lvixen Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Hi all, I guess I'll give a bit of a rundown of my situation, hopefully it's not too long. What I'm aiming for is to give motivation to those who are just starting NC or are thinking about starting it. We were high school sweethearts. We reconnected 15 years later through facebook. It became a long distance relationship but we frequently traveled between each other's cities to visit each other. During that time he treated me like utter crap, but since I was deeply in love with him I guess I didn't see it. For example, I was overweight (still am but not as much so) and he would call me "Michilin girl" and tell me "I'm attracted to you but not physically". When he told me that I suggested we break up but he begged be not to. Frequently he would make me cry with his remarks. EVERYONE around me knew he was a jerk...except for me! Eventually we decided that it was time for me to move in with him. I moved out 2k miles from home to be with him. I had no friends, no job, nothing except for him in my new city. It started to take its toll on me. When I tried to talk to him about it, he got very angry, raising his fist to me and telling me to call the Distress Centre instead. Which I refuse to do. He's my boyfriend, why can't I talk TO HIM? Eventually he kicks me out and says we should still be friends, then changes his mind and says, "I love you, come back when you get better". So I'm back at home now, having wasted my time in that new city. Let me tell you, during that time after coming home, the anxiety levels were extremely high. It was the worst feeling EVER. He calls me nearly everyday, but eventually stops calling. I decide to confront him. He says "out of sight, out of mind. I want to be friends with you but nothing more". I accept it but try to get assurances from him that we CAN indeed still be friends. He assures me, yes. 3 weeks later he has removed me from his facebook friends. When I call him he says it was an accident and that he will add me. He does a month later. During that time of us being "friends" he constantly asks me how much weight I've lost in the past week, how much exercising I'm doing, what I'm eating, etc,. He asks me to send him pictures of my progress, but no naked pictures until I'm 140 pounds. I'm 5'11" and big boned so 140 is unhealthy for me, but he assures me it isn't. I say whatever and we move on. Eventually he tells me he's in love with this girl from the same city I live in, and that he's going to try a LDR with her. Eventually I snap. I post on these forums and got lovely advice to go NC ASAP with him. I tell him, I do not want him to call me or email me, and I won't do the same in return. The first couple of weeks after NC were really rough. I cried my eyes out and started abusing marijuana. My mother catches me and makes me promise I won't smoke it anymore, which I agree to, and haven't smoked it since. After about two weeks I start to feel a bit better, I don't cry as frequently, although he still haunts me in my dreams. I notice after about a month of NC I'm trying to keep myself busy. It works! I'm thinking about him less frequently. After 2 months of NC, a mutual friend tells me my ex was in town to see that girl, and that he said "she's a babe unlike my ex". It hurt, but not as much as it might have if I had continued to have contact with my ex. About 2 weeks after that I get a call from my ex. I'm about to hang up when he says "it's urgent". I listen and he says I left some clothes at his place and if I want them back. I say sure, thanks. He then goes on about that girl here, she's pulling away from him. I interrupt him, saying I have to go (I'm not listening to that crap, and besides, it's not MY problem). I hang up the phone. A week later he calls me back and this time I don't pick up but instead decide on what I'm going to say to him. I call him a couple of days later and say, "I NEVER want to talk to you ever again, I don't want to be your friend, or girlfriend, or anything else in your life. Do not call me or email me. Good bye" and I hang up the phone. It felt so empowering! Now it's been a month since that and has he sent me my clothing? No, of course not. It was an excuse to call, to interrupt my healing. But here's the good stuff. I'm no longer in love with him although I still do have feelings for him. I rarely think about him anymore, maybe once or twice a day, and usually when I'm really bored. I've also learned A LOT of lessons that I could have never learned had I kept in contact with him. First of all, I should've broken up with him when he said he didn't like my weight. My next boyfriend is going to accept me for who I am, no ifs ands or buts! I've also learned to stay away from men who emotionally abuse me. Going NC is tough, it's not easy. But if you're going through a break up, it is IMPORTANT that you go NC. It is the fastest means to help you heal and get your ex out of your head. Don't think you can be "friends" with your ex, they are using you as a second choice or out of guilt! DON'T DO IT! Have more self-respect than I had after my breakup! And most important: KEEP GOING! Yes, it gets better! Sorry if this was a long read, but I hope it can help someone. Take care.
Cantcope Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Incredible! Very inspiring. I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better. Your ex is a total d*uche! You are a superfox and you're going to meet someone that WILL love you for you!!!
Confused728 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I saw my ex the other day and ignored him completly told him i didnt want me to wave to me or even say he if he ever seen me. He looked at me and i walked the other way. I kinda felt bad lol do u think this was the right thing to do?
Author lvixen Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Incredible! Very inspiring. I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better. Your ex is a total d*uche! You are a superfox and you're going to meet someone that WILL love you for you!!! Yes, he's a total d-bag, that's for sure! I'm glad I went complete NC with him! How are you doing, Cantcope? I remember reading some posts of yours about having to deal with an ex that you work with. How is the NC going for you? As for Confused, yes that is absolutely the best thing to do. You did the right thing! If you were to wave at him, smile or whatever it's sort of an invitation for him to come talk to you, which leads to emotional involvement on your part. Good on you.
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