ConfusedThing Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Hey everyone, I'm new here and need some of your input. I googled some forums and saw that yours is the best when it came to relationships questions. So here I go.. I'm in my late 20's and is in a relationship with the man of my dreams. Things were going so well and I said to myself he's the one. He kept on telling me that I'm the one for him. After we both fell head over heals for each other, I found out that he's married with kids. He stated that the marriage is over and the only things he wants from that marriage are his kids. When I found out he was married, I debated whether I should walk away or not. I asked myself, if I truly love someone, why would I walk away when I learn the worse about them? Then, the other side of my brain kept telling me that he lied about his life and made me fall in love with him not knowing the true him. I've never been married and have no kids. We are still together. He told me he would never leave and the only reason why he left his marriage was because he tried everything and it didn't work out. He's the nicest, most loving man I've ever been with. I keep asking myself, do I leave him and find someone else who will have other issues that I'll have to deal with or do I just give this a go. I'm so confused. Family and friends are giving me conflicting advice and its getting harder and harder due to the fact that we're getting closer since he told me about his life. Its scary and I don't know what to do. It is at a point where he's wanting a commitment from me and I don't know what to do. We live in different cities. He talks about his marriage and kids a lot now to me. He tells me everything and its painful but I listen.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Do not give him any sort of a commitment until he is free to afford you the same kind of commitment. (and tell him "well, once your divorce is final..." when he brings up this idea of commitment) The thing is, once that divorce becomes final, he may not have much further use for you as he will have inspired/motivated himself away from the marriage that had been holding him down. You are probably just someone who would (give him what he wanted) anyway, without caring about his being married. Once he's free, I suspect he'll be returning to fish in the open social waters.
that girl Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Wait, is he formally seperated and working on a divorce or is seeing you while still living with his wife? How long have you been together? The odds of someone who fools around on their spouse going on to form a healthy relationship with the other person are exceedingly low. This isn't about true love conquering flaws, he has shown himself to be someone who does not honor his committment and has no problem leading people on.
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