"I Love You" after two months

[VertexSquared]

My girlfriend of two months just told me she loves me (it took her a lot of courage to tell me, and she kept on saying "she was probably going to regret saying it so soon, but..." etc.)... unfortunately it gave me a sense of fear more than it did excitement. Don't get me wrong -- we're crazy about each other and get along extremely well. Our communication is also very open and I've discussed this with her already but I want some additional opinions on the matter.

 

1. She claims she's never loved an ex before.

2. She and her own parents don't really say "I love you" much but rather show it through actions.

3. I've only loved one ex before.

4. We've been dating for two months but it DOES feel like we've been together for much longer than that.

 

My concerns:

 

1. How can she be sure that she is feeling love for me if she's never felt it before for a guy?

 

2. Perhaps I'm just jaded but I really don't want to say "I love you" unless I 100% mean it, as I feel that too many people just throw it around nowadays. I feel like two months is too soon, but at the same time, I feel so strongly for her and it feels strange that we get along almost so perfectly.

 

I guess I am just not really sure what to think.

[tigressA]

If I were you I'd trust her feelings for you. I've fallen in love after two months, sometimes less. It happens. Did you ever stop to think that her relationship with you doesn't even come close to what she's had with others?

 

As for the second concern, just don't say it until you feel completely ready. That simple. Also, keep in mind that there's no timeline everyone should stick to. If your girlfriend asks why you haven't said it, tell her that you're really happy that she loves you, that she had the courage to say it to you, and that while you adore her, you just want to be completely sure of yourself when you tell her those three words.

[VertexSquared]

If I were you I'd trust her feelings for you. I've fallen in love after two months, sometimes less. It happens. Did you ever stop to think that her relationship with you doesn't even come close to what she's had with others?

 

As for the second concern, just don't say it until you feel completely ready. That simple. Also, keep in mind that there's no timeline everyone should stick to. If your girlfriend asks why you haven't said it, tell her that you're really happy that she loves you, that she had the courage to say it to you, and that while you adore her, you just want to be completely sure of yourself when you tell her those three words.

 

This is basically what she had said to me as well. This relationship, for her (and me, too) is leagues above any other relationship we've ever had with anyone else. I just don't want to ruin a good thing by jumping the gun.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I have felt a perceived love for a partner after only a couple months, but in those circumstances, I've chosen not to tell them.

 

I think the same thing I thought the last time you posted about your GF...that you guys moved a little too fast, and that she's a little emotionally unstable.

[tigressA]

This is basically what she had said to me as well. This relationship, for her (and me, too) is leagues above any other relationship we've ever had with anyone else.

 

Then just let go and trust in that.

[janie423]

I think you should overanalyze this phenomenon until both she and you talk yourselves out of your feelings and then you won't have to be afraid anymore . . .

[Eoweniel]

I have nothing else to say other than... yes, it's possible.

I've said those words and heard them within 2 months or less, 3 times. And 2 out of 3 times, I wound up in wonderful relationships. One that is currently still lasting, and one that ended due to other reasons.

 

I know it's risky to throw something like that out, and I'm certainly still suspicious whenever I hear it said to me on such short notice... Like, is he telling me this just to get laid/use me? But yeah. 2/3 times it's worked out just fine for me.

[ADF]

I cannot understand why people have no problem when it comes to getting physically intimiate, but become flustered the moment emotional intimacy rears its head. I would think, after two months, you care for each other. She expressed it honestly instead of playing games. Good for her.

[Crazy Magnet]

I don't think it's too soon to know if you have love feelings.

 

Relationships all go at different paces. Some couples may date for two months and only see each other once or twice a week for a "date" and that would be really weird to say ILY. Some couples see each other almost every day and spend a lot of time talking and communicating about everything and then I don't think ILY is very strange or abnormal at all at 2 months.

 

My BF said ILY first and it was around 2 months I think. He blurted it out unexpectedly (for him and for me. He is not one to fall quickly in love and usually takes months and months and months of dating first). I guess he couldn't keep it in anymore? I didn't say it back for another week or two. I wanted to make absolutely sure I meant what I said although I had been having "love" thoughts for a while.

 

Clearly my R is working out just fine. We aren't the kind of couple who says ILY every time we get off the phone or every 5 minutes. We tell each other once a day usually and show our love through actions. Sometimes we'll say it on the phone if we aren't going to see each other that day.

 

She knows what love does NOT feel like so I'm sure she can identify what love DOES feel like. How did you know you loved someone? How do you know what love feels like?

 

Like I keep saying, go with what feels natural. Screw all other relationship time lines. This R is unique to you and your gf.

[EmeraldHeart]

I cannot understand why people have no problem when it comes to getting physically intimiate, but become flustered the moment emotional intimacy rears its head. I would think, after two months, you care for each other. She expressed it honestly instead of playing games. Good for her.

 

You are spot on.

[Green]

I fell in love with my GF right away but held back on telling her until the time was right.

[sally4sara]

I don't pay much credibility or reliance to those three little words in the first year.

 

I know I've felt the emotion, saw it in actions, saw it in my own actions before a year's time, but the chemical high and true love can feel the same sometimes. I've been burned and burned others by believing the words had genuine emotion too quickly. I'd rather wait or experience a delay on the sentiment than ever lead or be lead to falsehood through the chemical high ever again.

[VertexSquared]

I just wasn't even anticipating us having this discussion until a few months down the road. The *only* reason I hesitate in this instance is because the gf and I have yet to have a real fight. We've had a disagreement or two but we resolved it with relative ease.

 

There are two sides to this:

 

1. We're so open with our communication that we usually resolve issues quickly, honestly, and maturely.

 

2. I have no idea what would happen if we had a sudden, intense disagreement over something that made us really angry at one another.

 

I think it's because I know that a relationship is obviously good when it is good, but part of me also feels like before I can assess "love," I also need to know what the relationship is like when it is bad. The problem is that we're so good with one another that I have a hard time even seeing a bad side to this. While I am so grateful for this, I'm so scared of what would happen if we theoretically got extremely pissed off at each other in an argument because I have no idea what she's like when she's mad.

 

I hope I am making sense -- when I think of "love," I think of an implication of full understanding and acceptance of flaws. If our current relationship would be indicative of the rest of it, then I can absolutely say that I love her. But right now I feel like for me to say that I love her would mean to say that I also understand and accept the downsides, and so far I have yet to see those downsides. Perhaps those downsides don't even exist here. I can't tell, and I think that's what scares me.

[tigressA]

I think it's really good to see things that way, Vertex. I understand your perspective now since you've cleared up some stuff. Perhaps you should talk to her about exactly what you've just posted. I think that would really help both of you.

[carhill]

1. How can she be sure that she is feeling love for me if she's never felt it before for a guy?

 

IMO, one is never *sure*. One *believes*. If you believe, you are, when it comes to love. Personally, as long as her actions reflect the words, I'd *believe* her.

 

2. Perhaps I'm just jaded but I really don't want to say "I love you" unless I 100% mean it, as I feel that too many people just throw it around nowadays. I feel like two months is too soon, but at the same time, I feel so strongly for her and it feels strange that we get along almost so perfectly.

 

If you met as strangers two months ago, I share your feelings wrt ILY. That's moving pretty fast. That said, everyone is different. Again, IMO, believe in how you *feel*. Emotional honesty is a valuable asset and a great quality in a partner. IME, people, at least those in my age group, do not 'throw' ILY's around. They spring from deep emotional connections and shared life experiences. Yes, those all take time. Hence, my agreement with your sentiments.

 

I guess I am just not really sure what to think.

 

Thanks for your honesty. That's refreshing. She's a fortunate lady.

[bac]

IMO you may say her that you love her if you are capable of saying something like that. It is just words. Some people love to use the words and do it with ease, other people make a big deal of them.

 

Make sure what she means when she says that she loves you. If she means that it is just a wonderful feeling which she wants to express, I think there is nothing wrong with expressing emotions. She is Chinese, so perhaps in her culture 'love' is just a feeling which comes and goes. At least, it is in my culture, so people have no problems to say 'I love you'. To me it is a kind/pleasant feeling but it is not a promise of commitment, not a life-long responsibility, not a promise to get married and make babies and other stuff.

[craw]

I fell in love with my GF right away but held back on telling her until the time was right.

 

that is so sweet

[VertexSquared]

I fell in love with my GF right away but held back on telling her until the time was right.

 

I can relate to this I think. There have been so many times where it would have felt effortless to just tell her that I loved her. But every time I am about to, I have to hold myself back (my girlfriend has said the same thing about me). I don't know if I am just afraid of letting myself feel what I feel. For instance, we might have a really fun and sweet dinner together, hang out with friends, come home, have sex, and lie there together and talk/joke/flirt/banter -- during times like those, I feel very close to her and I wish I could just say it out loud, but I always end up telling myself, "You're idealizing it. You're falling too quickly -- you both may be overlooking something. It hasn't been long enough to draw out any flaws." It's torturous... I can feel my throat well up sometimes and my neck tightens. Usually when I want to say it, I usually "take it out" on her in the form of a really deep and passionate kiss. Despite my strong feelings, it doesn't feel right to say it out loud for some reason. I don't know when the time is right. When was it right for you?

 

 

I think it's really good to see things that way, Vertex. I understand your perspective now since you've cleared up some stuff. Perhaps you should talk to her about exactly what you've just posted. I think that would really help both of you.

 

Thanks -- I've already discussed it with her but perhaps not to the level of articulation that I would like. I basically told her that I was afraid of mistaking infatuation for love, and that I was afraid that she might say she loves me but later decides that she doesn't if she discovers some flaw she dislikes, etc. She's told me that there's nothing about me that bothers her... she knows I am not perfect but she feels that she loves me all the same, and that even if she did uncover some flaw, she would learn to accept and deal with it.

 

 

IMO, one is never *sure*. One *believes*. If you believe, you are, when it comes to love. Personally, as long as her actions reflect the words, I'd *believe* her.

 

Very good point -- thank you for this.

 

 

If you met as strangers two months ago, I share your feelings wrt ILY. That's moving pretty fast. That said, everyone is different. Again, IMO, believe in how you *feel*. Emotional honesty is a valuable asset and a great quality in a partner. IME, people, at least those in my age group, do not 'throw' ILY's around. They spring from deep emotional connections and shared life experiences. Yes, those all take time. Hence, my agreement with your sentiments.

 

Yes, it has been two months since meeting as strangers. We just hit it off from the getgo and talked every day (phone, IM/chat, being together in person, etc) and became quite close. I am 23 years old but I worry that my view of love is perhaps too "traditional" or something? I guess if you've ever seen the movie "Up"... the opening scenes represent what I would describe as love. That type of connection is something built and shared, and that is what I want for myself. It scares me a bit to think that I could be feeling that way for someone after two months, granted. Apparently she feels the same for me, but somehow I have trouble saying it out loud.

 

 

Thanks for your honesty. That's refreshing. She's a fortunate lady.

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

IMO you may say her that you love her if you are capable of saying something like that. It is just words. Some people love to use the words and do it with ease, other people make a big deal of them.

 

Make sure what she means when she says that she loves you. If she means that it is just a wonderful feeling which she wants to express, I think there is nothing wrong with expressing emotions. She is Chinese, so perhaps in her culture 'love' is just a feeling which comes and goes. At least, it is in my culture, so people have no problems to say 'I love you'. To me it is a kind/pleasant feeling but it is not a promise of commitment, not a life-long responsibility, not a promise to get married and make babies and other stuff.

 

For me, at least, they aren't just words -- I guess I fall into the "make a big deal" category. Interesting points though about the "promise" aspect. I agree that the words wouldn't necessarily "promise" such things like marriage and babies, but at the same time I feel like by proclaiming love you are saying "If I ever did get married and have babies, I plan to do this with you."

[pandagirl]

The thing is, someone can wait one year to say ILY and end up married, or you can say ILY right away and still end up married. Also, both of those could result in a break up.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, you have to view her love for you as a whole entity, and not just by those words. She is verbalizing her feelings for you, which is a big deal, but not necessarily what counts in the end.

 

I think I share your mindset, Vertex. My boyfriend said ILY a month in. I was doubtful of his love for me. I felt it was too soon. But more time has passed since then, and his actions keep on matching up with those words. I prefer what comes after the infatuation.

[VertexSquared]

The thing is, someone can wait one year to say ILY and end up married, or you can say ILY right away and still end up married. Also, both of those could result in a break up.

 

I guess what I'm saying is, you have to view her love for you as a whole entity, and not just by those words. She is verbalizing her feelings for you, which is a big deal, but not necessarily what counts in the end.

 

I think I share your mindset, Vertex. My boyfriend said ILY a month in. I was doubtful of his love for me. I felt it was too soon. But more time has passed since then, and his actions keep on matching up with those words. I prefer what comes after the infatuation.

 

True... very good points. Thanks.

[westrock]

she knows I am not perfect but she feels that she loves me all the same, and that even if she did uncover some flaw, she would learn to accept and deal with it.

This is a sign of a mature person.

 

Do you have the comfort level and confidence to be able to say that you would learn to accept and deal with her flaws even if you don't yet know those flaws?

[Els]

VS - I honestly think she is referring to a different sort of 'love' from that of which you speak of. Full acceptance of a person's flaws cannot come at 2 months - because if the honeymoon phase works out as it's supposed to (and, great for you, it is! ), you both won't really know most of each others' flaws at that point of time. However, different people have different interpretations of love. Perhaps to her it means realizing that someone is really, really special, that you both have great potential in the future, and she loves being with you more than she's ever had with anyone. I do not think that is such a bad interpretation, or that it should be considered a red flag in any way.

[VertexSquared]

VS - I honestly think she is referring to a different sort of 'love' from that of which you speak of. Full acceptance of a person's flaws cannot come at 2 months - because if the honeymoon phase works out as it's supposed to (and, great for you, it is! ), you both won't really know most of each others' flaws at that point of time. However, different people have different interpretations of love. Perhaps to her it means realizing that someone is really, really special, that you both have great potential in the future, and she loves being with you more than she's ever had with anyone. I do not think that is such a bad interpretation, or that it should be considered a red flag in any way.

 

I am thinking that this is exactly how she views it, too. She does not seem to be worried at all about us, and that in itself worries me, haha. I worry that her view of love is more idealistic to my more cynical/pragmatic view. I used to be "idealistic" in my views until I experienced a severe heartbreak from my first relationship with a girl I thought I loved.

[Els]

Do you not think it would be best to be idealistic at first, giving her the benefit of doubt, and only pragmatic when trouble has reared its head? Why conceive trouble when there is none? There will be plenty later on, believe me - be it a year, two years, or five from now. You are in the stage of a relationship that is the most 'fun', IMO. I would just lay back and enjoy it if I were you.

[summerl0vesyou]

1. She claims she's never loved an ex before.

2. She and her own parents don't really say "I love you" much but rather show it through actions.

3. I've only loved one ex before.

4. We've been dating for two months but it DOES feel like we've been together for much longer than that.

 

My concerns:

 

1. How can she be sure that she is feeling love for me if she's never felt it before for a guy?

 

2. Perhaps I'm just jaded but I really don't want to say "I love you" unless I 100% mean it, as I feel that too many people just throw it around nowadays. I feel like two months is too soon, but at the same time, I feel so strongly for her and it feels strange that we get along almost so perfectly.

 

I guess I am just not really sure what to think.

 

1. she doesnt know what love is, probably. just a hunch. (as you say later in your post)

2. its understandable that it feels like longer, but theres never a reason to rush those words...again, like you said yourself. you can always just say "i care about you" etc. To me, love isnt even in the equation unless im picturing legitimately spending my life with somebody. I mean seriously. It is thrown around way too much. Strong feeling can be infatuation- and usually is, especially so early. The test is time...and once enough time goes by, the feeling grows and changes and becomes just deep...and when enough time goes by youll know its for real. and thats when i feel its right to say.

 

 

BUT...i dont think u should dump her/fault her etc. She probably really does feel that way. just maybe discuss your feelings about what love actually means to you both and how you feel about it. She should understand. i mean if you dont feel its 'love' yet, just tell her you care a lot about her and want to love her, you just need more time to back it up. just be there for her.

Edited June 15, 2010 by summerl0vesyou