Arasae Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Okay. I need some encouragement one way or another here: My ex-high school teacher and I keep chatting and I don't know if I should wait and try to drop enough hints to get HIM to ask me out, or if I should just go ahead and ask him out already. I think he's worried about crossing boundaries, but I can't be sure. Advice? Should I just go for it or bide my time?
harmfulsweetz Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Erm...I always say let the guy do the asking. If he's interested, he should step up to the plate and ask you out. Sure, keep flirting with him but hints don't work, men don't get hints at all.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 And why is it always the man who has to do the asking? Why is it always the man who has to step up to the plate and prove his worth to the woman? Why is it always the man who has to do all the work? Honestly, I think the reason women do not ask men out is because they are not as intrested in men as men are in women. That, and it's much easier to just let the man do the asking so you don't have to risk rejection or put in any effort and just let the man do all the work. True. Except for the interested part-it's tradition. The guy asks the girl out. It's what you do. Don't ask me why, it just is. Men chase, women get chased. Simples. I've never asked a guy out, yet I have chased men. Never worked for me-because it sets a precedent for those things. If you set about chasing a man and initiating everything-the man will become lazy, whereas if a woman is genuinely interested the effort will be reciprocated in other ways-such as contact etc.
MrNate Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Ah, the ole 'who should chase' debate. I've thought about that and the answer is rather simple: 1.Whoever wants it more. 2. If you're interested in someone, but he/she doesn't know. It usually comes down to these two things.
suprisinginsight Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Ah, the ole 'who should chase' debate. I've thought about that and the answer is rather simple: 1.Whoever wants it more. 2. If you're interested in someone, but he/she doesn't know. It usually comes down to these two things. Right on...or like I would say. Its the difference in being proactive or being reactive. Either you make things happen or wait for it to happen. The choice is yours.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Ah, the ole 'who should chase' debate. I've thought about that and the answer is rather simple: 1.Whoever wants it more. 2. If you're interested in someone, but he/she doesn't know. It usually comes down to these two things. Good point.
Author Arasae Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Well, I went ahead and subtly asked him out (or at least, told him I'd say yes if he were to do so). It turns out that I wasn't just being overly optimistic--he's feeling the same way! ^_^!! We shall have an actual date when he returns from KS. Hurray! I guess sometimes being proactive as a woman works out. =))))))
harmfulsweetz Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Well, I went ahead and subtly asked him out (or at least, told him I'd say yes if he were to do so). It turns out that I wasn't just being overly optimistic--he's feeling the same way! ^_^!! We shall have an actual date when he returns from KS. Hurray! I guess sometimes being proactive as a woman works out. =)))))) :D Well done, happy for you. Hope the date goes well! FoxMulder, hm...just my view really. I've done the chasing, and it doesn't work for me.
alphamale Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Advice? Should I just go for it or bide my time? i think you should go for it. since hes you ex-teacher there should be no issues. just make sure you're over 18
harmfulsweetz Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I respect your oppinion and all but as a man I find it offending when women say that men should do the chasing and take all the initiatives while the woman should just sit back and let the man do all the work. Offcourse it's good for you as a woman but why would any man really like that? I'm not suggesting that the man does all of the chasing, but the asking out bit yes, he should. For me, anyway. Trust me, I've done so much chasing I should be an Olympic Runner- it also got me nowhere. I find men like chasing women, they like the control, the thrill etc-if the guy can't get up the initiative to ask a woman out, what can he get up the initiative for? It boils down to gender roles here- it is traditionally the man's job to ask the woman out on a date, sure, it's great if a woman can do it. If a guy asks me out, I put in effort in the chasing too, I wouldn't just sit there while he does everything, I would contact him, etc but he has to do the asking. Way I roll
alphamale Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I'm not suggesting that the man does all of the chasing, but the asking out bit yes, he should. For me, anyway. Trust me, I've done so much chasing I should be an Olympic Runner- it also got me nowhere. indeed harmfulsweetz, i have rejected around 90% of the women that have asked me out. once in a while i have said yes to the chick if i liked her, but still, it felt weird
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 This isn't about who asks whom, in the standard way. This is about a young adult contemplating whether to try to date a former teacher, and about a teacher contemplating dating a former student. Until it comes out that he is 23 and she is nearly 19 (or something like that) then I can't see great cause why such a relationship, or the pursuit thereof, doesn't immediately signal to each side independently that they shouldn't bother... A probable train wreck waiting to happen.
Author Arasae Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 SincereOnlineGuy--I'm 21, and he's 26. I graduated four years ago, and we've had no contact since then. After examining his contract, the law, and our own ethical/moral qualms, we've gone ahead and decided that dating is a-okay. =) All we have left to do is figure out when/where we're going! =D
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 SincereOnlineGuy--I'm 21, and he's 26. I graduated four years ago, and we've had no contact since then. After examining his contract, the law, and our own ethical/moral qualms, we've gone ahead and decided that dating is a-okay. =) All we have left to do is figure out when/where we're going! =D (sigh) In my example, it was "23" and "18"... and in reality you are "26" and "21"... to me this clearly counts as "something like that". The fact you've not seen one another in four years is doubly reassuring. You can now take advantage of already having a personal familiarity with one another. This is a lot like the rare case where young adult A begins a relationship with young adult B and only afterward do they find out that they are related by blood after having been raised separately. Genetics and laws might rule out such couples marrying and/or reproducing, but your case does NOT have the genetic concerns (and the 4 years of not seeing one another clearly absolves you both of the need for concern over any 'funny feelings' others get about it). I'm signing off in your specific case as giving you full blessing to date this former H.S. teacher of yours for as long as you both like!!! (not that my approval matters to anyone, or should...)
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Okay. I need some encouragement one way or another here: My ex-high school teacher and I keep chatting and I don't know if I should wait and try to drop enough hints to get HIM to ask me out, or if I should just go ahead and ask him out already. I think he's worried about crossing boundaries, but I can't be sure. Advice? Should I just go for it or bide my time? Ethically it looks wrong on many points. I mean what's the age difference between y'all two? what if it gets out he's banging his former students depending on the atmosphere and school district, i mean it's a roll of the dice?
D-Lish Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Ah, the ole 'who should chase' debate. I've thought about that and the answer is rather simple: 1.Whoever wants it more. 2. If you're interested in someone, but he/she doesn't know. It usually comes down to these two things. Whomever wants it more is automatically at a disadvantage. Oh, and the guy should do the chasing, never the other way around. I am hoping your ex HS teacher is in his mid-twenties and you aren't far behind.
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