PinkEvie Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Hi, I just googled this site coz I am feeling so low at the moment. And I just want some opinions if I did the right thing. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He is from Ireland living in Australia, and I am aussie. He doesn't really express his emotion and has never told me how he feels about me. We had a great year last year, then in Dec 09 I found out he at met some woman who was MUCH older than me on a business trip. And had been having flirty emails back and forth, she came down to Melbourne and they had a night together ( I found this out by reading emails) I was a mess, we had planned a trip to Ireland to visit his parents. I wanted to go so bad, I didn't want to give it up. So I went, we had a great time, he was lovely and caring, which I wasnt use to from him. I guess I thought things would be okay. And they were, even tho I was madly checking his email and phone every chance I got. Until I found out that he had another email account.... A week ago, I read that he had met this woman at a bar, one that just wanted n strings attached se*x and didn't mind him having a gf. I would find him in the bathroom txting someone so I became suspcious. The last week has been hell...... I have been expecting him to go it again...... but I dunno if its worse because these emails and txts are dirty kinky, stuff you would write on a bathroom wall in a pub. I felt like there is something wrong with me...... that I am boring coz I don't like him saying and doing those things to me coz its not someone u'd do to someone you love. Tuesday night he told me that he wanted every 3rd weekend to himself for "him" time. (we only see each other on the weekend, we don't leave together (beause he won't move in) ) I was so upset because I could just imagine why! I then found out he was meeting her next weekend...... bringing her over to his place.... the place I hang out with him. I decided to end it last night, it was driving me mental..... I couldn't eat, work, or think about anything else. It took all weekend but I told him I was leaving, he thought I was joking, I told him he couldnt have his cake and eat it too. He denied everything, told me it was in my head. I didnt want to admit to checking his emails, I felt like a cheater for doing it. He then sat on the couch and said nothing for ages.... no emotions (I am use to this). He then said he wasn't sure what he wanted and he needed to clear his head. I asked him if he say me in his future and he said yes (probably said it to make me feel better), he also said a few things which made me doubt myself and think it was my fault. He wouldnt let me leave last night bcos I was very upset to drive, so I stayed and he lay in bed not speaking until he said "I am my own worse enemy" and I replied "yes you are". This morning, I told him I was leaving and he said ok. No emotions, did the last 2 or so years mean anything to him? Today he rang me coz he knew I had a doc's appointment that I was nervous about. He said it was all his fault, his head was spinning and that he need to sort his head out. He said he knew what he wanted but he just need to figure it out. I dunno if I should even talk to him anymore, I don't think my heart can take it. I checked his email out of pure torture and he is still meeting her next weekend, I suppose I am not surprised. I'm sorry that my thread is abit of rambling, I'm a mess... wondering what was so wrong with me that he would do this to me. Thanks for reading. erin
Cantcope Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I'm so sorry for your hurt. I don't think that you can trust him. I'm sorry I've been the only one on here to say that to you yet, but I think you'll hear that from the majority. I hope that you understand that you deserve more....
LifesontheUp Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Of course he is meeting her next weekend - thats why he told you his head is spinning and he needed time to sort his head out As Cantcope wrote - you deserve better than a lying, manipulative cheater. Its clear he thinks only of himself. You are better off without him.
S.Tee Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 The whole break-up thing is still very new but obviously he has someone and do not think he miss anything breaking up with you right now. I guess you just have to take it easy, make yourself busy, try get along with friends, go to gym, cooking whatever that keep your mind focus on anything but him. No need for any effort or contact because you are the victim here, he probably would admit it sooner or later, but since you made the first move already, mission accomplished. If he comes back, that is another story. For time being, be strong and always love yourself more than anything else.
Author PinkEvie Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Thanks guys, I know I did the right thing..... I woke up this morning feeling fine, then remembered it all and feel crap again. Everyone is saying I deserve better but I can't help feeling like this. He told me yesterday that he knows what he wants but he just has to clear he's head first...... please, as if I don't know that he wants to meet up with this woman on the weekend first :mad: He has no friends in australia, so I imagine I will hear from him when she doesn't want to know him anymore and he starts to miss me and all the things we did. Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate it.
GrayClouds Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 You did not let his weaknesses define your worth, you should congratulate yourself. It takes courage. Allow yourself to grieve, give yourself time to heal. Make sue you stay NC, at moments of weakness remind yourself how little he tried to fight for you. It was easier to give you up then for him to make the effort to become a better person. The rest of the time keep active with exercise, eating well, and doing things that reminds you while you deserve someone better then this guy, someone who would walk through fire for you.
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