lastnightadj Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Hey all, Thanks for taking the time to read this and I'll try and keep it as short as possible. About 4 weeks ago I met a girl and we hit it off, we had a couple of really good nights out (slept together both times), she would call me every day at least twice and some text messages. She would also be suggesting things that we could do together. Then over a period of a weekend she 'rain checked' on doing something together 3 times as she had things she had to do (I do believe that genuinely things had come up), but continued to suggest an alternative for the day after each time. Then as if a switch had been flipped over night between Sunday and Monday she stopped calling and also did not reply to a text and when she did she said she had been busy with work etc.., but then nothing from her again. I decided to leave it for a couple of weeks so as not to push her away or be overly keen. Fast forward a couple of weeks to the Friday just past I decided to text her, I got a reply straight away (and the kisses that had been missing from a couple of the last texts I had with her had re-appeared), I asked her outright why she had gone so 'cold' and she replyed saying she had been going through a difficult time, she'd not been well and her dad had been made redundant from his job and didn't want to drag me in to 'her crap'. I expressed to her I wish she had told me etc. etc. Also in these texts I had given her many opportunities of an 'out' from me, I finished saying she could call later if she wanted. And indeed she did, three times all in that evening, we spoke and it was great, just like before, having a laugh and a good chat about nothing specific. I also spoke with one of her friends who was there (who seemed to know about us), and her friend was really up for us going on a couples night out.. I of course said that was up to her friend (hope that made sense!). Anyway, the next day around lunch time I sent her a text to see how her head was as we had all been drinking the night before - no reply to that. On the Sunday evening I tried to call - no answer, sent a text straight after just saying I wanted a chat, and she could call if she wanted to or not if she didn't - got a reply saying she didn't understand the message, but that it was her brothers birthday and they were just sitting down for dinner (no kisses on her text again now). Fair enough, so I replied saying no problem and we could speak later if she was free. Now we are at Monday afternoon and I've not heard anything from her again.. Basically I have no idea where I stand, I've not been pushy and I've been respectful of her time. I was thinking about sending her a message in a day or two just spelling out that she confuses me and that I'd like to get to know her and I just want to know if she does? By the way, I'm 31 and she's 27. Any ideas folks?? Thanks
EmeraldHeart Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Time to move on. You are not a priority for her. I just went through a similar experience.
Serenitynow Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 She slept with you right from the start, that explains most of it right there. She probably has a few other guys exactly like you that she juggles. OR She has another guy as a steady, and you are the toy She may like the ego boost of having a few guys just like you chasing her around If you want more of a committed relationship, then you need to move on If you are fine with playing hit and miss than thats your choice as well. It sounds like shes just out to have fun, one day at a time, with or without you.
that girl Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I find this one hard to judge. Yes, she has turned dates, but she has always suggested an alternative which suggests real interest. Yes, she stopped calling but the work issue could be legit. I also notice that she was the one doing 90% of the calling while you were mostly texting. She was actually showing more interest than you with her two calls a day, meanwhile you text her to let her know she can call you to chat (huh? why not just leave that in the message?) She might have lost interest, but you seem way too reliant on texting. You're going to send her a text to say she is confusing you? Bad plan. Texting and even email to a lesser extent leave too much room for interpetation and should never be used for serious issues. Call her or set up an in person meeting
jamal Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Dude, been going through a similar situation. Slept with this woman and the communication was on/off. I have decided to call it quits after a month. Your girl is not a 21 year old and at 27 she should clearly know what she wants. I believe that if someone really wants you they will not dick you around like that. Keep moving and cut your emotional losses. The only consolation is that at least you got some sex out of it - other guys go through this crap without having gotten even a kiss. No such thing as too busy to contact a loved one in this age of technology. You usually have your cellphone on you and could easily make a 2 minute phone call during your downtime (e.g. whilst waiting for a train, taking a dump, waiting for your turn at a Starbucks queue). Not contacting you just means you are not a priority. Thats why I am a strong advocate of sex on the first date. That way I do not waste my time and emotions for zero return. Yes, 80% of my first dates usually conclude with sex. Talk of an evening with a happy ending;)
northstar1 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 That is tough. However, I've learned that if someone is truly into you, they will make the time to go out or talk. I've dated girls who have done the hot/cold. One day everything is great, affectionate etc, and then they go cold or the communication dries up. Now sometimes it's legitimate, they might be busy, stressed, tired etc and might just not be in the mood to talk. However, The benefit of the doubt doesn't last long for me, if they go flaky more than once, then I just pull back and do my own thing. It's hard to resist wanting to know where you stand, reach out, especially if you've developed real feelings for them etc, but that normally just makes it worse and it comes across as a lack of confidence. I'd expect flakiness more if the girl is in her mid/early 20s, but I suppose it can happen at any age. I'd back off completely, and do your own thing, go date others. If she contacts you with an offer to go out, great, if not, don't pursue
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