NoIDidn't Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I've seen an OW go on a board and post as a BW before. She was looking for the kind of answers and advice that BWs would get so that she could use it against the W in her case. It was really ugly (internet wise) when she was found out. No site wanted her after that. I don't know if that's the case here or not. But all the "I can't live without him" and "I told him he might mess around and get her pregnant" talk doesn't sound at all like something a W that wants her H to stop his A would say. But something new happens everyday.
CrayonAngel Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I sure hope she isn't...that would really tick me off! This story has gotten to me, and I feel for her. Lost, can u give us an update?
Always A Lesson Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 (edited) Lostit, THE TIME HAS COME. It's time to quickly and swiftly. GO NC. immediately!!!! Screw him, screw her....."F*ck Love".....The singer Rhianna said it best when Chris Brown smashed her face in... It's time to save lostit ! or you're going to LOSE IT for real. Tough talk time is here...... Get out now... It's time to save yourself. Don't think about it ...JUST DO IT !!!!!!!! You're going to end up in a loony bin, while lover-boy is changing poopy pampers with the skanky ho...... get out while you can and maintain your sanity. that's what at stake here,,, your sanity. Edited June 15, 2010 by Always A Lesson
porkinsjehosaphat Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 OP, forgive me, your situation is very tough. But honestly what benefit are you getting out of your relationship? It just sounds like constant stress, anxiety, and aggravation. I like things to be calm and peaceful in my life, if at all possible.
turnera Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 You're going to end up in a loony bin, while lover-boy is changing poopy pampers with the skanky ho...... Or, more likely, he will move the baby into his house part-time with lostit - after lostit caves and moves back in with him (because he's in so much pain and needs her) because he knows lostit will never have the guts to leave him, and he will have HER changing the baby's diapers. lostit, I'm not trying to be rude, but if you can't even stand up to him when he comes to you with something like this, you are in for a WORLD of pain. It's time to get off the pot - get some therapy to deal with your abandonment issues, to learn how to like yourself enough to respect yourself and tell him to get lost. And change your freakin' phone number!
Spark1111 Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 This is worse than witnessing a car crash....This is like witnessing the plane flying into the train smashing into the car stuck on the tracks. Man, this guy is getting so much attention for his self-created drama mess.....and lostit, you are right there with him every step of the way. Are you too enjoying this soap opera saga? Repeat these three words: Love is not suppose to hurt. Good luck with your life.
stillafool Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 You are young enough to start a new life with someone who will not treat you this way. I can not understand why you think staying in this is a better alternative to being alone. I know you and he have a lot of history, but I just don't get that. I agree. Plus are you going to waste all your child bearing years being a crutch for him and his baby? You need to leave him alone with her and find a better life. He is not the last man on this earth. Have enough faith in yourself to know that you can do and deserve better. Why do you care if he thinks you don't love him? After all he's done to you, why DO you love him? Do you really think this is love? Really? Because if this is what you think love is, you really really really need some intensive help. Help that LS cannot provide. And, don't feel sorry for her. She feels nothing for you that she was your friend and she is doing this to you? Wake up PLEASE! Your h is mentally abusing you and sometimes mental abuse can be worse than physical abuse.
Snowflower Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I've seen an OW go on a board and post as a BW before. She was looking for the kind of answers and advice that BWs would get so that she could use it against the W in her case. It was really ugly (internet wise) when she was found out. No site wanted her after that. I don't know if that's the case here or not. But all the "I can't live without him" and "I told him he might mess around and get her pregnant" talk doesn't sound at all like something a W that wants her H to stop his A would say. But something new happens everyday. OMG, when I think about this, it makes sense although I certainly hope not! Lostit's story was so painful for me to read that I had to quit commenting on it after awhile. But all the fixation on the OW (comparing sex between them) was weird. Lostit, I hope this isn't true, are you the OW? Lots of people have been trying to help you. Please come back and give an update.
PhoenixRise Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Lostit You are volunteering for pain. WHY? Why would you be there for him now when he has created a baby with your ex-friend? Why would you even try to put your feelings aside to support him? Why aren't you pissed that he is even expecting comfort and support from you because he is now about to be baby daddy #3? Why aren't you insisting on your own healing time? Again, why would you even CONSIDER putting your feelings aside for his benefit? Lostit you will be on this rollercoaster until you decide to get off. If this woman is really pregnant there will be NO abortion. She believes (and perhaps rightfully so) that a baby will keep her connected to the man she wants. At this point, this "marriage" is taking more from you that it is giving. Another woman will have your husband's first born child. On Christmas it will be your H, OW and their child opening presents under the tree and you will be the outsider. It should be you and your child, your family. You have been robbed. The question now is...how much more are you going to give away to the man who has already robbed you? Let him go. He is an adult. He is about to be a father. Grown A$$ "Men" need to deal with the consequences of their own actions. Stop volunteering for pain. Just stop.
how2forgive&2forget Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Lost it, wow! If your sister is going through this, what would you tell her? What you feel is not love, but obsession! You are obsessed with this man! This is not love! This is sick! Good luck to you. You have your own set of lungs, your own brains, your own organs, you are in no way going to die without that heartless "husband" of yours. Just remember that.
Author LostIt2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 I am no troll or have some loveshack twisted plot. this is unfortunately my life and very real. and yes as you all have pointed out so wonderfully i have no backbone, and a complete screwed up idiot. he and i had words yesterday. its like it all just hit me and i was upset and i'm really thinking i had maybe an emotional breakdown or anxiety attack or something. i have told no one this latest news and needed someone to talk to and he basically said he didn't have answers and he didn't want to piss her off bc he doesn't know what she is gonna do and if she decides to have baby he would have no rights till baby born, she could bolt to state over which she has threatened many times and he said if she decided to have baby he did not want her taking it a state away. he apologized to me for some things he said during our last "try" and for creating this mess. i didn't hear from him all next day. i kinda paniced, lamely bc i didn't hear from him for a day after he wore me out on the phone for 2 days straight. i didn't know what was going on. my thinking is clearly screwed up and i told him if he was gonna ignore me and be done with me i wanted to be told and didn't want him to drag it out and lie. (i'm sure i said all wrong things in a hyperventilating basic panic attack of emotions, its like it all just bam hit me in face what has happened) he basically in my time of need told me that i take things and run with it and he didn't have time to listen to all this with everything going on. i told him i was there for him and when i need him he just says whatever and that i saw how it was he got his shoulder to cry on and used me again. he said "you are looking at her being pregnant and us living in separate homes. wake up. we are separated, not dating, nothing, that is reality and that he has a duty to his kid and to be there for her abortion or not" and i told him i felt used and stupid. unimportant and that he had duties to his wife too that he didn't think were very important. he got pissed at that and said he still needed a shoulder but would never use mine again and said we (me and her) were just alike it was all about us. i told him it was all about him, its always been all about him and as soon as me or even her starts needing something he attacks like how dare you. he said i just wanted an answer, to know he would dump her and be with me just like she wants to know. i told him i felt tossed aside like nothing and he hasn't had an answer in 7 months and i didn't expect him to have one now and i told him i knew he had a baby to focus on and told him just how difficult this all was and how alone i felt. he said that he didn't need to hear about pain i was in bc he felt guilty enough and would never forgive himself for causing me this pain and that he has to figure out what is gonna happen with her and baby and that was his focus and maybe we shouldn't talk right now. after i calmed own i kept looking at what he said about waking up. that i needed to wake up and look at reality. maybe i haven't been and i thought most of night about that and reality is i am all those things ya'll have called me. i'm weak idiot with no backbone and love him more than myself. i have my own place now and i certainly don't need to expect to hear from him or worry about him when i'm pretty sure i'm about one more emotional breakdown away from the hospital. reality is his gf is pregnant, he betrayed me time and time again, and i don't feel like he even cares. he has her to focus on and i'm just thrown out to side.. even forced out and yet i still am trying to just be loved by him. i haven't told anyone this part of this mess. only my mom, sister, and best friend know about affair. i've pretty much shut out everyone else. i know i'm really screwed up. but wake up is exactly what needs to happen and staring at my phone all day hoping for a miracle needs to stop. i know all this, its just i haven't wanted to give up on him or on us... and in process i gave up on myself. i am gonna wait for some responses and then see about getting this thread deleted bc of some things you guys said about stuff like this being found by other parties. i'm going to try and lean on my mom and sister and focus on getting myself sane again and telling him i think it is best if we didn't talk and tell him why, tell him i think we should follow through and complete divorce bc of all of this. a part of me doesn't want to, my heart, i still love him so much. my heart may never let go but i know that i at least have to break away. i feel so broken and alone. i don't know how to do this. it kills me to hurt him and i know that is screwed up, but it does. it kills me to feel like he thinks i don't love him bc i'm going through with divorce. but he hasn't given me any choice or given me a reason not to. i know whats best in my mind, but i just don't want this. but either way my heart dies so it doesn't matter. i'm not texting him. if he does me i'm just going to tell him that how he did me and telling me to wake up and look at reality is exactly what i'm doing. bc when he said that for some reason it was like a sucker punch. like he was calling me an idiot. he probably was. i can't believe this is my reality when less than a year ago i thought we were happy and trusted him completely and had faith and hope and believed in things. i don't believe in anything anymore.
Snowflower Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Thanks for coming back to answer, Lostit! Again, I'm so sorry for your pain...but I promise it will get better. It's so hard right now because your H is all you have ever known and the only man you have ever loved. I know you mentioned that a year ago you couldn't imagine that your life would turn out like this. But just think, in another year your life might be something completely different again. Something wonderful, something better. It's okay not to believe in anything right now; you need time to heal, to rest, to reflect. Rely on your mom, your sister and your best friend to help you through this. You will get through this. I know it seems impossibly dark right now but you will get there. Life hands us tough lessons sometimes...but sometimes it's what we need to move forward into a better place.
Author LostIt2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 not to mention he could be promising her the moon. i have no idea. he acts like he is trying to let her consider abortion option and bc she is he said he wasn't giving her any hope with them bc if he did she might have baby for sure. but i know he feels duty to her now, rightfully so i guess bc it is their baby, and they have been talking very regular. i'm sure she is loving all this power, maybe its exactly what she wanted, maybe its not. i don't know anything anymore.
Author LostIt2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 things are very dark right now. i have nothing left inside me. i used to be this bright happy person who was positive and hopeful and she is gone. she was stupid, dependent and niave. this is reality i guess, and i'm a shell of who i used to be. hope is not in my vocabulary anymore.
Corporate Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 things are very dark right now. i have nothing left inside me. i used to be this bright happy person who was positive and hopeful and she is gone. she was stupid, dependent and niave. this is reality i guess, and i'm a shell of who i used to be. hope is not in my vocabulary anymore. Would you consider re-read all the advice that has been given to you?
Author LostIt2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 I have re-read this and many things. Some days I feel ok and have strong moments, most I am so emotional and weak getting myself to and through the work day is sometimes all I have. I am aware how foolish and sad you all think I am. Unfortunately it doesn't help push me in a direction, just make me feel pathetic and worse. I feel lucky to have survived a day at this point. Mentally and emotionally this is almost more than i can bare at times. There hasn't been a day where I haven't cried and broke down since he told me this. like i said i don't believe in anything. what makes you think i would believe the hope and happiness you promise.
CrayonAngel Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I'm sorry Lost it! I would be a real mess..we all would. Its alot easier for us to tell you what to do and not be in the situation. Does his mama know the mess hes created?
Corporate Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 like i said i don't believe in anything. what makes you think i would believe the hope and happiness you promise. Is a fairy tale ending with a prince in store for you in the future? Maybe and maybe not. No one knows for sure, but what seems certain is that you will be misserable if you stay with this cheating used who just used you and drain the energy out of you. Do you really think that's the BEST you can do? There are tons of nice single guys out there, some of them work in restuarant, some of them work in law firms, some of them work for the government, but many of them don't cheat and treat you like your "man" does.
Author LostIt2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 (edited) i feel sorry for the next "man" who has to deal with my issues. they have been texted almost non-stop, i'm guessing by their texting he went over there last night, and they have texted all day. i don't know why i'm looking or care. i just feel like i'm being lied to and they are planning this happy little family and having this sweet little moments and i feel robbed maybe they aren't, they could just be discussing everything. i know they have too. maybe i'm bitter. i don't know i'm just sad. its like i'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor of this little apt and my husband, or whatever he is, is giving all his attention and focus to his pregnant gf. its just so screwed up and i don't know whats going on. i wish he would just tell me they are gonna be together and i could stop and have an answer to go on. i don't know why it even matters anymore. i'm just so hurt. hurt seems like such an small word to describe the pain i feel and carry with me. i have a huge hole in my chest. Edited June 15, 2010 by LostIt2010
turnera Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 he said that he didn't need to hear about pain i was in bc he felt guilty enough and would never forgive himself for causing me this pain I just want to make sure you see this for what it is: BOLDFACED LIES. He says he can never forgive himself for hurting you, and in the same sentence he says that he doesn't care if you're in pain or not cos he doesn't want to hear anything about what HE does wrong. Think about it. i haven't told anyone this part of this mess. only my mom, sister, and best friend know about affair. i've pretty much shut out everyone else. IMO, this is your biggest mistake. One, not telling everyone what a lying, cheating ho-bag he is, and two, not trusting - or letting - your other family and friends to BE THERE for you, and three, not telling your mom and sister and best friend the latest so they can help you with this. Go sit down and start calling.
turnera Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I'm sorry Lost it! I would be a real mess..we all would. Its alot easier for us to tell you what to do and not be in the situation. Does his mama know the mess hes created?Oh for sure! Have you told his parents? As for you, why are you not finding and calling a psychologist right now?
turnera Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 i wish he would just tell me they are gonna be together and i could stop and have an answer to go on. lostit, how much louder do you need him to say it? He doesn't want to be with you. He wants to cheat. He wants to lie. He wants to have girls on the side. Please get some help. Please call your mom.
Author LostIt2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 (edited) he just texted and said she is leaning toward abortion. he said he didn't want to talk or explain or answer questions. he felt i had right to know. he asked if i would just let him be for a little while. i'm scared he will regret this if she does go through with an abortion. after all its his child he is deciding to do this to. i don't know if i could do it. this is horrible, horrible mess. i feel so sorry for the baby and for him, and for myself. is it weird that if she does abort baby i feel like i would grieve it bc it was his. i feel like this will haunt him for the rest of his life. i feel like she will blame him for rest of his life. i'm just terrified of all of this. it doesn't seem like this is fair or real. Edited June 15, 2010 by LostIt2010
Corporate Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 he just texted and said she is leaning toward abortion. he said he didn't want to talk or explain or answer questions. he felt i had right to know. he asked if i would just let him be for a little while. i'm scared he will regret this if she does go through with an abortion. after all its his child he is deciding to do this to. i don't know if i could do it. this is horrible, horrible mess. i feel so sorry for the baby and for him, and for myself. is it weird that if she does abort baby i feel like i would grieve it bc it was his. i feel like this will haunt him for the rest of his life. i feel like she will blame him for rest of his life. i'm just terrified of all of this. it doesn't seem like this is fair or real. If I were you, you would stay out of it. Whatever the decision is, it will be on them. Don't respond to his texting and go NC for two weeks. Can you do that?
stillafool Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Yes jthorne there is no more to be said. Nothing is getting through to Lostit. Even her H is telling her to let him be for a while and she will still continue to communicate. I think what he meant by "reality" is for Lost to recognize his situation with the OW for what it is. They are going to have a baby or abortion and he wants to be with her through it. He is even asking for NC at this point. Lost you should have moved to Pittsburgh when you had the chance. I don't think you wanted to be that far away from your H. You need to be far away from him/them. You said you needed an extra job to help with expenses and now is a great time to find that second job. You need to be so busy that you don't have time to sit around staring at a phone and an extra job will give you several benefits. Have you put in any applications? What does your mom and sister tell you to do regarding your H?
Recommended Posts