with someone and I am happy. I never say oh I am so happy but we all know when people are truly happy, you can tell. I don;t think she has the balls to up and leave her marriage and be truly happy and live an authentic life. The problems with my marriage are vastly different from hers, I never cheated but at the end of the day if your unhappy the reasons don;t make a difference. I think apart of her is jealous I made a change that she can't bear to make, she is a cake eater and will continue to be. One thing about her that really bothers me is she is extremely superficial when it comes to looks. Her husband is not a looker but he is a great guy and great father. She looks down on him for this. I find this empty. She makes comments about my SO's body as he is very fit and attractive. That has little to do with why I am with him..Yes I am attracted to him but that is not the most important thing. She is just childish to me.
Spark1111 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Because she didn't start that behavior with me till I startede dating my soon to be fiance. I got divorced and left a bad marriage and am now with someone and I am happy. I never say oh I am so happy but we all know when people are truly happy, you can tell. I don;t think she has the balls to up and leave her marriage and be truly happy and live an authentic life. The problems with my marriage are vastly different from hers, I never cheated but at the end of the day if your unhappy the reasons don;t make a difference. I think apart of her is jealous I made a change that she can't bear to make, she is a cake eater and will continue to be. One thing about her that really bothers me is she is extremely superficial when it comes to looks. Her husband is not a looker but he is a great guy and great father. She looks down on him for this. I find this empty. She makes comments about my SO's body as he is very fit and attractive. That has little to do with why I am with him..Yes I am attracted to him but that is not the most important thing. She is just childish to me. I agree with your assessment, SL. Not only does she need attention and validation from men on the side, she needs further attention from her girlfriends for having men on the side. Then, when you do not admire her for those men, or do not admire her for even having a happy marriage (a very logical conclusion, IMO) she goes off in a snit. I would sever this friendship immediately, if I were you. Why? Because she sounds like a narcissist, and when they turn mean, they can turn very mean if they sense your disapproval, or at the very least, lack of approving validation of all that they do. She could even make a play for your very fit and attractive SO. Run. Run fast.
porkinsjehosaphat Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 OP, I don't get it. Why are you "true friends" with a total wh*re?
Author SummerLady Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 OP, I don't get it. Why are you "true friends" with a total wh*re? Never was a whore growing up. She did not tell me about the affairs until the beginning of this year as she knows I would disapprove. But the question is a valid one, now that I know...
Rabican Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I have posted about this before but I have a friend who constantly cheats on her hubby. She just got out of a almost 3 year relationship with a co-worker to start up another with a divorcee who she knows through a school she was taking a certification class. She ended this one quickly as she found out this guy has a criminal history. She was real annoyed as she was having some fun. She doesn't give me many details anymore, she normally emails me pictures of them ect. She got annoyed with me a couple months ago as I told her I did not think she was happily married, she was very offended by this which I thought was funny. She said to me my marriage is wonderful..Why would you think I am not happily married, ugh maybe all the affairs you have, huh? So she was mad as she could not convince me otherwise. Firstoff why is my opinion of her marriage that important to her? its what you think of your marriage that is the most important plus I am a true friend hence not going hand her a line of BS. Since then she does not contact me much anymore which acutally is good for me as I got tired of all the stories. Is she living in denial or what? Plus she has another good friend that she told about the long term affair and that one has not talked to her recently either, not sure if that is the reason. She introduced her then boyfriend to that friend which I think is tasteless, I wonder if that is why she avoids her to this day..Its all in bad taste as we all know and are friends with her hubby. I think this is a blessing , thoughts>> Thoughts? This whole situation has nothing to do with you. She has stopped contacting you so loose her number.
Author SummerLady Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Thoughts? This whole situation has nothing to do with you. She has stopped contacting you so loose her number. Easier said then done I have known her forever. Maybe this is not a good time for us to be in contact. Part of me feels bad about it but there is nothing I can do to help her overall.
Corporate Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I have posted about this before but I have a friend who constantly cheats on her hubby. She just got out of a almost 3 year relationship with a co-worker to start up another with a divorcee who she knows through a school she was taking a certification class. She ended this one quickly as she found out this guy has a criminal history. She was real annoyed as she was having some fun. She doesn't give me many details anymore, she normally emails me pictures of them ect. She got annoyed with me a couple months ago as I told her I did not think she was happily married, she was very offended by this which I thought was funny. She said to me my marriage is wonderful..Why would you think I am not happily married, ugh maybe all the affairs you have, huh? So she was mad as she could not convince me otherwise. Firstoff why is my opinion of her marriage that important to her? its what you think of your marriage that is the most important plus I am a true friend hence not going hand her a line of BS. Since then she does not contact me much anymore which acutally is good for me as I got tired of all the stories. Is she living in denial or what? Plus she has another good friend that she told about the long term affair and that one has not talked to her recently either, not sure if that is the reason. She introduced her then boyfriend to that friend which I think is tasteless, I wonder if that is why she avoids her to this day..Its all in bad taste as we all know and are friends with her hubby. I think this is a blessing , thoughts>> The question you should ask yourself is, why do I keep such company as friend? What does that say or reflect about yourself?
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