Author distraught_MW Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 Improvement is always a good thing, don't get me wrong. But when you're blaming YOURSELF for your husband's sleazy actions, then jumping through hoops like a trained circus seal to reinvent yourself in order to "keep" him, then that self improvement is coming at a great price to YOU. Eventually, you're going to get real sick and tired of always trying to be the perfect wife to please HIM, and you'll come to resent him. After all, he's the SOLE reason you're on this "how can I be a better wife" program, right? I will give him 2 points for creativity for his lame excuse as to why he had the affair. You're "too good for him and he doesn't deserve you, so he went out looking for a better fit." Give me a break. What I DON'T understand is this - if he thinks you're "too good for him and he doesn't deserve you," then why are YOU running around, trying to improve yourself into a Stepford Wife? Wouldn't it stand to reason that HE should be trying to better HIMSELF into a man who does "deserve" you? Maybe that's why a year and a half later your emotions are still getting the better of you - because you don't really believe that cock and bull story he gave you for having the affair, but you're pretending you do in order to be the "perfect" wife for him. You are completely right in the fact that I feel like I am trying to be the "perfect" wife for him. I guess its the fact that I don't see what I was lacking that would make him leave, so I overcompensate with trying to be perfect in every way possible. That isn't something that he has requested of me, but rather part of my insecurities of our relationship playing out. I can also see his point of view, without trying to sound at all conceited, of him thinking he doesn't deserve me. He grew up in a family that didn't put too much emphasis on the emotional aspect of relationships. So he really didn't have role models in that area. Not by any means does that condone him and the A, but the fear of actually being a part of a healthy, committed relationship could be scary to someone that has never been a part of one. But without making any more excuses for him, he is really trying. I am quick to let him know if I feel that he isn't trying as hard and tell him that the minute he doesn't try hard enough, is the minute things will revert back to they way they were and our relationship will fall apart. So we will see how it goes. I am very optimistic, and learning everyday to just live for the moment and not worry so much about the future.
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