I always attract the same type of girl.

[lando]

As the title says, I always seem to attract the same type of girl.

 

I'll elaborate.

 

I'm a Leo (for those who follow/believe in zodiac signs). I'm responsible, smart, I do well with routine(s), I have a good amount of self discipline, but I also know how to have fun. I'm kind of a half&half mixture of introvert/extrovert. By this I mean that I can be very social, but I can also be shy with people i've just met. haha, I guess to simplify that a bit more, i'd say i'm the life of the party, when I allow myself to let loose like that. On a day to day basis, though, i'm very energetic and fun, but i'm not really the 'free spirit' type.

 

The girls I (almost exclusively) attract are the artsy, free spirit type. They are pretty, a bit eccentric, very fun to be around, etc etc..

 

I'm a bit baffled by this! I'll admit, i'm normally okay with them being more of a free-spirit than me, because it helps me to come out of my shell more easily (and often), but the reality is that our personalities don't usually match up that well. In addition to that, my lifestyle of things being 'routine' (work and gym mainly) certainly doesn't match up with their 'go with the flow' lifestyle.

 

Is it really just two opposites balancing each other out? Help! I am concerned/curious about this because all of my past relationships with girls of this sort haven't lasted.

[westrock]

Don't automatically assume that you don't match up that well with the type of women you are attracting.

 

People are often attracted to others who express qualities that we don't have ourselves or that we deny in ourself or that would balance us out. We are attracted in this way because despite the apparent differences in personality, the other person allow us to grow as a person and allow us to experience life in ways we otherwise would not experience. You even said they often help you come out of your shell more easily and often.

 

Look at the situation more carefully and you may find that the two of you are actually compatible. As long as you are having a good time then go for it.

[lando]

I can totally see and understand the 'balancing each other out' part, and I know for myself that it is easy for me to be with them, despite the obvious differences.

 

However, I cannot speak for them on this matter, and how the dynamic works for them. I'm a fun guy, but i'm not nearly as socially active as most of the girls I attract. The main factor behind that is that i'm responsible (work early in the morning, like to maintain good gym routine)

 

I suppose the better way to phrase my question would be to ask "why are these girls attracted to me?" Not complaining, just curious hehe

[westrock]

"why are these girls attracted to me?"

 

For the same reasons I stated above.

 

Maybe they are attracted to you precisely because you are "responsible" and "introvert" and you bring to the dynamic these qualities that they may feel they don't have or don't want to have. Nothing wrong with that because it allows them to be a "free spirit" without having to be "responsible".

 

As long as they are attracted to you and you to them, then that's all that matters. The specific qualities may be opposite, but the reasons behind the attraction is actually the same both ways.

[Major]

The astrology aside, and really knowing who I am and my values and the energy I exude, when I have attracted the same type of man (kind, passive, loves confident women) that really doesn't give me all the things I need, I had to start looking at me. What do I mean? I am confident, I love to pursue excellence, most say I am attractive not just because of the outer shell, but I work really hard to be spiritually grounded and love people. Before I divorced my ex, after 15 years, we went to a marriage counselor. I remember one thing she said in a session. "I've seen it many times before. Many times, the main thing that attracted mates to each other to marry, more times than not, is the same characteristic that leads them to divorce." I thought...that's crazy! However, because I like being in control of my life and going after what I want, it was easy for me to be with someone who was a bit more passive. If I was with someone as aggressive, as me, we probably wouldn't get along. The one thing that my ex said he loved about me when we met, is that I was a go-getter and I had the confidence, that he didn't have and he loved to live vicariously through that, so he was more than happy to be with me. However, in the end, he didn't realize it, but it emasculated him. It wasn't intentional or malicious, the distance happened to us both. I thought he didn't have the courage and guts to make his life what he wanted. Do you see where I'm headed here? Also, I dug deeper, with my mom and dad, he was passive, and she was the assertive one. Although we say, well I won't be like my parents...unknowingly...I repeated the same pattern. Take a look at it. It's not that things can't work out, however, energy attracts energy. Chemistry is a two way street for specific reasons. Pay attention to what you really attract. You may say...I want this kind of person, however, we don't even realize it, but we can never fake it. We attract what we put out spiritually to others and we draw to that energy. I hope this makes some sort of sense. Nothing wrong with all the wonderful, traits you two share together, just be real about what really fulfills you. Happiness can be temporary and come and go, but true fulfillment in each other's strengths and weaknesses makes for true love and committment and longevity where you never feel like you have compromised your life or that you should have made another choice.

[redmelon]

Major - that was a fantastic post. I agree with all you said. Excellent advice.

[Major]

Thanks, redmelon. I appreciate it:) I just found this site a few days ago and I think it's great. A lot of great advice here. Take care:)