EDC Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 This girl is my friend for a long time now. I asked her out before but she rejected me, but we still stayed as friends. I always help her whenever I can, be it help her study, pick classes for her, stuff like that. Recently, I found out that she has a boyfriend. I felt jealous because one, she didn't tell me, a friend of mine did, and two that I have take the backseat to her boyfriend. Now she wants me to pick her class. Why should I do it when she has her boyfriend? Am I suppose to cushion for her while heb boyfriend gets to enjoy time with her? Why does she do this? Why can't she understand how I feel? I've always been there for her and to her, I am just a friend. I just don't know how to feel. Part of is just so angry because I think I am being used. Why him and not me? What has he ever done for her?
ADF Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I understand that rejection hurts. But you have to understand that this woman doesn't owe it to you to be your GF just because you do her favors. She doesn't owe you a relationship just because you think you're such a great guy. I am sure you are a great guy, but it just doesn't work that way. I would keep away from this woman, at least for a while. It sounds like you agreed to be her "freind" so that she might change her mind about dating you. That's dishonest. Also, it is extremely unlikely to happen. If you keep up the way you're going, you're going to end up driving yourself crazy, and probably drive her crazy as well.
Green Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 This girl is my friend for a long time now. How sweet a friend thats a girl. I didn't know it was possible. I asked her out before but she rejected me, but we still stayed as friends. If you guys have hung out alone before thats pretty much a date... So why didn't you KISS her. Why didn't you make her REJECT you for real. If a hot girl said she wanted to be my friend and I was single... I would invite her over to my house for a friendly sit on the couch while I tried to MAKE OUT WITH HER. Eventualy a REAL REJECTION happens or the romance heats up. I always help her whenever I can, be it help her study, pick classes for her, stuff like that. And what exactly is sexy or romantic about this? Do you think that maybe if you act really boring and do what ever she wants she will one day find you sexy? WRONG... you can't weasle your way into her life by being this FAKE guy... If you like her ACCEPT NO LESS then KISSING> Recently, I found out that she has a boyfriend. I felt jealous because one, she didn't tell me, a friend of mine did, and two that I have take the backseat to her boyfriend. When you decided that being her friend was a good idea you didn't see the posibility of this happening. I think everything that is happening is predictable. OPEN YOUR EYES CAN'T YOU SEE YOU ARE PUTTING YOURSELF IN THIS POSITION... YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF. Of course her BF is going to be more important then you... Don't you get the ROLE of FRIEND you've decided to play. WHY NOT BE YOURSELF... GO FOR HER... GO FOR OTHER GIRLS... STOP BEING AFRAID OF REJECTION. TRYING FOR A GIRL MEANS RISKING LOSING HER TOTALY. BEING A FRIEND ISN"T AN OPTION. GO IN FOR THE KISSSSSSSSSSSS Now she wants me to pick her class. Why should I do it when she has her boyfriend? Am I suppose to cushion for her while heb boyfriend gets to enjoy time with her? Why does she do this? Why can't she understand how I feel? I've always been there for her and to her, I am just a friend. I just don't know how to feel. Part of is just so angry because I think I am being used. Why him and not me? What has he ever done for her? YOu are not being USED you did this TO YOURSELF. You have the key to your cage. START RESPECTING YOURSELF ENOUGH NOT TO BE A DOORMAT PERSON. Just GRAB HER AND KISS HER ALREADY. WALK AWAY FROM THIS GIRL IF ALL YOU CAN BE IS A FRIEND AFTER THAT>
ADF Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Just GRAB HER AND KISS HER ALREADY. LMFOA! Green, that's pretty much your all-purpose solution to every case of romantic ambiguity: just grab her and kiss her! Do you think she like me? How should I know? Grab her and kiss her and find out! Should I ask her out for coffee? F___ that! Just grab her and kiss her, already! Should I call her up? No, you idiot! Just crouch in the bushes outside her front door. When she walks out, grab her and kiss her! You can't just go through life grabbing and kissing women (unless you're 5 years old or something).
Green Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 LMFOA! Green, that's pretty much your all-purpose solution to every case of romantic ambiguity: just grab her and kiss her! Do you think she like me? How should I know? Grab her and kiss her and find out! Should I ask her out for coffee? F___ that! Just grab her and kiss her, already! Should I call her up? No, you idiot! Just crouch in the bushes outside her front door. When she walks out, grab her and kiss her! You can't just go through life grabbing and kissing women (unless you're 5 years old or something). If she spends alone time with him all he has to do is INVITE HER OVER or GO TO HER PLACE. Then he should try to set the mood get close... see if she pulls away... and then YES KISS HER ON THE LIPS. Worst that could happen is she SMACKS him. In that case he should just smile and say something cocky like "It was worth it!" or "I want more." This guy is all TALK and no ACTION... its his downfall
Disintegration Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 She's been hiding the fact that she has a bf. I don't think you should kiss her now that you know. Find someone who truly likes you and isn't just there as a friend. There are honest people out there who wont lie about being with someone. Is that what you want, a liar, and potential cheater on your hands?
that girl Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 If she spends alone time with him all he has to do is INVITE HER OVER or GO TO HER PLACE. Then he should try to set the mood get close... see if she pulls away... and then YES KISS HER ON THE LIPS. Worst that could happen is she SMACKS him. In that case he should just smile and say something cocky like "It was worth it!" or "I want more." She's already said no and has a boyfriend, the odds of her wanting to make out are wayyyyyy unlikely. I hope you are kidding with the cocky, "It was worth it." So creepy and obnoxious, "Oh, you didn't want to kiss me after being super clear about not wanting to kiss me? It was still totally worth it because I dig kissing unwilling women. I'm cocky and fun! Or a selfish jerk. One or the other." How long have you known this girl and how did you find out she has a boyfriend? I think it is sketchy that she didn't mention the boyfriend, but you need to get out of the mindset that you earn the right to date her by being nice. I am not all saying you should be a jerk, sane women do not like that. What I am saying is that being nice is by itself not enough to get someone to date you. Imagine a woman who is not at all your type. I'm not saying an ugly woman, but one who just isn't what you are attracted to. Maybe she has a boyish figure when you like busty girls. Or maybe she is white when you prefer black girls. Whatever type of girl you're just not into. Now imagine this girl you aren't attracted to is super nice and is totally willing to help you out when you need it. Would that make you want to date her? Probably not. Maybe you'd sleep with her once, but niceness is not going to make her your kind of girl. She was upfront about not being interested. It was a mistake on your part to think all these favors were going to change her mind. You did a good thing in being upfront about your interest in her by asking her out, but if you couldn't be happy with just friends, you shouldn't have agreed to it.
Art_Critic Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Am I suppose take the backseat to her boyfriend. Now she wants me to pick her class. Why should I do it when she has her boyfriend? Am I suppose to cushion for her while heb boyfriend gets to enjoy time with her? It's up to you to enforce those boundaries that she is crossing.. Stop doing anything for her.. she isn't your friend, let her rely on her BF from now on..
Green Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 She's already said no and has a boyfriend, the odds of her wanting to make out are wayyyyyy unlikely. You have to RISK LOSING HER if he ever wants to GET HER. I hope you are kidding with the cocky, "It was worth it." So creepy and obnoxious, "Oh, you didn't want to kiss me after being super clear about not wanting to kiss me? It was still totally worth it because I dig kissing unwilling women. I'm cocky and fun! Or a selfish jerk. One or the other." Being creepy is actualy the right track. Think of any romantic thing an attractive guy does... that same thing would be considered CREEPY if a non attractive guy did it. YOU MUST RISK LOOKING CREEPY... basicaly be yourself and try bold things. How long have you known this girl and how did you find out she has a boyfriend? I think it is sketchy that she didn't mention the boyfriend, but you need to get out of the mindset that you earn the right to date her by being nice. I am not all saying you should be a jerk, sane women do not like that. What I am saying is that being nice is by itself not enough to get someone to date you. Imagine a woman who is not at all your type. I'm not saying an ugly woman, but one who just isn't what you are attracted to. Maybe she has a boyish figure when you like busty girls. Or maybe she is white when you prefer black girls. Whatever type of girl you're just not into. Now imagine this girl you aren't attracted to is super nice and is totally willing to help you out when you need it. Would that make you want to date her? Probably not. Maybe you'd sleep with her once, but niceness is not going to make her your kind of girl. I probably would make him want to date her. MEN ARE VERY DIFFERENT FROM WOMEN. The main point he needs to understand is BE HIMSELF... the CONFIDENT VERSION OF HIMSELF... who isn't afraid to get REJECTED. A man who isn't afraid to CHALLENGE a woman for what he wants... a ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. A man who KISSES the girls he wants to KISS. LIFE ISN'T FAIR, DONT GIVE UP. She was upfront about not being interested. It was a mistake on your part to think all these favors were going to change her mind. You did a good thing in being upfront about your interest in her by asking her out, but if you couldn't be happy with just friends, you shouldn't have agreed to it. NO GUY IS HAPPY WITH JUST FRIENDS. HE HAD GIVEN UP, AND LEFT REALITY BEHIND.
ADF Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 If she spends alone time with him all he has to do is INVITE HER OVER or GO TO HER PLACE. Then he should try to set the mood get close... see if she pulls away... and then YES KISS HER ON THE LIPS. Worst that could happen is she SMACKS him. In that case he should just smile and say something cocky like "It was worth it!" or "I want more." This guy is all TALK and no ACTION... its his downfall You're funny. I'll give you this, though. Doing it your way would certainly clear things up in a hurry, one way or the other.
that girl Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 You have to RISK LOSING HER if he ever wants to GET HER. Being creepy is actualy the right track. Think of any romantic thing an attractive guy does... that same thing would be considered CREEPY if a non attractive guy did it. YOU MUST RISK LOOKING CREEPY... basicaly be yourself and try bold things. I probably would make him want to date her. MEN ARE VERY DIFFERENT FROM WOMEN. I am a woman, it is right there in my screen name. While I agree that you have to take the risk and make a move, the OP has already made his move. He asked her out and she said no. Sure, he could try and kiss her. It is a very bad move because she already said no recently and it is ignoring her feelings, but that isn't where creepy comes in. Creepy comes in when he tries to kiss her, she slaps him and he says it was worth it. That isn't Lloyd Dobbler with a stereo over his head, it is "I don't care if you like me kissing you, if I want to kiss you I will." Creepy. The OP should walk away, she isn't interested and PUA moves aren't going to change it.
Green Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I am a woman, it is right there in my screen name. While I agree that you have to take the risk and make a move, the OP has already made his move. He asked her out and she said no. Sure, he could try and kiss her. It is a very bad move because she already said no recently and it is ignoring her feelings, but that isn't where creepy comes in. Creepy comes in when he tries to kiss her, she slaps him and he says it was worth it. That isn't Lloyd Dobbler with a stereo over his head, it is "I don't care if you like me kissing you, if I want to kiss you I will." Creepy. The OP should walk away, she isn't interested and PUA moves aren't going to change it. Kissing a girl isn't a PUA move haha. CREEPY is such a girl thing. Seriously your advice is non-advice... walk away lol
imagine Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 EDC, Assert yourself. No women likes a man who is prepared to let her treat him like a wimp. You have slotted yourself into the friend zone. Tell her that you are no longer interested. Buddy, there are very few chances to be platonic friends. She may want to try and make it up to you after this. What will you do?
Reality Drip Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 How are you being used? You are in a friendship and she never told you it was anything BUT a friendship. Her romantic life doesn't have much to do with picking classes or giving general advice. If you two were being physical and she was hiding her bf that's one thing. The issue is you clearly have feelings for her and you are sacrificing your comfort to be around a girl that is involved. It's on you to cut this off and just take time away. She'll keep "taking" from you as long as you give. But the longer you wait around in the wings (and trust me, she can smell the desire for her on you) the less respect she's going to have. Be a mover and shaker; get on with your life and make a new friend. Or friend with benefits -Max
Recommended Posts