summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Just a general discussion topic.. If you were dating someone and you realized, without a doubt, you would never marry them, and possibly never even love them- would you continue to date them, for the experience/because you like them/etc, or would you leave the moment you realized they werent the right person? I have a good time with the guy Im seeing, we fight and have issues but hes a nice guy and has a good heart. but I genuinely have realized, that someone I dated already was my soulmate. And i always knew it, but we had to breakup for reasons that neither of us could really control... But just having conversations with this guy, I realize I could never live my whole life happy with him, without the deep soul bond, that deep love. I dont think were on the same level. but i like him and i have a good time, and hate to think of breaking up. Opinions?
USMCHokie Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Just a general discussion topic.. If you were dating someone and you realized, without a doubt, you would never marry them, and possibly never even love them- would you continue to date them, for the experience/because you like them/etc, or would you leave the moment you realized they werent the right person? I have a good time with the guy Im seeing, we fight and have issues but hes a nice guy and has a good heart. but I genuinely have realized, that someone I dated already was my soulmate. And i always knew it, but we had to breakup for reasons that neither of us could really control... But just having conversations with this guy, I realize I could never live my whole life happy with him, without the deep soul bond, that deep love. I dont think were on the same level. but i like him and i have a good time, and hate to think of breaking up. Opinions? This one is easy. You're not over your ex.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 I honestly dont believe thats why. this guy isnt on that deep level spiritually even. He doesnt believe in the power of human/soul bonds. He never has much to say and just seems....like not a whole lot is going on. we just arent connecting that way. With that person I dated, there was something so undeniable. Nothing like it. Im over him because he did a lot wrong to me and wouldnt do what he had to, to make it work- but there is no doubt my soul bonded to his. Its a very different feeling. Im not saying that guy is the one, but Ive seen what its like to have a soul bond... and this guy isnt it.
Sivok Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Summer, Absolutely not. I made that mistake a few months ago and put someone through a lot of heartbreak due to my overly optimistic hoping. The moment you feel the way you do currently is the moment you move on.
USMCHokie Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Very well then. It's obvious this guy isn't doing it for you, so you have two options: (1) Leave now and find someone who does it for you. (2) Stay with the guy and string him along, while you're looking for someone else who does it for you. Option 1 is the much more honorable and noble thing to do.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Summer, Absolutely not. I made that mistake a few months ago and put someone through a lot of heartbreak due to my overly optimistic hoping. The moment you feel the way you do currently is the moment you move on. what exactly do you mean by this? that you werent over someone, or you simply knew they werent the one but chose to try it anyway to see where it went?
Feelin Frisky Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I know that feeling. To me it's like the two hemispheres of my brain suddenly collide and I have a micro seizure and all the feeling of love falls away in a buzz of reality. It happens when the other person does something or acts in a way that makes me realize I have no idea who they are because they've just thrown me a total contradiction that I can't reconcile with who I thought they were. Based upon how far it's gone I'd probably not just dump and run on the spot. But it's an uncomfortable thing to get out of and there is no one size fits all method.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Very well then. It's obvious this guy isn't doing it for you, so you have two options: (1) Leave now and find someone who does it for you. (2) Stay with the guy and string him along, while you're looking for someone else who does it for you. Option 1 is the much more honorable and noble thing to do. regardless, i was mostly looking to see how people felt about the topic itself. I have heard of cases where people thought someone was not the one, and they end up married...So i was curious about how people think. in my situation, this is probably true. but I do like him. I have my own thinking to do, absolutely. I was just wondering what everyone thought about the topic
Sivok Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 or you simply knew they werent the one but chose to try it anyway to see where it went? This. She told me she loved me within two months... I waited 4 months after and never fell in love back. It crushed her and I felt horrible.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 This. She told me she loved me within two months... I waited 4 months after and never fell in love back. It crushed her and I felt horrible. yeah. Thats something I am afraid of. I like him, but a part of me feels like I may never get to that "love" level, but I dont think he will either honestly. Hes been in 3 ltr's, never really anything short, and never said he loved them before at least 6 mths. he thinks its infatuation before then. So im not worried of him loving me and having unrequited love, so much as Im concerned with wasting his/my time. I just need to figure out if this is definite....truly definite. If my feelings and ideas are blinding me, or if he really isnt the right person.
ADF Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I think the idea that we have a "soulmate" is a bunch of mushy-gushy teenage rubbish. The One is a lie. The One doesn't exist. All relationship require hard work and compromise. There is no settling down with some settling for.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 I think the idea that we have a "soulmate" is a bunch of mushy-gushy teenage rubbish. The One is a lie. The One doesn't exist. All relationship require hard work and compromise. There is no settling down with some settling for. I dont believe in only one person being the best for you. you can connect with multiple people over your lifetime. However, I believe in soul bonds..and you can have that with more than one person. I definitely think there is a level that goes beyond plain human emotion. And no, just because you have a soul bond doesnt mean itll be easy at all, those in my opinion can be the most challenging relationships.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 how long have you two been together now? haha....like a month. Not long at all
Confusedalways Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Nope. Everyone ends up in an even worse place than when we all began.
xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 The longer you're "together," the harder the decision is to make (if you're a good, caring person) and the harder it's going to be on your SO. As hokie said, tell him sooner than later, but BE SURE!!!
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 The longer you're "together," the harder the decision is to make (if you're a good, caring person) and the harder it's going to be on your SO. As hokie said, tell him sooner than later, but BE SURE!!! ive actually been close a few times...but thats the exact problem, for some reason i just cant bring myself to do it. Im just not sure. I feel like theres still more to learn and see about him, and theres a soft spot i have for him. I just havent been able to see myself doing it and thats what makes this decision so troubling...because I feel fairly confident i could be happier with someone else, but at the same time, I dont want to leave him. And it would be impossible to do later on for me...So yeah...lol. this is quite a situation.
xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 ive actually been close a few times...but thats the exact problem, for some reason i just cant bring myself to do it. Im just not sure. I feel like theres still more to learn and see about him, and theres a soft spot i have for him. I just havent been able to see myself doing it and thats what makes this decision so troubling...because I feel fairly confident i could be happier with someone else, but at the same time, I dont want to leave him. And it would be impossible to do later on for me...So yeah...lol. this is quite a situation. Are you comparing him to your ex that you thought was your soulmate? This is kinda the reason I'm so picky. I don't wanna just date girls then break it off down the road when we've gotten closer because she's not "the one." You also gotta realize that the chances of finding the very top "one" are one in a million (pun sort of intended lol). Furthermore, and more importantly, you gotta realize that everything between you and that person goes into them being "the one." Which I should ask what was it that you broke up with your ex over? Location? Something else?
westrock Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I feel like theres still more to learn and see about him, and theres a soft spot i have for him. On this basis it seems you still have feelings. I feel fairly confident i could be happier with someone else Who is this somone else? Your ex or some unknown person in the future you hope to meet?
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 On this basis it seems you still have feelings. Who is this somone else? Your ex or some unknown person in the future you hope to meet? yes, i like this guy. I definitely do. and that person could be anyone. I just feel like maybe theres a deeper connection out there
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Are you comparing him to your ex that you thought was your soulmate? This is kinda the reason I'm so picky. I don't wanna just date girls then break it off down the road when we've gotten closer because she's not "the one." You also gotta realize that the chances of finding the very top "one" are one in a million (pun sort of intended lol). Furthermore, and more importantly, you gotta realize that everything between you and that person goes into them being "the one." Which I should ask what was it that you broke up with your ex over? Location? Something else? I dont compare them as individuals, simply the way i feel with them/around them/our interactions I could definitely just be with him, and possibly spend my life, yeah sure- I could. I mean its so early anyhow, who knows? But I just have this sense that were different on the emotional/spiritual level, and thats a place I like to bond really deeply. I dont need to find the top one, just one that connects to me on every level, deeply. My ex and I fought a lot and I chose to end it, and after that we talked about getting back together but he was too afraid. we fought because we had different views on sex and marriage, mostly...he never wants to have sex or get married, and those were very important things to me..and really a shame that hed never consider it, because otherwise we couldve conquered the world.
xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I dont compare them as individuals, simply the way i feel with them/around them/our interactions I could definitely just be with him, and possibly spend my life, yeah sure- I could. I mean its so early anyhow, who knows? But I just have this sense that were different on the emotional/spiritual level, and thats a place I like to bond really deeply. I dont need to find the top one, just one that connects to me on every level, deeply. My ex and I fought a lot and I chose to end it, and after that we talked about getting back together but he was too afraid. we fought because we had different views on sex and marriage, mostly...he never wants to have sex or get married, and those were very important things to me..and really a shame that hed never consider it, because otherwise we couldve conquered the world. Then your ex wasn't right for you. Those views are really big deals. You're always gonna miss something with somebody you shared time with. There's good and bad. How long were you with him? If you were with him a lot longer than the month that you've been with this guy, obviously you're not going to feel the same yet. You've got to keep learning about this guy, a month is nothing. If you're learning more things about him, and because of that learning you're falling away from him, then it's time to start thinking about ending it. But make sure you know you want to end it before you do. If you don't really know him that well yet, then spend more time getting to know him.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Then your ex wasn't right for you. Those views are really big deals. You're always gonna miss something with somebody you shared time with. There's good and bad. How long were you with him? If you were with him a lot longer than the month that you've been with this guy, obviously you're not going to feel the same yet. You've got to keep learning about this guy, a month is nothing. If you're learning more things about him, and because of that learning you're falling away from him, then it's time to start thinking about ending it. But make sure you know you want to end it before you do. If you don't really know him that well yet, then spend more time getting to know him. oh, he definitely wasnt right for me. but I did bond very deeply to him. and the thing is, the way i felt this early on with ex, vs how i feel for this guy, are totally different. it is seeming that the more I get to know about this guy, the more I do fall away. But sometimes he says things that keep my interest. With my ex, there was something that clicked in us both at the same time, we had long talks about anything and everything and i felt understood. I wasnt crazy about him right away but it did come pretty quickly. I just hope Im not wasting my or his time by staying here, because I really dont know where its going, except that I dont think I could be that serious about him.
xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 oh, he definitely wasnt right for me. but I did bond very deeply to him. and the thing is, the way i felt this early on with ex, vs how i feel for this guy, are totally different. it is seeming that the more I get to know about this guy, the more I do fall away. But sometimes he says things that keep my interest. With my ex, there was something that clicked in us both at the same time, we had long talks about anything and everything and i felt understood. I wasnt crazy about him right away but it did come pretty quickly. I just hope Im not wasting my or his time by staying here, because I really dont know where its going, except that I dont think I could be that serious about him. Then break it off with him before it gets worse. You gave it a reasonable shot, and it isn't working for you. Tell him that you wanted to give it a shot to know him, but you fell away more and more.
westrock Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Myabe talk with him and express to him your concerns? You haven't been dating that long.
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