harkkam Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 My ex broke up with me about two months ago I am 24 she is 20, we had a one year relationship that was rocky but I tried my best to love her but I know I made many mistakes and many times she warned me that I should change my ways but I was just too caught up in my own world to realize what I was doing to her or to take her seriously. Now that she is gone for good and the reality of that is sinking in. Its so damn painful that I no longer have this person in my life. I feel so empty and lost, hopeless about the future. I stare at my phone and it says no text messages. I realize that if I had done the right things and fixed myself to not hurt this person as badly as I did she would still be here. I feel like I got so lucky finding her and meeting her. I would be right now driving to pick her up from her home and we would be spending the rest of the day enjoying it in each others arms. She is the most prettiest woman I have ever dated to this day and Losing her feels like such a blow. Instead I am here in my house feeling miserable and down and staring out of my window watching the world go by. Everyday I am living is not the way I want to live. I want to be with her, hold her smell her hair and see her smile. Yet I am here sitting on my computer feeling lost. Questions like "What if I never find another woman like her" or like "What if I feel like this forever" and I feel like "I dont ever want to play the dating game again." I was so lucky finding her and I wont ever find another woman like her again. The hardest thing of all is the immense sense of loss that I feel, from having a person in my life to share my life with, to laugh and enjoy things with and to do things with and to spend my time with. To be there for them and to hear their voice. Now I am all alone with just family and friends. Family and friends can never replace that bond that love two people in a relationship can share with each other. I remember when we would be driving together somewhere and she would be there next to me and I would see her smiling. I miss that I want that back. I dont know if I can handle this pain anymore.
davisc123 Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Solidarity brother. I am going through a very similar situation, and the feelings you describe are all the thoughts and emotions I feel. For what it is worth, and believe me I know there is little that gives you comfort at this time, you aren't alone. I also had a beautiful girl I loved deeply, and the thought of ever finding that again seems slim. But I got her right? And so did you. Once you build back up your confidence you WILL find somebody else as good if not better for you. There are factors in my situation that have led me to realise that no matter how much I believed she is the one, she just isn't. I think its important for you not to cling onto the hope and torture yourself by checking your mobile phone all the time. You are only prolonging the grief. Don't pressure yourself into finding someone to fill her shoes. Forget about getting back into the 'game', focus all your efforts on you. Meeting someone new an overwhelming thought when you feel so low, you are young and have plenty of time for that. Like I say I am suffering as well, the disillusionment has left me feeling like a stranger in my own life. Nothing seems real anymore. But don't give up on yourself. Do all you can to look forward instead of back, the latter will cause you pain at a hard time like this. One day you'll be able to look back and smile!
supersub Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 My ex broke up with me about two months ago I am 24 she is 20, we had a one year relationship that was rocky but I tried my best to love her but I know I made many mistakes and many times she warned me that I should change my ways but I was just too caught up in my own world to realize what I was doing to her or to take her seriously. Now that she is gone for good and the reality of that is sinking in. Its so damn painful that I no longer have this person in my life. I feel so empty and lost, hopeless about the future. I stare at my phone and it says no text messages. I realize that if I had done the right things and fixed myself to not hurt this person as badly as I did she would still be here. I feel like I got so lucky finding her and meeting her. I would be right now driving to pick her up from her home and we would be spending the rest of the day enjoying it in each others arms. She is the most prettiest woman I have ever dated to this day and Losing her feels like such a blow. Instead I am here in my house feeling miserable and down and staring out of my window watching the world go by. Everyday I am living is not the way I want to live. I want to be with her, hold her smell her hair and see her smile. Yet I am here sitting on my computer feeling lost. Questions like "What if I never find another woman like her" or like "What if I feel like this forever" and I feel like "I dont ever want to play the dating game again." I was so lucky finding her and I wont ever find another woman like her again. The hardest thing of all is the immense sense of loss that I feel, from having a person in my life to share my life with, to laugh and enjoy things with and to do things with and to spend my time with. To be there for them and to hear their voice. Now I am all alone with just family and friends. Family and friends can never replace that bond that love two people in a relationship can share with each other. I remember when we would be driving together somewhere and she would be there next to me and I would see her smiling. I miss that I want that back. I dont know if I can handle this pain anymore. Hey Harkkam, Its okay my friend. Everything you are feeling is normal, go ahead you can grieve, its okay to feel that way. I know its a massive cliche and everyone from family to friends will say it, but it does get better. The questions you have are very normal in circumstances like this. You worry that they are the one that got away. Let me tell you, you are 24. You have loads of time ahead of you to find the right person, so don't sweat it. I went through the same feelings about 5 - 6 months ago, and I can tell you I'm feeling on top of the world right now. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships so don't beat yourself up either. Your confidence has been knocked, and its natural to blame yourself. Many people say and its true. Stop looking at the phone and start working on yourself. Get out there and run, get a new haircut, get some new clothes, work out. Do a hobby. Heck make a boat out of matchsticks! This will help you in that it will fill the time and also build back your confidence. If you do this, you never know she may take an interest in you again. Are you still contacting her?
skydiveaddict Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Agreed. I'm going through the same thing right now. Hang tough, things will get better
thtguy Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Hey man I went through the same thing. Your family friends try to tell you all the right stuff and give you the advice like fake it till you make it or try to tell you that you are a great human being or whatever. The thing is you still have that empty feeling, right in the middle of your chest, I know man, I thought it would never go away either. But somehow I am sitting here typing this and even when I look back and ..almost try to get that feeling in my chest just to see if I can...that painful empty feeling it's just not there anymore. I don't know how it went away, don't even really know when I 'started to get better' but it seems us humans have a knack for being able to recover, it takes some longer than others. Let me say this: drugs and alcohol did not help. The bar scene did not really help much because if you struck out that night it would feel even worse. EXERCISE DID HELP. Being around friends was iffy because it was nice to have company yet when you see them being happy couples it would be bad. There really is no magic way to get better man, just speaking from the soul I would say try to exercise often. I don't buy the whole "stay busy" line myself: staying busy seemed like a temporary escape as I would just fall into that pit at the end of the night. Grasping your emotions is vital, look at yourself as a man: are you going to let this take the life out of you? Aren't you tired of feeling like this yet? At a certain point you just say "*** all the bull$hit, I am going to live life like every day is my last because I only get one shot at it and I'm not going to waste any more of MY time in this terrible feeling state" Hope that helped
Star Gazer Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Exercise, exercise, exercise!!! Endorphins will do you a world of good!
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Feel the same as you. Your car comment is so true. I remember the way my ex smiled at me while I was driving. Such a nice feeling. I've been NC for a month. Been going to the gym nonstop. I'm actually very built up now, but I still don't feel good. I miss her so damn much. Just like you. The mornings are the absolute worst for me. But I just want to say that you're not alone. Reading/writing posts on this website actually help me cope. Thanks LS community, you've literally kept me alive this past month...
Author harkkam Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 No I am not keeping in contact with her. I am hoping it will either make me miss me, or that I'll be able to forget her an move on. Today I had a dream of a time we played in the snow together and I woke up with tears in my eye's. I was taking a shower and I imagined she was standing there with me in the shower. I imagined seeing her in my backyard and then waving goodbye to her and I started crying again. I dont know whats wrong with me, but that pain in my chest and hole is not as heavy as it was. But I will start crying or start fantasizing about her being in places around my house. I will stand in a place that she used to stand often and places where we made love. Ive never been in such bad mental shape. I've considered physical harm many times and even told myself all the reasons I have to keep on living. That the chances of finding another girl will be gone, and the chances of enjoying other things will go too. Do you think I should see a therapist?
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I've also had those same thoughts about hurting myself, depression, just complete hopelessness. Try to look at each day as an achievement. So the goal is to try to make it through 24 hours of time. It's easier than just thinking "how am I going to make it another 60 years feeling like this?" Do you think I should see a therapist? I haven't been to a psychologist in years. I don't think they help me at all. However, at one point I did see a psychiatrist and an anti-depressant helped me. Everything you've described in your posts is grieving which is normal and we all do it. Maybe talking to a therapist will help you. Worth a try, right? It might also help to check out this forum: http://www.suicideforum.com/ The people on that forum are very helpful and will give you perspective. Life is awesome, but it's hard to see it when you're depressed. Just keep moving, keeping going through the motions and you'll bounce back. Cheer up!
wrencn Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I am so sorry you feel this way, my heart is breaking for you because I know exactly how you feel. Yes, I think you should see a therapist. I say this because I am. I just started Zoloft about a week ago and it has helped a bit- why suffer needlessly? I mean the pain is still there and I'm actually going to have to add more meds to help the anxiet but if it wasn't for that I don't know if I would actually be able to get off the couch and function. Best of luck!
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