What's Your Biggest Fear About Women?

[Itzonator]

Are you afraid of women? Maybe the word "afraid" is quite dramatized, but I am talking about "prevention habits" in approaching women & getting to know them better?

 

If so, why you think is that?

[ADF]

I don't think women are frightening. I think the circumstances in which men and woman interact can often make the experience frighteneing. And that goes for both men and women.

 

To cite just one example, think about night clubs. The atmosphere in most nightclubs isn't exactly what you'd call happy-go-lucky. Nightclubs are mean places. The atmosphere in most nightclubs tends to be nasty, competitive and occasionally violent.

 

Nightclubs feature hordes of drunken, horney guys strutting aorund trying to impress women and intimidate other men. Fights are common and often vicious. Women in these places know men are liable to be on their worst behavior, and so are especially guarded and suspicious. Yet we are told this is the proper place ofr men and women meet. I don't think so.

[VertexSquared]

That was one huge breath of fresh air for me, personally. I went for years thinking that I'd have to force myself to get into the bar/nightclub scene to meet people. Turns out that it's a massive myth. I don't have to bother. XD

[Itzonator]

I don't think women are frightening. I think the circumstances in which men and woman interact can often make the experience frighteneing. And that goes for both men and women.

 

To cite just one example, think about night clubs. The atmosphere in most nightclubs isn't exactly what you'd call happy-go-lucky. Nightclubs are mean places. The atmosphere in most nightclubs tends to be nasty, competitive and occasionally violent.

 

Nightclubs feature hordes of drunken, horney guys strutting aorund trying to impress women and intimidate other men. Fights are common and often vicious. Women in these places know men are liable to be on their worst behavior, and so are especially guarded and suspicious. Yet we are told this is the proper place ofr men and women meet. I don't think so.

 

So you believe that there is MORE to the environment that prevents men to even talk to women?

 

How about parks, malls, and daytime interactions? Are they also frightening?

[Itzonator]

That was one huge breath of fresh air for me, personally. I went for years thinking that I'd have to force myself to get into the bar/nightclub scene to meet people. Turns out that it's a massive myth. I don't have to bother. XD

 

What changed your mind?

[ADF]

So you believe that there is MORE to the environment that prevents men to even talk to women?

 

How about parks, malls, and daytime interactions? Are they also frightening?

 

Those places can frightening for a different reason.

 

I think what a lot of men are looking for are places where they can approach random female strangers and hit on them. Well, places like that a very few and far between. Most women are creeped out when men they don't know suddenly come up and start talking to them in a familiar way. That kind of behavior is acceptable in clubs, which is probably why their popularity persist despite the disadvantages I described earlier.

 

Really, the only way to meet women in a safe manner is through other people.

[VertexSquared]

What changed your mind?

 

I had success with online dating. To me, online dating is great because I can filter and at least guarantee a certain set of criteria before I jump into a first date. If I were at a bar or nightclub, that "filtering" process is a lot harder (you have to overcome the environment) and you can't always guarantee that desired criteria anyway. I'd rather sidestep that needless obstacle and shoot straight for a dating pool that is better suited for what I am looking for. I have also had some success meeting friends of friends.

 

In general I just feel that bars and nightclubs aren't fun. They're fun if you go with friends to socialize, but they are not fun for seeking out potential relationship partners.

[Itzonator]

I had success with online dating. To me, online dating is great because I can filter and at least guarantee a certain set of criteria before I jump into a first date. If I were at a bar or nightclub, that "filtering" process is a lot harder (you have to overcome the environment) and you can't always guarantee that desired criteria anyway. I'd rather sidestep that needless obstacle and shoot straight for a dating pool that is better suited for what I am looking for. I have also had some success meeting friends of friends.

 

In general I just feel that bars and nightclubs aren't fun. They're fun if you go with friends to socialize, but they are not fun for seeking out potential relationship partners.

 

So you find online dating more convenient.

Isn't true that sometimes people online are not presenting themselves as they should be, lying about their real identity?

[VertexSquared]

So you find online dating more convenient.

Isn't true that sometimes people online are not presenting themselves as they should be, lying about their real identity?

 

I am sure that sometimes this may occur, but I think it depends on what you look for. It's hard to fake intelligence, for instance -- you either have it or you don't -- and if it doesn't show through on the profile, then I don't even pursue any further.

[Eoweniel]

I don't do the whole going out-thing. So online relationships work out the best for me. I've had a couple of bad experiences, but most of all just really good ones. You just gotta be careful with who you pick and who you talk to. Like with RL-dating, there are many "red flags" in online relationships that I've set up for myself, and I use it as some sort of self-bestowed codex.

[Cracker Jack]

My biggest fear of women is my lack of keeping their interest.

 

I've often had opportunities (Great opportunities) to approach women and get something going; especially since I knew there was interest on their end--but I always think even if I'm able to gain their interest, eventually they'll be able to see me for who I really am--which is someone who's boring, not very social, and not very interesting.

 

Earlier in my life, I never had many issues generating interest--but always had problems keeping the interest flowing. I hate that about myself and it makes me afraid to even attempt to get a woman.

[AD1980]

Just approaching strangers in general i have a problem with especialy women.

 

When i see a girl i like i freeze beause i feel like if i say one wrong thing ill ruin it

 

Plus i dont have confidecne in my looks i feel lik if i approach a girl shes thinking to herself oh god this ugyl guys hitting on me please get away

[Sivok]

Back in my youngen years I used to have issues approaching women, too much 'fortune telling'. Then I learned to start casual conversations and if the conversation and energy level is going smoothly, i kick up the flirting/teasing. If not, I move on. Mutual 'rejection' persay. Once you really build the mindset that each women you talk to doesn't have to be a 'pickup', the actual 'game' gets infinitely easier.

[Itzonator]

Those places can frightening for a different reason.

 

I think what a lot of men are looking for are places where they can approach random female strangers and hit on them. Well, places like that a very few and far between. Most women are creeped out when men they don't know suddenly come up and start talking to them in a familiar way. That kind of behavior is acceptable in clubs, which is probably why their popularity persist despite the disadvantages I described earlier.

 

Really, the only way to meet women in a safe manner is through other people.

 

Thanks for sharing

[Itzonator]

I am sure that sometimes this may occur, but I think it depends on what you look for. It's hard to fake intelligence, for instance -- you either have it or you don't -- and if it doesn't show through on the profile, then I don't even pursue any further.

 

What's important to you, when you look in their dating profile on Internet?

What would you go for it?

[Itzonator]

I don't do the whole going out-thing. So online relationships work out the best for me. I've had a couple of bad experiences, but most of all just really good ones. You just gotta be careful with who you pick and who you talk to. Like with RL-dating, there are many "red flags" in online relationships that I've set up for myself, and I use it as some sort of self-bestowed codex.

 

 

What are some of the red flags in the online relationships you've encountered?

[Woggle]

That all of them will eventually turn on a man and fall out of love with him? I hope I am wrong about this but some things I hear about send chills up my spine.

[Itzonator]

My biggest fear of women is my lack of keeping their interest.

 

I've often had opportunities (Great opportunities) to approach women and get something going; especially since I knew there was interest on their end--but I always think even if I'm able to gain their interest, eventually they'll be able to see me for who I really am--which is someone who's boring, not very social, and not very interesting.

 

Earlier in my life, I never had many issues generating interest--but always had problems keeping the interest flowing. I hate that about myself and it makes me afraid to even attempt to get a woman.

 

Being boring is overrated. The self-image of being boring you put on yourself is holding you back from getting the results you want.

 

So, instead, try to think of yourself in a more positive way. Things from there will turn around, because you're gonna feel more confident about yourself -- which is something that you did not discover yet.

 

Discover yourself!

[Itzonator]

That all of them will eventually turn on a man and fall out of love with him? I hope I am wrong about this but some things I hear about send chills up my spine.

 

 

So you believe that the girl you see can be actually a man - pretending to be a girl. That's why you find women scary?

[Itzonator]

Just approaching strangers in general i have a problem with especialy women.

 

When i see a girl i like i freeze beause i feel like if i say one wrong thing ill ruin it

 

Plus i dont have confidecne in my looks i feel lik if i approach a girl shes thinking to herself oh god this ugyl guys hitting on me please get away

 

Looks are important to women, but only to dress in a way to impress other men. Since you are not a woman, there is nothing to worry about your looks.

 

Women care about looks only about themselves or other women, not men.

As long as you maintain certain hygiene - it is cool.

 

I've seen FAT & Ugly men getting good looking women, so physical appearance is not an obstacle.

[Itzonator]

Back in my youngen years I used to have issues approaching women, too much 'fortune telling'. Then I learned to start casual conversations and if the conversation and energy level is going smoothly, i kick up the flirting/teasing. If not, I move on. Mutual 'rejection' persay. Once you really build the mindset that each women you talk to doesn't have to be a 'pickup', the actual 'game' gets infinitely easier.

 

How did you go about overcoming those approaching anxiety?

[Eoweniel]

What are some of the red flags in the online relationships you've encountered?

 

It's easy to tell if someone is being inconsistent (ergo lying). That's the good thing with online, which means chat logs. A few times I've encountered people who told me completely different stories about where they worked and other similarities, in which case I've gone byebye.

 

Another thing with the net is that it gives you the possibility to talk to and look at the person's friends, via facebook or whatever. It's actually possible to go back in time and read logs and stuff. I've discovered several guys who actually had GFs despite saying they didn't... Mind, this was wayy before I went into anything with said guys. I was just at the point of starting to get interested.

 

One of the major red flags I've found online, is... If the person refuses to let you talk to/contact their friends online, there's definitely something fishy going on. A person who's honest IRL shouldn't be more mysterious online than IRL.

 

Another definite red flag is when the person outright refuses to talk about their friends and family, or what they've done during the day. I understand that some people are scared of the online world and prefer to keep some things secret, but the few guys I've talked to who refused to talk about family and friends at all, were total whackjobs which I am glad I stopped contacting before it was way too late and I did something I would have regretted.

 

Another red flag online for me atleast (although it's probably applicable to RL as well) is when you catch a guy having a GF (despite him saying he didn't at first), and he says "Oh, yeah, I have a GF but we're having major problems... she's blah blah blah, I blah blah"... that's just an excuse he thinks he can use to flirt around with other girls online. Because hey, if he keeps telling himself enough times that something IS wrong, he'll wind up believing it and not feel guilty about e-flirting (or worse)...

Anyway, the guys I caught having GFs and saying they had "major problems"...I managed to look up their GFs and there appeared to be no issues whatsoever, as expected.

 

Those are the ones off the top of my head but there are more.

Just keep an eye out for inconsistencies, be a bit of a detective, test their patience, and pay attention to signals and what/how they write... Should be enough. You gotta be a bit of a snoop online, as stalker-ish as that might make me sound. <.< It's the only way to make sure people are genuine.

 

Also, like someone said, it's pretty hard to fake intelligence. So people who aren't that bright and are trying to pull some pranks WILL get caught online.

[Feelin Frisky]

I can be intimidated a bit by their beauty. It's really my own self esteem issues deep from my childhood psyche but for some reason I don't feel like I can land a "trophy wife" or goddess. I have had relationships with pretty women but they were on my midland economic level. Unless one of my projects really succeeds and I can afford whatever I want, I will probably tend to dismiss the idea of say, having a Scarlet Johansen to hatch my nose.

[Itzonator]

It's easy to tell if someone is being inconsistent (ergo lying). That's the good thing with online, which means chat logs. A few times I've encountered people who told me completely different stories about where they worked and other similarities, in which case I've gone byebye.

 

Another thing with the net is that it gives you the possibility to talk to and look at the person's friends, via facebook or whatever. It's actually possible to go back in time and read logs and stuff. I've discovered several guys who actually had GFs despite saying they didn't... Mind, this was wayy before I went into anything with said guys. I was just at the point of starting to get interested.

 

One of the major red flags I've found online, is... If the person refuses to let you talk to/contact their friends online, there's definitely something fishy going on. A person who's honest IRL shouldn't be more mysterious online than IRL.

 

Another definite red flag is when the person outright refuses to talk about their friends and family, or what they've done during the day. I understand that some people are scared of the online world and prefer to keep some things secret, but the few guys I've talked to who refused to talk about family and friends at all, were total whackjobs which I am glad I stopped contacting before it was way too late and I did something I would have regretted.

 

Another red flag online for me atleast (although it's probably applicable to RL as well) is when you catch a guy having a GF (despite him saying he didn't at first), and he says "Oh, yeah, I have a GF but we're having major problems... she's blah blah blah, I blah blah"... that's just an excuse he thinks he can use to flirt around with other girls online. Because hey, if he keeps telling himself enough times that something IS wrong, he'll wind up believing it and not feel guilty about e-flirting (or worse)...

Anyway, the guys I caught having GFs and saying they had "major problems"...I managed to look up their GFs and there appeared to be no issues whatsoever, as expected.

 

Those are the ones off the top of my head but there are more.

Just keep an eye out for inconsistencies, be a bit of a detective, test their patience, and pay attention to signals and what/how they write... Should be enough. You gotta be a bit of a snoop online, as stalker-ish as that might make me sound. <.< It's the only way to make sure people are genuine.

 

Also, like someone said, it's pretty hard to fake intelligence. So people who aren't that bright and are trying to pull some pranks WILL get caught online.

 

Wow, you've developed entire system on tracking people online. Very creative way to find the person you really want in a relationship. Especially from a woman's perspective. Men use online dating from a little different twist, but more or less the idea is the same - to get a date.

 

Why would people get scared from the online world and do things in secret?

[somedude81]

So far I've done absolutely terrible with women. My biggest fear is not being able to figure out what actually makes a girl like a guy. 28 years old and it still hasn't clicked for me.

 

Besides that, my most current fear is getting stuck in the friendzone. It's happened way too many times. I've now gotten to the point where I don't keep female friends. If a girl rejects me, I delete her number and find a new girl. No more wasting time and energy on a girl I'm never going to be with.