2sunny Posted June 19, 2010 Posted June 19, 2010 since he specifically forces YOU into a position where he CAN be resentful of you - he gets what HE wants... to have good reason to be mad at you - then do what he wants behind your back - since he's mad. it called passive aggressive... what would happen IF you stopped playing the role you've always played? hmmmm, he would have NO reason to be mad and go behind your back? hmmmmmm. gosh, this system seems to be working for him - so that HE can continue being mad enough to serve HIS purpose - having relationships with women outside your M - claiming "just friends" when, in fact, it must take his time and energy away from the person who should get that first - YOU! because he's unwilling to give that to you (yes, this is the part where he IS actually cheating you out of a true relationship) he's cheating you - the M - and himself - of what a healthy M COULD be. and then blaming YOU for it all. that's crappy! at best...
MR2U Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 Too many lines in the sands and long lists of untolerable conditions which you won't put with and off limits subjects will make sure that you don't hear much out of him. He doesn't talk much because part of him has gone into a deep sleep and there isn't much to talk about as far as his inner workings. 3 ways here: change things up. Leave. Live with it. You can't directly change another person so you are left with yourself to change. People change because of what happens in their relationships. His change will be SLOW count on it, he's gone down this road a long time. Involuntary attraction to FUN positive confident outgoing females is an extremely difficult thing to control. Learn to laugh and be more light hearted might wake him up. I don't think he feels alive his mind is reaching for something to feel alive about. Don't expect him to do anything to find a way to be alive. He's not the type. I am a man I see it this way.
jenifer1972 Posted July 3, 2010 Posted July 3, 2010 I think my ex must have a twin and he is married to you! My ex was constantly double binding me the same way your husband does. Wants to make decisions, be his own boss, but then drops the ball. Constantly going to other women for affirmation. To a person like this, all his problems are OUTSIDE OF HIMSELF, CAUSED BY OTHERS, ESPECIALLY YOU. My ex was fully educated and capable but didn't work for 11 yrs. When I would get home exhausted, he would launch into all the ways I had disappointed him. Wasn't enough for him. How I should be more supportive and more like some of his 'women' friends. I hate so say it, but this won't change. This is his fixed personality. The sooner you realize this and salvage what is left of your life, for youself, the happier you will be.
dispatch3d Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 You have serious marriage issues and need to go to councelling. This can't be solved on some message board. It seems obvious to me. Guys want to bang other girls all the time. The guy who came in and said different is lieing to himself. He wants to bang other chicks but doesn't give himself the permission to realize he does. So he denies it. I agree about the emotional connection thing. Totally different from primal urges guys have to want to have sex with girls. Asking him if he thinks about sex with girls isn't really a relevant questions - which is why he laughed when you asked it. You can't compare yourself directly to him in this regard. The hormones and everything are different. You two are different.
Recommended Posts