rkelly1982 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 My ex girlfriend and I have had a very strange relationship. We've been off and on for 5 years. We have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and are both very much involved with her and naturally together due to the child. Every part of our relationship was and has been great. The physical attraction, our sense of humor, enjoying each other's company, the sexual chemistry, etc. The only problem would be her history of being dishonest and not wanting to settle down. I will give her credit for saying that she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship and not leading me on. I love her company and would love to be more than the father of her child. She has told me that she too loves me and that she wouldn't mind still having sex because it was very good and I would have to agree with that. I know she is "seeing" someone right now, and I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me. I'm sure their is some jealousy there, but I truly believe that my reason for it bothering me is due to the fact that I don't think he's good enough for her. I always tell her that if we were not meant to be and she ends up with someone else, at least "upgrade". Not only will my ex, someone I care for very much be with this person, but this person will also be involved in my daughter's life. I too go out from time to time with friends, always keeping an eye out for someone that I may have an interest in, but not much more than chit chat has taken place. I guess my concerns are maintaining a physical and friendly relationship with someone that I still care for so much. I also fear that if I were to have that type of relationship with my ex, that it would hinder me when it comes to dating other woman. I've never been a "player" and have never cheated on a girlfriend so I would find it extremely difficult to date and have a relationship like that with my ex. My dad passed away recently and not much other family is around. I have a couple great friends but as you get older and when you have children, it is tough to get together as much as you might want. I truly love my ex's company and I know that if we hang out as much as she might want to, it is inevitable that we will end up sleeping together. Is the temporary companionship and fun worth the possibility of getting hurt? Could she just be using me? This is a very difficult time in my life. Any advise would be very much welcome.
ADF Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 You are far too intimately involved with this woman. It is wonderful that your relationship with the mother of your child is friendly and amicable. But you need to raises some boundries between you. Yes, everything may be okay at the moment. But the emotional intimacy you share with her--which you admit is teetering on the brink of a renewed physical intimacy--has the potential to inject your lives with chaos. You say you and this woman had an on-again/off-again relationship for 5 years--5 YEARS? That already suggests chaos. And you say while she was willing to have a child, she doesn't want to settle down? More choas.And you say she is seeing someone else? Add the additional drama that jealousy and infidelity could bring to this mix. It is a MESS. And the one who will suffer most is your child. I used to be a teacher, and can tell you from first-hand experience that children who come from chaotic home environments have an awful time in school. Mind you, I am not talking about kids who are abused. I am talking about kids who live in homes where the adults are foever embroiled in drama, where the relationships between adults are tumultuous and unstable. Kids who come for these types of home environments are nervous and insecure. They come to school with all kinds of fears and anxieties. They don't learn well, and often end up being seens as "weird" by their peers. For the sake of your child, you and this woman need to be the adults here.
Recommended Posts