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should I take him out for bday dinner 6 months post breakup?

still_hopeful

By still_hopeful
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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still_hopeful New Member

still_hopeful

Posted
Posted

This is my first post so please forgive me if it's very long.

 

My ex of 4.5 years dumped me a little over a month ago but we have completely stopped talking since last Thursday, just a few days ago. We had to tie up some loose ends concerning the cell phone plan we shared. Anyways, he said that he had fallen out of love with me. He said he cared for me too much to cheat on me so broke it off before he could hurt me. Of course I was a dumb ass and cried like a lunatic and begged for us to be together, but he said that he knew I wasn't the one who he was going to marry. Ugh, this hurt pretty bad haha. We saw each other a few weeks later and I asked him if he felt anything for me, and he said no.

 

So during our relationship, we had gotten a dog and cat together about 3 years ago. We first decided we would share the dog, but he later changed his mind, saying that he couldn't keep seeing me as it made him sad (to see me sad). I ultimately decided to keep her because I am more financially able to provide for her. He had told me the day that I picked her up (maybe 1.5 weeks ago), that he still had feelings for me and he might contact me sooner that he thought (to reconcile I assume?). He said that he missed our lives together but his life was such a mess that he needed to take care of himself first. Anyways, he said we would always be special friends and he does not know what the future holds for us but "we" are a definite possibility.

 

Anyways, I have been a wreck and I miss him terribly post breakup. I was no saint in the relationship and I know I pushed him away with my immature and short-tempered behavior (I was 19 and he was 26 when we first started dating), but he wasn't always Mr. Nice Guy either. He kept repeating that we both treated each other like $h!t and were both being cruel to each other and he knows we were both unhappy. And yes, I was unhappy. But not with him, but with myself. Haha I am totally rambling so I'll stop and get to the question.

 

His birthday is in 6 months, and I want to take him out and see if there's anything left between us. I still love him and I would do anything to get back with him, but I know this is not the right time for both of us and we needed to grow without each other for now. I want him to be happy, and I want to be happy, so we can both be happy together. Lol, I want to start new and fresh if there will be a new start. I will continue with no-contact until then, but is this a silly plan? I know it's so far from now, but I would like some input. Thank you!

ADF Established Member

ADF

Posted
Posted

Frogive me, but are you insane?

 

This man sounds HORRIBLE. He dumps you, repeatedly rejects you, makes it clear he cares nothing for you--and you want to take him out for his birthday? Women like you are the reason so many guys decide to become jerks.

 

This man is trash. Dump him.

S.Tee Member

S.Tee

Posted
Posted

The issue here is both of you still has feelings for each other, only that he is unsure of his feelings coz sometimes he feels you are not for him. But same time he misses you during this break-up.

 

Keep in touch is the right thing to do. Not desperate measures but simply keep the relationship warm. Do not have any commitment and pls no expectations. High expectations will only dissapoint you if it failed. Just be happy in front of him, like you are glad the break-up happened coz you can know yourself better.

 

Be strong and let him decide coz you are not the one at losing end. But always remember : no expectation

norajane Established Member

norajane

Posted
Posted

I would not take him to dinner. He dumped you. He shouldn't get the privileges of a relationship, when he doesn't want to be in the relationship. Have more respect for yourself!

Ilovecake Established Member

Ilovecake

Posted
Posted (edited)

Wow what a selfish jerk. How could you even consider spending a minute with someone who treated you like a used pair of socks?

He completely dismissed your feelings so he can have a fling and then when things didn’t work out the way he hoped he comes crawling back but makes it sound like he’s doing you the favor. The guy is evil; he doesn’t deserve a carrying person like you. You need to figure out why you are allowing your abuser to treat you that way. Why you think this is OK and normal, because it’s not.

Edited by Ilovecake
northstar1 Established Member

northstar1

Posted
Posted
The issue here is both of you still has feelings for each other, only that he is unsure of his feelings coz sometimes he feels you are not for him. But same time he misses you during this break-up.

 

Keep in touch is the right thing to do. Not desperate measures but simply keep the relationship warm. Do not have any commitment and pls no expectations. High expectations will only dissapoint you if it failed. Just be happy in front of him, like you are glad the break-up happened coz you can know yourself better.

 

Be strong and let him decide coz you are not the one at losing end. But always remember : no expectation

 

I'm sorry but this is not good advice.

 

What is the benefit of keeping in touch? I'm curious how this will possibly be a good thing for her.

DenverBachelor Established Member

DenverBachelor

Posted
Posted
His birthday is in 6 months, and I want to take him out and see if there's anything left between us. I still love him and I would do anything to get back with him, but I know this is not the right time for both of us and we needed to grow without each other for now. I want him to be happy, and I want to be happy, so we can both be happy together. Lol, I want to start new and fresh if there will be a new start. I will continue with no-contact until then, but is this a silly plan? I know it's so far from now, but I would like some input. Thank you!

 

Wasn't this more or less the plot for a Seinfeld episode?

 

Babe, he left you. He doesn't love you. Stay in NC and move on to bigger and better men. You don't deserve to be with a quitter. You dodged a bullet. Why would you want to take someone out to dinner in six months when there are plenty of great guys to take to dinner now?

 

Expand your world view.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
This is my first post so please forgive me if it's very long.

 

My ex of 4.5 years dumped me a little over a month ago but we have completely stopped talking since last Thursday, just a few days ago. We had to tie up some loose ends concerning the cell phone plan we shared. Anyways, he said that he had fallen out of love with me. He said he cared for me too much to cheat on me so broke it off before he could hurt me. Of course I was a dumb ass and cried like a lunatic and begged for us to be together, but he said that he knew I wasn't the one who he was going to marry. Ugh, this hurt pretty bad haha. We saw each other a few weeks later and I asked him if he felt anything for me, and he said no.

 

So during our relationship, we had gotten a dog and cat together about 3 years ago. We first decided we would share the dog, but he later changed his mind, saying that he couldn't keep seeing me as it made him sad (to see me sad). I ultimately decided to keep her because I am more financially able to provide for her. He had told me the day that I picked her up (maybe 1.5 weeks ago), that he still had feelings for me and he might contact me sooner that he thought (to reconcile I assume?). He said that he missed our lives together but his life was such a mess that he needed to take care of himself first. Anyways, he said we would always be special friends and he does not know what the future holds for us but "we" are a definite possibility.

 

Anyways, I have been a wreck and I miss him terribly post breakup. I was no saint in the relationship and I know I pushed him away with my immature and short-tempered behavior (I was 19 and he was 26 when we first started dating), but he wasn't always Mr. Nice Guy either. He kept repeating that we both treated each other like $h!t and were both being cruel to each other and he knows we were both unhappy. And yes, I was unhappy. But not with him, but with myself. Haha I am totally rambling so I'll stop and get to the question.

 

His birthday is in 6 months, and I want to take him out and see if there's anything left between us. I still love him and I would do anything to get back with him, but I know this is not the right time for both of us and we needed to grow without each other for now. I want him to be happy, and I want to be happy, so we can both be happy together. Lol, I want to start new and fresh if there will be a new start. I will continue with no-contact until then, but is this a silly plan? I know it's so far from now, but I would like some input. Thank you!

 

 

Are you kidding? I wouldn't speak to him again much less take him to dinner. If I were you I would move on.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

If there were still something there, he'd be the one asking to take you to dinner. I have a feeling if you take him, you'd end up paying for everything and go home having gained nothing and paid for the privilege of doing so. At the worst case, he'd sleep with you afterward and then tell you how much of a mistake it was.

 

Seriously, there is no reason to even consider this.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

I think this is an almost entirely unanimous NO!!!!!!

 

So I'm with that.

Absolutely.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

Posted
Posted

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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