weeble78 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Since my bf walked out of his job, he has paid me less attention. He is spending his days with his friends drinking/smoking, we haven't been out for over two weeks, he doesn't email me at work any more or meet me for lunch. The World Cup's just started, and tonight is the third time in a row he has said he wanted to spend time with me listening to music or chatting but we've ended up sitting in front of the football with his friends. I couldn't bear it any longer tonight as I wasn't feeling well so I excused myself and have come home I feel sad and missing him like crazy yet don't want to say anything. He texted me to say thanks for coming over and he hopes I feel better soon. I said thanks and I'm missing our cuddles and told him to enjoy his night. He took an hour to get back to me and said we can have cuddles soon and that he loves me. I am so angry that I don't want to text him I love you back. I don't know how to handle this as I am angry and upset but don't want to p*** him off. Thoughts on how I should handle it?
Author weeble78 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Please, I could really use some advice..
TouchedByViolet Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Two potential options... 1. Straight up ask him to come over, let him know you think he has started changing. Sounds like you are having a break down of communication or caring. 2. Can you spend time with some of your own friends?
Confusedalways Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I'm going to sound like a guy here-- but are you PMSing? I know it would REALLY upset me if I were. Regardless- it's pretty annoying that he keeps telling you he wants to spend time with you but instead you just watch soccer. He should just tell you he wants to watch tv so you can do fun things with your girlfriends instead! I wouldn't get too worked up, though. Maybe shoot him a text with fun, specific plans for tomorrow. I don't think it's really worth blowing up over, unless this is a pattern of him to do this kind of thing.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Could this have something to do with guys feeling like "the bread winners" and that they need to be productive and "bringing home the bacon" in order to feel/seem "worthy" in a woman's eyes? He (probably stupidly) walked away from his job, now has no income, and doesn't feel productive, so now he (thinks less of himself than he did before) and, in his own mind, is less 'masculine' and less deserving of the company of a good woman.
Author weeble78 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 TouchedByViolet - thank you. It's a relief to hear I'm not going crazy. I'm sick tonight and it has made me a little more emotional I think because I just wanted a hug tonight. I've been spending time with my friends - I went away for the weekend, and when I got back he was too hungover to spend the day with me. I went over in the evening and we watched footie, then we had a lot of, er, making love, but the party carried on downstairs and I had to be up at 6am so I left at 1am, unable to sleep. I tried again tonight, as I'm going out with friends tomorrow and wanted to see him, but when I turned up it was footie again. Oh, we also had a convo last night as I found out from a friend that all tlhe boys and girls were going camping for one of their birthday's. He neglected to tell me. I asked why and he said he'd only found out the day before. I asked outright if he didn't want me to go - as the girl who told me was a bit embarrassed I didn't already know. Confusedalways - ha ha, you've really put a smile on my face!! although valid question, nope I'm not on (and I don't think I'm crazy around those times anyway, although my bf may beg to differ). I said the same thing with the footie - that it's fine if he wants to hang with his friends etc but I'd rather be free to do something else! THAT is why it's annoying! Glad I didn't blow it up - am I sounding insecure by saying I'm missing his cuddles? I will text him maybe tomorrow or Weds. Maybe this time instead of shooting my mouth off I'll wait and see if he does anything..
Author weeble78 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 ...is like having a hug from a friend at the moment..
BWLoca Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I think you could stand to be more direct with your boyfriend. Pick a day or time when the World Cup isn't on and try to plan something with him. If you don't want to hang out watching tv with his friends, don't.
that girl Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 The World Cup is kind of a special case, it isn't totally unreasonable for a big fan to not be so avaliable during this period. But the World Cup isn't the real problem, he isn't being a thoughtful boyfriend. You need to say something to him, leaving out the World Cup since the real issue is no dates, no emails, etc. Do not no it by text, do it in person or at the very least on the phone. Be specific about what you need him to do and why.
Author weeble78 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Hi BWLoca - Yep I didn't. He told me we would get some food and watch a dvd together - which wasn't the case, so I made my excuses and left. This is what's happened the last two nights I've been over there and why I'm annoyed. thatgirl - yeah he is being thoughtless, and he knew he'd been so hence the text later on. I think he's pretty much being selfish, and don't understand why as he's usually biting my hand off to see me.
Author weeble78 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Ps the world cup is on every day till July, with apparently 3 games a day - so there is no day without it!
mixwell Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I think you should bluntly ask him on why he appears to act different after walking out on his job. As a male (and I hate to play games) if I were you I would mention that and then maybe go a little while and no contact him. Pretty soon he will be wondering why his woman hasn't contacted him and will most likely initiate but it might snap him out of it if you haven't contacted him in a day or so and all you'd have to say is you've been busy. That's just me but I would try it if he appears to be lacking in the interest department.
BWLoca Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Why make excuses? Be honest and say "this wasn't the plan for tonight. I'm going to go do something else instead." And don't contact him for the rest of the night.
Author weeble78 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Well it wasn't an excuse, as I've been quite sick but yep I should have said something. He texted me later on, I didn't contact him. Also he texted this morning saying he wants to take me out tomorrow night. I've been a little colder with him than usual. Is it too late to say something to him tomorrow night?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Ps the world cup is on every day till July, with apparently 3 games a day - so there is no day without it! A good relationship is always 50/50 give and take you both need to show some interest in each others hobbies/interests IE you should try and watch some of the games even if it bores you to death for him. And likewise he should also do the same for you. Spend time doing what ever you enjoy it just sounds like a break down of communication a bit on both ends.
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