Met a guy for the first time, few issues though

[sweetbutcheeky]

I met a guy online and on Saturday we met for the first time. Over all we had a good time and by the end if the night kissed. Have talked since then, but waiting to see if he wants to go out again which I would consider a real date.

 

Anyway there are a few things I would like an opinion on, few things I can't help wondering about.

 

We were at bar/restaurant type place and there was a big tv behind me, we were talking and while I was saying something he is watching the TV. When I stopped talking (cause he wasn't looking at me) he said he was listening.

 

We had been to one place and had a drink but it was kinda boring so decided to check out the second place. (He paid for our drinks) Then at the second place he got the check and asked if I had any money that I could add cause he was a little short (we shared an appetizer, I had water and he had a beer). Said he had planned to pay for the whole thing. I didn't mind cause I thought he only had left the money to get home. I put it on my card and he gave me half (we both are students on limited funds - though both are 32). I was ok at that point.

 

We were near his bus station we were walking around and he goes into a convenience store and buys cigarettes. One he said he hardly smoked (I hate the smell of smokers and can't breath around it) but two he said he didn't have money at the restaurant but did for smokes? Then at the bus station he wanted to smoke, I said I couldn't breath around it and sat on a bench away from where he was smoking. Sat there by myself for a while while he smokes 3/4 of it. He said he didn't smoke it it all cause he didn't want me sitting by myself.

 

Should these things bother me, do you guys see them as issues or am I just making something of nothing?

 

Thanks!

[Sivok]

I'm sensing MAJOR red flags.

 

1. He can't pay full attention to you even on a first date (referring to the tv watching). No telling how he'll act later on.

 

2. He's cheap. You had drinks and an appetizer... and he couldn't even offer to pay for that?

 

3. For him to say he hardly ever smokes, yet smokes 3/4th of an entire pack while out on a first date... Yeah, he's full of it.

 

Do not pursue this guy, you're seriously going to regret it if you do

[sweetbutcheeky]

I'm sensing MAJOR red flags.

 

1. He can't pay full attention to you even on a first date (referring to the tv watching). No telling how he'll act later on.

 

2. He's cheap. You had drinks and an appetizer... and he couldn't even offer to pay for that?

 

3. For him to say he hardly ever smokes, yet smokes 3/4th of an entire pack while out on a first date... Yeah, he's full of it.

 

Do not pursue this guy, you're seriously going to regret it if you do

 

Ya I know about the TV, that's my concern too. Rude

 

Ya it was a beer and nachos, $20. At the time didn't mind helping so he wasn't spending the bus ticket money, but to buy the cigarettes annoyed me.

 

I was 3/4 of 1 cigarette, but annoyed me that he would rather smoke it than spend the time with me before he got his bus. And let me sit there by myself.

[Sivok]

Yeah, for him to do all of this on a first date is very bizarre. You're right to have all these suspicions

[VertexSquared]

I'm sensing MAJOR red flags.

 

1. He can't pay full attention to you even on a first date (referring to the tv watching). No telling how he'll act later on.

 

2. He's cheap. You had drinks and an appetizer... and he couldn't even offer to pay for that?

 

3. For him to say he hardly ever smokes, yet smokes 3/4th of an entire pack while out on a first date... Yeah, he's full of it.

 

Do not pursue this guy, you're seriously going to regret it if you do

 

Couldn't have said it better... these are all very strong warning signs right off the bat.

[bayouboi]

Hah! Well, I WOULD say that this guy's a loser, but he IS the one getting the dates. Seems about right lol. /facepalm

[sweetbutcheeky]

Yeah, for him to do all of this on a first date is very bizarre. You're right to have all these suspicions

 

Ya thanks for confirming what I was feeling. Not sure if I should see him again and see if history repeats himself then I know for sure since it was odd. He did mention that it would be nice to go out to a real restaurant for dinner when he got his next check.

[TaurusTerp]

I'm sensing MAJOR red flags.

 

1. He can't pay full attention to you even on a first date (referring to the tv watching). No telling how he'll act later on.

 

2. He's cheap. You had drinks and an appetizer... and he couldn't even offer to pay for that?

 

3. For him to say he hardly ever smokes, yet smokes 3/4th of an entire pack while out on a first date... Yeah, he's full of it.

 

Do not pursue this guy, you're seriously going to regret it if you do

 

1. Its world cup time! And people get distracted by the TV, that shouldn't be held against him. Is it really relevant to whether or not he's a compatible match? Unless you need constant attention, it shouldnt matter.

 

2. He's a poor student, moneys always on his mind. I was also like this when I was in college. I'm not like that anymore, but I can empathize with him. If you're looking to be spoiled like a princess, yeah, he's not for you. But I personally wouldn't consider that a dealbreaker. The telling you he doesnt have money and then buying smokes? THATS a dealbreaker.

 

3. Whether or not smoking is a dealbreaker is up to you.

 

At this point, he sounds not that great, but how did you get along on the date? If you did have a good time and can see a future, you should let these little things go and give it a try.

 

3.

[Confusedalways]

1. Its world cup time! And people get distracted by the TV, that shouldn't be held against him. Is it really relevant to whether or not he's a compatible match? Unless you need constant attention, it shouldnt matter.

 

2. He's a poor student, moneys always on his mind. I was also like this when I was in college. I'm not like that anymore, but I can empathize with him. If you're looking to be spoiled like a princess, yeah, he's not for you. But I personally wouldn't consider that a dealbreaker. The telling you he doesnt have money and then buying smokes? THATS a dealbreaker.

 

3. Whether or not smoking is a dealbreaker is up to you.

 

At this point, he sounds not that great, but how did you get along on the date? If you did have a good time and can see a future, you should let these little things go and give it a try.

 

3.

 

1. On a first date being distracted by the tv when you're supposed to be putting your best foot forward doesn't exactly seem like someone who really wants to be out on said date. It's one thing if they went out to specifically watch the game together, but they went out to get to know one another. If he wanted to watch the game so badly, he should have made the date for another night. It should definitely matter if he wasn't listening to her! That's the point of a first date!

 

2. Yes, saying he's out of money and then buying cigs is definitely a red flag.

 

3. It's not that he smokes it's he lied saying he doesn't smoke a lot or often or whatever it was that he said.

 

Anyway-- I don't think i'd be down for date number 2.

[TaurusTerp]

1. On a first date being distracted by the tv when you're supposed to be putting your best foot forward doesn't exactly seem like someone who really wants to be out on said date. It's one thing if they went out to specifically watch the game together, but they went out to get to know one another. If he wanted to watch the game so badly, he should have made the date for another night. It should definitely matter if he wasn't listening to her! That's the point of a first date!

 

It certainly didnt sound like he was ignoring her for parts of the date to me, just that at one point he was staring at the tv. It can be easy to get distracted by other things coming and going in a bar. I'm sure I've done it with women I was borderline in love with.

[Confusedalways]

It certainly didnt sound like he was ignoring her for parts of the date to me, just that at one point he was staring at the tv. It can be easy to get distracted by other things coming and going in a bar. I'm sure I've done it with women I was borderline in love with.

 

I totally understand bars are distracting and I know I'm guilty of this too. But on a first date? I mean you're trying to impress someone and ignoring them isn't very impressive. Watching tv in lieu of listening to me is like the equivalent of texting- I do it all the time with friends but wouldn't do it on the first few dates with someone.

[kiss_andmakeup]

So, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly was good about the date?

 

I loved the line "he had planned to pay for the whole thing, but came up a little short." The WHOLE thing? You mean HIS beer and an appetizer that HE ate half of?

 

Then the part about watching the TV while you were talking...that's the worst part IMO...we hear about this kind of thing after 30 years of marriage but not on a first date. Yuck. Not just rude, but even tacky and totally lame.

 

NEXT!

[sweetbutcheeky]

1. Its world cup time! And people get distracted by the TV, that shouldn't be held against him. Is it really relevant to whether or not he's a compatible match? Unless you need constant attention, it shouldnt matter.

 

2. He's a poor student, moneys always on his mind. I was also like this when I was in college. I'm not like that anymore, but I can empathize with him. If you're looking to be spoiled like a princess, yeah, he's not for you. But I personally wouldn't consider that a dealbreaker. The telling you he doesnt have money and then buying smokes? THATS a dealbreaker.

 

3. Whether or not smoking is a dealbreaker is up to you.

 

At this point, he sounds not that great, but how did you get along on the date? If you did have a good time and can see a future, you should let these little things go and give it a try.

 

3.

 

1. Yes, though my opinion was it was a first meeting and if that's his best impression I was concerned. The soccer game wasn't playing (some men beating the crap out of each other thing). And I was talking to him and he was staring at the TV, took him a few seconds to notice I had stopped talking when he wasn't listening. It also happened again at the bus station when some people came in the station but was more open minded cause he had never been to Toronto again and seen some of the "creative city people!" lol

 

2. I am going back to school too and can't find summer work as well. In the meantime he is on disability so has money coming in. It was first meeting and I told him I didn't mind helping (meant it), it was that he asked me to that he still had money for cigarettes.

 

3. I don't like smoking, he stunk and kissing a smoker isn't nice. That's my opinion though. What I didn't like that he would rather smoke while I sat by myself, when he could smoke all he wanted when he got home.

 

As I said when I posted in my question we did have a good time, see a future too soon I think. We did get along and as I said kissed (though smokey smelly one).

 

Thanks Confusedalways, exactly!

[sweetbutcheeky]

So, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly was good about the date?

 

I loved the line "he had planned to pay for the whole thing, but came up a little short." The WHOLE thing? You mean HIS beer and an appetizer that HE ate half of?

 

Then the part about watching the TV while you were talking...that's the worst part IMO...we hear about this kind of thing after 30 years of marriage but not on a first date. Yuck. Not just rude, but even tacky and totally lame.

 

NEXT!

 

 

What was good was that we got along well, was easy, joked around and got to know each other more and enjoyed each others company. Little closer at the end with a few kisses.

 

He meant that he planned on paying for all food drinks and so on without asking for help. For the date/meeting whatever you want to call it. He paid for our first 2 drinks a the first place.

 

The TV thing annoyed me for that reason.

[sweetbutcheeky]

He is a FULL TIME smoker. I can tell you that. Being one myself I see the signs

 

Having no money could very well equate to no money except this in my pocket to buy me another pack of smokes. That matters when you're a regular smoker.

 

Just something to think about since you're anti-smoking. It in itself could be the dealbreaker regardless of other red flags.

 

On the site I met him it said Smoking Habits : No. Then in talking he said a little, when I asked why he said when he is bored. (my response was I could think if better things to do when bored! lol)

 

So was surprised when he bought them (after saying he was short in cash, now that I think about it he got change for a $50 at the first place). Then that he would rather have a smoke them spend time with me before leaving. Never mind that I already told him it's gross to kiss smokers. After our first kiss he asked me if I could smell it and I said yes (was true) but he couldn't smell it on himself and was surprised. Well duh!

 

I dunno if that should be a reason, excuse or makes it any better?

[TaurusTerp]

Well, do you want someone that makes a first impression or someone you get along with well? Who cares about the first impression - maybe he has a short attention span, maybe he was tired, maybe he was actually trying to think of someone interesting to say next.

 

If you had a good time with him, I suggest you let the TV thing go. In the end, it has no bearing on whether or not he's a good/interesting/attractive person.

[sweetbutcheeky]

Well, do you want someone that makes a first impression or someone you get along with well? Who cares about the first impression - maybe he has a short attention span, maybe he was tired, maybe he was actually trying to think of someone interesting to say next.

 

If you had a good time with him, I suggest you let the TV thing go. In the end, it has no bearing on whether or not he's a good/interesting/attractive person.

 

It's not that he made a bad first impression, it's that if he did that now what is he like when he isn't trying to make an impression? (you can't be thinking of what you say if you didn't hear what I said cause you weren't listening)

 

But since it was our first meeting I was thinking of giving it an actual first date, if he asks me. Just wanted more opinions (other than my own) to see of the things that were stuck in my head after the first meeting were issues other people thought were something too.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Wait a sec,

 

we can't call these trifling little tidbits "MAJOR red flags" (as we need those for when somebody is soon to be swindled out of her life savings, or whatever)

 

 

But this dude has already clearly identified himself as a loser (for reasons all different from his present status as a student) and you are surely upwardly mobile from that.

 

 

Common sense has to kick-in and tell you not to waste any more of your time on this guy.

 

You're 32, right near your sexual peak, and you will simply never know the important foundation to the best female orgasms when this guy is a failure in so many important categories.

 

Somebody likes to say: "the female orgasm begins during that dinner out" ... now how great is it likely to be when he's watching a big TV behind you the whole time AND THEN having you pay for it because he is suddenly broke?

[sweetbutcheeky]

Wait a sec,

 

we can't call these trifling little tidbits "MAJOR red flags" (as we need those for when somebody is soon to be swindled out of her life savings, or whatever)

 

 

But this dude has already clearly identified himself as a loser (for reasons all different from his present status as a student) and you are surely upwardly mobile from that.

 

 

Common sense has to kick-in and tell you not to waste any more of your time on this guy.

 

You're 32, right near your sexual peak, and you will simply never know the important foundation to the best female orgasms when this guy is a failure in so many important categories.

 

Somebody likes to say: "the female orgasm begins during that dinner out" ... now how great is it likely to be when he's watching a big TV behind you the whole time AND THEN having you pay for it because he is suddenly broke?

 

 

I agree that they aren't Major red flags, but are a concern.

 

As for the rest of that your talking about, i don't think has anything to do with it! lol

[sweetbutcheeky]

So I decided to give him one more shot. Since with online dating I don't consider the first meeting a date.

 

But I can't figure out if he wants to and kinda frustrated with him. We talked a little Saturday after meeting, making sure we both got home and so on. Sunday evening he found me on msn but by the delay in his responses (TV again) and my headache I cut it short. Then last night he contacted me on msn again, were chatting for a bit (but there was a delay again cause he was watching TV - though I can msn and watch TV without pauses in conversation) then I asked him something and after 10 mins his status is set to busy and didn't come back. Well not before I left annoyed.

 

 

I dunno maybe I am making something out of nothing and letting the tv thing and pauses on msn add up to more. Plus he hasn't mentioned getting together again so not knowing what he wants is frustrating too. Though we haven't really had a good chat like we have before.

[TaurusTerp]

So I decided to give him one more shot. Since with online dating I don't consider the first meeting a date.

 

But I can't figure out if he wants to and kinda frustrated with him. We talked a little Saturday after meeting, making sure we both got home and so on. Sunday evening he found me on msn but by the delay in his responses (TV again) and my headache I cut it short. Then last night he contacted me on msn again, were chatting for a bit (but there was a delay again cause he was watching TV - though I can msn and watch TV without pauses in conversation) then I asked him something and after 10 mins his status is set to busy and didn't come back. Well not before I left annoyed.

 

 

I dunno maybe I am making something out of nothing and letting the tv thing and pauses on msn add up to more. Plus he hasn't mentioned getting together again so not knowing what he wants is frustrating too. Though we haven't really had a good chat like we have before.

 

He sounds pretty ADD. Although a lot of people are that way. They're doing other things while they chat online, and maybe something just came up and he had to go.

 

However, it seems like these things clearly bother you. Either you sit down with him and explain your thoughts, or perhaps you simply aren't going to be compatible and you should break it off and look for someone who will be fixated on you and responsive.

[VertexSquared]

As far as I'm concerned, if a guy doesn't have the money to pay for himself and his date at a given restaurant, then he shouldn't be going to that restaurant.

[kimflute26]

You sound like a really sweet person so please don't be offended at what I'm about to say..... But why on EARTH would you give him a second shot? First of all, for a man to tell the lady he is with on a FIRST DATE that he is short was already tacky enough. But then to go buy cigarettes was even tackier. Oh and didn't you say he told you he smokes when he is BORED. So based on the words that came straight from his mouth, he was BORED on your date. You want to go out with a guy who:

 

1. Was distracted by the TV

 

2. Made you pay for something because he was "short" which he obviously lied about because he had money to buy cigarettes.

 

3. Had the gall to buy cigarettes, something that he told you he only does WHEN HE IS BORED.

 

4. Had the nerve to smoke a cigarette, preventing him from being close to you while waiting for the bus. (because he obviously wasn't interested in being close to you I guess. Since he was smoking, he must have been bored right?)

 

How does this sound to you? Sorry if I'm being harsh... I just happen to think that we're all strong women here and only really need ourselves... we don't NEED a guy in our lives. So if we WANT a guy in our lives, he damn well better be worth our time. And he damn well better add something to our lives instead of wasting our time. That man is a bored, smoking, time waster.

 

NEXT

[sweetbutcheeky]

He sounds pretty ADD. Although a lot of people are that way. They're doing other things while they chat online, and maybe something just came up and he had to go.

 

However, it seems like these things clearly bother you. Either you sit down with him and explain your thoughts, or perhaps you simply aren't going to be compatible and you should break it off and look for someone who will be fixated on you and responsive.

 

I know most people do more than just chat online, I search and watch TV too but don't make the person wait on me. Last chat I went to the washroom, got a drink, changed the tv channel and he still hadn't responded. Sure things can come up, net can get disconnected and so on.

 

I think what annoys me is that I haven't been able to explain to him my thoughts. I don't expect someone to be fixated on me, but be listening and responsive. VS feeling like I am talking to myself.

[sweetbutcheeky]

You sound like a really sweet person so please don't be offended at what I'm about to say..... But why on EARTH would you give him a second shot? First of all, for a man to tell the lady he is with on a FIRST DATE that he is short was already tacky enough. But then to go buy cigarettes was even tackier. Oh and didn't you say he told you he smokes when he is BORED. So based on the words that came straight from his mouth, he was BORED on your date. You want to go out with a guy who:

 

1. Was distracted by the TV

 

2. Made you pay for something because he was "short" which he obviously lied about because he had money to buy cigarettes.

 

3. Had the gall to buy cigarettes, something that he told you he only does WHEN HE IS BORED.

 

4. Had the nerve to smoke a cigarette, preventing him from being close to you while waiting for the bus. (because he obviously wasn't interested in being close to you I guess. Since he was smoking, he must have been bored right?)

 

How does this sound to you? Sorry if I'm being harsh... I just happen to think that we're all strong women here and only really need ourselves... we don't NEED a guy in our lives. So if we WANT a guy in our lives, he damn well better be worth our time. And he damn well better add something to our lives instead of wasting our time. That man is a bored, smoking, time waster.

 

NEXT

 

Thanks. I see what your saying and thought about that too. But I guess I hate to rule anyone out on one date because of a mistake. If they are like that on date 2, then I know what to do.

 

1. Was my point and annoyed me

 

2. He obviously had in mind needing the money to get the cigarettes in mind

 

3. Obviously is more than something he does when he is bored, more addicted than that (not bored on the date, he told me about smoking when bored before the date, before he asked me out)

 

4. Was my point and what I said to him, he said he didn't smoke the whole thing