husband involved in an office romance with a married woman

[tina11271]

I just found out that my husband has been cheating on me early this year. At first it was a suspicion as he always has his phone by his side and always glued to the facebook. He blamed me for his infidelity saying that I was cold and ignored him through 12 years of our marriage. One day he forgot to delete his yahoo chats and I read their conversations. I was heartbroken as I know the lady. I have been to her house for gatherings and I felt betrayed. I asked him to leave, he packed, then I change my mind and begged him to stay when I saw my three kids crying. He promised that he would try to ignore her but when I told him to end the relationship he refused. That was 3 months ago. We have been arguing every week as I feel very insecure and kept on asking him to end the relationship. He told me that he is ignoring her calls and they are not on speaking terms. Meantime he has not touch me as he said that he need time to settle his feelings and he does not love me. a few days ago, I read his chat with her , calling her love and saying he loves her. I kicked him out but was too weak and called him back immediately. he told me he does not love me and loves her very much. he also told me that he does not have the will to improve our relationship because of the fights that has been going on and off. Please help me. I need some advice. I am too weak. I do not know how to explain to my kids that their father does not love their mother? how do you tell a 11 year boy that he has to be the man of the house when his father leave us. I am so confuse.

 

tina

[lkjh]

You are letting him walk over you, so he will just continue to do it. Make him feel the consequences for his actions.

 

Oh and tell her H if you haven't. Don't trick yourself into thinking you shouldn't tell him. Right now go and tell him

[Jordane]

Well, you DON'T tell an 11 year old that he has to be the man of the house, you have to be the man & woman of the house.

 

Your husband is treating you terribly and you're not doing you or the kids any favors by keeping him around. He has obviously checked out of the relationship with no intention of checking back in. You need to rule your mind and tell it that although it hurts and it's so confusing, leaving him is the right thing and things will get better and easier everyday.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'd start by sending the entire chatlog to her husband. Once all four of you are on equal ground and 'in the know' this mess can begin to be unravelled.

[hopesndreams]

I just found out that my husband has been cheating on me early this year. At first it was a suspicion as he always has his phone by his side and always glued to the facebook. He blamed me for his infidelity saying that I was cold and ignored him through 12 years of our marriage. One day he forgot to delete his yahoo chats and I read their conversations. I was heartbroken as I know the lady. I have been to her house for gatherings and I felt betrayed. I asked him to leave, he packed, then I change my mind and begged him to stay when I saw my three kids crying. He promised that he would try to ignore her but when I told him to end the relationship he refused. That was 3 months ago. We have been arguing every week as I feel very insecure and kept on asking him to end the relationship. He told me that he is ignoring her calls and they are not on speaking terms. Meantime he has not touch me as he said that he need time to settle his feelings and he does not love me. a few days ago, I read his chat with her , calling her love and saying he loves her. I kicked him out but was too weak and called him back immediately. he told me he does not love me and loves her very much. he also told me that he does not have the will to improve our relationship because of the fights that has been going on and off. Please help me. I need some advice. I am too weak. I do not know how to explain to my kids that their father does not love their mother? how do you tell a 11 year boy that he has to be the man of the house when his father leave us. I am so confuse.

 

tina

 

Get the D ball rolling. Protect yourself and your children.

 

Expose, expose, expose to the MOW's H and to your family.

 

I am too weak.

 

This is exactly what he is counting on. While you cry he is busy squirreling away money while in cahoots with MOW on how great their lives will be once they ditch the spouses. You are giving him plenty of time to get his affairs in order. Do not do this. Being nice and pathetic only plays into his hands. Grow a backbone, get tough, for your own self-esteem you must play hardball. Otherwise, he leaves you for a shiny new life and you end up with nothing but despair.

 

He needs to crash back down to earth in order for there to be a window of opportunity to recover the M. Exposing is the first step. But, ask yourself this, "Self, is fighting for a cheater worth it?"

[Mimolicious]

You are letting him walk over you, so he will just continue to do it. Make him feel the consequences for his actions.

 

Oh and tell her H if you haven't. Don't trick yourself into thinking you shouldn't tell him. Right now go and tell him

 

Sorry but this man doesn't seem to want to continue to walk all over his W. He's left and told her he didn't want to be with her anymore. She begs him back. There is a difference. He's not gaslighting her. (At least as far as she mentioned here, he doesn't seem to).

 

Tina, my heart goes to you. I know the feeling but if there is one advice that I can give you is to keep your kids out of it. They don't need to know anything just yet and they don't need to know all the deets either. Keep it clean, you don't need to damage your kids with what you say out of rage. I am just telling you because I have made that mistake once or twice and I deeply regret hurting my kids by putting them in the middle.

 

I don't know exactly what is telling her husband going to do. It's a double edge sword. Creating more drama is not the solution either...

 

At this point, try to figure out what is best for you and your kids. Keep your sanity and energy for them. Let your H and OW deal with what they have brought upon themselves.

[Woman In Blue]

I am too weak. I do not know how to explain to my kids that their father does not love their mother? how do you tell a 11 year boy that he has to be the man of the house when his father leave us. I am so confuse.

 

tina

Please for God's sakes, stop with the drama. You're your own worst enemy.

 

The simple truth is that it's time to stand tall and be the better parent, not a weak, angst-filled. helpless mess writhing on the floor. That doesn't help you and it certainly doesn't help your kids.

 

You can't make someone feel something he DOESN'T feel, and if your husband is so sure he's "in love" with a married woman, then kick his worthless ass OUT and give him his freedom rather than "forcing" him to live with someone he claims he no longer loves.

 

He wants out? Give it to him.

 

SECONDLY AND MOST IMPORTANT: Tell the married woman's husband AT ONCE about her affair with your husband. Provide plenty of proof for him - such as chat logs, cell phone bills, copies of emails, etc. etc. etc.

 

Shall I repeat myself?

 

SECONDLY AND MOST IMPORTANT: Tell the married woman's husband AT ONCE about her affair with your husband. Provide plenty of proof for him - such as chat logs, cell phone bills, copies of emails, etc. etc. etc.

[janie423]

 

You can't make someone feel something he DOESN'T feel, and if your husband is so sure he's "in love" with a married woman, then kick his worthless ass OUT and give him his freedom rather than "forcing" him to live with someone he claims he no longer loves.

 

He wants out? Give it to him.

 

 

SECONDLY AND MOST IMPORTANT: Tell the married woman's husband AT ONCE about her affair with your husband. Provide plenty of proof for him - such as chat logs, cell phone bills, copies of emails, etc. etc. etc.

 

Please follow this excellent advice . . . do not let yourself be a helpless victim.

[Jordane]

Woman In Blue, I don't disagree with you, just wondering why you think that second point is the most important. I would avoid it (i THINK) if it happened to me...but I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[road]

To kill this affair it has to be exposed. Without telling your WH first.

 

Tell WH parents and siblings, OWH, and her parents, and at where they work.

 

Your goal is to get NC. So they will not be able to work together for the same company anymore.

[norajane]

You are doing far worse to your children by begging this man to stay with you, than you would if you respected yourself and your family and and got him out of your house. Do you really think your kids are better off living in a cold, drama-filled armed camp?

 

Many, many, many people with children get divorced. Your son does not have to be the "man of the house". He just has to be an 11 year old with a mother who respects herself, and a father who spends just as much time with him as he does now. How much does your cheating husband really do for the kids? Really? He can continue to see them as often as he likes, right? You aren't going to prevent that if he is no longer in the house, right?

 

So, what you tell your kids is that you love them just as much as ever, that their father loves them just as much as ever, and that you and your husband will make sure they are well taken care of as always. The only change is their father will be living somewhere else, somewhere they will always be welcome as soon as he has set up his household.

 

The kids will be fine. Do not use them as an excuse for your weakness.

 

You, on the other hand, need to get this cheater out of your life, out of your house, and speak to a good divorce lawyer so you know what your rights and responsibilities are, and what you should be doing to protect your joint assets. And you should be telling this poor husband of the OW what his wife is up to behind his back so he does not remain in the dark.

 

Stop begging your husband to come back! And why, why, why does he keep coming back if he's so in love with this other woman?

[Mimolicious]

To kill this affair it has to be exposed. Without telling your WH first.

 

Tell WH parents and siblings, OWH, and her parents, and at where they work.

 

Your goal is to get NC. So they will not be able to work together for the same company anymore.

 

 

Comment in bold- to kill what?? Who said that because an A is exposed it gets killed? People dont give a FACK! Her H already told her that he is in love with MW, so let them to go on together and remove yourself from that drama.

 

Tina, you may not see it now but it is a waste of your time to spend all your energy stirring ish up. Seriously. I'm guilty of doing this once upon a time and I wish I never gave it such importance. IT IS NOT WORTH IT!

 

If you think the exposing it is going to make you sleep better... by all means do so. Just prepare yourself for all the heat and dramz.

 

Kick the loser out! File for D and keep it moving. The faster you leave the nonsense behind, the quicker you'll be in a better place in life. Good luck!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Drop dime on her to her husband, let the chips fall where they may. but be forewarned he will be angry.

[scatterd]

I say expose the affair have him go ahead and leave.Let him see you are willing to move on with your life.When reality sets in it will no longer be as fun with this other woman he is in a fog.He has seen her only at her best when real life sets in and he sees her as it really is he will wake up.But do expose so they know the reality of this.When he comes back go to counceling you will probably be stronger by then.My husband never admitted his affair but he said he was not in love no more he wanted a devorice and so on but when he seen I was wanted to move on they were done.Take their the fun and fantasy.I feel for you I know how bad it hurts and its hard not to show your feelings.Big hugs and prayers are with you.

[sugarbritches]

I just found out that my husband has been cheating on me early this year. At first it was a suspicion as he always has his phone by his side and always glued to the facebook. He blamed me for his infidelity saying that I was cold and ignored him through 12 years of our marriage. One day he forgot to delete his yahoo chats and I read their conversations. I was heartbroken as I know the lady. I have been to her house for gatherings and I felt betrayed. I asked him to leave, he packed, then I change my mind and begged him to stay when I saw my three kids crying. He promised that he would try to ignore her but when I told him to end the relationship he refused. That was 3 months ago. We have been arguing every week as I feel very insecure and kept on asking him to end the relationship. He told me that he is ignoring her calls and they are not on speaking terms. Meantime he has not touch me as he said that he need time to settle his feelings and he does not love me. a few days ago, I read his chat with her , calling her love and saying he loves her. I kicked him out but was too weak and called him back immediately. he told me he does not love me and loves her very much. he also told me that he does not have the will to improve our relationship because of the fights that has been going on and off. Please help me. I need some advice. I am too weak. I do not know how to explain to my kids that their father does not love their mother? how do you tell a 11 year boy that he has to be the man of the house when his father leave us. I am so confuse.

 

tina

 

Tina, Why did you beg him to come back?

First I am sorry that he hurt you, but it is now time to grow a backbone. No way in hell would I ever let that man back in to my life. He thinks the grass is greener on the other side, let him find out.

I would call her husband and tell him everything. Or better yet I would drive over there and tell him in front of her.

 

You really need to leave your kids out of your marriage problems, they don't need to know that daddy doesn't love mom anymore or that daddy is a cheating bastard. They need to know they are loved by both mom and dad.

 

You need to think about what is right for you.

Good luck

[AVR1962]

Tina....I had somethn similiar happen to me, husband wou not end an affair and was obviously in love with someone else......it broke my heart as this was my highschool sweetheart but I knew as long s he desired this other woman he would not want me. He filed for divorce, it became final, she left him, he remarried someone else and he did the same to her, they are now divorced now. Don't knw if that helps but I think if they have it within them to do this they don't stop, it's just part of their personality and I am not sure anyone will make the difference.

[sugarbritches]

The fact that he is placing blame on you, proves that he doesn't want to fix things. It also proves that he doesn't want to end things with this other woman.

This isn't your fault. Do not let him tell you it is. If something was wrong or he needed more from you, he should tell you and talk to you about it, not the tart at the office.

[tina11271]

Thank you for your advices. I wanted to tell the husband but did not have the guts to do so. I also wanted to talk to her and tell her how I feel but he warned me not to. He is so afraid of losing her and afraid that I would hurt her feelings. He also told me he would marry her, if the husband divorce her.

 

I guess part of me hoped that he would change one day. trying very hard to win him back, I guess I am losing. We seldom spent time together as he is always working and comes home very late. I still cannot accept the reality that I am losing him that's why I keep begging him to come back.

[lkjh]

You need to get strong. Tell her H, that will put a end to it in minutes. Do it now

 

Get stron and stop being scared.

 

Good luck

[lkjh]

They both see you as someone they can walk over and that is why they are doing this. If he leaves you then be happy because you are better off without him. He's a tool

[LSNoob]

What the hell is your problem woman?? huh?? Don't beg that loser. Kick him out.

 

Tell him ya, lets divorce and tell him that you are seeing someone already (even if you are not, just do it, pleaseee do it for me). If he begs you DON'T EVER TAKE HIM BACK. Good luck and be very very strong. =)

[Dexter Morgan]

What the hell is your problem woman?? huh?? Don't beg that loser. Kick him out.

 

Tell him ya, lets divorce and tell him that you are seeing someone already (even if you are not, just do it, pleaseee do it for me).

 

LOL, yes, I agree, do it! Also tell him that you haven't had anyone "that big", if you know what I mean.

[Maggotface]

Thank you for your advices. I wanted to tell the husband but did not have the guts to do so. I also wanted to talk to her and tell her how I feel but he warned me not to. He is so afraid of losing her and afraid that I would hurt her feelings. He also told me he would marry her, if the husband divorce her.

 

I guess part of me hoped that he would change one day. trying very hard to win him back, I guess I am losing. We seldom spent time together as he is always working and comes home very late. I still cannot accept the reality that I am losing him that's why I keep begging him to come back.

 

 

Don't let him push you around anymore. You don't owe him anything and should not be concerned with his or her feelings. If she has the right to effect your relationship with your HUSBAND then you have ever right to interfere with theirs. You're his wife, keep telling yourself that, she is his lover you are above her and should not care about her happiness.

[Reality Drip]

It stings to cut loose from a marriage with kids but the man is making it very clear to you what you should do.

 

It's likely that he's caught up in the moment with this other woman and will crash and burn if he tries to carry on a relationship with her. That doesn't matter though; you can't sit around waiting to say, "I told you so," and take him back.

 

He's already proven his capable of this duplicity and isn't treating you the way you deserve. You have to know when to say goodbye to a cheater and just make your decision with conviction.

 

It's time to move forward. It's not an easy path but save yourself and the kids; there's a high probability even if you make it through this one it'll reoccur.

 

-Max

[sugarbritches]

Thank you for your advices. I wanted to tell the husband but did not have the guts to do so. I also wanted to talk to her and tell her how I feel but he warned me not to. He is so afraid of losing her and afraid that I would hurt her feelings. He also told me he would marry her, if the husband divorce her.

 

I guess part of me hoped that he would change one day. trying very hard to win him back, I guess I am losing. We seldom spent time together as he is always working and comes home very late. I still cannot accept the reality that I am losing him that's why I keep begging him to come back.

 

Tina why would you want to waste your life with a man that doesn't want to be married anymore. His choice does not reflect on you, its reflects on him. Give him just what he wants! Trust me he will regret it, If you keep begging him to stay, he will keep staying and keep up the affair with this girl.

CAll her husband !!