tiffyb Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 since im reading everyone elses threads ill post mine. im angry today. i have been angry all weekend. my husband has been home 8 mo after being gone for 2mo & having a 14 mo affair. i guess why im so upset is that he said he didnt tell me about the affair becuz he knew i didnt care. to me, if i didnt care, then it was ok for me to know about it. if i didnt care then i wouldnt have gotten angry about it, so why not tell me and then let me decide if i cared or not? im angry becuz i didnt find out until AFTER he had done had sex with her. all i can see over and over is all the positions they tried, how long it took them to do it, them having oral sex, whether or not she had an orgasm on top of him, him ejaculating his sperm all over her body. it justs truly disgusts me. i never had the chance to interceed & possibly prevent their sex. then if thats not bad enough, theres the emotional aspect of their relationship. i can break their physical bond, but i cant break their emotional bond. im not expecting a reply. i just need to vent somewhere. i cant tell anyone and if i did no one cares. still crying after 10 months.........hes home with me. things r great minus the constant pain.
bentnotbroken Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Men aren't the only azzes where affairs are concerned. 10 months isn't a very long time. According to some experts it can take up to 5 years to truly heal. Venting is one way, but professional help and working through your anger by communicating with him may do even more good.
September Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 since im reading everyone elses threads ill post mine. im angry today. i have been angry all weekend. my husband has been home 8 mo after being gone for 2mo & having a 14 mo affair. i guess why im so upset is that he said he didnt tell me about the affair becuz he knew i didnt care. to me, if i didnt care, then it was ok for me to know about it. if i didnt care then i wouldnt have gotten angry about it, so why not tell me and then let me decide if i cared or not? im angry becuz i didnt find out until AFTER he had done had sex with her. all i can see over and over is all the positions they tried, how long it took them to do it, them having oral sex, whether or not she had an orgasm on top of him, him ejaculating his sperm all over her body. it justs truly disgusts me. i never had the chance to interceed & possibly prevent their sex. then if thats not bad enough, theres the emotional aspect of their relationship. i can break their physical bond, but i cant break their emotional bond. im not expecting a reply. i just need to vent somewhere. i cant tell anyone and if i did no one cares. still crying after 10 months.........hes home with me. things r great minus the constant pain. Hi, I want to give you some perspective from an OW. IMO, he chose not to tell you to save his own ass. It's rubbish that you supposedly didn't care and he is just saying that to justify his behaviour. I know my MM doesn't want to diclose much to his wife after his return home. I think that they are petrified of being kicked out again or it being used against them when things aren't going so well. I have been so tempted to let my xMM's wife know all of the crap that he fed me over 18 months but I haven't as I really feel that it is between them. As for the sex side of things, I know exactly how you feel. You see, when we were together, I used to picture in my mind, them being together, all of the positions and the things you talked about above. It killed me each time I found out that they had slept together. I couldn't go near him for days as I felt physically ill at the thought of their intimacy. If it makes you feel any better, he has come home to you and his OW will be wretched inside thinking and worrying about what the two of you are up to sexually. I know it consumes my mind a lot at night. She will think of what the two of you are up to all the time, going out for dinner, spending time alone and doing what you can to repair the relationship. In all honesty she most likely wants it to fail so she can have him back. The ball is in your court now. If you want to keep him, do all you can to. In my situation, it wasn't all romance and flowers. Being in an affair is very, very hard work. It emotionally ruins you. It is probably not the idea that you have in your mind of how it really was between them. When my A ended, I was an emotional mess as you have been. I couldn't get out of bed for 5 days. My father came and dragged me out of bed and took me to the Dr. I was prescribed Valium and Anti-Depressants and was sent to a psychologist. This treatment helped me immensely. The healing is still very slow at times, as it will be for you. Remember that he came home to you, to be with you and to work on your relationship. As for the OW, she will be so jealous that you have him back, please try and make the most of it if you want it to work. You and I are both in terrible pain but unfortunately we are on opposite sides, you as the BS and me being the OW. As an OW you may really resent me but given that it is an open forum where we are all looking for answers, I am more than happy to help you with any questions you may have.
Woman In Blue Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 i guess why im so upset is that he said he didnt tell me about the affair becuz he knew i didnt care. to me, if i didnt care, then it was ok for me to know about it. LOL...nice try. Not. He knows damned well he didn't tell you because he's a lying sneak and was trying to save his OWN sorry ass, nothing more. Nice attempt at trying to blame his sleazy affair all on YOU for being "uncaring" and "unloving." I'd boot his ass right back out the door until he has an attitude change.
LifesontheUp Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Hi Tiffyb I got the same as you......"I didn't think you cared so why would I tell you". Its all a load of bull, an excuse. He knew why he never told you, it was because he didn't want you to find out and he knew it was wrong. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
Author tiffyb Posted June 20, 2010 Author Posted June 20, 2010 Hi, I want to give you some perspective from an OW. IMO, he chose not to tell you to save his own ass. It's rubbish that you supposedly didn't care and he is just saying that to justify his behaviour. I know my MM doesn't want to diclose much to his wife after his return home. I think that they are petrified of being kicked out again or it being used against them when things aren't going so well. I have been so tempted to let my xMM's wife know all of the crap that he fed me over 18 months but I haven't as I really feel that it is between them. As for the sex side of things, I know exactly how you feel. You see, when we were together, I used to picture in my mind, them being together, all of the positions and the things you talked about above. It killed me each time I found out that they had slept together. I couldn't go near him for days as I felt physically ill at the thought of their intimacy. If it makes you feel any better, he has come home to you and his OW will be wretched inside thinking and worrying about what the two of you are up to sexually. I know it consumes my mind a lot at night. She will think of what the two of you are up to all the time, going out for dinner, spending time alone and doing what you can to repair the relationship. In all honesty she most likely wants it to fail so she can have him back. The ball is in your court now. If you want to keep him, do all you can to. In my situation, it wasn't all romance and flowers. Being in an affair is very, very hard work. It emotionally ruins you. It is probably not the idea that you have in your mind of how it really was between them. When my A ended, I was an emotional mess as you have been. I couldn't get out of bed for 5 days. My father came and dragged me out of bed and took me to the Dr. I was prescribed Valium and Anti-Depressants and was sent to a psychologist. This treatment helped me immensely. The healing is still very slow at times, as it will be for you. Remember that he came home to you, to be with you and to work on your relationship. As for the OW, she will be so jealous that you have him back, please try and make the most of it if you want it to work. You and I are both in terrible pain but unfortunately we are on opposite sides, you as the BS and me being the OW. As an OW you may really resent me but given that it is an open forum where we are all looking for answers, I am more than happy to help you with any questions you may have. wow..thats an awesome insight coming from the other side. hope to hear from u again soon
September Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 wow..thats an awesome insight coming from the other side. hope to hear from u again soon Thank you. I can really only give you my insight and how I feel about my xMM. I really hope you can get past your hurt and anger sometime soon. I know, easier said than done though. Letting it fester within you will only cause more damage to your relationship. As long as you remember that he is with you, has chosen YOU.
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