xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I'm in the beginning stages of dating with someone right now, and I've been getting a little down because I'm trying to balance the "being a challenge" with "the chase." It's contradictory and almost seems illogical; trying to chase someone but trying to get them to chase you at the same time. But is this really the case we have to follow? Everyone's always talking about the whole basis of the challenge being the dreaded "I liked you til you liked me" scenario, where girls/guys aren't attracted to another after they suddenly realize they're into them. It's like this game of tug-of-war, which makes me wonder how people actually develop relationships out of them. I personally get excited if a girl I'm really into gets back to me. I hope there are others out there that don't mind if the person doesn't calculate the date/time in the past/present/future so they can make their next move. Sounds like f'n chess!!! Obviously you don't wanna call and text a million times a day, but if you aren't busy and feel like talking to the person, why should you feel like you have to hold back just because you communicated with them yesterday or two days ago? Is this true for most people, or am I reading into this too much or the wrong way, and a lot of people out there don't mind if someone tries to get closer to them faster than what these stupid rules call for? I'm curious to hear people's opinions about this.
Confusedalways Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Preach it. I'll never understand it, either. If I like someone, I like them. It takes a LOT more for me to dislike someone than them calling me or texting me "too soon."
Sivok Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 The idea is to build anticipation. If you text a girl you like and she doesn't respond back immediately, you start thinking about her, you begin wondering when she's going to text back, and then when it feels like forever, you finally get that text you've been waiting for and it makes your entire day. Make that vice versa for girls too. Guys don't want to not call immediately.. They just want to build the anticipation so when they do call, you're much more excited and happy about it than if they did say a few hours after a date/etc. Timing is everything. Obviously that wont be the case if you wait too long or too little. Trust me, I hate it just as much as everyone else - but I do understand the concept behind it. Anticipation sucks, but yeah, it does have its place in the early dating game.
Author xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Preach it. I'll never understand it, either. If I like someone, I like them. It takes a LOT more for me to dislike someone than them calling me or texting me "too soon." haha Luckily I was busy enough not to worry about waiting those 3-4 days Dlish was talking about in my other thread we were discussing, but in the back of my mind I was just thinking "this is stupid, I really like this girl and I love it when she gets back at me. Is everyone so different from me because they're brainwashed by these stupid rules or would I really be safe just not having to worry about it and just popping up really quick whenever?" I'm trying to get closer to this damn girl!!! Can I get an amen?
ADF Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 It is not only illogical, it is childish nonsense. Plus, as your post shows, it's too hard to play all these games. Just be yourself and hope for the best.
Author xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 The idea is to build anticipation. If you text a girl you like and she doesn't respond back immediately, you start thinking about her, you begin wondering when she's going to text back, and then when it feels like forever, you finally get that text you've been waiting for and it makes your entire day. Make that vice versa for girls too. Guys don't want to not call immediately.. They just want to build the anticipation so when they do call, you're much more excited and happy about it than if they did say a few hours after a date/etc. Timing is everything. Obviously that wont be the case if you wait too long or too little. Trust me, I hate it just as much as everyone else - but I do understand the concept behind it. Anticipation sucks, but yeah, it does have its place in the early dating game. I like your optimistic look at it. And you're exactly right. I texted a girl yesterday after waiting 3 days, and I was worried for the hour between when I sent it and when she texted me back, then got really excited when she finally answered back. But the problem is, does it make it worse for other times when you can call, and more importantly, when you need to call? For example, I need to plan my weekend out around this girl. Yes, I'm needy, but not in that way. She lives an hour away. So I need to know if I'm taking a significant amount of time away to see her, or if I'm safe to plan other things with my friends. Same thing with her schedule. I need to catch her before her friends do. So if I happened to talk to her somehow Friday or Saturday, why should I have to possibly screw myself to wait until Wednesday to try and plan something? Cuz according to the rules, I'm being desperate, which as any rational, intelligent person can see that I'm clearly not.
Sivok Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I don't think you'd sound desperate. Instead of saying something like 'when are you free? let's get together some time', say something more assertive like 'hey, how's - specific date - looking for you? let's - activity -'. If she responds saying yes or she's busy + suggests another date, you're in the clear. If she says she's busy and doesn't reciprocate another date, you're low on her priority list and might want to move on. Hope that helps a bit.
Author xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 I don't think you'd sound desperate. Instead of saying something like 'when are you free? let's get together some time', say something more assertive like 'hey, how's - specific date - looking for you? let's - activity -'. If she responds saying yes or she's busy + suggests another date, you're in the clear. If she says she's busy and doesn't reciprocate another date, you're low on her priority list and might want to move on. Hope that helps a bit. Yea, that's what I did last Thursday. I said "So I was thinking about places for us to go and I thought we could do blah blah blah....." She sounded interested but said she was completely busy. So I said "It's all good. I'll call or text you and we'll keep in touch." So 3-4 days later, I did just that. I'm the guy, I'm supposed to be planning the initial dates, right?
Sivok Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Yup, you did the right thing. One thing to keep in mind - when making plans, always call. Don't get in the habit of texting dates.
Author xRJ85x Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Yup, you did the right thing. One thing to keep in mind - when making plans, always call. Don't get in the habit of texting dates. Yea, I got that down. That's actually why I texted her once on Sunday, just to let her know I was thinking about her and because it was a funny joke (which she laughed at). I figured "Hey I'll save the rest for small talk before we discuss date plans when I call tomorrow night."
mixwell Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I don't think you'd sound desperate. Instead of saying something like 'when are you free? let's get together some time', say something more assertive like 'hey, how's - specific date - looking for you? let's - activity -'. If she responds saying yes or she's busy + suggests another date, you're in the clear. If she says she's busy and doesn't reciprocate another date, you're low on her priority list and might want to move on. Hope that helps a bit. From all of the dating advice I've read etc I have heard that when you propose to a female to do something and they're busy, they will usually counter offer with another date if they're interested and if they don't counter offer then it means they aren't too interested.. I believe (personally) this goes under the actions speak louder than words mindset and if a chick was honestly very busy but wanted to see you she would make a counter offer to actually put in effort to be with you.. That's just how I think though.
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