JohnM Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I don't really get it either, we are emotional creatures but we should be sensitive enough to them to know when someone loves them or not. I don't need words to know how someone feels about me.
alphamale Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I don't really get it either, we are emotional creatures but we should be sensitive enough to them to know when someone loves them or not. I don't need words to know how someone feels about me. Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, Tomorrow I'll miss you: Remember I'll always be true. And then while I'm away, I'll write home ev'ry day, And I'll send all my loving to you
Bangle Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 because humans are emotional creatures I'm not emotional, sentimental or anything else, it's a complete waste of my time.
threebyfate Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Why is there a strong need to tell someone you love them? I've never understood that, it's like I love my mother, but I don't feel the need to tell her.No one needs a relationship but they still enter into them.
Bangle Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 No one needs a relationship but they still enter into them. Yes, but then why is the word need often used instead of want? I want things, like sex, a good woman who can make the perfect sandwich and allows me out to see friends on a weekendly basis, I don't need a woman. I need oxygen and water and food and housing, I don't need women or relationships and at the moment I don't want anything to do with women. I get your point.
Eeyore79 Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Why is there a strong need to tell someone you love them? I've never understood that, it's like I love my mother, but I don't feel the need to tell her. I tell my mother I love her I don't know if I'm the odd one out here, or whether you are. Say it when you feel it since the sooner that you say it, the less invested you are so if the other person isn't there and you need a balanced relationship, you can move on easier. This is how I tend to think too. I want to know early on if it's going anywhere or not, so I don't get too invested before I find out that the other person just isn't feeling it. When she said it to me at first it actually made me uncomfortable. Not because I didn't feel the same way back or anything, but it's just hard to make yourself vulnerable like that. It takes time, and sometimes a few months isn't enough before you feel fully comfortable enough. This both interests and surprises me. I don't see how her saying she loves you makes you vulnerable. It makes her vulnerable, but surely it puts you in a position of security and power? Is it because you feel obliged to reciprocate and don't feel comfortable doing so, or perhaps because it causes you to confront your own (possibly scary) feelings for her? How does accepting love from her make you vulnerable? I would really like to understand this
JohnM Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Close your eyes and I'll kiss you, Tomorrow I'll miss you: Remember I'll always be true. And then while I'm away, I'll write home ev'ry day, And I'll send all my loving to you Haha. Nice one. She gives me everything, and tenderly The kiss my lover brings, she brings to me And I love her...
Gallaxia Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 People treat saying ILY in such a counterproductive way. Say it when you feel it since the sooner that you say it, the less invested you are so if the other person isn't there and you need a balanced relationship, you can move on easier. As well, the sooner you find out that the other person is the type to use your vulnerabilities against you, the sooner you can ditch them. No one dies from exposing their vulnerabilities. You WILL survive from a hit, as you've already done in the past. Wow! Beautifully said!
Author VertexSquared Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 I tell my mother I love her I don't know if I'm the odd one out here, or whether you are. This is how I tend to think too. I want to know early on if it's going anywhere or not, so I don't get too invested before I find out that the other person just isn't feeling it. This both interests and surprises me. I don't see how her saying she loves you makes you vulnerable. It makes her vulnerable, but surely it puts you in a position of security and power? Is it because you feel obliged to reciprocate and don't feel comfortable doing so, or perhaps because it causes you to confront your own (possibly scary) feelings for her? How does accepting love from her make you vulnerable? I would really like to understand this I should clarify: Yes, I felt that her saying ILY made her vulnerable. It was hard for me to say it back because I was averse to being vulnerable myself. I've taken some rather serious hits in the past (breakups, losing loved ones to death, etc) and so love is a very sensitive thing for me. I feel like everything in life I've come to love in life becomes fleeting, and that scares me.
threebyfate Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I should clarify: Yes, I felt that her saying ILY made her vulnerable. It was hard for me to say it back because I was averse to being vulnerable myself. I've taken some rather serious hits in the past (breakups, losing loved ones to death, etc) and so love is a very sensitive thing for me. I feel like everything in life I've come to love in life becomes fleeting, and that scares me.Vertex, there's strength in vulnerability. It takes a strong person to love again. The weak will always hide behind excuses of self-protection. But the weak will never, ever experience the fullness of real love.
Author VertexSquared Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 Vertex, there's strength in vulnerability. It takes a strong person to love again. The weak will always hide behind excuses of self-protection. But the weak will never, ever experience the fullness of real love. I think it's variance to an extent -- by opening ourselves up, we can feel great joy, but also expose ourselves to great pain if we're not careful. However, I do know that making excuses and guarding myself my whole life is going to keep me from enjoying the fruits of love, and that's not how I want to live.
Eeyore79 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I should clarify: Yes, I felt that her saying ILY made her vulnerable. It was hard for me to say it back because I was averse to being vulnerable myself. I've taken some rather serious hits in the past (breakups, losing loved ones to death, etc) and so love is a very sensitive thing for me. I feel like everything in life I've come to love in life becomes fleeting, and that scares me. It's interesting that her making herself vulnerable made you feel uncomfortable. I guess it made you nervous to see someone else opening themselves up like that, as well as making you feel scared about doing the same. My bf seems to think that by preventing us from saying the L word to each other, he's protecting me as well as himself. He's like "I'm afraid to love you, and it's dangerous for you to love me when I can't love you back; I don't want either of us to get hurt, so neither of us should say the L word". He doesn't realise that he's already hurting me by holding back from me and maintaining an emotional distance, and he's losing me very slowly because he isn't letting himself truly be in this relationship with me. He's slowly strangling this connection that we have by simply not allowing it to flow.
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