johnnyV Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone, I was with this girl for little over a year and half. She was 21 when I met her I was 24. She was just finishing up college she had one year left. Started by visiting her a couple weekends and her coming home to visit me. Everything was really good. I was up front with her from the beginning told her I never graduated college and I was working for my parents business. I earned alot of respect from her and we loved spending every minute with eachother. She finally graduated and she lives right down the street from me. Came home for the summer and she was working 45 mins from our houses. We got along pretty well occasional disagreement but nothing major. During the winter this year things kinda got rough I was having trouble at my house cause I live and work with my parents and my older brother. Things can be tough in a situation like that. My brother was driving my parents nuts and I started to go nuts. I was drinking more than usual. Then in March we went to a sporting event I drank a little too much and got kicked out. Afterwards we had some words witheachother and I scared her with my actions. I have never hit her nor never would be she left the situation scared. She got a new job an hour away and moved away and decided she didnt want to see me anymore. This was the second time in the year and half that I had an incident with drinknig where I lost my cool and scared her. I did the whole begging and pleading with her cause not even 2 months before she was saying we were made for eachother. It has been 2 and a half months now and I havent spoken to her for 3 weeks and haven't seen her since she left for her new job. She never broke up with me in person. I have had trouble with alcohol from 18-22 but got it under control for the most part the last 4 years. However, I guess not completely. I now see why some of my slow progress in life is cause of drinking. And she has a really good work ethic and I learned so much about how you should live your life through the way she does. She takes great pride and determination int he thing she does. I admire it so much and want to be like that. I took 3 weeks off of drinking initially after she said I couldn't come visit her so I would go in a downward spiral. I have enrolled in some courses to try and finish my degree while working fulltime. I have 2 years left of school. I am going to stop drinking for good. I feel it is the main reason for me not advancing in life. My question for you guys is do you think if I make this honest effort and I want to do this for myself more than anything. But I also want her back in my life. How should I go about trying to get her back and proving to her I don't need/want alcohol in my life anymore which caused some small silly arguments between the two of us because it makes me a little moody and occasionally blow up like I did at the sporting event. It leaves me with so much regret the weeks following it hurts to bad. I want to get it completely out of my life and improve my life, move in the right direction along with getting her back in my life. How should I go about showing her I am serious about this. And do you think this is a big enough change for her to get back into my life? Thank you for your responses. johnny Edited June 14, 2010 by johnnyV
xox101 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Prove to her? It is not her you need to prove that you have your drinking under control but to yourself! Don't contact her for a while. maybe a couple of months, during this time concentrate on yourself. If necessary and with alcohol problems it nearly always is, seek some professional help. Prove to yourself that you can live without alcohol and finish school then think about trying to get her back. Just a couple of things I want to say about alcohol. It affects men more than women. Men after drinking think they are twice as strong/hard/big/smart, insert your own words in here! You mentioned that you have scared her twice with your drinking, that is twice too much and it is going to take a lot for her to trust you again. Only way is for you to quit alcohol completely and I mean completely! Not even a beer with your friends. Some guys can drink, some can't. I think you are the latter. That does not mean you are any less of a man, it simply means your body is wired differently with a lower tolerance to alcohol than others. Accept this and move on. Once you have got your life at the point where YOU want to be then think about contacting your ex.
DustySaltus Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Johnny, I think that you need to get yourself on the right track before you can be with anyone else. You seem to understand what your problems are and what you need to do to correct them. That's a good start. Being involved in a family business and living with them can be claustrophobic sometimes. Maybe you should start looking for a place of your own once you get back on your feet. What you need to do is set up realisitc short and long term goals for yourself. What would you like to accomplish at this point? Focus on that. Once you have that confidence and direction instilled in yourself you everything else will fall into place, I promise you that. If you feel the need to drink, go to an AA meeting. If this is something you are truly committed to AA can be a great resource. Again, focus on yourself for now. We all make mistakes but the key is to learn from them so they are not repeated. Good luck.
Author johnnyV Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Thanks for your responses guys. Much appreciated. I am truly dedicated to stop drinking. Since high school I have basically made no progress in my life towards being an independent person. Not that I am a bad person I just don't have my priorities straight. She knows what a great person I am when I am not drinking but that doesn't change what I have done in the past. I need to prove to myself I can go on without alcohol and make small steps towards improving my "career" so to say. Aka finishing school while working. I think I will also get a lot more out of life from not drinking. The one thing I know I can't control but worries me is her finding someone else. She dated a lot of people briefly in college but never fell in love with anyone. She was in love in high school then with me at the end of college. She is very hesitant to give up her trust to someone because her first true love cheated on her in high school/early college. I just hope that once I have gotten my life together I will have another chance with her in the future. But I know this is something that is going to make me stronger as a person with or without her and I truly want it for myself first but can't help but think how She means so much to me and has gotten me to wake up and realize that things need to be changed in my life. I will always be able to thank her for that.
Author johnnyV Posted July 15, 2010 Author Posted July 15, 2010 Hey guys, Its been 34 days and I haven't had a drink. It's been pretty easy I am committed to it. I've been out with friends a couple times to the bars and just had water or a soda and have had a good time. Did my normal thing for July 3rd and 4th and had a good time not really craving or wanting a drink either. I got into two courses at school and they are going very well. Do you guys think I should try and contact my ex and just start with some small talk see how she is doing how work is going and what not. Just get back in touch with her see how her life is going and go from there? What do you guys think would be best for me trying to reconcile with her at this point? Thanks for your advice. Johnny
DustySaltus Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Hey guys, Its been 34 days and I haven't had a drink. It's been pretty easy I am committed to it. I've been out with friends a couple times to the bars and just had water or a soda and have had a good time. Did my normal thing for July 3rd and 4th and had a good time not really craving or wanting a drink either. I got into two courses at school and they are going very well. Do you guys think I should try and contact my ex and just start with some small talk see how she is doing how work is going and what not. Just get back in touch with her see how her life is going and go from there? What do you guys think would be best for me trying to reconcile with her at this point? Thanks for your advice. Johnny Congratulations, i'm glad you're on the right track. I don't think it's a good idea to contact your ex at this point. You are getting better for yourself, not anyone else. By contacting her now it's almost like indirecly telling her that she was right. If it's meant to be she would come back into the picture but for now I would just continue to do what you're doing and explore new opportunities for meeting people. You're in a much better place already.
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